I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Suicide

Chapter 57

“She wasn’t a demon… quite the unexpected turn.”

“Are we certain of the Messiah’s death?”

“Since the gate has closed, we must assume she’s dead.”

“This is problematic. Losing our most crucial card so pointlessly…”

“It’s just a slight inconvenience. The plan will still succeed.”

“Indeed. With the Messiah’s blood and holy water obtained through Longinus, we can combine them with the impostor and create a false Christ.”

“In a way, it’s a relief. If the Messiah had fallen into the hands of the demons, it would’ve been far more dangerous.”

“But it will take time. What’s the impostor’s status?”

“Not ideal. I never expected such a reckless escape attempt.”

“If we’d lost both, that would’ve been disastrous.”

“An irony, isn’t it? The impostor and the savior were childhood friends.”

“In the end, what matters is the plan. Everything else is just a pawn in the grand scheme.”

***

An unfamiliar sensation washed over her.

It felt strange, but not unpleasant.

It was like drifting on an endless sea, with nothing to hold onto, surrendering to the current and the wind.

Her body seemed to dissolve, merging into something greater, as if every cell and atom became part of a vast whole.

There was no fear.

For the first time, this moment did not seem terrifying.

It felt as though she was returning to where she belonged, in complete comfort and tranquility.

Is this… death?

Am I dead?

As she acknowledged her state, forgotten memories flooded back, filling her mind.

Recalling everything, she remembered her last moments.

But even with those memories, understanding them was impossible.

The events in the temple where she last fled seemed to straddle the border between reality and fantasy.

Especially when she became one with the angel.

Perhaps what truly mattered wasn’t the events themselves but the emotions and intentions driving them.

I had given up on everything and accepted death.

I denied pain, suffering, trials, and tribulations, offering no resistance to Han Si-hyun.

Yet Si-hyun shamelessly demanded an apology, igniting something deep within me.

So I rejected my fate as the savior and wished for the world’s end.

That emotion, that raw intent, shaped reality.

When Longinus’s spear pierced me, all the angels awoke, and the archangel Gabriel proposed merging with me.

A mythical power to bring about the end.

An overwhelming force, beyond human reach.

Once the archangel awoke, humanity could no longer avert its doom alone.

My choice alone determined humanity’s fate.

And I chose forgiveness.

Kim Si Woo’s heartfelt apology led me to forgive humanity and abandon the archangel’s vessel.

And then…

I chose death.

That’s the entirety of my story.

An almost painfully simple ending.

So, what is this thought I’m having now?

If I died, how am I still thinking?

Could it be that I’m not dead?

“No. You are most certainly dead.”

A voice that wasn’t mine.

The void around me filled with darkness, and my body was recreated.

In the end, ‘I’ exists only because there is something else to distinguish me from.

“Who are you? Are you… God?”

“Who knows?”

“Where is this? The afterlife?”

“No. This is the border between life and death.”

“But if I died, wouldn’t I have crossed it?”

“Yes, you’re truly dead. But you’re a unique being. You have the ability to resurrect.”

Resurrect.

Power.

Awakening.

Concepts I once longed for desperately.

Now they feel rather unwelcome.

I have no desire to return to a life filled with nothing but pain.

I just want to sink into the peace of death and let it end.

Perfect death, free from thought, awareness, or action.

That’s my only wish now.

I’m exhausted.

“Why?”

Why am I tired? Do you really need to ask?

If you’d been watching my life, you’d know.

“Since I arrived in this world, my life has been nothing but pain.”

“Really? But there are pieces of light here.”

A small glimmer appeared in the darkness.

I instinctively understood it as a memory sphere.

Touching it, the memories played back.

As expected, memories of my time with Sophie emerged.

But it wasn’t just that.

Club activities with Hong Yeonhwa.

The sweetness of milk when I first drank it after possessing this body.

My late-night conversation with Kim Si woo in the quiet park.

“Weren’t there even a few moments of happiness?”

“Yes. I admit, I might’ve been a little happy then. But in the end, I’m destined for unhappiness. That’s my fate.”

The name Messiah was enough for everyone to want to use me.

No one saw me as a real person.

“So you believe in fate.”

“Fate exists. Sophie was destined to save me and die.”

“Are you certain? Maybe her fate as a demon was to betray you, and she chose to defy it and save you instead.”

That’s just pointless wordplay.

“What does it matter? Sophie died. That was her fate.”

“So you don’t believe Sophie is alive. Then why side with the demons? If you’ll never meet Sophie again, what’s the point?”

I hesitated before answering.

“Just as I can resurrect, maybe Sophie can come back too.”

“Seems rather optimistic.”

“Enough! I don’t want to talk anymore! What’s done is done! I just want to die.”

I covered my ears.

But the voice didn’t fade and continued to echo in my head.

“Running away again, huh? Avoiding the issue doesn’t solve anything.”

“Shut up! What do you know?! You know nothing! Who are you to judge me?!”

The voice spoke.

“No matter how hard you fight it, you must resurrect and live again.”

“No. I refuse. I died in that gate. I fell into a bottomless cloud. I can’t survive.”

“Then you’ll simply keep falling forever in the sky, living out eternity.”

I buried my face in my knees and muttered.

“What do you want from me? Why keep tormenting me, even in death? I don’t seek happiness. Just let me rest. I want to remain in this eternal state of death.”

“You hold happiness in such high regard, as if it’s something sacred. But you’re mistaken. Happiness is far simpler and more abundant.”

No, that’s impossible.

If happiness were so easy to attain, why couldn’t I be happy despite all my efforts?

“You already found happiness. You saw it earlier.”

“It was fleeting.”

“You know better than anyone that those moments of happiness were ordinary scenes.”

Maybe so.

Memories of Sophie were something I now cherished deeply, even if I found them annoying back then.

The same was true of the club activities, and my conversation in the park happened after Sophie’s death.

Even amid suffering, I’d felt moments of happiness.

Perhaps the voice was right.

Maybe if I tried a little harder, I could find happiness again.

“…But I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of being hurt again. I can’t bear any more pain.”

So I’d rather stay as I am.

Here, where I won’t be hurt.

Where no one can be lost, and I don’t have to fear losing anyone.

Where there’s no risk of betrayal because I expect nothing.

“I see. You’re still deeply wounded.”

“But you must revive. If you resurrect like this, your spirit will completely collapse.”

“Then I’ll just forget for a while.”

“I’ll return it to you when you’re ready to accept it.”

The voice was warm.

A bright light approached and gently embraced me.

I felt warmth.

A hand touched my cheek.

I looked up and saw a girl’s face.

So it was you.

You had seen everything all along.

Inside me.

Yoo Hana wiped away my tears and smiled.

“Let’s meet again. Goodbye.”

***

A deep darkness.

A place devoid of life.

Nothing but endless darkness and a river of silence.

A deep lake.

The lowest point in the world.

The bottom reached only by those who fell from the highest heights.

Inside the S-rank Gate – Underneath the Abyssal Lake.

Two spaces were connected as one.

The archangel’s refuge and the lake beneath the abyss were linked.

Thus, a figure had come to this place.

“There you are.”

The crimson glow behind a mask illuminated the girl slumbering beneath the lake.

“It’s been a while, savior.”

Yoo Hana’s eyes met those of the black goat.

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