1st in class hides regression

“No, I like you too, as a friend.” “…….” “But we’re not dating… Dahye, that’s not what you think, is it?” “Oh.” 

Now that he said that I remember.

 

How did I forget this?

 

And surely after this…

 “Dahye, haven’t you been looking at the girls I’ve been dating? Didn’t you feel anything when you looked at them? Come on, confess to me, they and you… No. I’m not going to say this.” 

Yeah. That’s the line.

 

The line that crushed my self-esteem and sent me into a depression.

 

I glanced at the boy in front of me.

 

He’s tall, with shaggy hair, and a smooth jawline that would be nicknamed

‘XXth Three Great Kings’

or something ridiculous like that in college. And on top of that, a look that said,

‘I’m pissed off but I’m putting up with it’

.

 “…Seo Jae-gyeom.” “Yeah.” 

The boy tilted his head at my call.

 

Yes, it’s Seo Jae-gyeom.

 

He was the most popular person in our school until idol trainee Jung Eun-sung transferred in.

 

Even after he came, he didn’t let go of the girls’ affections.

 

My first love.

 

My mom used to work as a helper at Seo Jae-gyeom’s house.

 

Sometimes I would go there to run errands, and there was always a dazzling Seo Jae-gyeom.

 

A handsome boy about my age who lived in a spacious, clean house that was nothing compared to ours.

 

He lives with his mom in the biggest house in the best neighborhood in town.

 

Rumored to be the illegitimate son of a prominent family.

 

And I’m one of the few people who knows that the rumors are true.

 “Uh… Kang Dahye. Hi.” 

‘Kang Dahye. There he is again.’

 

She should feel uncomfortable knowing the secret, but Seo Jae-gyeom doesn’t show any signs of it.

 

When we meet at school, he says hello and offers to pick me up if I’m late, though he never actually does.

 “Seo Jae-gyeom, are you dating Kang Dahye?” “Bullshit.” 

It was a perfect environment for me to be mistaken.

 

But reality is not a drama and I’m not the main character.

 

It was really just an illusion.

 “It’s really Seo Jae-gyeom…” 

I looked at Seo Jae-gyeom’s face, which I hadn’t seen since high school.

 

Like many of my friends, I lost touch with him after graduation.

 

Our communication, which was originally one-sided, ended when I failed the SATs and hid in shame from my friends.

 

As for Seo Jae-gyeom, he never sought me out.

 “Seo Jae-gyeom. When was the last time I confessed to you?” “I don’t know, I don’t remember.” 

Seo Jae-gyeom shrugged off my question as if it didn’t matter.

 

I can tell from this that he doesn’t have feelings for me.

 

It’s March.

 

The beginning of March.

 

School has started… No, it hasn’t even been a week.

 

Q: Don’t people usually confess on special occasions like Valentine’s Day, end of the year festival, graduation trip, etc. Why did you wait until the beginning of the semester to confess to a boy from the same school just to save face? I know you’re still in the same class as Seo Jae-gyeom at this point.

 

A: No, I didn’t.

 

I confessed at the end of the school year.

 

I confessed in December last year, and the only thing that happened is that he came back now.

 

“Huh? You? Me?”

 

“Jae-gyeom, hurry up, there’s no room for you if you’re late!”

 

“Oh, but I have to go now. I’ll call you later?”

 

Then we didn’t hear from each other for the entire winter break.

 

He said he was traveling abroad and didn’t come to the closing ceremony.

 

I clung to my phone until March, wondering if I should try to reach out to him alone. I checked my Facebook dozens of times a day for photos of him surfing at Manly Beach.

 

You know what they say, no answer is an answer.

 

Just in case. 

 

By the way, my birthday was in February, and Seo Jae-gyeom didn’t contact me on that day either.

 

Then, when he saw me in the same class after school started, he said,

“Ah.”

as if he remembered.

 

He only answered me today.

 

Before the regression, I cried a lot because I was hurt by what happened.

 

But the person I am now?

 “Dahye, you’re smart, so I don’t have to tell you anything more. I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear everything you said that day. You…” “Okay.” 

I held up my hand to stop him.

 “I understand everything you said. Let’s just pretend it never happened, okay? I’m good.” 

Eleven years ago, it might have been a pitiful unrequited love that made me cry at night, but at twenty-nine, it’s just funny.

 “You know, Kang Dahye, you’re like a ghost when it comes to handsome men.” 

But it’s true, how can I confess?

 

If he was the only handsome guy around, why didn’t I just not like anyone?

 

I could have seen it from a mile away.

 

Who’s in my study and who’s in my heart.

 “Forget it, we won’t see each other after graduation.” 

I have much more important things to do than chase Seo Jae-gyeom.

 

I dusted off my dusty school uniform and looked up at Seo Jae-gyeom.

 

He frowned slightly at my steady gaze.

 “Kang Dahye?” “I’m sorry I crossed the line; I won’t do it again.” “Uh….” “Then I’ll go in first.” “That…lol.” “Yeah.” “…….” “…….” “…….” “Oh, by the way, Seo Jae-gyeom.” “Huh?” “If “How can you confess to me when you’ve seen every girl I’ve ever dated” isn’t gross, what is gross by your standards?” 

Without waiting for an answer, I walked back to class alone.

 

I couldn’t remember what class I was in, so I wandered around for a while, and finally found it when I saw the faces of my classmates.

 “My locker… oh, here it is.” 

It’s locked, but I don’t remember the combination.

 

Let’s just break it.

 Bam! “Huh.” “Crazy.” 

My classmates gasped as they watched me break the lock with a broomstick.

 “Dahye, what’s wrong, are you okay?” “Yeah. I’m fine. I’m so happy right now.” 

I pulled out all the textbooks in my locker. I hugged a girl and turned around.

 

I turned to the girl whose eyes I had just met.

 “She’s a friend.” “Uh, huh?” “Can you tell me where my seat was?” 

I didn’t sleep last night, so I couldn’t remember. And she pointed somewhere without question.

 

Second division, third line.

 “Thanks.” 

I sit down and stack the textbooks I brought on my desk.

 

I take a deep breath and start flipping through them one by one.

 

-Korean Language.

 

I didn’t forget Korean, I just need to practice the problems again. Pass.

 

-English.

 

I’m a perfect score on the TOEIC. I’ll be fine. Pass.

 

-Korean History.

 

I know the general outline, but I can’t remember the details. Put on hold.

 

-Math.

 

What was that symbol? How do I solve this?

 

-French, a second language that other kids don’t have to take but I have to take if I want to go to Hankuk University.

 

The only French I can remember is Joan of Arc, Napoleon, Napoleon Jambonvor??????

 

No, wait, but I don’t remember any math…, which until then was more commonly referred to as the

“mathematics area”

?

 “I’m screwed…” 

Dead.

 

That’s the conclusion I can come to without much thought.

 

I’m dead.

 “Wow, crazy. I don’t remember any of this.” 

Heck, I can’t even remember the root formula.

 

How long is it from now until the SATs?

 

A year and seven months? Eight months?

 

But it’s not just about doing well on the SAT, it’s also about your GPA.

 

I’m going to have to re-study what I forgot and cram new material…?

 “Hey, Dahye! Why are you crying?” “What? Kang Dahye is crying?” “Kang Dahye is crying.” “Why?” “I don’t know.” “Dahye, are you okay?” “…What’s wrong?” “Jae-gyeom, Dahye is crying!” “…Crying?” 

At that moment, Seo Jae-gyeom, who had just entered the classroom, heard the words

“Kang Dahae is crying”

and looked at me.

 

Seeing me with tears streaming down my face, Seo Jae-gyeom frowned slightly… and sighed.

 

As if he knew I would.

 

I must be bothering him.

 

I want to say,

“I’m not crying because of you,”

but that would just sound like an excuse to his ears…

 

Ah, the embarrassment.

 “I have to go to the restroom.” 

I grabbed my cell phone and ran out of the classroom as fast as I could.

 

I leaned my back against the hallway wall and took a deep breath.

 “It’s okay.” 

There’s still time.

 

I’ve just traveled back in time, and I have a second chance that no one else would ever hope for, and I’m going to whine about it?

 “No whining. These are tears of joy.” 

I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand and touched my phone with my other hand.

 

It’s 11 years old, but it’s definitely heavy, thick, and slow.

 

Let’s see.

 

What apps did I use 11 years ago?

 “I used this music app 11 years ago. What is this, a crush playlist?” [Kang Dahye’s crush playlist.] 

– I wish we could have been friends.

 

– If it were me… If it were you… If it were me……

 

– One step behind you was always… I was there…☆

 

– I want to say… I love you… I can’t say anything… I hate me… I hate me…

 

– I hope it’s a coincidence… so I can run into you… so I can look at you once again like that……

 

– A friend’s confession…☆★☆

 

– Really you… I’m comfortable with you…

 

– 혼자만 하는 사랑ㅠ

 

– What can I do~~~ I’m still not good at this…

 

Memo: If it’s so hard for you to eat a single meal with me… I’m crazy, stars… I want to have Jae.

 “Ugh!” 

What the hell!

 

I threw the cell phone I was holding down.

 

The phone rolled and stopped at someone’s feet with the screen still on.

 “Uh….” 

Slowly, someone bent down and picked up my brightly lit black history.