No, How Can an Atheist Become a Saintess!?

No, How Can an Atheist Become a Saintess!? – 11

EP.11

Chapter 1

Candidate and Candidate (11)

Thinking about it, maybe my overreaction was because of past experiences like that. I’d already been through a similar situation before.

That injured man probably wasn’t a scout who intentionally got hurt just to meet me. If he had been, his colleague wouldn’t have tried to stop him.

And the thought of that possibility only makes me more uncomfortable. If I join that association, it would mean they could approach me openly.

…I remember when I pushed a man’s hand away, he got angry and yelled that a nun should behave like a nun. He ended up being handed over to the police on the spot.

What? A nun should what, exactly?

I was just as furious. The veil had fallen off my head because I’d been rushing to an emergency, and it wasn’t my fault that, even at fifteen, I’d developed faster than other girls. After being taken to the police station and learning my age, the man panicked and sent an apology letter. But I refused to accept it.

The priest checked the contents and destroyed the letter. Much later, when I asked if he remembered what it said, the priest firmly said it wasn’t worth reading.

Anyway, it’s just one of those things, isn’t it?

There’s a certain mindset where if someone tells you to act in a particular way, you feel like doing the opposite. Even when they say something reasonable, people often feel that way. And when you hear nonsense like, “you made me misunderstand because you didn’t dress properly” there’s this urge to do the opposite, just out of defiance.

So, I started to act precisely the opposite of what he said.

And that habit has stuck with me until now.

“Now, I just do it because I want to. It’s comfortable, it looks good, and I think it suits me.”

I said, looking out the window. The view outside was a high stone wall.

The dormitory windows faced south, but whoever built this place had made sure to stack the walls so high that the outside world was hidden from view. Even without the wall, all I’d be able to see would be the church’s walls. The convent was built along a hill behind the main church building.

The tree branches over the wall were still bare.

Once fresh green leaves fully sprout on those branches, my days as a nun will likely come to an end.

…

Oh, maybe I ended up saying the opposite of what I meant.

“Hmm…”

Ria, who had been listening to my story, couldn’t find the words to respond for a while.

“Well, that was the only time I got grabbed like that. And honestly, it’s something that could happen to other nuns too, I suppose.”

If Ria ever faced anything similar, I imagine the perpetrator wouldn’t have walked away unscathed.

“…You went through a lot.”

After thinking for a while, Ria finally responded.

I nodded. Yeah, it was a lot to go through.

In a way, I even fought the cardinal over it.

But all of that would end once I left the convent, wouldn’t it?

Hmm.

“What?”

Ria looked at me questioningly since I hadn’t said anything for a while.

Was my expression giving it away?

“Just…”

I murmured, looking up at the sky beyond the high wall. The sky was cloudy. Maybe it was about to snow again.

“Strange… I feel kind of empty.”

“Empty?”

“Yes, thinking about leaving.”

For so long, I’d been determined to go. I’d been set on it since I was a child.

And yet, now that all the reasons keeping me here had disappeared, I felt this way.

Maybe it was just because I’d grown up here.

Or maybe, the real reason I had been holding on wasn’t because of the stalker. Maybe I’d simply wanted to stay here, at ease, a little longer.

“…”

Ria remained silent.

*

Chae-eun tried to imagine what it would be like to live confined to a small space, believing it to be the entirety of the world. But it wasn’t easy to picture. She had traveled far distances even as a child, and since taking up the sword, she’d ventured across the country—and even abroad.

Sure, her volunteer trips weren’t just for fun, and she never went too far. There was some freedom to experience the world, but never enough to truly “enjoy” it as if on a vacation.

Anna’s life had been like that. Living here at the convent from a young age, without even a worldly name. It wouldn’t be strange for her to resent God—though Anna seemed to see Him through her own unique lens rather than harboring bitterness.

Anna said that leaving felt hollow to her. After all, this place was her whole world, no matter what she said.

…Former nuns and monks often became targets for crime after leaving their orders. They might understand that the world was filled with dangers and criminals, but it’s different to feel it firsthand, to really know it from stories around them or the news.

Watching Anna gaze out the window, she didn’t look like a nun at all. With her dyed hair, earrings, and form-fitting nun’s habit, she could almost pass as someone immersed in the secular world. But the Anna Chae-eun had come to know was profoundly pure in her intentions.

She knew the world was full of filth and was aware that not everything would go as she wanted—yet Anna still wielded her formidable divine power, was certain of God’s existence, and chose to step outside the protection of the convent’s walls.

“…Wait.”

Suddenly, a thought flitted through Chae-eun’s mind.

…Could it be?

“Hmm.”

Anna, who had been silently looking out at the high stone wall, turned slowly to Ria and spoke.

“It’s nearly dinnertime. Let’s go eat. We need to prepare, too, since some people will be joining us for evening prayer.”

“Oh, right.”

Chae-eun responded reflexively, standing up.

*

They ate dinner and began preparing for the service.

While the traditional seven-day week had lost much of its meaning, most people didn’t feel compelled to change it. Consequently, most believers still attended church services on Saturdays or Sundays, when they had time to spare.

But, of course, not everyone had free time on weekends. Some could only make it in the evening, and for them, the church held evening services.

Today, as always, Anna nodded off during the prayer session.

Chae-eun’s earlier thoughts suddenly seemed foolish.

Was it all just a misunderstanding?

She glanced around, observing the other nuns.

There was something Chae-eun had only come to realize after becoming a nun herself: not all nuns were as deeply devout as people assumed.

Most of them prayed sincerely, hands clasped together, but some were poking each other playfully, and a few—like Anna—were nodding off. Heads were bowed all around, but if you looked closely, you could tell. After all, both the priest and the Mother Superior were sitting quietly with their hands folded, deep in prayer.

Anna was the only nun who boldly dressed as she did. But in terms of attitude, her behavior wasn’t particularly unusual. After all, nuns were just young women, too—especially those like Anna, who were on the verge of adulthood and preparing to leave convent life.

A few nuns even whispered to Chae-eun behind Anna’s back, giggling. One of them caught Chae-eun’s eye and nudged her companion, who also looked at Chae-eun with a smile and waved. Their expressions seemed to ask, ‘Don’t you think so, too?’

Think what?

Chae-eun felt like she understood. These nuns were around Anna’s and her own age, soon to reenter the secular world. They probably knew what awaited Anna once she stepped outside, judging by the way they looked at her. Feeling uneasy, Chae-eun looked away.

*

“Hey.”

As I sat there in a half-awake daze after getting up in the morning, Ria suddenly spoke up. Well, not that it was out of character for her, but her tone seemed unusually curt—especially for this early in the morning. Or maybe it was just because it was morning.

I turned my head to see Ria, already fully dressed and sitting on her bed, staring at me intently.

“What’s up with you this early?”

I asked, stifling a big yawn.

Ugh, mornings were always the worst, especially in winter. Why did getting up in the morning feel so much harder when it was still dark outside? I didn’t want to take my legs out from under the covers.

But I knew better. Lazing around too long would only make me lose track of time and end up late. I might be a bit of a wayward nun, but that didn’t mean I liked getting lectured.

As I kicked my legs out from under the blanket to head to the shower, Ria dropped a bombshell.

“You know, I think you might have a stalker.”

“…”

I froze, still clutching the blanket.

“…What?”

Slowly, with a creak, I turned my head to look at Ria. Her face was as serious as could be.

“A stalker?”

“Yeah.”

“And how would you know that?”

I thought I’d already figured out those seven people who kept watching me—they were just scouts from the association trying to recruit me. And now, a stalker?

“I saw him during yesterday’s service. He was staring at you—like, really staring.”

“…Yesterday?”

I narrowed my eyes, any traces of drowsiness now fully gone.

What was this about?

Ria wasn’t the type to make up something like this, especially as a joke. She might have a playful side, but she was a genuine friend, especially to the Saintess. Lying about something as serious as a stalker would be too heavy-handed, and she had no reason to make up something like this.

“So, what now? Are you planning to drag me over to him by the hand and demand to know why he’s following me?”

“I’ve already told the Mother Superior. She’ll take care of it—either by reporting it to the police or banning him from the church.”

“And you’re sure? Just from one look?”

A stalker I hadn’t even noticed?

Or had he just been subtle about it? Maybe he was doing something stranger than just staring.

“We’ll know more after they look into it.”

“…Are you sure you didn’t just imagine it?”

“If it turns out to be a mistake, we’ll apologize after the investigation.”

Ria said nonchalantly.

“…Even so, it feels wrong to accuse someone without certainty.”

“It probably isn’t a mistake. My eyes are pretty sharp. I spoke with the priest and the Mother Superior, and they agreed that something seemed off. They’re looking into it.”

Did she eat something weird?

Why is this happening all of a sudden?

“So, they said you can stay here at the convent until this stalker issue is fully resolved.”

“What?”

“Just now, I got their confirmation.”

“…”

I stared at Ria, my mouth hanging open.

“Seriously?”

“Yep.”

“…”

I blinked. Should I be… happy about this? Then again, knowing that I might have a stalker didn’t exactly feel like cause for celebration.

Feeling a confusing mixture of relief and bewilderment, I muttered.

“Thank you… I guess?”

It did ease some of the pressure. At least the complicated decisions could be postponed a bit.

“Good.”

Ria replied, standing up.

“Now get ready. We need to go have breakfast.”

“Right, yeah.”

I said, stepping out of bed in a daze.

*

An hour earlier.

“So, you’re saying Sister Maria would like to stay here for a few years as a nun?”

The Mother Superior asked, tilting her head slightly.

“Yes.”

“And this is to continue serving as protection for the ‘Saintess candidate,’ correct?”

“That’s right.”

Awoken by a knock at dawn and summoned to the office, Chae-eun now sat across from the Mother Superior, who was regarding her with an unblinking gaze before letting out a sigh.

“…Is that all right?”

Chae-eun asked quietly, noting the sigh.

“…The rights as a Saintess candidate were, of course, revoked. But her name still remains on the list. While moving an official knight order requires authority above a cardinal, it’s different for individuals.”

The Mother Superior studied her for a moment.

“That said, to take on such a role, the Saintess candidate’s approval is necessary. Without a formal request and appointment, it wouldn’t be official.”

“Approval… directly?”

Chae-eun hesitated.

“Then… could you perhaps grant me a little more time? I know you insisted that Sister Anna choose between either returning to the secular world or remaining a nun for life.”

“Yes, I did. But as long as permission is granted, you may stay as long as needed—years, even. Being a nun is a role like any other, bound by certain requirements. And as long as those requirements are met, it’s a position as any other. We’re not in the Middle Ages, after all.”

“Then please give me a little time. I’ll… get her permission.”

The Mother Superior fixed her gaze on Chae-eun, her expression contemplative.

“What led you to make this choice? You initially seemed eager to leave as soon as possible when you accepted the proposal. Did seeing that power change your mind?”

“It’s true I wouldn’t have thought this way if I hadn’t seen her power. But… I just─”

Chae-eun took a small, steady breath, then let it out slowly.

“─I just want to see for myself… why she’s trying so hard.”

Chae-eun had always been called a “hero candidate.” Even though she hadn’t done anything particularly heroic, everyone around her—from her father to her peers and friends—had expected her to fill that role. And Chae-eun herself had taken it for granted.

On the other hand, the ‘Saintess Candidate’ she met didn’t think that way. She didn’t take her power for granted. She didn’t think her position was a given. And yet, in her own way, she carried herself with such conviction.

Chae-eun couldn’t help but feel… intrigued.

“It’s curious, right? Almost… exceptional.”

Yes. She looked… almost like a hero.

“…I see.”

The Mother Superior continued to watch Chae-eun thoughtfully, before a small smile appeared on her face, and she nodded.

“All right, Sister. If that’s how you feel, I’ll allow you to stay and observe… I imagine your father’s feelings will become quite complicated.”

Chae-eun was certain of that, too.