1st in class hides regression

I was a sophomore in high school.

 

There was a girl in my class named Woo Do-yeon.

 

She was pretty.

 

She went to a different middle school from me, but there were some kids in my middle school who knew about her.

 

There were even boys who enrolled in the same cram school as her just to see her.

 “I’m in the same class as her.” “Pretty?” “Uh. F*cking beautiful.” 

Woo Do-yeon had a nice house.

 

Her father, who had a neat haircut and a nice car, often dropped her off at school in front of the school.

 

Her uniform and shoes were neat, and her belongings were always new.

 

She studied well, and her teachers loved her.

 “Why don’t you read the next sentence, Do-yeon? You pronounce it so well. You said you lived in New Zealand when you were younger.” “Uh, yes, Do-yeon, this class handout is for you.” 

The older male geography teacher openly favored Woo Do-yeon, overriding the class president and sending her on errands only.

 

The boys tried to use one excuse or another to talk to her, and some of the girls thought it was funny.

 

The disapproving stares culminated when Do-yeon came out on top in a beauty ranking among girls in her grade.

 “Woo Do-yeon is number one and Han Jisoo is number two? That’s ridiculous.” “Is Woo Do-yeon that good? I don’t know if she’s pretty.” 

Why are you angry at the wrong people, when you should be angry at the boys who dared to line up people based on their looks?

 

In my defense, it’s because this is the past.

 

Kids haven’t updated their thinking yet.

 “I think Jisoo is prettier.” “Me too. Ji-soo is so innocent and classy, and Woo Do-yeon is… honestly, a bit…” 

‘I’m thinking of something, but I’m afraid I can’t say it~?’

 “Woo Do-yeon has a lot of money, what if she gets sued?” 

It was definitely jealousy.

 

Woo Do-yeon is pretty, studious, has a nice house, and is very popular.

 

It’s the same with Jisoo, but if you’re going to undermine Woo Do-yeon, who I hate anyway, you have to have Jisoo to take over the role of

“her”

from

“she’s better than her”

.

 

But it could have ended there.

 

Not all the girls were jealous.

 

She could have just gotten a few girls to talk about her behind her back and be done with it.

 

The problem was that Woo Do-yeon’s personality was quite cold.

 “Do-yeon, is this Sonniel? It’s so pretty. Can I try it once?” “No.” “Huh?” “No, you can’t. If you want to wear them, you have to buy them.” “…You’re an asshole! It’s not like you’re treating people like beggars.” “…Why would you want to try on someone else’s shoes?” “Oh, I was just curious!” 

The boys who had sided with Woo Do-yeon when she had conflicts with some of the girls, turned against her when she treated them with the same coldness.

 “You don’t know how to be grateful.” “You have to get hurt before you realize it.” 

So many boys were studying Woo Do-yeon.

 

The word got out.

 “Hey, do you guys know why she doesn’t have any friends? It’s because she got caught going to Neverland alone with her friend’s boyfriend in middle school.” “Crazy?” “Wow. I knew it. I thought you were into boys.” “Actually, isn’t that still the case? You pretend like you’re not and ask boys…” 

What started out as a rumor about her hitting on their friend’s boyfriend grew into something more.

 

In first grade, a boy in her class went to Woo Do-yeon’s house for a performance evaluation and found her lying on the bed and patted the seat next to her.

 

I heard that Woo Do-yeon was dating a history teacher in his early 30’s who got married last year.

 

She was crying and yelled at the teacher,

“When are you going to get a divorce!”

 

I know.

 

It’s ridiculous.

 

But when I was younger, I believed it all.

 

‘At this point, didn’t Jiri and Woo Do-yeon hook up first?’

 “So, Jiri and Guksa are fighting over Woo Do-yeon?” “Oh, crazy. Dirty.” 

From that point on, Woo Do-yeon was our school’s public figure.

 

They curse, sarcasm, and ridicule her in front of her, whether she hears it or not, or rather, as if she has to hear it.

 

The glances that passed between the kids in class whenever Jiri favored her again, or whenever Guksa, who knew nothing about her, spoke to her. The silence.

 

So how did it end?

 

One day, after enduring all the sarcasm and insults, Woo Do-yeon opened a window in the classroom and jumped out.

 

The kids who had been bullying her wrote letters saying,

“We miss our beautiful Do-yeon,”

and piled them up on her desk.

 

But she never came back.

 

And now.

 “Hey, Woo Do-yeon. I asked you to tell me a secret, how to seduce an old man. I’m going to seduce Jiri and ask him to give me the test questions.” “Look at her pretending she didn’t hear me.” “I heard she was in the infirmary all morning. She’s sick, but she came to eat?” “Didn’t you go on a date with Jiri to save yourself from being sick? That’s why you’re hungry now.” “Ew!” “What are you thinking, pervert?” “Poof!” “Hey, Woo Do-yeon! Can’t you hear me or are you deaf?” “Hey, hey!” 

In the past, I pretended not to know Woo Do-yeon: a poor house with not enough money to buy a house, grades that could drop at any moment among the kids who were beating up on tutors and hagwon as weapons, an unrequited love for Seo Jae-gyeom… I felt like my head would explode with my own problems,

 

And I was honestly scared.

 

I didn’t want to be targeted for standing up for Woo Do-yeon, who I wasn’t even close to.

 

I felt uncomfortable whenever I saw Woo Do-yeon getting hurt, but I quickly forgot about it when I turned around.

 

When people around me joked about her, I might have gotten caught up in the atmosphere and laughed.

 

But…

 

Once I lived to be twenty-nine, I understood.

 

What seemed like the whole world back then?

 

It’s nothing in hindsight.

 

I could go to college in two years and not talk to any of my high school friends and be fine.

 

What kind of kid was I in high school? Nobody knows if you don’t tell them.

 

It’s really nothing.

 

But because of that nothing, a person died.

 “Hey, Woo Do-yeon, can’t you hear me? Hey!” “Wah, look at you, you got hit with a walnut snack and you don’t even realize it.” “Hey, throw the kimchi, kimchi.” “Ah, but then I’ll have to catch it with my hands.” “You can pick it up with chopsticks and throw it!” “What?” 

I couldn’t be happier to be back in the past.

 

But I didn’t earn this by being good at anything.

 

It could have been Woo Do-yeon or Jung Eun-sung. It’s 100% chance that I won.

 

I was just luckier than Woo Do-yeon.

 

I’m lucky enough to have a second chance, and if she doesn’t, the world is too dirty.

 

So I do what I would have done for myself if it was Woo Do-yeon and not me.

 

Q: Didn’t you say you were just going to study?

 

A: I was going to do that… I really tried to.

 

I’m an adult, after all, and how could I sleep at night with my feet up? My conscience was pricked.

 

I can’t study when I’m sleep deprived.

 

You have to be in a good mood to study anyway.

 

How can you study in such an atmosphere when you’re being picked on and harassed?

 

‘Yeah, let’s share our good fortune. It’s not like it’s worn out.’

 “Jisoo.” 

I looked back at Jisoo, who was holding a plate next to me and looking anxious.

 “I’m sorry, but I can’t eat with you today. There’s a table over there with Seo Jae-gyeom, so you’ll have to eat with him today.” 

Don’t start a fire with me.

 “I’m so sorry, can I buy you chocolate milk after math later?” 

Without waiting for an answer, I headed to Woo Do-yeon’s table.

 Ding. 

The sound of my plate being set down echoed loudly in the quiet cafeteria.

 

The group at the next table, who were giggling as they picked up kimchi with their chopsticks, shut up and looked at me.

 

I pulled out a chair and sat down across from Woo Do-yeon as if nothing had happened.

 

Woo Do-yeon, who had been eating steadfastly, looked up and saw me.

 “Kang Dahye, what are you doing?” 

Song Yeo-reum, who was holding a walnut cookie in her hand to throw at Do-yeon, called out to me from the next table.

 

By the way, Song Yeo-reum is one of the few people I remember from high school that I’ve forgotten most of my classmates.

 

We went to middle school together, and she was a famous asshole from then on.

 

I’m sure she stole more than a million won from the kids by asking them for a thousand won, ten thousand won, how much do you have, now? Oh, you don’t have cash, can you take it out of the ATM?

 

When I told her I didn’t have any money, she said,

“Really?”

and slapped the pocket of my school skirt.

 

To see if I had any bills in my pocket.

 

She once beat up a friend of mine who went to a high school with a janitorial box, and she once asked me to help her cram for her English test.

 

‘I used to be really scared of you.’

 

In the school restroom, I saw the hand dryer outlet unplugged and a curling iron stuck in its place, my hair messed up and the only thing I had on was a skirt.

 “Hey, Kang Dahye. What are you doing?” “…Sharing my luck.” “What?” “Oh, it might be bad luck for you.” “What the hell…ouch!” 

The red bean butter walnut snack I threw landed squarely in the bowl of Song’s soup. 

 

Song Yeo-reum screamed as the soup splashed all over her hoodie.

 

I smiled at Do-yeon, whose eyes widened.

 

I’m so happy with this luck, I want others to be as happy as I am.