Even Though I Loved You First

~Coffee Shop

Inside a coffee shop which barely had any customers at this time of day, in a table at a faraway edge, sat two people. One of them was a handsome young man who is currently going through his first highschool year, the other one was a beautiful young lady with shoulder length white hair and a pair of golden eyes, fixated on the boy in front of her. Contrary to what other people might expect from such a set-up, instead of a lighthearted aura, a tense and heavy atmosphere broke out.

All because of Kokoro Shiina’s question that made Kei Ichinose freeze in place.

“C-come again?” (Kei)

“Don’t play dumb. You know about them, right?” (Kokoro)

She paused and continued.

“About Arisa’s feelings I mean.” (Kokoro)

~Lunch Time [Back of the School’s Building]

Kei’s POV~

Arriving at the back of the school building, I saw a girl that, given the current situation, could only be identified as the sender of that letter.

“Are you the sender of this letter?” (Kei)

“?!” She jumped after I called out to her, “Y-you startled me…”

Then, she proceeded to turn around and at that time, I recognized her.

“Huh? Kokonoe?” (Kei)

“It’s been a while, Kei…” (Alyssa)

Fixing her black hair, the sender of the letter whose name was Alyssa Kokonoe, replied in a flushed and stuttering voice. I first met Alyssa a week after I got elected as class representative. I had a certain task that made me go to another class to talk to their representative, and that was Alyssa Kokonoe, class 2-C’s representative.

“So you sent that letter… wait… so does that mean you…” (Kei)

“Yes. Kei. I like you.” (Alyssa)

“…I see…” (Kei)

I felt troubled. Of course, she wasn’t only pretty, but she was also fun to talk to, she was a really good listener that made you feel like you belong, this is probably why she was elected as representative of her class. Of course, this wasn’t the first time I received a confession from an upper-classman. However, this was different, she was someone I actually knew, and not someone I never talked to.

I knew her personality, and I knew she had to gather lots of courage to be able to write that letter. I’m not dismissing other people’s feelings either; it’s just that—even though I knew that whoever were to date her would have a great time and would doubtless be left unsatisfied and knowing how much a unrequited love hurts— I was already in love with Arisa, that’s why I can’t…

“You know, I won’t give you false hopes flattering you first, nor will I make it vague. I’ll say it straight. I can’t reciprocate your feelings. I can’t be the one to stand by your side. Even so, even if it isn’t me, I hope you find your happiness, I hope you find someone who will be able to reciprocate such feelings and when the time comes, all I can do is support you. So I’m sorry, I can’t go out with you.” (Kei)

“Haha…” She laughed weakly “I kind of expected that answer already but… it really hurt quite a bit… If I may ask… The main reason why you can’t…” (Alyssa)

“Because I already like someone else.” I won’t make excuses, I don’t know if this is the right thing to do, as far as love is concerned, I’m just a beginner. However, making excuses will only make said scar deeper.

“I see. Then at least, I hope we can stay as friends, okay?” Alyssa extended her hand, asking for a handshake.

“Sure, I’ll like that.” (Kei)

I grabbed her hand and gently shook it.

“Then, now that that’s settled, I’ll be taking my leave.” (Alyssa)

She quickly turned around as she said that. However, even though I couldn’t look straight to the face, I could faintly notice the small tears streaming down her cheeks. Then after a few seconds, she left my line of sight and only I stood, completely immobile.

I’m sorry…I couldn’t help but apologize in my mind, as I always did after every confession.

~♡~

~Nearby Park [After School]

“Then, this one’s for you!” (Arisa)

She handed me a cup of hot coffee she bought at a cafe.

“Thanks.” (Kei)

I received it and gently blew on it.

After the whole confession ordeal was over, I met up with Arisa who unexpectedly was waiting for me at the main gate. She said she had something she wanted to give me (she also said she wanted to hang out as usual but I was solely focused on the former part). Once I met up with her, she entered a coffee shop and after she bought two medium coffees, we moved towards the park.

“It ‘s hot…” (Kei)

“Bought them not too long ago after all~” (Arisa)

The small giggled that followed was so cute that a smile naturally formed on my face.

“Why do you look like a father watching over their newborn child…?” (Arisa)

“You’re too delusional.” (Kei)

I retorted as I took a little sip of my coffee.

“If you say so…? Anyway, the reason I’m here!” (Arisa)

She cleared her throat and then handed me a white box.

“Happy Valentine ‘s, Kei! I know you don’t have much of a sweet tooth, so I made something else instead of chocolates.” (Arisa)

I received it and carefully opened the box, and what I saw were—

“Fruit tarts?” (Kei)

I tilted my head.

“I know they’re still sweets but… I thought that instead of chocolates, I made you something with fruits. At the end of the day, no one said chocolates were an obligatory gift for Valentine’s.” (Arisa)

“…You have a point there…” (Kei)

My eyes widen at Arisa’s logic. Though chocolates are mostly given between couples to showcase their love, even if it was commonplace, there isn’t anything that says you HAVE to give them… Well, to each their own, I guess?

“May I try one?” (Kei)

“Go ahead.” (Arisa)

As I took one out of the box, I stared at it intently for quite a while before giving it a small bite, and once I tasted it the only word I could describe it with was.

“Delicious…” (Kei)

“Really? I’m glad.” (Arisa)

She smiled.

The taste was sweeter than I expected, and after I took a sip of my coffee again, I took another bite. For some people, fruit tarts aren’t the most luxurious things out there. However, this was different. I could clearly taste Arisa’s goodwill from inside these, all those feelings she possessed, the same feelings I tried to dismiss until I was ready to give the next step, were being transmitted to me. Maybe it was the atmosphere, but I felt myself acting unlike me as I voice a request even I was surprised about.

“Say… Arisa…” (Kei)

“Hm? What ‘s up?” She cutely tilted her head.

“Can I… h-hug you…?” (Kei)

“H-huh… Uh… If you want… I don’t mind?” (Arisa)

Arisa seemed not only flustered, but also confused. It wouldn’t be the first time we hugged, simply because we lighty hugged each other after meeting up when we hung out. In other words, we did it as greetings. However, it probably would be the first time we’ll have one of these long-lasting hugs that naturally resembled intimacy. I leaned closer to Arisa, and gently wrapped my arms around her waist, as she did the same.

“…” (Kei)

“…” (Arisa)

A silence prevailed between us, seconds passed, minutes passed and we were still hugging each other in silence. Until—

“Kei, can I ask you something?” (Arisa)

—Arisa decided to break the silence.

“Hm?” (Kei)

“Is something on your mind?” (Arisa)

Arisa’s worried tone entered my ears. After a short pause, I decided to tell her all about today’s confession and some of my thoughts on it.

~♡~

~Nine Minutes Later

“I see…” (Arisa)

After I finished recalling today’s events, Arisa nodded as if she completely understood the situation.

“Even though I’ve dealt with confession before, I still can’t reject someone without feeling bad about them…” (Kei)

“Is that something bad?” She continued, “That just shows that you care about other people’s feelings as far as I see.” (Arisa)

“To be honest, it’s the first time I’ve talked about this with someone else, so I’m quite confused myself.” (Kei)

“I think that there’s something you don’t quite understand about yourself,” she took a light sip of her coffee and then cleared her throat. “One of your charms is that, even though you’re quite the eye candy to look at, you still feel human. Most good looking people use their looks as an excuse to look down on others and even though some of them don’t, and even though they’re quite nice to many, they won’t care about others feelings as much as you do.” (Arisa)

I’m I supposed to ignore the compliments she gave me?

“I-is that how you thought of me…?” (Kei)

“I sure do.” (Arisa)

“I-I see…” (Kei)

Feeling a little shy, I scratched my cheek with embarrassment. At that moment, Arisa stood up from the bench and clasped her hands together.

“Anyhow! It’s still quite early, so wanna head to the arcade in the meantime?” (Arisa)

Overcoming my embarrassment, I also stood up from the bench and after throwing my empty cup on the trash I turned to Arisa and said, “Sure, count me in.” (Kei)

~♡~

~Ichinose Household

Kei Ichinose’s Room

Third Person POV~

As Kei wrote down some study material on one of his spare notebooks, he glanced at the clock which told a time of almost eight o’clock. He put down the pen and looked at the box beside him, in which a single fruit tart was left. Picking up the left-over tart, he took a small bite and without anticipation, a memory flew through his mind.

“…even though you’re quite the eye candy to look at, you still feel human…”

Arisa’s unexpected compliment, not only embarrassed Kei, but also cleared some of his doubts. Recalling today’s events, Kei thought to himself that he has to do something about everything that’s been happening.

He has to mend in some way the bond between him and Shizuka, even if it meant cutting ties. And he had to confront Arisa’s feelings sooner than later too. Everything has been off from the beginning, as  things stand now, Kei could only describe his situation as a mess.

Although it isn’t completely Kei’s fault. Simply because—

—this is a script from a stage play gone wrong.