I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Suicide

Chapter 46

As always, when I headed to the science lab, a chubby middle-aged woman I had never seen before was in his place.

“Oh my. Student, what brings you here?”

“…Who are you?”

“Me? I’m the teacher temporarily taking charge of the first-year science classes.”

Temporarily taking charge?

I frowned and looked around.

Sure enough, he was nowhere to be seen.

“What about the teacher who was here before?”

“Oh, he’s away on a business trip.”

“…What? Excuse me?”

“The teacher who was here, he went on a business trip.”

A business trip?

Then what about my medicine?

“When will he be back?”

“Well, I’d guess in about three days?”

At that moment, the first emotion I felt was betrayal.

But

He didn’t tell me anything.

Not a single word that he would be away.

Of course, I understand.

There’s no reason for him to tell me every detail.

My mind went blank.

Especially since the effects of the medicine were wearing off.

“Why are you acting like that?”

“…It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

I backed out of the lab.

Calm down.

You knew you’d have to quit one day.

Now’s just the opportunity.

This is actually a good thing.

I don’t need the medicine.

I can handle this myself now.

“…Right?”

No answer came, as always.

At some point, I had developed a habit of talking to myself.

Even though Sophie hadn’t shown up again.

By the time I returned to the dorm, the effects of the medicine had completely worn off.

It felt like it had been a very long time since I was fully alert.

When I faced the view inside my room.

Surprisingly, I reacted calmly.

It wasn’t that I felt no sadness at all.

Nor was I overwhelmed by unnatural happiness, as I was when under the influence of the medicine.

There was a bit of lethargy and loneliness.

And a slightly deeper sense of isolation.

So this is it.

This feeling was what emotions that hadn’t been overturned by the medicine were like.

I had almost forgotten over the past while.

When I was addicted to the medicine, I feared this moment so much.

I was convinced I’d never be able to overcome these negative feelings.

I was wrong.

It’s more bearable than I thought.

In fact, this natural sadness wasn’t so bad.

It was almost as if it was comforting my aching wounds.

I looked at the empty bunk bed in the corner of the room.

I carefully stroked the mattress.

The bed that came only after you left.

This bed holds no memories of you.

But today, I’ll still sleep on this bed.

Honestly, it’s quite comfortable and soft; at times, I’ve thought it’s better than the old one.

Maybe it’s similar?

This world, too.

The fulfilling life at the academy I now enjoy.

Everything I gained after you disappeared.

It’s not so bad.

Perhaps not everything needs to be connected to you.

Maybe it’s too much to remember only you in everything in the world.

Only when I see the brightly shining stars at night.

Then, I’ll think of you and miss you.

I’ll grieve as much as I want.

Though it’s late, I’m slowly learning how to say goodbye.

Even if we’re far apart, as long as we think of each other,

we’re together.

—

On a dark night,

Si woo left the dormitory and headed for the park.

It was past curfew, so if he got caught, he’d receive demerits, but that didn’t matter now.

The swing, which should’ve been empty, creaked in the park.

Soon, their eyes met.

A brief silence.

One of them smiled weakly and spoke first.

“…Hey.”

“…It’s a good night.”

Why had she called him?

And at this time of night.

He couldn’t say.

But it was a good opportunity.

Si woo had made up his mind after a long deliberation and was about to tell her.

“You’re just going to stand there?”

At her words, he sat on the swing beside her.

The two spent a moment in silence.

Si woo chuckled at a memory.

Hana asked,

“What?”

“It just feels like it’s been a long time. Sitting on the swings with you like this.”

“…Maybe. Perhaps it has been.”

A boy lost in his happy memories.

A girl watching him.

“I’m sorry. I was too harsh last time, wasn’t I? I didn’t really know anything… just kept meddling, pretending to worry about you.”

“You did it because you were concerned. I get that.”

Hana looked at the ground and muttered,

“It just… things went poorly. If only… if things had been a bit better, we wouldn’t have become so awkward with each other, don’t you think?”

“There was definitely a chance to change things. If I hadn’t pushed it away, things could’ve…”

Si woo’s words were cut off by Hana.

“We can still change it.”

“…”

“It’s not too late. We just took a slightly wrong path. Let’s change it now.”

Si woo tried to respond, but words wouldn’t come easily.

He needed time to control his emotions.

Then Hana, or maybe someone within her, revealed a bit of sincerity.

“Kim Si woo, you can be so clueless and frustrating sometimes. You get swayed by girls and are unnecessarily stubborn and then hesitate at the crucial moments?”

“…Sorry.”

“But you know, I don’t think that’s bad. Just because you’re the main character doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. I’ve never disliked you, not even once.”

Was that how she thought of him all this time?

Si woo smiled bitterly.

Right. There’s still time to change.

This could be the last chance.

So, let’s get it right this time.

“Yoo Hana.”

“…Yeah?”

“Are you happy now?”

Happy?

The word echoed in Hana’s mind, and she looked up at the sky.

The stars, lighting up the dark night like a chandelier.

The person who first taught her happiness in a world of despair was Sophie.

But she was gone now, sacrificing herself in the end.

When happiness vanished, sadness took its place.

Hana believed she could never be happy again without Sophie.

So she clung to a happiness that was just an illusion.

A drug that deceived her into believing her sorrow was happiness.

She realized too late.

Fake happiness could never be real.

No matter how intense or thrilling, it couldn’t compare to true happiness that quietly seeped in.

And so she arrived at this moment.

So now, how does she feel?

“Well, I don’t know, but I don’t think so.”

“…”

“So, I want to be happy.”

Real happiness that isn’t fabricated.

Then Si woo said,

“I’ll help you.”

“I’ll make sure you can be happy.”

If that’s what you want,

I’ll sacrifice everything.

The two of them stayed in the park together for a long time on that clear, quiet night under the starry sky.

—

Three days later.

—

I hesitated several times about coming here.

But I need to put an end to it.

This is the last time I’ll come.

After a brief deep breath, I opened the door to the science lab.

He was sitting there as always.

He really came back.

It had only been three days, but it felt like a long time since I’d seen him.

Maybe because I saw him every day until recently?

Though today would be the last.

He noticed my presence and stood up.

“It’s been a while.”

“…Yes.”

A disturbing smile.

His sharp gaze sent chills down my spine.

“What brings you here?”

“…It’s about the medicine.”

“Oh, the medicine, is it? You came because you need more.”

That’s not it.

I actually came to tell him I wouldn’t take it anymore.

Just as I was about to correct him, he spoke first.

“But what should we do? The medicine’s all out.”

“…Out of medicine?”

“Yes. You rushed here right after class, so you must be in quite a hurry, but I’m afraid I’ve run out. Though, I suppose it’s only natural since you haven’t had it for three days now.”

Frowning, I grasped his words.

“Do I seem that desperate?”

“Hmph. There’s no point pretending. It’s obvious just by looking at the shadows under your eyes.”

I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately.

Not because of withdrawal, but from the worries that had recently arisen.

One thing was certain: I wasn’t craving or desperately in need of the medicine.

Something felt wrong.

I couldn’t pinpoint it, but there was a lingering unease.

Before his trip, he seemed eager for the medicine to lose effect, even welcoming the delay.

Now his attitude was the opposite.

It was as if he wanted me addicted to it.

What’s going on?

As I recalled our last meeting, his final words came to mind.

Never trust anyone.

Suspect everyone, even him.

I forced myself to calm my pounding heart, clearing my throat and putting on my most pleading voice.

“You’re lying, right? I know you still have some! Please, is it because of that condition? But it was impossible to meet it… Couldn’t you just give it to me? Please?”

As I pleaded, he stroked his chin, deep in thought.

I didn’t miss the fleeting smirk that crossed his lips.

“Hmph. Failing to meet the condition? How disappointing. I’ll have to reconsider giving you the medicine.”

“But that’s unfair! How could you impose such a condition… It’s impossible to return to being a normal student…”

“Did you not have the resolve for that? I’m very disappointed.”

“…”

With my head hung low, I

thought.

What should I do now?

I need to get out of here.

Run.

“Well, this is surprising.”

A low, gravelly voice sounded right in front of me.

One very unlike his.

“So, you’ve figured it out.”

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