Even Though I Loved You First

~Monologue [Shizuka]

Ever since I was little, I always thought of Kei as the older brother I never had. His company was comfortable, it was thanks to him that I had the courage to change myself.

I thought that I knew everything about my childhood friend, I thought that he also saw me as a younger sister—but it seems I was wrong.

All these years I’ve been acting as if I knew everything about him, I’ve been acting as if this relationship was something the both of us wanted—I just daydreamed day and night.

However, now that I was no longer clueless in love and now that Sachi told me the truth face-to-face. I realized that Kei didn’t see me as I saw him.

I felt like such and a**shole for not noticing…

But there’s no use crying over spilled milk now, is there?

The only thing I could do was to put an end to this unhealthy bond between the two of us.

This is not a guess, nor an assumption, but a fact. I knew that Kei—was thinking the same.

✕✕✕

Kei’s POV~

“Oh? This looks unexpectedly decent.” I said, as I sat down on the table across Shizuka.

“As I said, I originally planned to tell you once I was proficient enough.” (Shizuka)

“I see. I see.” Nodding, I took the knife and fork and dug in.

The dish itself was a simple hamburger steak, “Thanks for the food~” It had a rich and savory taste, probably due to the herbs and spices that were used on the seasoning.

The exterior was both crispy and tender, together with the juicy interior, it tasted really good for someone who hasn’t been cooking for even a year and this is coming from someone who has been cooking from a young age.

“It’s… really good.” (Kei)

“I see. I’m glad. Maybe I’ll invite Riku and Sachi for a meal too.” (Shizuka)

“Haha, good luck with that.” (Kei)

✕✕✕

After about fifteen minutes, we both finished eating, and after washing the dishes side by side like the old times, I was getting ready to leave until,

“Kei. There’s something I need to talk to you about?” (Shizuka)

“Oh? Seems like I’m beating up Hayato on Monday.” (Kei)

“Huh? Wait, why?!” (Shizuka)

“Hm? Isn’t this about him?” Shizuka seemed hesitant to speak up, not only that but she didn’t seem comfortable with speaking to me.

“Of course not!” She protested. Naturally, we moved to the living room to talk more at ease. We sat across each other as we put the glasses of water we took from the kitchen on the tea table.

Shizuka seemed to be thinking of something at the time, not long after we both sat, she seemed to be making up her mind and decided to break the ice.

“Well… You see…” she took a deep breath, “We’ve been friends for more than a decade now, all these years we— no, I have been calling our relationship ‘close siblings’.” (Shizuka)

“…eh…?” I tilted my head, as I myself was confused as to why she was suddenly saying all of this. Still, ignoring my visible confusion, she continued.

“All these years I thought that this was something the two of us agreed on, just because I thought that since you didn’t oppose it directly, you felt the same,” She said, “However, I realized that I’ve been doing nothing but hurting your feelings.” (Shizuka)

Huh…?

Areh…?

There’s no way that… did she… finally realize? In her words, it didn’t take me long to realize what she meant. At first, I planned on talking to her at a later date.

However, everything I planned to say vanished due to the unexpected confrontation. For me, this topic was something that was difficult to bring up, especially to someone who has a boyfriend.

“I won’t assume your feelings. This time, I want you to tell me exactly what has been in your mind for the past years.” (Shizuka)

“…” (Kei)

“Kei—how did you feel about me?” (Shizuka)

“…enough…” (Kei)

“…?” (Shizuka)

“Took you long enough— Shizu.” There was no going back now.

✕✕✕

Third Person POV~

The two of them sat facing each other, and before they knew it. They created a space only for them. A space where the Shizuka who is dating Hayato and the Kei who is in love with Arisa, don’t exist.

It was only Kei Ichinose and Shizuka Sakurajima, a world only with these two childhood friends.

“…All these years I’ve been doing my best to court you… I’ve been doing nothing short of my absolute best to make you notice me…” Once Kei started talking he didn’t stop. He’s been harboring these feelings for a long time and at last, he could finally let them out.

“You always said we were like siblings… and even though I knew you didn’t feel the same, I had the hope that maybe… just maybe, you’ll turn to look at me…” (Kei)

*drip*

“A-areh…?” Feeling something warm on his cheeks, Kei put his hand on top of it only to feel tears running down.

“Ha…haha…” He briefly laughed. And then, continued.

“You asked me how I felt about you, right? Well, then I—” He took a deep breath, and with a heart full of decisiveness, he said what he wanted to say for all these years.

“I loved you. I’ve…hic… always loved you, Shizu. I wanted to be…hic… something more to you, I wanted to know that maybe… just maybe, I could have a special…hic… place in your heart. I know that is partially my fault for not having the courage to confess to you…hic…but I at least wanted you to acknowledge how I felt even if you didn’t feel the same way about me…” (Kei)

Kei’s purple eyes were moist, tears runned endlessly down his cheeks, just as the other Kei told Arisa, he wasn’t a strong person. Of course, Shizuka was no different.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” After being dead quiet for a while, Shizuka finally spoke up, though her voice quivered.

“All this time I never took into account how you felt… all this time I thought that I knew you well… I’ve been acting like a childhood friend even though I didn’t even deserve it…” Shizuka cried.

“I think it’s time we settle this properly, don’t you think?” He said, wiping his tears.

“…huh?” With tears still in her eyes, Shizuka looked confused for a second.

“Shizu—” Ten years after they met, they finally settled their relationship, this time, in mutual agreement. In this play. Hayato never met Shizuka, and Kei never started hanging out with Arisa.

In this play, the ‘What If’, was the overall theme. What would’ve happened if Kei actually confessed to Shizuka? What would’ve happened if the previous six months never happened? Well…

“—if I were to ask you to go out with me, would you?” At Kei’s words, Shizuka looked confused. However, she seemed to realize what Kei had planned.

Shizuka bowed her head, with an apologetic expression on her small face. And finally, everything was set in stone.

“…I’m sorry. I…don’t see you that way…” (Shizuka)

Just one step away from being too late, the two managed to save their friendship, of course… it didn’t mean that everything will go back to how it used to be with such ease.

However, little by little, they will start working on themselves, and this time—they will act as proper childhood friends.

The curtains finally closed, and Kei… was able to say farewell to his first love.

✕✕✕

Kei’s POV~

Well this is awkward… It has been a little over seven minutes since Shizuka and I finally talked things through. From now on, the two of us will no longer live in the shadow of the other, it won’t be easy, but we’ll eventually behave like proper childhood friends.

*clap*

“Alright then! That ‘s enough!” trying to dispel the awkward atmosphere between the two of us. I clapped my hands and raised my voice. It seemed like I took Shizuka by surprise, since I noticed her small body quivering.

“Now that we talked things through and now that we decided to mend this relationship little by little. How about we head to my place and play video games until late at night? Just like old times!” I grinned.

“…pfff. You really are something…” She took a handkerchief from her pocket and cleaned away her tears.

“Sure, let’s do that.” (Shizuka)

“Ah. Send a message to Ms. Sena, we don’t want her to worry now, do we? Also Hayato, just in case.” (Kei)

“Roger. Let me get changed first.” (Shizuka)

Shizuka stood up and headed to her room while I stayed in the living room. I sent a quick message to my sisters telling them that I talked things true with Shizuka, and that I’ll be taking her to our place.

I felt as if a big weight got taken off my shoulders and I also felt a sense of relief kick in. After a few minutes, Shizuka came down in comfortable clothes and we headed towards my house.

As we walked side by side, we chatted with the purpose of catching up. Now that I was able to let go of my first love, it was time to use this experience to not make the same mistake twice.

If someone were to ask me for my feelings regarding Arisa.

There’s no doubt that,

I Love Arisa With All My Heart.