I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Suicide

Chapter 37

I killed a person.

Of course, humans and demons are different.

But they look exactly the same.

Up until just before, I thought of her as human.

I even felt the warmth of the glass of milk she handed me.

It was comforting, I suppose.

I killed her.

Strangled her to death.

Was it unavoidable?

Yes. It must have been unavoidable.

He insulted Sophie.

Was that the only reason?

“…”

I don’t know.

But maybe that’s enough.

Is it really enough?

Stop.

It’s already happened.

It’s irreversible.

She’s dead.

I killed her with my own hands.

“Did I do something wrong?”

The hollow question lingered in the air.

There was no answer.

The one on the cross remained silent.

My prayer goes unanswered, as expected.

Why did I even come here?

For what?

Did I come seeking comfort?

I believed my previous experience was a miracle.

I wanted to believe that.

The priest’s words came to mind—if it’s too hard, blame the Lord.

Right now, I’m struggling immensely.

So, is it okay to place all the blame on You?

Even though that changes nothing.

I feel lost.

As if trapped in a dark tunnel with no exit.

Surrounded by nothing but darkness, unsure where to take the next step.

It’s been over an hour since I entered the cathedral.

No one came.

Nothing happened.

There was no salvation or miracle, as expected.

“…Let’s go.”

How foolish.

As I stood, I bumped into something.

Thud.

Something fell.

I picked it up.

A pure white cross pendant.

Did it fall off the chair?

How long has it been here?

I was about to set it back down and ignore it.

Until I saw the engraving on the armrest.

– But the one who endures to the end will be saved.

“…”

Salvation? What nonsense.

There’s no such thing as salvation.

That kind of thing…

I’m done wasting my time.

I left the cathedral immediately.

—

I almost headed straight to the dorm but changed my direction to a convenience store.

There wasn’t any particular reason.

I didn’t have a clear destination.

I didn’t feel the need to go back to school.

And I didn’t want to go back to my dorm room.

It wasn’t just about the place.

I had lost my purpose for the future.

Originally, I planned to gain powers and live with Sophie.

But Sophie died.

Now, would gaining power change anything?

Could I really be happy?

“Thank you.”

“…”

I bought banana milk at the convenience store.

Actually, I prefer regular milk.

Banana milk was Sophie’s favorite.

I slumped down on any random bench on the street.

I probably wouldn’t be able to stay here all night.

Eventually, when the sun goes down, I’ll have to go back to my room.

Let’s just pass the time here until then.

I took a sip of banana milk.

It was sweet and smooth.

I sat there blankly for a long time, reminiscing about memories with Sophie.

“So you were sulking here.”

“…”

“Hey, don’t ignore me and look at me, will you?”

I turned my gaze.

She was an eye-catching girl, exuding personality.

Pink, rolled-up hair buns.

“You’re…”

“Yes! It’s me!”

“Who was it again?”

“…Are you serious? We’re in the same class!”

“Sorry, I forgot your name.”

The girl with the bun frowned and muttered quietly.

“Did you really not know…?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s Valentina! Valentina!”

Ah, that was her name, alright.

She was a pretty prominent heroine in the original story too.

A classic princess type.

To put it nicely, that is. To be blunt, she’s a bothersome character.

She only cared about the main character she had feelings for, reacting coldly to anyone else.

“What do you want?”

I wished she’d disappear quickly.

Even talking like this was exhausting.

I just wanted to keep sitting in a daze.

“Why did you skip class today?”

“Does that matter?”

“Of course! Si woo was worried about you because of it!”

I nodded half-heartedly.

It’s reassuring, I guess. She was still just like in the original story.

Interpreting every event solely in terms of Kim Si woo.

“Honestly, I don’t understand. Why would Si woo care so much for someone like you. You’re just a childhood friend, after all.”

“Right. I agree.”

“Ugh…! You should realize how privileged you are!”

She sure has a loud voice.

It’s to the point where my eardrums hurt.

I need to escape.

I stood up and said,

“Fine. I’ll attend class starting tomorrow.”

“Really? Make sure to live properly from now on. You’ve been so irresponsible lately.”

She’s very blunt.

Or maybe she just lacks awareness?

The whole school must’ve heard about it by now.

And she was in Class A, so she was there at the scene.

“Irresponsible? Me?”

“Yes. You keep skipping class. Not just you, but that flame girl as well.”

Flame girl likely referred to Hong Yeonhwa.

“Do you even care why I skipped?”

“Is meeting a demon that big of a deal? They’re our enemies anyway.”

“…Sophie died.”

“Oh, right. I forgot.”

Flinch.

Her indifferent reaction made me flinch.

“That’s why, huh? I suppose you were close to her.”

“…”

“Still, you can’t dwell in sadness forever, can you? The dead are gone; the living need to keep going.”

“Don’t talk about it so lightly.”

Valentina blinked a few times at my words and then smirked.

“You’re still so naive.”

“…What?”

“We’ll become heroes once we graduate from the academy. The title sounds grand, but in reality, we’re just soldiers fighting monsters. Losing comrades will become a routine; will you react like this every time?”

“Shut up.”

She extended her hand, saying,

“Calm down. I’m not trying to pick a fight. I’m genuinely concerned.”

“Shut up!”

“With such a weak mindset, it’ll be tough for you to survive in this world.”

“Be quiet…”

“Sigh. Talking now will only make things worse. Let’s talk again when you’re calm. See you later.”

Valentina said goodbye without remorse and left.

I glared at her retreating figure before finally snapping and ran after her.

“Kyaah!”

“Apologize!”

I yanked her by the back of her hair.

“What are you doing?! Let go now!”

“Apologize! Apologize to Sophie!”

“Get a grip! Sophie is dead!”

“Shut up!!”

I ignored hands trying to pull me off, clutching and pulling her hair relentlessly.

In the end, we ended up rolling on the ground in a brawl.

Well, it was more of a one-sided attack.

Valentina never struck back or used any abilities.

“What are you two doing?”

I looked up at the voice from in front.

Kim Si Woo stood before us.

—

After hearing the two of them, Kim Si woo sighed deeply.

It was hard to say it was entirely one-sided.

Valentina had clearly instigated it.

But Hana was the one who resorted to violence and crossed a line.

Si woo’s sympathies leaned towards Hana.

He knew what she was going through.

He looked at the two girls, their beautiful faces covered in dirt.

Valentina even had a faint scratch on her cheek from Hana’s nails.

“Can we agree that both of you were at fault?”

“Yes…”

“…”

Unlike Valentina, Hana kept her mouth shut.

Si woo looked at her with a complex gaze.

“Hana.”

“…Yeah.”

“Do you agree?”

“…Yeah.”

“Thanks for acknowledging it.”

This wasn’t a matter to escalate.

And it shouldn’t be.

“So, let’s apologize and move on. Valentina, could you go first?”

Like a lamb, she obeyed Si woo.

Only she knew if it was out of genuine regret or because her crush was present.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t consider your feelings and said too much.”

“Alright. And Hana?”

“…”

Hana remained silent.

Then she suddenly stood up.

“Hana?”

She clutched her collar tightly, trembling with a voice heavy with emotion.

“…No.”

“What?”

“…I have nothing to apologize for.”

Stomp, stomp!

“Hana!”

Before Si woo could grab her, Hana fled far away.

He hesitated, about to chase after her, but stopped.

He couldn’t bring himself to leave Valentina, who sat miserably on the bench.

“…Was I really that wrong?”

“No. It’s just a misunderstanding. Let’s talk it over tomorrow.”

“Okay…”

Si woo would come to regret that decision bitterly.

—

Lying on my back, I stared at the sky in a daze.

The same beautiful scenery as days ago.

The cold concrete beneath me, the tickling night breeze—all unchanged.

Only one thing was different.

That you were gone.

‘With such a weak mindset, it’ll be tough for you to survive in this world.’

In a way, she was right.

This place isn’t the Earth I knew.

A world where people die to monsters.

If it hadn’t been Sophie, it would’ve been someone else.

In this world, even if you grow close to someone, you might lose them at any moment.

This world…

Is there any reason to keep living?

That thought crossed my mind.

What if I just died?

Not to gain power.

But real suicide.

The pain of losing Sophie might heal someday.

But eventually, another wound will come.

Because that’s the kind of world this is.

“…”

I rose to my feet and walked forward.

I leaned against the railing, looking down.

If I fall from here, I’ll probably die.

And I definitely won’t meet the conditions for revival.

A real suicide. Eternal death.

I carefully climbed over the railing.

The cool wind blew my hair back.

If I let go of the railing and throw myself forward now…

I’ll die just like that.

I slowly let go of the railing.

Then I looked up at the sky.

The stars still sparkled.

I thought of you, who wanted to become a shining star.

Are you up there now?

‘Even if we’re far apart, if we keep each other in our hearts, we’re still together.’

Are we together right now?

I hope you’re watching me from the night sky.

I clenched the pendant hanging around my neck.

Just this once, I’ll trust you.

You asked me to live.

Since it was your last request, I’ll honor it.

It’s hard, but I’ll endure.

So…

Thud.

“…Huh?”

A sudden push from behind.

I lost my balance, my body tipping forward.

There was nothing in front of me to catch me.

Just like that.

I fell.

Just before, I managed to turn my head.

Someone stood on the rooftop, looking down at me.

I locked eyes with a pair of deep blue, ocean-like eyes.

“Sophie…?”

Crunch.

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