365 days to love

I lay on my bed and pretended to be asleep while Dad kept calling my name. I have no idea why I lay on my bed, but I wanted to avoid Dad. If I had to sit with him and talk like we did earlier, it could lead to me exposing my secrets and telling him everything about Jin Min.

"Mei Xing," he called out again. His voice got louder and calmer as he got closer to my room, and I could finally hear his footsteps. I wasn't good at acting, so I turned to the wall; he wouldn't be able to see my face, and I could pretend to be asleep and not get caught.

A faint knock on the door, a barely audible creaking sound of my room door opening, and a weird feeling of being watched. Dad was in my room. "Mei Xing," he called out again, and I hummed. Was that too loud? Did he catch me in the act? Does he think I'm asleep? Or is he trying to wake me up?

I ignored him and my thoughts and tightly shut my eyes while trying not to move. "Mei Xing," he called out softly. I ignored his request to wake me up and patiently waited for him to leave my room. I could feel his presence; he was still in my room, and he was quiet like he was waiting. Was he waiting for me to wake up?

I couldn't hold my position any longer, but I didn't want to move; what if I moved too swiftly or too slowly and he realized I was lying? I let out a really low sigh and tried to adjust my body to a more comfortable position; this was so hard. I turned slowly to look at my door, but it was closed and Dad was not in my room. When did he leave? I must have been so focused on turning that I didn't hear the door open and close. It was a relief to know he left and that he had fallen for my tricks.

I lay on my bed and stared at my ceiling; freedom was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Was it going to cost my peace to get freedom? Living by my parents' orders and being their little puppet all my life, and now having to see what the world was like without their orders guiding me feels weird. It felt like I was doing something wrong, and lying shouldn't be this hard.

Questions clouded my head: "Was getting married the only way? Was my happiness worth all the dread I was feeling? If I had to lie about it, was it really right? Dad never made a mistake in my life; should I let him continue to control me? But I didn't want to find out the answer; I was doing it for myself. I had to stop overthinking and focus on my goal. My dad was never going to let me out of the house without getting married, so I needed to get married and fast.

I stood up from my bed and walked to my table; I needed to plan how my year was going to be. If I wanted freedom, I had to spend my time wisely. I opened up a fresh page and thought of everything I had seen in movies but never got to do.

I couldn't attend a normal school like others; I was already a graduate, so I cleared that out of my list and kept on brainstorming. I couldn't travel around the world, but I could travel around the country. I smiled at my thoughts and wrote them down. I was finally making decisions on my own, irrational decisions, but they were mine.

My list of things I wanted to try was filled with a lot of fun things to do, but it felt empty. I wanted to find love or have it find me, but I guess I couldn't get that. A year was too short to get that done, and my time was slowly running out. I scrolled to the top of my list and wrote "GET MARRIED" in red; it was the most important thing and my only ticket to the freedom that I craved. The freedom I deserved...