LIGHTNOVELWORLD Chapter 1: Chapter 1: "Congratulations, You’re Screwed!"
Kazuya Tanaka was a master of one thing: doing nothing.
It was a skill he'd honed over years of strategic laziness. His ability to ignore responsibilities was second only to his skill at avoiding eye contact with his professors. So, when his ancient phone buzzed with a notification during class, he welcomed the distraction.
"Download Complete! Welcome to the Pantheon App."
"What the hell is this?" Kazuya mumbled. The app's icon was a cartoon goddess winking at him, suspiciously low on clothing. He tapped it out of curiosity. Big mistake.
In a flash of light, Kazuya disappeared, leaving behind his half-eaten convenience store sandwich and a classmate who would later swear they saw him get abducted by aliens.
Kazuya woke up sprawled on a grassy hill, staring at the bluest sky he'd ever seen.
"Oh great, I'm in one of those weird dreams again. The one where I'm the main character in some dumb fantasy anime."
"Congratulations, mortal!" boomed a voice.
Kazuya turned to see a towering figure in shining armor. The man's muscles glistened like they'd been oiled by a team of professionals. He looked like the poster child for a gym membership nobody could afford.
"Uh, hi?" Kazuya said, waving awkwardly.
"I am Eros, God of Valor! And you, Kazuya Tanaka, have been chosen as our new Champion of Balance!" Eros struck a pose that would've made an Instagram influencer jealous.
"Champion of…what?" Kazuya rubbed his eyes. "Listen, big guy, I think you've got the wrong person. My 'balance' is so bad I once tripped over a shadow."
Eros ignored him. "You shall bring peace to our realm, defeat evil, and—"
"Hard pass."
Eros froze mid-speech. "Hard…pass?"
"Yeah," Kazuya said, dusting himself off. "I'm busy. Got a part-time job, video games, you know, life stuff. So, if you could just send me back—"
Suddenly, the ground shook. The sky darkened. And from the distance came a terrifying roar.
"Behold!" Eros shouted, pointing dramatically. "Your first trial! The legendary Fire Wyvern of Malgor!"
A massive dragon with flaming wings descended from the sky, its roar shaking the earth. Kazuya stared at it, then at Eros.
"You expect me to fight that thing?!" Kazuya yelled.
"Of course! You are the Champion!"
"I don't even know how to throw a punch properly!"
As the wyvern charged, Kazuya instinctively threw the only thing he had—a random stick.
The stick bonked the wyvern on the nose.
To Kazuya's shock, the wyvern froze, whimpered like a scolded puppy, and lay down. Its tail wagged.
"What just happened?" Kazuya whispered.
Eros blinked. "Impossible… You've tamed it with a single throw! Truly, you are the chosen one!"
"I think it's broken," Kazuya muttered as the wyvern rolled over, demanding belly rubs.
Before Kazuya could process his bizarre victory, a small figure stumbled out of the bushes. It was a girl with sky-blue hair and a cloak covered in patches. She tripped over her own feet and landed face-first in the dirt.
"Oh no, not again!" she groaned, sitting up and brushing leaves out of her hair.
"Who are you?" Kazuya asked.
"I'm Lyria, Goddess of Luck!" she declared with a bright smile, though her scraped knees said otherwise. "I've been sent to guide you, oh great Champion!"
"Why do I feel like I'm being guided by a cursed mascot?"
"Don't be silly!" Lyria said, tripping over a rock and falling into Kazuya's arms. "Oops! Hehe, lucky me!"
Kazuya sighed. "This day can't get any weirder."
Cue the arrival of Mika, the dragon-girl. She burst onto the scene, fiery eyes glaring at Kazuya.
"Who dares to tame my wyvern?!" she demanded, pointing her spear at him.
"I-I didn't tame it! It's defective!" Kazuya stammered.
"You will pay for this insult!" Mika charged, only for the wyvern to intercept her, happily licking her face.
"Stop it, you traitor!" Mika screamed, swatting at the wyvern.
Lyria laughed nervously. "Wow, you've already got a love-hate dynamic going on! Lucky you!"
Kazuya buried his face in his hands. "I just wanted to finish my sandwich."
And so began Kazuya's misadventure in the realm of chaos, with a clumsy goddess, a tsundere dragon-girl, and a belly-rubbing wyvern as his bizarre entourage. Peace was still a distant dream, but awkward hilarity? That was guaranteed.