LIGHTNOVELWORLD Chapter 63
We turned our backs to each other and sat down.
Just like Ha-yoon, I felt embarrassed for being the first to speak, so we couldn’t look at each other straight until we stepped into the bathtub.
No, it wasn’t possible to look. Even though I had turned into a villain, I still had a conscience.
The basin we entered was quite tall. If I were to compare it, it was a bit lower than a drum… what do you even call this? It was a rubber basin, the kind used for salting large batches of cabbage when making kimchi.
As Ha-yoon said, with two people inside, the amount of water filling it had to be less. This analogy might be a bit much, but it was like putting a brick or a full PET bottle in a toilet tank.
…I should have just said we were getting into a bathtub. The current situation made me think negatively, leading me to use such comparisons.
I got into the bathtub and decided to start by wetting my hands and rubbing them over my body. Honestly, I couldn’t tell if I was getting clean or not. There wasn’t any body wash or soap around.
I was so stupid. I took care of other things, but I didn’t consider the need to wash.
…However, one thing was certain: the water was warm, and it felt nice after a long time.
“……”
We were both awkward for a while.
If only we had towels to cover ourselves, it wouldn’t have been this awkward. Of course, it wouldn’t change the fact that it would still be awkward; I still couldn’t look directly at Ha-yoon.
This derelict house was in the countryside, and there was a door in the kitchen that led outside. Luckily, the glass of this door was frosted, so even if someone were outside, they wouldn’t be able to see in.
…No, would a person even pass by? I hoped not. What if suddenly someone barged in—
—Other kids would jump out and tackle us, I guess.
“……”
I didn’t want to feel at ease. I didn’t want to acknowledge that I was truly receiving help from the Magical Girls.
But damn it, the Magical Girls solved everything I had been struggling with for over a week in just one day.
I could definitely handle magic and use spells, but all I could do was smash a bad guy’s head in with a hammer.
Grrr.
The circuit on my wrist felt tight again.
James had said it would be okay to keep it on while bathing. He must have meant for me to generate energy while I was washing up.
Well, it was weird that it wasn’t waterproof. If it didn’t have a waterproof function, I wouldn’t be able to fight on rainy days, let alone resist shock.
As I sat awkwardly in the bathtub, staring down at the circuit, Ha-yoon spoke up.
“About that circuit… Can I ask what kind of energy it runs on?”
Her voice was very cautious. It came from a completely different direction than my gaze. It seemed like Ha-yoon was sitting with her back to me as well.
No, it wouldn’t do otherwise. It was already enough to be embarrassed, and I couldn’t bear to get even more embarrassed in this situation.
“No.”
And I answered firmly.
I didn’t want to talk about it.
I knew this was a bit too stubborn. No matter how you looked at it, we had already boarded the same boat. Being cooperative would only help, and it would be better if we didn’t have any secrets between us.
But… I was already in a miserable state.
I had already revealed everything I didn’t want to be found out. After being found out, even the parts that were once new secrets were all laid bare, and in fact, those secrets were being solved by the Magical Girls.
I hated to acknowledge it, knowing it was a useless emotion.
I didn’t want to think I felt any relief.
For some reason, my voice had a slight edge to it.
“Ah…”
Ha-yoon let out a somewhat pitiful sound.
A little pain throbbed deep inside my heart.
—You don’t want to hurt me, right? You don’t want me to get hurt, right?
I whispered softly to the painful place where I lived.
—You like Ha-yoon, right? You call her your friend? Why are you being so harsh?
My nose tingled a bit, and my vision blurred slightly. Thankfully, we were both facing away from each other out of embarrassment.
And I was also grateful that Ha-yoon didn’t ask any further.
What would I have answered if she asked deeper questions? I probably would have told her not to worry in a voice full of irritation.
Ha-yoon was worried about me.
Was it because of that feeling?
Deep inside my chest, I felt a sense of defeat.
The complexes I had since I was very young didn’t just disappear because I grew older.
I kept my mouth tightly shut, fixing my gaze forward.
I was trapped in the misery I had created for myself.
*
Did I ask something I shouldn’t have?
When Ji-eun didn’t respond, Ha-yoon began to look a little anxious.
The atmosphere felt drastically different from Ji-eun’s usual demeanor.
Even after a long time of not seeing each other, Ji-eun was still Ji-eun.
In this situation, she didn’t wish for anything. She didn’t ask for help, nor did she say she wanted to go together.
Perhaps, I should be thankful that she hadn’t chased me away.
“……”
Did Ha-yoon not like me anymore? Was I just a bother now?
Ha-yoon thought it was a real friendship that Ji-eun didn’t demand anything from her.
Only now did I wonder if that was Ha-yoon unilaterally judging Ji-eun.
Ji-eun, who wanted nothing—
—Even while going through hardships and pains without asking for anything, remained a friend, but Ha-yoon wished for too much.
What could be the reason for not mentioning the feelings that are the source of energy?
Were those feelings far deeper and darker than Ha-yoon could imagine? Right now, I could hear the sound of the circuit on Ji-eun’s wrist powering up.
Even in the moment when it was just Ha-yoon and me.
…Could it have been the same all the time?
That unexplained dark feeling might have been something Ji-eun felt every time she met with Ha-yoon. Perhaps, back then, Ha-yoon didn’t notice since there wasn’t that circuit.
Receiving countless jealousy from every kid in front of Ha-yoon.
Bearing that malice, how could she have not been tired of it?
Perhaps it was Ha-yoon who was feeling even darker emotions because she was with the other Magical Girls.
Even the purple circuit on Ha-yoon’s wrist was resonating with Ji-eun’s energy.
Ha-yoon bit her lip.
I want to turn back our relationship.
But that relationship had already broken.
Maybe it was because of Ha-yoon’s punch.
Under the name of justice, every time she struck down with that pink wand, along with Ji-eun’s broken bones, her split lips and the blood that flowed—
The feelings Ji-eun had for Ha-yoon might have been shattered, broken, and bleeding just like that.
The heavy and humid air weighed down on Ha-yoon’s shoulders.
Splash.
The water level that had been rising to Ha-yoon’s chest dropped suddenly.
It was because Ji-eun, who had been submerged in water, had gotten up.
“…Did you finish washing up?”
“…Yeah. I’ll just wipe my body a bit.”
In Ji-eun’s voice responding like that, there was no trace of irritation.
I could hear the sound of cloth brushing against skin.
Suddenly, Ha-yoon thought she wanted to look back.
She didn’t exactly know why.
Perhaps she was just a little annoyed. After all, Ha-yoon had feelings too.
There were many wrong things; it was understandable that she thought so. She thought too many wrong things, and so Ji-eun must have suffered more than she could count.
Yet still.
Yet still… after everything, they had hit each other.
To Ha-yoon, Ji-eun was a friend like no other.
Of course, she was also friends with the other Magical Girls. They were different from the other kids who hid their true selves at school and bullied Ji-eun for that reason. With the Magical Girls, Ha-yoon was in an equal relationship.
But even so, the feeling that Ji-eun was as precious as any of them didn’t cross her mind. They could fight for each other’s lives, but the feelings she held for Ji-eun were something that couldn’t compare to that.
It was something beyond simple exchanges.
Perhaps, it was only natural that Ha-yoon couldn’t endure the impulse.
Having known Ji-eun for so long, she realized she didn’t know that much about her at all. Though she understood intellectually why Ji-eun had kept everything hidden, emotionally, she struggled to grasp it.
Maybe Ha-yoon had become a bit excited about being in the bathtub together.
So, she impulsively turned around.
And held her breath.
Was Ji-eun’s pure, white skin as beautiful as she imagined? Maybe it was.
If only it weren’t for the pale blue bruises carved into her back.
If only it weren’t for the distinct red marks on her shoulder.
If only the skin was not so thin, with ribs visible from behind, looking excessively skinny.
It certainly would have been.
Even with all that, it was still a beautiful body. Someone with a bad personality might even say that made it stand out more, that it was even more pitiful.
But what Ha-yoon felt was shock.
She knew that the bruise could not have been caused by her. It was most definitely a wound from the fight that had just happened not long ago. No, it might even be a bit older. Just over a week ago, Ji-eun fought against many aliens.
But even so.
Ha-yoon must have left such wounds on Ji-eun’s body.
No, it would have been a bigger injury without a doubt. Bones don’t just break. When bones break, they scrape muscles and blood vessels inside. It inevitably leads to bigger bruises and swelling around the area.
Even if she had received treatment at a clinic—
…Come to think of it, Ji-eun had been shot before. Though she had blocked it partly with magic, she still bled.
Even if there weren’t visible signs of being pierced, if there were wounds on the skin but her body was full of magic, she could heal without leaving a single scar.
But it must have hurt much longer than going to a professional clinic.
When was the last time Ji-eun went to the clinic?
Generally, bruises can take quite a while to heal without specific treatment. Depending on the severity, it’s common for them to take around 2 to 3 weeks.
However, healing with magic usually takes just a few minutes. Considering Ji-eun wasn’t very skilled in using her magic, it might take about a week.
But if it remained that clearly visible…
…Ji-eun hadn’t faced such a major attack in the last battle.
My body trembled.
The receding water left my skin exposed to the air. It wasn’t because of the temperature. That chill was born from fear.
Even now, Ji-eun was in pain. She had been enduring like this here with her injuries.
There was only one loud, obnoxious Squeaky Adult around to talk to.
With no one to comfort her, no one to help, in reality, she was all alone, without even proper food—
Feeling something odd, when Ha-yoon saw Ji-eun turn her head, she hurriedly trembled. The lowered water splashed heavily.
Did Ji-eun notice? Did she realize that I was absentmindedly staring at her back?
Her shoulders were shaking.
“…Is it cold?”
But fortunately, the returned question was that.
Ha-yoon’s voice seemed to lack any doubts that Ji-eun had seen her own body, and she trembled again.
“I’ve wiped down. I’ll put on my clothes and come in.”
It seemed Ji-eun had thought that was cold.
Ha-yoon couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
What if she couldn’t even think that her injured body was strange?
If Ji-eun thought that body with such scars… was just normal—
After Ji-eun went into the room to put on her clothes, Ha-yoon couldn’t bring herself to get up for a while.
As Ji-eun said, it was cold.
But the source of that cold wasn’t just the temperature.
*
Still, it was a relief that I brought at least towels. If they are truly necessary supplies for staying outside, I have enough of those.
…Perhaps I might even need to borrow underwear and clothes from the kids. Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be anyone overwhelmingly taller or heavier than me. My clothes were baggy enough for me to fit in.
Is it a relief? Hmm, I’m not so sure.
Because I had carelessly exited the bathtub, Ha-yoon’s body was completely exposed.
Unconsciously turning my eyes away, I quickly glanced back at Ha-yoon’s snow-white back, shivering.
I hastily tried to wipe down as quickly as possible and put on my underwear.
Although it was only with water, after immersing myself in warm water for the first time in a while, I felt considerably better. To be honest, I felt a bit refreshed.
Even though I still felt aches everywhere, maybe because I was in a good mood, I thought it felt somewhat alleviated.
Moreover, the room was warm—
“No, no.”
I quickly shook my head.
Although I was being helpful, I stubbornly refused to admit that fact. So I absolutely wouldn’t think my living conditions had improved.
I had some things here and there to my name.
If it were about trading, I thought I could do well enough. The energy being used here came from my circuit, and these kids had only tattered clothes to wear.
Granted, I was just as tattered myself, but at least I still had some “spares.” I mean, I had brought along a decent amount of underwear.
And I had canned food, too.
…
Somehow, the more I listed out the trade items, the worse I felt.
In the middle of the room, the kids had huddled together.
Since there were no blankets, they had shoved a bunch of leaves wrapped in plastic and tied off the ends. Still, with Iris’s little fireplace, it might be better than a winter night, although it was still chilly—
Creak.
While I lost myself in thought, the door swung open and Ha-yoon entered.
Her face was filled with concern.
Perhaps it was because she hadn’t properly cleaned herself. Maybe it was simply awkward just washing off with water.
Really, the next time we go out to defeat aliens, I might have to stop by somewhere and buy supplies?
Would there even be time for that?
“I’m all done washing up.”
As soon as her eyes met mine, Ha-yoon spoke hurriedly.
Her gloomy expression brightened in an instant.
She’s overworking herself.
It must be because of the priorities. I had… interrupted our earlier conversation oddly.
In light of that atmosphere, I felt a bit guilty.
Thinking back, Ha-yoon had to handle the cleanup all on her own. Emptying the tub with cold water and refilling it with fresh water using a ladle. Though the cauldron was right next to it, with no faucet, it was obvious it was hard labor.
My debt had grown.
I bit my lip.
“Okay, then next time it’s my turn with Iris.”
Rose stood up with a flush on her face. Iris looked a bit displeased, alternating her gaze between Ha-yoon and me before finally getting up a bit late.
The two headed to the kitchen, and we went to where Delphinium and Dalia were waiting.
Delphinium and Dalia exchanged glances with me.
Even though I was the only one not contributing today, those two had just improved the food situation as soon as they could.
I clenched my fist for a moment, then took a deep breath.
And I turned my body straight toward the tent.
Entering the tent, I unzipped the big hiking backpack.
As I quietly gazed at the food inside, I gritted my teeth and pulled out one spam can and two tuna cans.
Sure, it was a small amount to feed everyone. Six teenage girls all hungry wouldn’t be enough for all of us.
But at least, combined with other food items, it could perhaps provide some minimal nutrition.
I took the food and came out, tossing it in front of the kids.
“…Today’s rations.”
The children looked at the food and then turned their eyes back to me.
At first, I thought they’d give me judging looks.
Since what I had brought out was mostly nuts and energy bars. I thought if I revealed I had this canned food, they might get annoyed.
But the only emotion I could read from the kids’ faces was one.
‘Is this alright?’
Or was it just my misunderstanding? Was it merely that I was feeling inferior on my own?
Either way, it was a moment when I felt nothing but miserable.
“…When the kids come out… after everyone washes up, we’ll share.”
If we keep eating like this, it wouldn’t be long before our food ran out.
But still.
But still, I didn’t want to just take it.
Therefore, I didn’t want to lose.
I didn’t want to lose my last shred of dignity.
“Whoa.”
And James, who had been watching me, remarked with interest.
I turned away, ignoring the kids’ gazes and James’s voice, and walked out quickly.
The full moon hung in the sky. In the bright moonlight, I could see the field Iris and Dalia had planted. Just as they said, the sprouts were already growing there. Very healthily.
With some indescribable feeling, I eventually couldn’t bring myself to enter for some time again.
Until the last two people had bathed.
And when I went back inside, the kids hadn’t even touched the canned food or rations. It seemed they had waited for me to come in and sit down together.
Again and again, it was a feeling I had experienced countless times since these kids had arrived. But that indescribable feeling was something I just couldn’t adapt to.
I didn’t want to adapt to it either.
Even while I felt that I was narrow-minded, I loathed the fact that I found comfort during our shared mealtime.