Cassino's Ex-Machina

Desire

In some irrelevant place, in a cradle made out of nothing, a creature is born, and in its mind, there is only one thing: Desire.

Desire is a powerful concept, one that can shape a person's actions and even the world around them. It is often defined in psychological terms, but it transcends these basic interpretations. For some, desire represents the longing for something unattainable, something just out of reach, whether it is a goal, an object, or an experience. It is the feeling that fuels ambition, motivates actions, and can lead one to great achievements—or bitter disappointments. In this context, desire is not merely a fleeting emotion but a driving force that pushes individuals to strive for more, to aim higher, to constantly improve.

The being born from nothing did not react by crying about its fate in a void filled with solitude. On the contrary, it fought for what it desired since its birth.

From the moment of its creation, this being did not wallow in its circumstances. It was not overwhelmed by the vast emptiness surrounding it or the overwhelming solitude that filled its existence. Instead, it instinctively understood that to survive, it must act. It must desire, and it must work toward achieving that desire. This early, almost primal understanding of the world made it different from any other being that would be born in the universe.

Then, from the void, its hands created planets. From its mind, the rules of nature and magic were produced, and from its desire, came the energy to continue.

With nothing but sheer will and a powerful desire to create, this being began to shape its environment. It crafted entire worlds from the nothingness, and as it did, it imposed the very laws that governed these creations. Laws of nature, physics, and magic—the elements that would come to define the existence of every entity within these worlds. And from its very essence, the energy to sustain all of this emerged, a force that powered the ongoing creation and evolution of the universe. Desire was not just a thought or wish—it was the fuel that kept everything in motion.

I firmly believe that desire is not something as simple as a part of behavioral psychology. It is purer, more independent. It is its own form of matter in the universe.

Desire cannot be fully explained by the simple paradigms of behavioral psychology, which typically reduces it to a mere response to stimuli or a reflection of unmet needs. In reality, desire is far more complex and profound. It is not confined to the rules of behavior or the expectations of society. It exists as a force of nature in its own right, independent of external influence, transcending the material world and taking on a spiritual and almost metaphysical quality. It is a form of matter that exists in the universe just as stars, planets, and gravity do.

So… As I prepare a few things, I was trying to explain this to a friend, so that maybe I wouldn't be the only person who understands desire. Instead, I received a harsh and cold judgment.

In a world where few understand the true nature of desire, it can be difficult to communicate its depth. The man sought to explain his belief in desire's power to a friend, hoping to find a kindred spirit who shared his understanding. But instead of a thoughtful conversation or agreement, he was met with judgment and mockery. This reaction reinforced the isolation he often felt—a sense of being misunderstood by those around him, even those he considered allies.

In a room full of monitors on every wall, a young boy with black hair and drooping eyes sits in an ergonomic chair, with an exaggeratedly disgusted look on his face, staring at one of his monitors where an online group chat is open.

His room is an extension of his personality—an environment designed for deep focus, but also a reflection of his inner world. The monitors are not just tools for gaming and entertainment; they are windows into a world he can control, a world where he is the master of his own fate. But even here, within his self-created space, he struggles with loneliness, finding it difficult to truly connect with others who share his perspective on life. 

…

Touchless [Assassin] – "You're traveling today, strategist. You'd better sleep before you leak something private in the chat. It can't be healthy to stay awake for 2 days."

Jinxed [Mage] – "You know I won't sleep until I finish the entire plan against the Warriors guild. I'm the only strategist... Besides, I'm not saying anything meaningless. Desire is a powerful weapon."

Touchless [Assassin] – "And what can you do with desires? Maybe with enough desires, you could summon a giant dragon that answers to one of them?"

Jinxed [Mage] – "With enough desires, a person can get anything."

Jinxed [Mage] – "I wish I could live in a more fun world."

Touchless [Assassin] – "You, who loves hard things, complaining that life is complicated? With this economy, we're really doomed."

Jinxed [Mage] – "No. It's too easy."

Touchless [Assassin] – "Ah, now I'm sure you've lost your mind."

Jinxed [Mage] – "The world is just a social game full of casual players and those who didn't level up their characters in the beginning and now complain about the meta."

Touchless [Assassin] – "It's easy to talk, Jin. The world isn't that simple."

Jinxed [Mage] – "It's not simple at all, but if you're shameless enough, it becomes pretty easy to control."

Jinxed [Mage] – "Create a character → Since childhood, study for a well-paying job and make sure to build social connections → Use everything from the previous step to get what you want. If something out of your control happens, use the people who care about you and play the victim."

Touchless [Assassin] – "Ah, how come I never thought of that before..."

Jinxed [Mage] – "You'll never understand, Touch."

Touchless [Assassin] – "I don't need to understand anything, you're our strategist. I'm sure even if I ended up in prison, you'd have a plan in mind."

Jinxed [Mage] – "Maybe..."

Touchless [Assassin] – "You really are a hopeless neurotic -_-"

…

As Jinxed listened to his friend's dismissive tone, he couldn't help but feel frustrated. Touchless, despite being an ally and fellow player, could never fully grasp the extent of Jinxed's thoughts. He didn't understand the significance of desire, nor did he appreciate the power it could wield. To him, it was all just a game—a way to pass the time. But for Jinxed, it was much more. His strategic mind saw patterns, connections, and deeper meanings that others often overlooked. He was simply better.

His stomach growled like a buffalo calling his group.

God… Right when the chair was so warm and comfortable.

Feeling the texture of the floor with his feet, he walked to one side of the room where his mini-fridge was, like a zombie after brains. Moving, various different colors clashed with the skin of his face, coming from the monitors displaying all kinds of games, not just that, but also real-time statistics, videos on sociological psychology, and even dark-vision cameras showing the outside of his house. The room was also decorated with student books and novels.

The overwhelming stimulus of colors and information from the monitors was both distracting and invigorating. It was as though the room itself was alive with energy, each screen pulsing with data and images. But despite the technological overload, Jinxed was unfazed. His mind was always sharp, always calculating, always focused on his goals. He was used to navigating the chaos around him.

He stopped in front of the mini-fridge and opened its door, quickly picking up a microwave burger package with two fingers.

Hunched like Quasimodo himself, he turned and closed the fridge door with his foot, heading straight to the microwave. The room was like a small kitchen, designed so that he didn't need to leave unless he preferred to. The shelves had basic spices and stocks of noodles, rice, and a variety of sweets, composing forty percent of everything stored there.

Right next to the microwave, there were a few games, like a physical chessboard, a tablet with an unfinished shogi match, and a nearby monitor with an open naval battle game.

His setup was an oasis of convenience. Every item was placed with intention, so that he never had to leave his domain. The microwave, the fridge, and the games were all within arm's reach, making his daily life more efficient. But there was something deeper at play here as well. Each game, each strategy, was a reflection of his mindset—he was always calculating, always looking for the next move, even when it came to his meals.

He took out his wireless earbuds as he waited for his lunch to heat up.

Staring at the monitor, he wondered what the right move would be.

An inexperienced player would avoid placing their ships on the edges at all costs, fearing being cornered, which is a good strategy, since it's simply necessary to map more squares when a piece is closer to the center, making it harder to hit. In contrast, experienced players try everything to make the worst moves, after all, you would never expect that from a great champion.

"Attack E10. Attack D10. Attack F10..."

With each of his words, a part of a ship was destroyed, with no shots missing. His enemy must have been fuming, since with his first move, all the ships had been destroyed.

What's the point of playing something? For him, it was certain. Probabilities.

He could be good at any game he played, but there was something that, even if almost negligible, could make him lose. Every game had its way of providing a chance for a sure loss now that all games had evolved to offer a personalized and new experience every time. And betting simply fascinated him.

Picking his lunch from the microwave, he smiled as he passed several monitors with roulette games, but instead of a huge margin of gain, they only showed the red, but warm color of a lost game.

Gambling games were terrible for him; after all, he was a hole in probability itself. Therefore, 'luck' was not something existing in his life. On the contrary, he was an utterly improbable calculation, an unlucky one of the worst category. But still, he played out of addiction.

Even a strategist could fall into the trap when dealing with chances...

Suddenly, someone knocked on his door with considerable but not aggressive force. His eyes turned directly toward the sound, his black hair and long strands falling in front of his face with the sudden movement.

A peaceful and sad male voice came from outside. The mannerism seemed to come from someone totally submissive, with no unique purpose in life.

"Takashi… I need to talk to you."

The voice of that man disgusted him, but he remained his father. Even being a loser now, he had to give the minimum amount of dignity to respond to him.

He approached the door, staring at a partially torn poster on it of a V-tuber in a suggestive pose.

Miss Mou-Mou, calm me from my vile thoughts.

After making his prayer to the sacred poster, he placed his hand on the cold metal of the doorknob, opening the door, which creaked and released a strong, rotten odor to the outside.

In front of him stood the useless bastard he hated seeing the face of. Even just encountering him reminded him of therapy sessions to reduce his excessive anger. His face was droopy and always sad, his eyes always looking down, and his hair was always neatly cut in a standard cut. A bastard who did everything he was told, both at home and at work.

A loud, disgusted voice seemed to rise in front of the middle-aged man.

"Tohou, what do you want?"

He looked his son in the eyes for the first time in many years through his glasses, staring long enough to make Takashi wonder if it was really the same person.

"My company announced bankruptcy, Takashi."