Ball-Boy Tactics

I don’t really like talking about the time I first started gymnastics. Even though it was a period I could say marked the very first point on the graph of my life, I still feel that way.Now, 13 years have passed. I look back on that time as if it happened to someone else, with the eyes of a third party. Even though I personally experienced it, I can view it without emotional turbulence, thanks to the efforts of my teenage self, Han Jiwon, who wanted to separate his younger self from who he became.However, despite those efforts, that event had a massive impact on my personality. That’s also part of the reason I avoid talking about it. It feels like exposing my weaknesses. Well, it’s a story the whole nation knows, so there hasn’t been much need for me to tell it.In any case, the conclusion is that the event that caused me so much hardship has now become nothing more than a musty old story.I started gymnastics when I was nine. It happened by chance.I was playing on the monkey bars in the schoolyard when that man approached me.‘Where are your parents? I’d like to meet them. Would you come with me?’The man, who introduced himself as the head of a gymnastics academy, made the request, and I obediently took him home. I wasn’t very sharp back then, and I’m still not now.My parents were cautious of the stranger’s visit, but the headmaster persuaded them with his eloquence. The words about seeing some potential in a nine-year-old child must have been a ray of light for a couple struggling with poverty. He said he’d teach me without charging tuition, so they had no choice but to agree.Thinking back, the headmaster was an ambitious man.He majored in gymnastics in Seoul but, due to his lackluster performance, failed to reach the major leagues. Eventually, he moved to a small town and opened a gymnastics academy, constantly tormented by his inferiority complex.I vaguely remember him sometimes badmouthing his peers in front of me. I nodded, even though I didn’t fully understand. He seemed pleased when I did, so I nodded enthusiastically.Regardless, I found gymnastics fun.When I followed the headmaster’s instructions, my body moved exactly as it should, and he would generously praise me.The memory of the day I won my first award is still vivid. It was at a small youth competition, but I broke the highest score record and won the grand prize. The moment my headmaster and parents hugged me tightly in joy was the happiest moment of my nine-year-old life.The headmaster had high expectations for me. And I was fully aware of that. He would hold my hand every day and tell me that I was his future, so there was no way I couldn’t know.I didn’t feel burdened. As a child, I didn’t grasp the weight of the words “putting your future on someone.” At the time, I was filled with confidence that I could do well. If I just did as I was taught, success came easily. The headmaster called me a genius.The first time I made a mistake was at my third competition.I don’t remember the name of the competition, but it must have been the biggest one an elementary school student could participate in. Since it was held in Seoul, my parents, who were busy with work, couldn’t attend. I remember feeling excited as I arrived at the gym with the headmaster.Even during the competition, the headmaster took me around the gym, introducing me to people. He proudly bragged about me while shaking hands, saying so many good things about me that he even drank water several times.For someone as shy as me, it was a torturous moment. As my turn approached, the headmaster didn’t give me any time to warm up. I only managed to get to the athletes’ seating area right before my name was called.And then, during the competition, I fell.It was a mistake I had never made during practice. I was so embarrassed that I smiled while lying there, and the headmaster smiled back at me. But his fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles turned white, and his smile stretched unnaturally across his face.After the competition, the headmaster didn’t introduce me to anyone. He just took me to an empty locker room.And there, he slapped me. Even though I held my cheek and cried, he just wandered around the locker room, shouting. No one came to help.After a long while, he finally apologized, saying he was sorry. He bought me pork cutlet and told me not to tell my parents. Since I had no intention of doing so anyway, I just nodded. I didn’t want to see how upset my parents would be if they knew I had been hit.That’s when it all started—repeated mistakes and beatings that followed.It hurt, but I thought it was deserved. I believed it was my fault, thinking that if I didn’t make mistakes, I wouldn’t get hit. But the headmaster’s standards for violence kept lowering. Even small mistakes led to kicks. I tried my best, but my body kept tensing up from nerves at crucial moments, and I would get hit again.Eventually, I began to freeze whenever I thought I might make a mistake.I’d stop just before jumping during a run-up or give up on a tumbling attempt. If I made a mistake, I’d get hit, but if I gave up, I’d only get scolded. I learned at a young age that if I gave up, I could avoid the worst.At the time, gymnastics wasn’t important to me. I was terrified of disappointing the headmaster. I wanted to bring back the proud version of him, the one who had been so pleased with me, so I worked hard, driven by a desire to do well. I did gymnastics solely for him.‘You are my future.’When I saw the headmaster repeating those words to another student, I fell into deep despair. It felt like my chest was being torn apart, and I cried under my blanket. It wasn’t until I got a little older that I realized my tears had been caused by possessiveness.Not long after, I had to stop going to the academy because of that student. The student had witnessed me being abused and told their parents, and the news eventually reached my parents.I don’t know much about the process leading up to the headmaster’s court appearance. I just felt a deep sense of loss, like I had lost my only ally overnight. That period was harder for me than the time when I was being beaten by the headmaster.The headmaster was my ally. He hurt me, but I believed it was for my sake. I was so terrified that I’d wet the bed if I dreamed about him, but I still needed his approval. The headmaster had opened up a new world for me; he was my benefactor.For the first time in my life, I screamed and rebelled when my parents told me not to go to the gymnastics academy. I wandered around the village, searching for the headmaster, whom I could no longer see. It took me some time to finally accept that he was a bad person.I resumed gymnastics when I entered middle school.I competed in fairly big competitions, winning prizes, and that’s when my name started appearing in the media. The documentary I filmed was during that time. My parents later recalled that they couldn’t turn down the offer to film the documentary because they were financially struggling.These situations became stepping stones that contributed to my rise to fame.‘The gymnastics academy abuse case that was briefly covered in the news.’‘The promising young gymnast who swept youth competitions.’‘A documentary focusing on the story of a dragon rising from humble beginnings.’‘The reexamination of the fact that the child who had been abused was the protagonist of the documentary.’‘Record-breaking performances in consecutive competitions and selection for the Olympics.’And finally, wearing the gold medal around my neck…The major events of my childhood were known to the entire nation. When the public found out that I was the child who had been abused, they pitied me and showered me with affection. The nickname ‘National Grandchild’ probably came from that sympathy.Occasionally, reporters would ask me about my memories of the abuse. When that happened, netizens would actively rally to condemn the headmaster, and some association presidents or other elders in the media would offer harsh words of criticism.When the director came to apologize to me one day, the villagers gathered around and scolded him harshly. Thanks to them, he couldn’t stay in our village for long and was chased out. I only heard about this much later.I grew up under the protection of the public.Due to the incident, my personality became somewhat twisted, and I lacked social skills. I often shrank away in relationships, but thanks to the public, I was able to continue doing gymnastics, which I loved. Even though I feared being the center of attention, I could focus when doing gymnastics, thanks to their unwavering support.Though I gave up gymnastics because the hurdles to continue were low, I gained a new passion for photography.And then, as if by fate, I met Kwon Jungwoo.Just as I had disappointed the director, I was afraid I would disappoint Kwon Jungwoo. I often woke up in the middle of the night, scared that Kwon Jungwoo would leave me suddenly like the director did. But surely, I was gradually feeling more at ease with Kwon Jungwoo’s affectionate gestures.Kwon Jungwoo, who introduced me to this new world of love, was my ally and an invaluable benefactor.Because I was realizing this day by day, I now felt like I could recall my old memories without feeling affected.There was really no impact. I was okay.***As soon as we finished our respective exams, we took a moment to meet in a secluded corner of the campus. The good thing about the campus being large was that as long as we stayed far from our department, we could have a date on campus without being disturbed.Of course, many people still recognized us, but unlike the basketball players or classmates, no one approached or bothered us.“You must be really hungry. Here, eat quickly.”I sat beside him on the bench, opened the kimbap wrapper, and handed him chopsticks. I had bought it on the way here because Kwon Jungwoo had messaged me saying he was hungry.But Kwon Jungwoo shook his head slightly and opened his mouth, saying, “Ah—.” His well-styled hair swayed in the gentle breeze. I was taken aback by this obvious gesture, asking to be fed.“Jungwoo, there are so many people watching us right now.”“It’s not like we’re kissing or anything. Friends can feed each other kimbap, right? Besides, I forgot to tell you, but actually, I—”Kwon Jungwoo twisted his body toward me from his straight posture. He lifted one knee onto the bench, stretched his arm over the backrest, and sneakily placed his hand on the nape of my neck.“I guess I was too focused during the exam because now I can’t even lift a finger. So, hurry and feed me. I’m really hungry.”This time, he tilted his head slightly, urging me.If only he hadn’t smiled so adorably, I wouldn’t have given in. His cute under-eye fat looked so fresh that I found myself putting a piece of kimbap into his mouth as if in a daze. He smiled widely and chewed with delight.These days, Kwon Jungwoo looked even cooler. People, with their lack of insight, kept saying he had a bad personality, but I knew very well that he was a kind and thoughtful person. I felt like I was the only one who truly knew his real nature.His kindness, which had been special even when we were friends, only grew after we started dating. I could feel his affection in the way he looked at me, his actions, and his tone of voice. The way Kwon Jungwoo loved was just like his basketball style—assertive, bold, and meticulous.Whenever he kissed me, telling me he liked me, I struggled to control the overwhelming emotions that surged up. I thought I couldn’t possibly love him any more, but my heart, terrifyingly, had no limits. That’s why the dreadful nightmares of him leaving me reappeared just when I thought I had forgotten about them.“Aren’t you going to eat?”“No, I ate earlier, so I’m not hungry.”Maybe because the nightmare had come to mind for a moment, I felt a sudden urge to make up for that dread.So, I picked up a piece of kimbap and gave it a light kiss on the corner before holding it out to Kwon Jungwoo.“So you can have it all.”“…….”When he didn’t come closer, I brought the kimbap up to his lips. I tapped his soft lips with the kimbap, and only then did he open his mouth to take it. He frowned as he slowly chewed the food and swallowed. The way he looked at me was meaningful.“Where did you learn this? You were just saying so many people are watching. What are you doing?”“Wasn’t I quick? I think people would only think I was smelling the kimbap. It was just a joke.”“I’m being serious, though. Don’t act so suggestively. If you keep this up, it’ll only make things more troublesome for you.”“Troublesome?”I thought it was bold of him to say something so embarrassing, so I tried to silence him by offering him another piece of kimbap. But Kwon Jungwoo pressed his lips together and shook his head, sighing dramatically, as if he were wronged.“See? Now I can’t even eat regular kimbap anymore.”“No… You can just eat it normally—”“What are you going to do about it? I’ve already become addicted to you. How will you take responsibility for this, huh?”Hurry up and kiss the kimbap for me.At his urging, I glanced around at the people. Then, I pretended to smell the kimbap again and lightly touched my upper lip to it before pulling away. Satisfied that my lips had indeed touched it, Kwon Jungwoo quickly accepted the kimbap. Earlier in the morning, he had sighed about having three exams today, but now he seemed incredibly happy with just a single piece of kimbap that had touched my lips.His eyes, crinkled in a smile, sparkled like little black stars. He had once confessed to me that he was weak against the sound of rain. If that were the case, I was apparently weak against things that sparkled. It must be why I hastily confessed while looking at his eyes, which gleamed like water reflecting light on the surface.“Jungwoo, but really, I’m not joking—I can take responsibility for you.”I must have said something too out of the blue. Kwon Jungwoo stopped chewing. His one cheek puffed out adorably from the food.“So, you don’t need to worry that I can’t take responsibility. I’m not going to leave you. Ever.”As long as Kwon Jungwoo didn’t leave me, I would never give him up. It was a subtle plea for him not to leave me either.Kwon Jungwoo began chewing slowly again, then opened a bottle of water and gulped it down. He left the half-empty bottle carelessly and wiped his wet lips roughly with the back of his hand.He seemed to have something urgent to say, so I thought he would tell me the words I longed to hear—that he wouldn’t leave me either.But as always, Kwon Jungwoo said something completely unexpected, in his usual way.“I didn’t realize it, but now that I think about it, I think I like being addicted to you.”“Huh?”“So how are you going to take responsibility? Tell me in detail. No, wait, why don’t we take a quick trip to my car? I just remembered I left something important there, and we have to get it right now.”His eyes clung to my lips, and his body leaned toward me suggestively. There was no way his words could sound innocent.I backed away slightly, matching his advance. My fingers touched the edge of the bench.“…You have another exam to take soon.”“It’s not like you’re going to kiss me here. Are you?”“…….”“Jiwon. Is the person you promised to take responsibility for less important than a piece of kimbap? You can give it to kimbap, but not to me?”He tugged on my wrist persistently, adding a not-so-veiled threat that if he went to the exam like this, he wouldn’t be able to focus and would only think of me. His thumb traced over my wrist.There was no way I could resist Kwon Jungwoo when he pushed this far. To be honest, it was something I wanted too. From earlier, I had been barely restraining the urge to hug him tightly, overwhelmed by the scent of him carried by the light breeze.Now I understand why people fall in love. As I felt a deep sense of peace settle into my heart, I realized it. And I earnestly hoped.I hoped that no wind would blow between us. That Kwon Jungwoo and I could remain unchanged, still as we are.Jungwoo, I want you to bet your future on me.Swallowing the words I most wanted to say, I got up to follow him.***Final exams ended smoothly. I’m not talking about doing well or poorly. When I say smooth, I mean I managed to submit a test paper with my name and student number on it.My major went alright, but I decided to find meaning in simply finishing my first semester of college when it came to the electives.[Byun Seungjin] : Hey, let’s dedicate our lives to basketball.[Byun Seungjin] : The more you study, the more it harms your health.[Yang Eunoh] : Yeah, I’ve thought that since elementary school.It was true that I found comfort in my friends’ messages after the exam. I’d always felt it — their words carried a strange kind of persuasion.With the finals over, summer break began. And that meant there were only a few days left before Kwon Jungwoo left for training camp.Today, two days before his departure, I was at the dorm where the three basketball players stayed.Yang Eunoh and Byun Seungjin were excited to drink all night, while I was filled with the thought of distracting them with games so I could spend time with Kwon Jungwoo. It seemed like Jungwoo was thinking the same. The only difference was that he was more direct, repeatedly urging them to just go to a PC café.“What are you thinking about?”When Kwon Jungwoo asked, the attention of Yang Eunoh and Byun Seungjin, who were eating chicken, turned to me. I couldn’t tell them that I was trying to figure out how to get some time alone with Kwon Jungwoo, so I just smiled.It was then that Byun Seungjin handed me a can of beer.“What else would you be thinking about? You’re thinking about that refreshing gulp of beer going down your throat. I’ve known this die-hard fan for a while!”“No, Seungjin. I’ve quit drinking. I’ll have a cola.”“What, why’d you suddenly quit? Did something happen?”“Did something… happen?”The event in the car that rainy day couldn’t be passed off as just an accident. After all, it was my choice to childishly beg Kwon Jungwoo for a kiss, even though he kept refusing.Unable to answer easily, I glanced at Jungwoo. He smiled at me, seemingly remembering the same moment.“Oh, for real? You quit?”Jungwoo subtly moved closer to where I was sitting, leaning against the couch. His eyes were filled with love, something that had once seemed sharp but always softened when he looked at me. I worried, wondering what would happen if the others caught on…Unknowingly, my face flushed in embarrassment, yet I kept worrying only about Kwon Jungwoo.“Yeah. I never really liked the taste of alcohol anyway, so I thought this was a good time to quit. I’ve had enough of it over the years.”“That’s a shame. I thought the smell of alcohol on you was sexy.”I thought I’d misheard him. What was he saying, in front of the others, no less? Startled, I nervously glanced at Byun Seungjin and Yang Eunoh, but they just laughed as if they’d heard a funny joke. They were so carefree, their foreheads unwrinkled with any suspicion.So, my moment of embarrassment fizzled out. But what Jungwoo said next threw me off even more.“…Should I not quit, then?”As someone who had once been a serious athlete, going back on my word felt like a blow to my pride. But what could I do when Jungwoo said something like that? Right now, I wasn’t just representing the national team — I belonged to Kwon Jungwoo.Jungwoo didn’t seem to expect me to actually reconsider, so he let out a light laugh. His hand brushed against the back of my head, as if telling me he liked me.“Do whatever you want. If you’re worried about making mistakes, then…”Jungwoo popped open the can of beer in front of me. The sound of carbonation was strangely sharp and satisfying.“You’re allowed to mess up now, right?”“….”Maybe it was his gentle tone that did it, but I started to feel tipsy, even though I hadn’t taken a sip yet. Or maybe it was the way his fingers lingered unnecessarily on mine as he handed me the can that made my head spin for a moment.Pretending not to notice his bold advances, I took a sip of the beer. Even though I lowered my gaze, I could still feel Jungwoo’s eyes on me. Just then, Byun Seungjin, munching noisily on chicken, mumbled something that seemed to strike him as funny.“Han Jiwon, sexy? What a ridiculous thing to say… Wait, what?”Seungjin, swaying from side to side, abruptly stopped mid-sentence. He blinked, as if piecing things together, and his face hardened.“Dude, you say anything and everything to Jiwon, don’t you!? Are you seriously gay? Dude, do you… like him?”“What the hell are you saying?”Yang Eunoh, who had been quietly chewing on pickled radish, suddenly widened his eyes at Byun Seungjin’s comment. It seemed they were only now considering the possibility for the first time.I quickly looked at Kwon Jungwoo, but he wasn’t looking at me. To my dismay, a pleased expression began to spread across his face.“You’re really just figuring that out now?”“No! Jungwoo doesn’t like me,” I blurted out, cutting off his response. If I stayed quiet, I feared he might reveal our relationship. This wasn’t something we could joke about.Jungwoo and I finally locked eyes. He furrowed his brows slightly but hadn’t spoken yet, so I rushed to say more. I needed a reason, a justification for why I was so sure he didn’t like me.“Right? You already have someone you like.”“…”Jungwoo didn’t respond. Instead, he leaned back, giving me a sidelong glance as if handing over the lead in the conversation.“What? Do you know who it is? He never tells us anything!”“Have you met them?”Their barrage of questions made me even more uncomfortable, and I took a few more sips of beer just to cope. Though I hadn’t said a word, Byun Seungjin and Yang Eunoh took my silence as confirmation.“No way, really?”“Are they pretty? Wait, should I be asking if they’re handsome?”Their eyes sparkled with curiosity. Apparently, Jungwoo hadn’t given them any hints at all, despite wanting so much to talk about us.I glanced at Jungwoo again, but he just blinked slowly and nodded, as if giving me the go-ahead. It was like he didn’t care what I said — that anything would be fine.So, I took a deep breath and spoke.“Jungwoo’s seeing a girl.”The lie felt bitter, but if I didn’t say it, I was afraid Jungwoo would confess his feelings for me right then and there. Even though he’d come out to them, admitting he liked me was a whole different matter.I was afraid that a single word from him might cause a shift in our relationship, and I didn’t like that. I wanted what was between us to remain just between us.Kwon Jungwoo continued to look at me calmly, even after my comment. Then, when our eyes met, he let out a light laugh.“If you’re going to say something and then get all self-conscious about it, why say it at all?”“……”“Han Jiwon is spilling all my private life here.”He glanced at me playfully as if to show he was willing to go along with it. He straightened his back and shrugged lightly. As if on cue, Byun Seungjin and Yang Eunoh started asking questions.“Kwon Jungwoo, you got a girlfriend? Is she really a girl?”“Yeah, she’s a girl.”“What? When did you start dating? Why didn’t you tell us?”“I’m telling you now.”“Then, what about that guy from before? You know, the one you said you’d date or not depending on how things went. I thought you were seriously into him, talking about unrequited love and all.”At that last question, Kwon Jungwoo’s eyes landed on me again. Unlike his previous indifferent responses, he took a moment before answering. He slowly tilted his head, causing his hair to sway gently.“I thought I was into him too, but I guess not. After getting rejected, someone cool confessed to me, so I decided to date them.”Then he reached out his hand. I flinched, thinking he was pointing at me, but he was just reaching for the tissue box on the sofa where I was sitting. He pulled out a few tissues and wiped the small amount of beer that had spilled on the floor. It was just a few drops from the can.“Man, it’s hilarious that Kwon Jungwoo got dumped. But actually, I kind of sensed you had a girlfriend. You’ve been smiling way too much lately, so I was like 60% sure.”“Yeah, seriously. Why were you telling Han Jiwon things like ‘You’re sexy’ or ‘You’re the cutest lately,’ confusing him like that! He is really cute, but I’m sensitive to things like this, so I suspected something was up. Be more careful from now on.”“Got a picture? Is your new girlfriend pretty too?”“She’s probably pretty. Kwon Jungwoo’s face is so picky.”“Yeah, but good decision. You definitely fit better with a girl than with a guy. Even with Yejeong noona, you were better off. Is this one older than you too?”It was then that the conversation took an odd turn.I already knew, even without context, that the person Yang Eunoh mentioned was Kwon Jungwoo’s ex-girlfriend. Whether Kwon Jungwoo knew I knew was uncertain, but I was aware that all his past relationships were with older women.As his previous relationship came up, I had nothing to say. Pretending to be thirsty, I took a sip of my beer. I didn’t see Kwon Jungwoo’s expression, but his annoyed tone gave me a clue.“If you’re going to talk nonsense, just go to the PC bang.”Kwon Jungwoo raised his beer can in a toasting gesture. His hand, lightly gripping the 500mL can, and the black analog wristwatch he wore sparked a strange urge in me—a possessive impulse I found ridiculous.With Kwon Jungwoo leading the way, our cans met in the middle before scattering again. The dorm’s living room momentarily fell silent, save for the sound of us swallowing our drinks. Yang Eunoh crushed his empty can and stood up, saying he’d grab more. The room was briefly in a state of disarray as Kwon Jungwoo and Byun Seungjin asked him to bring theirs too.In that brief lull, my eyes met Kwon Jungwoo’s. His freshly showered bangs, damp and falling over his forehead, gave him a youthful, almost vulnerable look.Maybe it was because of the conversation about his ex. His dark eyes, peeking from under his bangs, seemed to be gauging my reaction. Unlike earlier, he didn’t tilt his head or raise his eyebrows warmly when our eyes met.If that was really the case, I wanted to tell him he didn’t need to worry because I already knew. I didn’t want Kwon Jungwoo to feel small in front of me.“Right, Jungwoo, didn’t you say you’ve only dated older women? I think I’ve heard that before, that your type is older women.”So before the subject could change, I asked casually, as if I had just remembered. To be honest, Yang Eunoh’s comment about Kwon Jungwoo fitting better with women than men had been nagging at me, but there was no need for him to know that.However, it seemed my intentions didn’t come across well. Kwon Jungwoo’s expression stiffened, and his gaze became sharp as if he was trying to figure out what I was getting at.“It just happened that way. It’s not like older women are my type or anything.”“Oh, I see. I guess I misunderstood a little.”“Jiwon, are you curious about the people I’ve dated?”“What? No, that’s not it. It’s not that I’m curious—”I felt like I needed to explain, but I couldn’t tell the truth in front of everyone. So I decided to brush it off with a simple comment, like what Byun Seungjin or Yang Eunoh might say.“You’re usually playful, but you can also be really mature. I just thought it must have suited you well.”“…Suited me well?”The way he repeated my words sounded oddly harsh. Just then, Byun Seungjin nudged me.“So, is he dating another older woman this time? She’s working, right?”Maybe thinking Kwon Jungwoo wouldn’t answer, he asked me directly, even though the person in question was right there.But this time, Kwon Jungwoo didn’t let me answer. After a deep sigh, he replied firmly.“No. She’s the same age.”“What? Same age? Is she from our school? What’s her major?”“What’s it to you? Leave her alone. She doesn’t care about you.”“What the hell, dude? I don’t care about your girlfriend either!”While Byun Seungjin grumbled, Yang Eunoh handed out the new cans of beer he’d brought.“Wow, Kwon Jungwoo dating someone his own age? How’s that? Is dating someone your age cuter?”“Yeah, she’s cute. Not because she’s the same age, though. She’s just cute.”“Man, I don’t even care! I’m not jealous at all!”After Byun Seungjin’s outburst, our cans clinked in the air once again.Byun Seungjin gulped down his beer, letting out a loud “Kuhh!” as he scrunched up his face. His freckles, usually more noticeable, seemed oddly faint today, likely because his face was flushed from the alcohol.“Anyway, cute is good. You had it rough with your last girlfriend, getting called out by her every night. At least if she’s cute, she won’t do stuff like that. Even though she was nice to us, I never liked how she treated you.”The conversation circled back to Kwon Jungwoo’s ex. Even though it felt like it should have ended by now, the talk about his love life kept dragging on.Once again, I had nothing to say. But suddenly, I was curious about what Byun Seungjin had mentioned. What did he mean by her being nice to them?I was curious but also didn’t want to know. I wanted to hear it, but I also didn’t.I couldn’t stop imagining Kwon Jungwoo’s ex confidently introducing him as her boyfriend, and the thought made my chest ache. It was something I could never show to Kwon Jungwoo.Lost in my complicated thoughts, I caught Byun Seungjin’s eyes. He must have sensed my curiosity because he started speaking.“Oh, Jiwon doesn’t know, huh? Yejeong noona bought us meals a few times. She was insanely pretty and super talented, you know. Honestly, it was hard to say who was luckier between the two. They really suited each other. Right?”“Stop it, Byun Seungjin. It’s not funny.”“Okay, okay. I was going to stop anyway. No point in talking about someone from the past.”Byun Seungjin must have noticed the cold look on Kwon Jungwoo’s face because he immediately stuffed his mouth with chicken. He had good intuition in moments like this.“Right…”Maybe the person with the least intuition here was me.I responded quietly, just to wrap up Byun Seungjin’s comment, but Kwon Jungwoo fixed his eyes on me. His long, sharp gaze beneath his simple bangs felt particularly chilly.“You should stop too.”“…”“It’s not like you found it all that fun either, did you?”His persistent gaze seemed to demand an answer. But I couldn’t even nod, let alone respond. His tone, which seemed laced with anger, made me feel a sudden pang of fear. His face was devoid of any humor, just harshness.Why did he think I found this amusing? I was already feeling jealous and hurting inside.I started to worry that I might have somehow disappointed him without realizing it. If I kept meeting his gaze, I feared those beautiful lips would announce a breakup. So, I quickly looked away. I knew it was an irrational fear, but anxiety isn’t something you can control. Luckily, Kwon Jungwoo didn’t press for an answer or scold me further.The conversation shifted to the players’ shared interests, and it went on until past midnight.It was during Yang Eunoh and Byun Seungjin’s animated discussion about games that Kwon Jungwoo gently placed his hand on mine. Only then did the anxious thoughts lingering in my head begin to melt away like snow in the sun.***After I showered, the house was eerily quiet. Just moments ago, the living room had been chaotic and noisy thanks to Byun Seungjin and Yang Eunoh, who got louder the more they drank.“Do you want some water?”I looked toward the kitchen at the sound breaking the silence. Kwon Jungwoo was standing there, holding up a glass as if asking again if I wanted some water.I nodded while toweling my damp hair. There was something about facing him right after a shower that made me feel oddly exposed. The slight awkwardness from earlier lingered as well.“Why are you alone? Where are the others?”“They went to the PC room.”“PC room? At this hour?”It was well past 2 AM. Even if they were active athletes, I couldn’t help but be impressed by their energy after drinking so much. I even felt a bit of respect for Kwon Jungwoo. He really did manage to send them out at this hour…As I looked around the now empty living room, Kwon Jungwoo approached with a glass of water in hand.“Why? Do you miss them? Now we can finally be alone.”He raised the glass to my lips, offering the water. When I reached to take it, he shook his head slightly. His grip on the glass made it clear he wasn’t going to let me take it.Caught off guard, I ended up drinking the water he offered. My hands flailed a bit as I tried to find something to hold onto, while my lips moved carefully to drink. I had to stay focused to avoid spilling.As I drank, I glanced at Kwon Jungwoo. He was watching my lips intently, adjusting the pace with care. Even though he must have felt my gaze, he stubbornly kept his eyes on my lips. I didn’t understand why he insisted on feeding me, but he seemed entirely serious.What is Kwon Jungwoo thinking right now?Only after I had finished about half the water did he pull the cup away from my lips. That’s when a single drop of water spilled out.“Oh.”Kwon Jungwoo let out a small sound when he noticed the water droplet. He looked strangely regretful as he wiped it away with his thumb. It was only a single drop, his first slip-up after carefully feeding me the entire time.“It’s fine. I’ll do it.”I stepped back and wiped the area he had already cleaned with the back of my hand. It was my way of saying that it was no big deal.Kwon Jungwoo quietly watched me.“I’ll do it better next time. I’ll make sure you don’t have to lift a finger.”“I can drink on my own.”“But I want to do it for you.”“Why?”“Just because I want to take good care of you.”His smile at the end of those words was habitual, but maybe because I hadn’t seen it in a while, it felt soothing, like it was easing the tension that had been building up inside me. It felt strangely comforting to hear him say he wanted to take care of me.Kwon Jungwoo told me to wait in his room while he washed a few dishes. Following his instructions, I found myself exploring his room. It was the same room I had sat in during a previous visit when he had been unwell. Just like then, the space was minimalistic, filled only with the essentials, perfectly reflecting his neat personality.As I scanned the room, my eyes stopped at one corner of the bookshelf. There, a few trophies stood in a row.