A Quest;looking for gods

She was double agony.

All she was , was a symphony of pain. With two full orchestra compliments vying for supremacy.

High notes,climbing like every abscessed tooth, every chipped and broken tooth as air invades the enamel to hum glacial in nerves stretched taught like violin strings.

Low notes, sinking into her bones and flesh, weighing her down with fever, deep aching bass notes weighing down on her chest.

Appergios of stomach cramps like hot lead rippling along the bowels.

Up and down the scales the shallow cuts on skin, abrasions and bruises, every stubbed toe and banged elbow.

- "oh,my Christine"

The mother looked so sad and tired as she said those words. The bright eyes dulled grayish brown by solicited for her.

This was her weakness in every life she had, to live to ease her mother's pain. If she had had the power of will to endure her own suffering she wouldn't have killed herself, knowing how it would affect her mother. This mother ,from her brief acquaintance with her, made her think she was the first born.

To lose a loved one,was bad she knew this from her past life. From one of the many times she herself had been a mother, she knew that nothing, not even the pain she was in now,compared to losing a child.

-I will survive this.

Slowly, like a swamp mud bubbling in a high summer heat, she roped the aches and pains into a ball that writhed like a serpent in her grip.

Smaller and smaller, it shrunk against the pressure of her desperate need to end ,end , end this. But the smaller it became the more intense it was; like a flame burning so hot it disappeares from the visual spectrum, the pain became so intense she stopped feeling it. Sort of.

She was aware of it still, but now it was like gravity, light, the air around her. It was real and inescapable, felt it settle deep within he body. It felt like a seed, pressing against every atom of her body so small and hard and cold blazing in a slow revolution centered somewhere in her abdomen.

It felt like it was in her abdomen, she was too aware of the acids sloshing in her empty stomach, the ebb and flow of blood through the large veins and arteries stuttered and slowed before rushing on as it passed the space around her umbilicus. Her belly was tensed in apprehension of pain, the sensation of the painless orb of agony she had turned all that pain into felt like a cool sunlight radiating outwards to permiate every fiber of her being with the memory of pain.

As her spirit flowed,the energy moving faster near the core of pain,she realized her mind and awareness was integrated into her physical form. She was one with the body she had been born into. Mind, body, soul,spirit and the core of pain.

Time had passed. What had happened to her body while she condensed the pain?

She now had an I.V. line in her neck and a tube down her throught. The beeping of machines, the thin wails of babies,the quiet sobbing of a woman.

She started fussing, trying to attract the attention of anyone who might be looking her way, rolling her eyes she saw,at an angle that made it hard to be sure, what looked to be a standing mirror.

Her heart sped up. Close to her her machine let out beeps of distress, suddenly a gasp the soft hands were touching her skin,a voice low with strain saying " Christine, aah,Christine. Stay with me"

-Yes,I will.