chapter 8
8 – Dream
With her bag slung over her shoulder, she finished patrolling the classroom doors before curfew.
Walking slowly down the hallway matching her pace, Chae Rin asked in a hesitant voice,
“Hey, are you really following me?”
“You told me to do whatever I want.”
“Ugh…”
How did I end up tangled with this crazy guy?
She heaved a sigh full of worry, but it was too late to turn back now.
All she could do was resign herself to her situation as she walked down the hallway.
“By the way, where’s your academy?”
“I didn’t say you could talk to me.”
Realizing associating with him would be dangerous, she drew a cold, sharp line with Joo In.
But the more she pushed him away, the more entertained Joo In seemed as he pestered her.
“So we just walk together in silence like an awkward new couple?”
“Damn, fine, say what you want.”
Don’t react no matter what.
Just ignore him.
No matter how much she told herself that, his pestering scratched an involuntary reaction out of her.
“Ugh…”
Realizing again that he was a madman, she sighed and answered his previous question.
“Avalon, across from GS25.”
“What? That’s only a 5 minute walk.”
Avalon, right across from the convenience store in front of the school gates.
It was a pretty famous academy, even I knew about it despite never going to one due to family circumstances.
‘Only kids who are really good at studying go there.’
I recalled Yoo Ma cursing up a storm during lunch one day.
[F#!%ing Avalon, how do they expect me to do a whole workbook in one day?]
Insane amounts of homework, not to mention they finished the entire high school curriculum before even starting 10th grade.
With mediocre grades, it was an academy where you struggled to keep up or got weeded out.
‘A kid who barely pays attention in class goes there?’
Recalling how she would disappear like the wind, I cautiously asked again,
“But I never see you studying in school for going there.”
“I get it all done at home.”
She continued nonchalantly,
“I already know everything taught in class anyway, just need to show up.”
“…”
A confidence that didn’t seem like boasting at all.
‘She has no reason to lie to a classmate, but still…’
Just in case, I carefully asked again,
“What was your grade in middle school…”
“3rd place.”
“In the class?”
“The whole grade.”
Huh?
Her unexpected answer left me dumbfounded.
‘I thought she was just an average kid.’
Turns out she wasn’t just a delinquent, but a model student delinquent better off than me.
‘Looks totally punk but doesn’t smoke, bully others, and studies hard.’
Other than skipping class sometimes, she was hardly what you’d call a troublemaker.
“I feel kind of betrayed.”
“What do you mean.”
She was leagues beyond me always ranking 4th or 5th.
‘I just assumed she was bad at studying.’
Chae Rin, brazenly showing a side completely contrary to expectations with that narrow perception.
The subtle sense of kinship I’d felt was fading away.
“But why study so hard if you’re already that good?”
At my question, she suddenly fell silent.
Her face slowly hardened, seemingly lost in difficult thoughts.
The confident air when mentioning her grades shrank away slightly.
“…I don’t know, I need to get into a good college first and think about it there.”
“Is that so?”
“…”:
And the silence that followed.
‘Shouldn’t have asked?’
Maybe because it was a complicated time. When I brought up her future path, an awkward atmosphere swirled around us.
As we waited for the pedestrian signal, she spoke up while watching my reaction.
“Why is it so weird to study hard without a dream?”
“I didn’t say it was weird.”
It wasn’t just to appease her.
If anything, I only respected her more, no reason to see it as strange.
But Chae Rin couldn’t believe that. Her tone grew sharper than before as she shot back.
“Then why does everyone say studying without a dream is such a pitiful life.”
“No proper direction in life, not finding happiness…”
“That’s what everyone thinks, right?”
Her words sounded resigned, but the irritation in her eyes made it seem more like a complaint.
What was she complaining about?
‘That’s not for me to figure out.’
There was no need to even try.
Even family would have a hard time knowing a teenage girl’s heart.
I didn’t even know she was a good student until just now.
How could I, who met her less than a week ago, know her heart?
But I immediately spoke up against the notion that a dreamless life was pitiful.
“That’s bullsh*t.”
Her words were undoubtedly wrong.
As I flatly denied it without hesitation, the sharp glare she shot back softened a bit.
I continued speaking to her.
“Living without a dream is so hard.”
“…”
“It’s those jackasses glorifying ideals without properly seeing reality.”
I wasn’t saying this for her sake.
I was genuinely annoyed.
‘I’m busy paying rent tomorrow, what dream?’
Not having dreams wasn’t just her story.
Of course our circumstances were a bit different, but still.
What she’d blurted out dismissed the lives of others without considering their hearts, arrogantly telling them to chase dreams, fantasies.
It left a bad taste, making my difficult life endured for my poor family seem worthless.
“Studying hard or working diligently without a dream is miserable? Fu@k, if you can’t compliment…” I trailed off, unintentionally losing my temper over her situation as if it were my own.
It felt like she was ridiculing me.
Fu@k those arrogant pricks looking down on dreamless lives as worthless.
She still remained silent at my rhetorical question.
Seems she didn’t expect me to passionately vent my frustration like this over her random remark.
She just blankly stared at me in considerable surprise.
Just then the traffic light turned green.
I glanced around cautiously before crossing the street and said,
“If you have time to worry, come to school early for once. Don’t miss exams and flunk from attendance.”
She had paused, but now started moving to step onto the road.
“…what?”
The lack of expression on her face as she replied felt distinctly different than usual.
*
“Here, substituting X and putting this formula in place…”
Various math formulas drawn on the whiteboard.
The academy teacher up front was passionately lecturing, but for some reason today I couldn’t focus on the lesson.
[So what is your dream anyway?]
[What will you do getting into a good college?]
Questions that always followed her, a good student yet uninterested in anything since birth.
She was a good student, yet never interested in anything since birth. Those questions always followed her.
It didn’t feel great, but it wasn’t wrong either.
‘In the end, even getting into a good college means nothing if you can’t decide what to do.’
Especially her mother, who had chased and achieved her own dreams from a young age, felt her daughter’s lack of any ambition was pathetic.
When her friends wrote down their hopes and career aspirations, leaving it blank until hurriedly writing civil servant made her feel inadequate.
Amidst all that, the guy she’d just started talking to yesterday said:
[Living without a dream is so hard.]
The guy usually silly and cracking jokes, suddenly serious as if it were his own problem.
‘Acting all serious and preachy out of nowhere.’
It was a bit surprising for him to suddenly act like that when she thought he was just carefree.
She tapped her desk recalling the other irritated words he’d spat out.
[It’s those jackasses glorifying ideals without properly seeing reality.]
[Studying hard or working diligently without a dream is miserable? Fu@k, if you can’t compliment…]
“Pfft…”
Thinking about it again made her laugh.
Recalling him bluntly cussing out the notion troubling her as if it were nothing.
An involuntary laugh escaped, and everyone in the quiet classroom looked at her.
“Chae Rin? Why are you suddenly laughing?”
“Oh, no reason.”
Her pure laugh so contrary to her looks made everyone gaze at her curiously.
‘Ugh, attracting attention.’
Though her face reddened slightly from the unintended spotlight, she didn’t feel bad.
‘That guy’s really funny.’
Suddenly asking for a cigarette without even talking to me.
Arrogantly chattering about walking home together whether I liked it or not.
‘There really is no one crazier.’
Her life had been nothing but boring until this new stimulus came along.
She didn’t realize yet that she was enjoying the stimulation…
‘Chae Rin was laughing like that?’
But her friend sitting next to her understood.
The vivid, pure laugh that made her doubt her ears.
The slightly softened impression from the faint smile.
Didn’t know what had happened, but the most delighted expression she’d seen these past months since starting the academy.