LIGHTNOVELWORLD Chapter 74
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Bang.
Memory Transition.
Finally, a new scene appears.
The sound of birds chirping.
Warm sunlight.
Han Si-Hoo’s vision of Yoo Seo-A’s memories was peaceful.
Seo-A sits on a creaking chair.
“Seo-A?”
Someone saved her.
Saved Seo-A from a difficult situation.
Han Si-Hoo was unable to find Seo-A.
“Seo-A…?”
Even when spoken to right in front of her, the Seo-A in the memory doesn’t react.
A sparrow flits and chirps near the house.
Yoo Seo-A shakes the chair she’s sitting on as she plays.
She cares not whether Han Si-Hoo is in front of her or not.
The saint shows no reaction even though she doesn’t avoid her seat.
“Ah ha.”
“Are you… okay?”
This is all in the memory.
According to the saint, this place is just an artificial world created based on Yoo Seo-A’s memories.
What Han Si-Hoo sees is not the real past.
The one he’s trying to talk to is not the real Yoo Seo-A either.
Creak.
The sound of the chair slightly rocking back and forth.
Forward. Backward. Forward. Backward.
It also sways side to side.
Creaking.
Continuing.
It kept repeating until Seo-A stood up from the chair.
Seo-A returns with a diary from the drawer.
It’s a diary Han Si-Hoo has seen before.
The weather today.
Yoo Seo-A turns her head to look out the window.
Clear.
<The weather is clear.>
<The weather is clear.>
<The weather is clear.>
<The weather is>
She wrote up to that point when her hand holding the pen slipped.
Yoo Seo-A blankly looks down at the pen in her hand.
She tries to write again.
Putting the pen tip to the diary, she moves her hand.
That’s right.
It’s only the act of moving her hand.
Not letters but doodles.
So Yoo Seo-A puts the pen down.
It’s a diary, not a doodle pad.
It became a mess.
She gazes blankly at the diary.
<Si-Hoo will forgive me.>
The sentence written at the very top of the page.
A wish that if she stops taking the medicine, she could live with Si-Hoo.
All is over.
She failed.
Creak.
Deep in thought in the swaying chair.
The bird chirps.
“Seo-A?”
“……”
No response despite being addressed.
“I’m sorry.”
Han Si-Hoo apologizes.
Honestly, he’s confused about what exactly he’s apologizing for now.
He doesn’t even know if Seo-A wants an apology.
He just feels guilt every time he looks at Seo-A.
The creaking chair.
Seo-A stands up from her seat again.
She returns the diary to its original place.
Thud.
She drops it on the floor.
Her grip loosened, resulting in the mess.
But trying again, she manages to succeed.
A glimpse of the chains that once bound Yoo Seo-A.
The broken lock as well.
“Doctor…”
There’s no malice felt in Seo-A’s words.
On the contrary, it’s kindness.
A kindness she only gives to Han Si-Hoo.
“You saved me, kind person…”
That notion buried deep within Yoo Seo-A’s consciousness.
Kind person, that’s a phrase.
He is truly a kind person.
If the doctor hadn’t rescued her, Yoo Seo-A would have died.
Perhaps Han Si-Hoo should be grateful to the doctor too.
Because of the doctor, Seo-A is alive.
Kind person.
There’s no way he could be a kind person.
Han Si-Hoo exclaims.
“No, if the doctor hadn’t given her the medicine to begin with, none of this would have happened.”
Had it not been for the doctor, there would have been no death at all.
But at this moment, Yoo Seo-A can’t hear any of those words.
After more than 30 hours in hell, her self was ground to mud and blended in a mixer.
It’s going to take a long time before the day comes when Yoo Seo-A can think clearly again.
There’s still a long way to go before she’ll go to the doctor to ask for more money.
The point is that in her current state, Yoo Seo-A cannot make rational judgments.
In gaming terms, it’s like all her stats have dropped to less than half.
Health, intelligence, everything.
Still, once she goes through a recovery phase, she will return to at least half of her original state.
She will regain enough intelligence to try and ask Han Si-Hoo for money.
“…Let’s move on.”
Han Si-Hoo tells the saint.
There’s nothing more to be gained from this memory.
It only results in misery.
“Okay, let’s go to the next memory.”
“Wait a minute.”
Han Si-Hoo stops the saint again.
“Why?”
“…You said we’re looking at memories, right?”
“In a way, yes.”
“So right now, we’re looking at memories erased by the medicine?”
Thinking back on it, it feels odd.
Seo-A seems to have returned to before the medicine was used at all.
Then what exactly is the memory they’re looking at?
“Completely deleted memories can’t be shown. It’s a method where we reconstruct the scene based on what remains in the patient’s mind. It’s a skill for trauma treatment.”
“So, the memories weren’t actually erased?”
“That resetting medicine likely… doesn’t erase memories. Removing specific memories up until a certain point isn’t an easy task either. I know because I’ve tried.”
The saint’s ability also feels similar to the memory-erasing medicine.
“Is that so.”
“And what we’re seeing here is just a scene similar to the actual past, not the actual past itself.”
“How does it affect actual memories?”
The saint has twisted the memories that Han Si-Hoo holds.
While it is useful to utilize, Han Si-Hoo doesn’t particularly like the saint.
“So, this is… um… like a proposal of how this memory would ideally go? It doesn’t always change, and it’s difficult to make major changes in memory.”
The chair Seo-A is sitting in creaks.
She stares blankly at the empty space ahead.
“In fact, it’s strange for us to appear suddenly in front of the past Seo-A. You can’t modify it with a memory that doesn’t make sense. There needs to be a reasonable scenario.”
That’s why he put so much effort into filtering Yoo Seo-A from Han Si-Hoo’s memories.
Yet ultimately, it failed.
“…Is that the feeling? But it doesn’t seem like only memories are visible.”
The words the fake Han Si-Hoo said still linger in his mind.
“It’s said to reflect the inner world. It’s hard to explain when putting it into words.”
The creaking sound of the chair.
“Then, can’t we stay here indefinitely?”
Han Si-Hoo asks.
Can they not remain with the past Seo-A?
“This memory is already over. Seo-A is just repeating the same actions. There are no further unusual occurrences.”
It’s a finished memory.
“So even if we wait indefinitely, it will stay like this?”
“It’s a new world based on a short, intense memory. It’s best to move on to the next memory at a suitable point.”
That seems to be the case.
“Can you choose which memory to see?”
“Right now it’s organized focusing on intense memories by time period.”
“It’s adjustable, then.”
“Uh… what memory do you want to see?”
The saint hesitated to speak.
“…The doctor.”
“Huh?”
“All the memories that involve the doctor.”
“That’s not possible. It feels like we pick memories based on some atmosphere or theme. And the doctor has never appeared in the memories so far… In fact, other characters don’t often show up besides oneself.”
“Why?”
“Well, thinking it over as a simulation based on memories, if you include others instead of yourself, the accuracy decreases, right?”
“…That’s a strange ability.”
“But there are times when people other than the patient appear.”
That’s a rare case when the saint uses her ability.
“In cases where they are close like family, yes. You experienced it too. Seo-A appeared. Of course, it would have been your perception of Seo-A rather than the real Seo-A.”
“So then, if I appeared in Seo-A’s memories, it means she sees me that way.”
“Probably…”
Han Si-Hoo felt a mix of emotions.
Is it because of the medicine?
But even then, he hadn’t lived with such efficiency or thought it would be fine if Seo-A died.
Quite the opposite, it felt like the fake Han Si-Hoo was admonishing the real one.
Telling him to deal with Seo-A and do what needs to be done.
What needs to be done?
What on earth must be done that is so important it requires killing Seo-A?
“Then can I talk to that guy again?”
Referring to the fake Han Si-Hoo.
“That… may be possible if you do this-”
Paang.
A black world unfolds.
All around is pitch black.
It’s dark enough that he can barely tell where the saint’s position is.
“What is this place?”
“Shall we call it the lobby? It’s just a place where the patient’s inner world is roughly visible. In Seo-A’s case, it’s quite black… but it’s not usually like this.”
Yoo Seo-A’s inner world is simply dark.
He wonders what it was like before it became dark.
Han Si-Hoo takes a step forward.
After a few steps, someone starts to come into view ahead.
The fake Han Si-Hoo.
A blurry figure speaks to him.
“…You’ve made up your mind, right?”
The decision to kill Seo-A.
The fake asks the real one.
“To get rid of Seo-A. But what exactly do you gain from going that far? You know, Seo-A is the most precious to you.”
“What are you talking about? You’re unhappy because of Seo-A. You’re struggling to resurrect a corpse. Seo-A just wants to die. She’s not dying because she worries you might be sad.”
“…What’s the benefit of Seo-A dying?”
“World peace.”
“Not interested.”
He has no intention of pursuing such an abstract goal.
“Your mental stability, physical pleasure, happiness… power, wealth, glory, and all sorts of good things. In fact, by that point, Seo-A probably won’t even be remembered.”
“Who are you? You’re not me. You just look like me.”
The fake Han Si-Hoo pauses to think for a moment.
It seems he’s considering what to answer.
“Ah… I’ve never thought about that. Who am I?”
“Right.”
“I’m probably the version of Han Si-Hoo that Seo-A likes the most.”
“Huh?”
“At least, I wouldn’t do something as sneaky as eavesdropping on someone else’s memories.”
Overhearing the conversation, it seems the saint finds this quite piercing and bows her head.
“…I’m different from you.”
Han Si-Hoo responds.
He cannot choose the option to abandon Seo-A.
“I won’t abandon Seo-A.”
Hearing that, the fake Han Si-Hoo laughs.
“Kuh-hah.”
As if finding it absurd.
“What are you saying? You’ve already abandoned her. If you’re not satisfied, just erase the memories again and again. IsSeo-A just a toy to you?”
It’s true he has erased memories.
But that was just to relieve Seo-A’s suffering.
There were no other options.
However, the question of whether that was truly the right choice still lingers deep in his mind.
“Shut up.”
So Han Si-Hoo is simply angry.
At himself.
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