Debuffed Farmer

Placing my hands on the muck that lay atop our ‘bed’, Seria climbed up and rode my back like a horse. It seemed like a situation out of a rom-com, but it was anything but. Her tailbone crushing against my spine was uncomfortable, to say the least.

“Can’t you sit in a better position, you’re going to give me chronic back pain.”

“Shut up! It’s just as uncomfortable up here.”

Her leg kept slipping off the side of the wood; she constantly shook our little bed as she pulled it back up time after time.

Eventually, some pixie dust dribbled out of her palm as she pressed it against my back. I was expecting some sound but all there was was an awkward silence.

“Alright, I’ve got them here.”

“Great, so what are they.”

“Erm…”

…

“So? What are they?”

“Um… it’s kinda hard to say.”

“What do you mean it’s hard to say.”

She suddenly began to twiddle her fingers bashfully.

What the fuck?

“I think it’s easier if you see for yourself.”

____

Rin Takamiya [Farmer]

____

Arbitrary Strength Value: 19.2

Intelligence: MAX

Mana: F-

Dexterity or some shit: What does this even mean?

Some other arbitrary values that no one actually cares about: E

Elo in Chess: Probably more than 2600

Skills: Can solve a Rubik’s Cube, farming and stuff

____

What.

“Hey Seria~ I don’t suppose the stats you see are related to your ability as a goddess?”

“U-um… no… of course not, Rin~”

Sigh.

“I wonder how much you’d sell for at the village market? Maybe they can make you into a slave or something, I could probably get a few coins from th—”

“No! Stop! Don’t sell me, I’m useful, I promise!”

“What am I even supposed to do with you…? You can’t even check stats properly.”

“It’s not my fault! Blame Gloria! She’s the one who trained me!”

“I-”

decided to get some sleep.

• ───────────────── •

“Rin… Rin!”

“Huh?”

My eyes slowly adjusted to the light… or not? Looking around, it was still the dead of night. I could barely even recognise Seria. Her soft, annoying voice was back in my ears though.

“What’s going on?”

“There’s a creepy girl standing outside our shack…”

Oh my.

I decided to get up off the ground, stretching my arms a little, before making my way to our ‘door’, which was more like a piece of wood jammed onto a hinge.

There was a slight squeak as it slid open.

I caught sight of the girl, she had long bla—

“Ahhhhh!”

A blood-curdling scream filled my ears the moment she saw me.

“Why are you scared? You’re the one standing at my door at like two in the morning or whatever this time is.”

Crawling back a little, she eventually regained her composure.

“What the hell?! I didn’t realise there were actually people staying here!”

“Huh?”

Anyways, before my description of the girl before me was abruptly interrupted, I was saying (thinking) that she had long black hair, um… and some other shit. Actually, I can’t really see any of her other features in this darkness.

Now that I think about it, was her hair even black? Literally everything was black right now.

“Hey! What are you guys doing in my secret spot?”

“Your secret spot? This is literally our house.”

“Why are you guys living in such a shitty place?”

“Okay then, girl. Are you going to buy a place for us?”

“Okay, I get it. But if you’re in my secret spot, where am I meant to go?”

“To your house?”

“I can’t do that! I’m supposed to be running away from home right now!”

“Then go literally anywhere else.”

“Jeez, you’re loquacious, aren’t you!”

“That word did not feel like it was supposed to be in your vocabulary. Also, I know it’s grammatically correct but that definitely does not feel like it was used in the right context.”

That reminds me, I guess we can communicate with people from this world? The author of this world didn’t even care enough to make a new language, or invent some pseudo-science mental translator or something? Oh well, I guess that makes things easier for me anyway.

“Why do you care so much? Also, are you saying that just because I’m a little girl, I’m not supposed to know such big words?”

“No that’s actually not what I’m saying. It sounds out-of-place—like you just pulled out a thesaurus and found a synonym for talkative.”

“Shut up. I used it right. Anyways, do you mind leaving my secret place?”

“Did you forget the first half of our conversation or what? I feel like we’ve gone over this topic already.”

Pushing her way into our humble abode, I guess she’s just invited herself in. Before she could break in, I placed my body in the way.

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t mind me, I’ll just stay on the floor.”

“No, I’ve actually already reserved the floor.”

“There’s enough room for two!”

“Why do you specifically have to stay here?”

“As I said, this is my secret place!”

“Well that’s too bad, isn’t it? Go find another place.”

“If you don’t let me in, I’m going to scream and cry until the guards come.”

What the hell.

To be fair, I have no idea how this society was structured. I’ve already got a girl with me so I might have some breathing room when it comes to standing in front of a jury, but still, it would not be fun to be labelled a paedophile on day one.

I couldn’t see her properly but judging by her height, she was probably at least a year or two younger than me.

Was this really something I wanted to risk?

“Can you at least give me something in return?”

“Huh? What do you want.”

She suddenly covered her chest.

“Don’t tell me! Ahh—”

“No, not that. Please do not get the wrong idea. Money. Money, or an item or something.”

“What? Well, I’ve got like a silver coin on me. I left my wallet at home.”

“I’ll take it then.”

“I guess…”

Well, I guess we’re all having a nice little sleepover.