Chapter 15: The Fart That Inspires
"You're nothing but a pathetic shadow of your ancestors, Balphazar! This millennia will be no different from the last. You'll fail and grovel before me!" Shao Jin taunted the Shadow Bat Emperor, even as blood trickled from his wounds.
Balphazar bared his fangs. "You've grown complacent, old bull! This time, your essence, your territory, all of it will be mine!"
Balphazar and Shao Jin's furious back and forth escalated. Each retort resembled a barb fueled by millennia of hatred and bruised ego. It was an epic shouting match of mythical proportions that seem as if it would stretch towards eternity. However, it was interrupted by a weak, wavering voice that came from below.
"Umm... I- I w-won't be… anyone's food."
This trembling declaration of defiance abruptly halted the titanic verbal brawl.
Raphael was trapped between two warring gods, and neither seemed particularly interested in sparing his life.
"I have to do something. If I just sit here, I'll be devoured." Gathering what little courage he had, Raphael yelled again, "Hey! I won't be anyone's food!"
Both Balphazar and Shao Jin glanced downward. Finally, their eyes landed on the pathetic form of a shivering young man, trapped within his rapidly decaying protective orb.
All the remaining Shadow Bats, from the weakest foot soldier to the emperor himself, along with the towering injured Golden Bull Thork, they all stared at him.
A young human caught within a deadly battle between entities of terrifying powers, now in control of his survival. But due to extreme pressure and a rumbling stomach fueled by nervousness, the young man did what nature commanded.
PFFFT!
His cheeks reddened with shame as his ass song reverberated through the tiny prison. Unfortunately for him, the odor didn't disperse, and instead clung to his clothes, swirling in his crimson haven.
He wanted the earth to swallow him up, or for the bats to charge into his shield and end this misery swiftly and painfully.
"Ugh... that's disgusting." He cringed internally while praying the two Calamities hadn't noticed his embarrassing outburst. No such luck.
Balphazar let out a deep, rumbling laugh that shook the very foundations of the cave. "A talking human? And a gassy one at that! Perhaps you're hoping to make yourself unappetizing, little morsel?"
Raphael's despair was abruptly interrupted as he noticed an irritated glare from the Shadow Bat Emperor which was mixed with slight amusement. Then, another pair of bloodthirsty eyes was also gazing upon him with annoyance. They weren't fazed, which amplified his sense of terror even more. He had to act and think fast if he wanted to live another hour.
With an optimistic glint burning through his fear-laden brain, he spoke.
"Hey you over grown winged menace! And you wanna be cow king. listen here! You have to respect my decision of not wanting to be devoured!"
His cheeks were red as beetroot, he hoped those scary bastards bought it. But luck wasn't on his side today, which was very, very normal.
The response, if it could even be labeled as a response, came in the form of dead silence from both mighty entities, that lasted far longer than expected which crushed his budding, but incredibly stupid hopes of appealing to these monster's sentiment, whatever they had.
After a short, deafening pause, they replied:
"Hmph! And just what grounds do you have to speak to us, insignificant human?" Shao Jin scoffed, as if irritated that he, a Golden Bull Thork of immense power, even acknowledged this mere speck of life with words.
"Maybe he wants to choose which one of us will devour him first! Hahaha!" Balphazar's menacing chuckles were echoed by his countless shadow bats above.
Raphael cringed. 'It seems both entities aren't impressed with my defiant little charade… Well if they want a show then a show I will give.'
With a defiant smile, despite his crippling anxiety, Raphael cracked his knuckles then rubbed both his cold hands, ignoring their slight tremble as they slapped each other before speaking.
"Oi, Cow-King! Bat Emperor! Listen up!" His shaky finger bounced from Shao Jin to Balphazar as he tried his hardest to calm down so his plan could go as planned, which wasn't actually planned at all.
His brain was pulling all this bullshit from stories, and hopeful sentiments that may just lead to his bloody death.
"Listen carefully so I won't have to explain twice."
Then after a long gulp to clear the nervousness blocking his thoughts and the ever-looming disgusting fart that was stuck inside his shield, he said something audacious.
"First and foremost. Let it be known that my name is Raphael Louche Bloodthorne! Yes, you guessed right. I am the Bloodthorne monarch's son. My younger half-sister requested an escort to go deep in the Blood Forest to search for potent beast whose blood we would drain so she could stack it to boost her powers."
He ignored how messed up and vicious their actions actually was then puffed out his flat chest before continuing with:
"And well, because of my exceptional eyesight I discovered rare plants that are good for cultivation and wondered here by mistake… But then! Oh… Oh the misfortune. That bat with the large wings came crashing and tried to devour me. Thank the heavens I escaped."
Even he couldn't believe those bold face lies rolling off his lips but there was nothing to be done now but go full blown asshole on these power hungry monster to appease his self-respect. It might just give him a fighting chance, just maybe.
"You said what?!" Balphazar growled menacingly at the audacity of such weak and lowly being to not only boldly state a threat against his life, but his arrogance to speak in such a disrespectful and commanding tone. "Little shit! I can crush you like an ant even while taking a piss. How dare you try to…"
His outrage, once again was interrupted by the human he was about to eat, this time for a different reason.
"Hold on you wannabe poultry eater. Are you even listening?" The sweat trickling down his forehead had started freezing. As his hands tightened into balled fists, he glared at the intimidating forms ahead.
Even though both his heart was going berserk and body trembling, he had decided that he would survive this situation and that his determination would out-shine his apprehension. His new gamble of fate was cast and he only hope the results are better this time.
"Let it be known. If any single injury is inflicted on me. You and Cow-shit… You'll become dog feed, hahaha!" Raphael said confidently with a prideful chuckle before elaborating further on his threat which was far too audacious even to himself, "You guys see... my father is strong! Extremely powerful… You both are like chickens compare to his abilities, even when combined! If you lay a claw on me, my father will raze this entire forest to the ground and turn both of you into dust!"
After saying these insane words and getting a face full of monstrous scowls as a result, he realized that even he wouldn't swallow that nonsensical bullshit if someone were saying those things to him. The sheer desperation was screaming even from his own internal reflection, which was bad news to himself, very, very, bad news…
There was silence as Balphazar stared at Raphael's tiny frame and seemingly nonsensical, illogical and outright stupid assertions that dripped of desperation before erupting in a laugh that shook that hidden world.
"H-hahahahahahaha... Is this creature trying to bargain its life with lies? The sheer boldness." Balphazar then turned to Shao Jin. "Did you hear that? The Bloodthorne Emperor... hahahaha! Such power."
He mocked then continued. "Why would such a powerful man has such a spoilt and weak brat! The stories I've heard paint him as quite ruthless and a monster, therefore, his offspring should be equally monstrous... This doesn't add up. You are simply too weak." Balphazar retorted while pointing his giant bony claw toward Raphael, causing droplets of black blood to burn as it splatter on the ground.
Shao Jin's massive hoof slammed against the surface of the earth then the bull snorted its anger for having such low IQ insects speaking gibberish in his domain. "Boasting about monarch's power; talking shit about killing us? What rubbish!" Its terrifying attention was then focused upon Raphael, "Well… It seems you've failed your audition to live another hour."
It would appear as though all hope had been drained, for Raphael wasn't even worthy of more insults, at least from Shao Jin's viewpoint, the same, however couldn't be said for Balphazar, "Yes indeed… So, which organ would you like to be savored first little… morsel! Hahahahaha!"
With renewed fright rushing from every cell in his being, he searched for escape, another route or another audacious claim that might appease their hungry intentions, however, nothing surfaced.
Then he noticed something very important...
While Balphazar reveled in cruel satisfaction, Shao Jin's brow was knitted. There was visible irritation mixed with resignation evident in its burning gaze and tight clenched hoof, which fueled an idea.
A mad gamble but worth taking if he wanted a chance, any chance.
"Clang, clang…"
The sound echoed from Raphael's tiny arm movement which brought more unwarranted attention to him from those grotesque creatures above and around him.
He placed a hand on the vials strapped to his waist – Blood Replenishing Potion, powerful medicine capable of rapid healing.
"Wait! I can help you!" Raphael pointed to Shao Jin. "That horn… the needle... Perhaps… I could… help you?""
Shao Jin's eyes narrowed, "How could you possibly help me?"
Raphael gambled, "I know about the Life Devouring Needle. I can extract it."
As soon as the final syllable was released, a flurry of monstrous activity occurred above, the intensity almost crushed Raphael's willpower with hopelessness.
Balphazar immediately responded with unyielding wrath which targeted the crimson orb below.
"Kill this audacious speck! Do not even leave an atom! Obliterate!"
"YES MASTER!"
A battalion of Shadow Bats swarmed towards him like thunder and lightning which meant to rip and tear with an unforgiving rage that painted even those frozen hearts with deathly terror.
Shao Jin however, sensed something off. Something different from these desperate pronouncements by a creature on death's doorsteps.
"Hm… why? What trickery is this?"
There was arrogance and confidence from this human, but no intention to harm as yet, or perhaps, those eyes hid their malevolent intent to slaughter once his guard was lowered.
CRACK!
The translucent crimson barrier was being bombarded with attacks. Raphael shut his eyes, thinking he was about to die.
Then suddenly, the assault ended.
He opened his eyes…
"Hm...? I'm alive?"
Balphazar roared in disbelief while looking at the massive golden hoof that was halting his army's movement just inches away from Raphael's terrified but sweat dripping head.
"SHAO JIN!"
It was then he finally understood the implications of his desperation. Shao Jin's hoof slammed into the ground as an even larger torrent of golden phantom energy washed through those bloodthirsty bat assassins, sending them flying away in confusion before a second bellow washed their very being into a state of panic.
"GOLD PRESS!"
As if to challenge the Shadow Emperor himself, an immeasurable amount of weight, fueled by anger and exhaustion descended onto those bloodthirsty minions as they struggled in panic to combat its suffocating embrace, but their power paled compared to Shao Jin's ancient energy even at the state he was in.
Balphazar's loyal commanders found their wings suddenly growing heavier and flight becoming an uphill struggle then those flapping appendages shattered before falling onto the cold earth where their bodies then slammed against each other in a heaping pile that resembled meat paste in size and grotesque imagery.
Then just before their cries subsided completely, the golden glow solidified around each body which turn their forms into golden statues which immortalized their defeat, terror and helplessness in their last act as servants and deathly allies.
A macabre monument of crushed bats that would stand forever beneath those blood falls.
It was a statement: 'Dare me if you can Shadow Bat scum.'
While standing above a whimpering boy as its shield, Shao Jin questioned if he could be trusted .
"The boy is lying! He can't help you!" Balphazar screeched. "You're just delaying the inevitable!"
"Silence!" Shao Jin shouted back at Balphazar. He then focused his attention on Raphael. "Boy, what is your method? Speak clearly so even the rocks around us understand. If you lie, I will crush you myself."
The intimidation was thick enough to shatter diamond. And the threat evident even from beneath all the smoke and flames emanating from its monstrous jaws and burnt chest.
But all that menace didn't work against Raphael's traitorous ass as it farted yet again due to the unbearable stress it was going through. "I am truly..." He shook away the embarrassment then presented the Blood Replenishing Potion vials.
"Drink these. They will cleanse your body of any impurities and trigger your natural healing abilities. That needle will be expelled."
Shao Jin hesitated, suspecting a trap. "Are you trying to poison me, boy?"
Raphael quickly denied it while his heart hammered in his chest. He had no idea if this would actually work on a Calamity-type beast. It was a complete gamble.
Shao Jin studied the boy's terrified expression and then decided to risk it. He was out of options.
He extended his massive tail towards Raphael. "Give them to me."
"NOW!" Balphazar, seizing this momentary distraction, ordered another attack.
Instantly, his three Shadow Bat generals teleported behind Raphael in a burst of dark energy. Before he could even scream, they slashed their claws at the barrier, shattering it completely.
This was it, he was dead, but then…
The air solidified.
"Midas Touch!"
Before the bats could lay a claw on Raphael, Shao Jin's power transformed them into golden statues. He caught the vials with his tail and crunched them down, glass and all.
GULP! GULP!
Balphazar watched in disbelief and anger. "Fool! You fell for his lies!"
Shao Jin ignored Balphazar and focused on his own body. A crimson aura then slowly turned golden enveloped him and began healing his wounds rapidly. It was working. A moment later, a large Life Devouring Needle started to emerge from his forehead.
Shao Jin let out a roar of triumph. He felt his full strength returning. "Human! You have proven useful, for now."
Still shaking from his close brush with death, Raphael watched with disbelief. His plan, his insane, fart-fueled gamble, had actually worked. He had somehow manipulated two Calamities and survived.
But the ordeal was far from over.