I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Sui**de

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I clenched and unclenched my fist, contemplating the power that now resided within me.

Yesterday, after the commotion at the temple, everyone, including our class, immediately returned to the academy. We needed to stay in a secure location since we had no idea when the apostles would strike again.

And now, I found myself in a private meeting with the Principal.

It was my first time stepping into the Principal’s office. It was surprisingly modest, resembling an ordinary office rather than an authoritative space.

The Principal’s expression was quite complex the first time I faced her since she had asked me to sacrifice one thing that day.

“Shin Woo student.”

“Yes.”

“I’ll ask you again for confirmation… Do you really possess the Holy Grail?”

It was a question I somewhat expected. I wasn’t sure what the Holy Grail precisely was, but I had an inkling it was no ordinary object.

“You must answer correctly. The Holy Grail is of immense importance to all of humanity.”

“I’m not sure if I should say I have it… but it’s within me right now.”

“Is there a way to prove that?”

A way to prove it. The first thing that popped into my mind was the moment I healed the priestess yesterday. It was undoubtedly due to the power of the Holy Grail. Could I do it again now?

After briefly closing my eyes to think, I said, “I’ll give it a shot.”

Of course, I needed someone to heal to use the Holy Grail. I didn’t know if it’d be possible, but it was better to try than not at all.

Soon, there was a knock on the Principal’s door.

“Come in.”

At the Principal’s reply, Han Si-hyun stepped inside. She bowed her head with a blank expression and glanced at me for a moment.

Yesterday, she had also suffered serious injuries and was in a life-threatening state, just like the priestess. Now, those traces had completely vanished.

The important thing was that she still bore the wrapping of bandages on her face.

Si-hyun had lost her right eye not just yesterday but six months ago. It wasn’t merely an injury; her eye was entirely gone. Despite seeking numerous healers, the wound had proven unhealable.

If I could heal this, there would be no better proof.

Han Si-hyun closed her eyes and waited quietly. I carefully extended my hand towards her eye, which was covered in bandages.

An image of the Holy Grail arose in my mind. Immediately, light enveloped me, and an immense power flooded the Principal’s office.

When the light subsided, Han Si-hyun was suddenly in tears.

As she unraveled her bandages, her flawless face emerged. Tears streamed down her cheeks from the eye that had reappeared, clear and beautiful.

The Principal, who silently observed that miraculous scene, finally spoke.

“This is the power of the Holy Grail… Incredible.”

I bowed my head and took deep breaths to calm my racing heart. The subtle fatigue that washed over me quickly faded.

Just then, Si-hyun rushed over to me and tightly grasped my hands, earnestly pleading, “Kim Shin Woo. Please heal my sister. I beg you…”

Si-hyun’s expression was contorted, and tears flowed endlessly. I had never expected to see her so shaken. Had she really been accumulating pain and sorrow behind her usually emotionless façade?

Much had changed since Yu Hana’s death. Perhaps, Si-hyun had changed even more than I did.

Had her heart been deteriorating daily with guilt while suffering for the past six months? Just like I had.

Suddenly, that thought struck me. If I used this Holy Grail, could I not go back and set everything right? I believed it was the last chance to correct all the wrongs until now.

“Let’s go right now.”

At the end of that path lay Yu Hana. I hoped that you would be there too.

*

“Sophie.”

Each time I called that name, a sense of nostalgia washed over me for some reason. I had no idea why.

“Sophie.”

A feeling I had never experienced before scattered my heart. The haziness of memories I had never gone through turned my chest upside down.

“…Sophie.”

It felt like a name I must never forget. Someone who had lingered deep in my heart.

I couldn’t even tell how long it had been since I returned to the temple. Ever since I heard that name, I had been holed up in this room, repeating it over and over.

As I endlessly murmured that name, it felt like I might eventually regain the forgotten memories.

Yearning for someone who continued to disorient my heart dramatically.

But such convenient unfolding didn’t happen. No matter how many hours I repeated it, I couldn’t remember who Sophie was.

I didn’t want to believe it was just a simple illusion or a lie. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say I didn’t want to believe.

“…….”

The boy definitely seemed to know something.

“…Kim Shin Woo.”

That was the boy’s name. The name he earnestly called out, asking if he didn’t remember.

Yet, I couldn’t recall. Thinking back to the boy’s face, I felt a complex sensation wash over me.

It wasn’t the vague fondness like the name Sophie. It was more like a slight annoyance and discomfort, or perhaps resentment?

A mixture of slightly negative emotions melded into a complex feeling.

If I had to sum it up in one word.

Love-hate.

What relationship did that kid and I share? Was that story truly correct?

“Yu Hana.”

Is that my name?

This felt distinctly different from the two names mentioned earlier.

Even now, the reason I couldn’t settle on a clear answer was largely due to this.

Unlike the earlier two names, the emotional weight felt significantly lighter.

To explain that tiny hue, it was a gray emotion closer to indifference and discomfort.

As if it were someone else’s clothes, not mine at all.

Imagining that I was the owner of that name seemed impossible.

Could it be that I really am Yu Hana?

If so, did that mean my original self was a student at the academy?

I couldn’t comprehend it.

If that were the case, why was I now an enemy of the academy? I was allied with the Mine, which could be called humanity’s nemesis.

Shark had said I attempted to join the Mine even before I lost my memory.

Why was I trying to do that? Why did the academy let me go so easily?

There were so many unknowns.

A multitude of questions I couldn’t answer alone.

One thing was certain: nothing would be resolved by staying holed up in my room and endlessly repeating names.

I wanted to know the truth.

I wanted to regain the memories I had lost.

What should I do to achieve that?

Knock knock.

“Are you in there?”

I jumped in surprise at the voice that rang from outside. It was the teacher. Of all times!

After a moment’s hesitation, I responded.

“…Yes, teacher.”

“I’m coming in.”

In the dim room, the teacher, as always, was perfectly hidden under a black cloak and mask.

In the six months of our time together, I had never seen their true face, even once.

For some reason, it felt unusually strange today.

“I heard from Gold Lion. They say there’s someone with the Holy Grail.”

“…Yes.”

“Have you identified who it is?”

Is that the most important question for you right now?

Doesn’t it matter at all why I’m doing this?

You could at least ask if I was alright.

“…Kim Shin Woo.”

“Did you meet a con artist? Did you converse with him?”

The eyes behind the mask glowed red.

Like they were genuinely worried about something.

Was there a reason I shouldn’t mix words with that kid?

“What did he say?”

I hesitated, looked down, and responded.

“…Nothing.”

“You mean you didn’t say anything?”

“No. According to your orders, we just fought to kill each other.”

“…….”

The sudden silence that enveloped the room was like a cruel swamp that swallowed me whole.

It felt like being stabbed repeatedly by the silent blade of the atmosphere.

The teacher hated lies.

Thus, if I were to deceive the teacher or betray them… I couldn’t even imagine what might happen next.

“Alright. I understand.”

Thankfully, the teacher nodded and accepted it.

Had they not noticed my lie? Or perhaps… Did they knowingly turn a blind eye? I couldn’t uncover the answer.

“White Lamb.”

White Lamb.

That is my name.

But it’s not my original name.

It was merely a name I had received anew just a few days ago.

Until then, I had lived without a name.

I had no idea what my original name was.

Could it be that the name Yu Hana is truly my real name?

Am I White Lamb?

Or am I Yu Hana?

“Do you remember when we first met?”

The first meeting with the teacher.

Of course, I remember it. It’s not just a memory; even now, whenever I close my eyes, it vividly resurfaces.

That moment still features frequently in the background of my dreams.

A space of nothingness.

No blue sky, no bright sunlight, no cool breeze, no pretty flowers, no chirping birds, and no one to be by my side.

Only darkness existed.

And me.

The first segment of that broken memory that I couldn’t find was like a nightmare.

Darkness and I. Alone in that space, I waited endlessly.

Waiting without even knowing what I was waiting for.

Not even knowing how long I had to wait.

I simply yearned for something uncertain, constantly.

Then came the teacher.

“It has been a long time.”

At that moment, when I saw the goat mask extending a hand toward me, I thought I was finally saved from my long wait.

Even now, that feeling hasn’t changed.

That’s why I remain under the teacher and follow them.

“You don’t need to dwell on the past. This is a time when looking forward is already overwhelming.”

“Forget the dark past that was once only shadows. What you should focus on is the bright future.”

“But the choice is entirely yours. I ask you—what is your name now?”

As the teacher posed that question, I saw their figure merge with that first meeting at the bottomless lake.

Suddenly, the teacher didn’t feel unfamiliar anymore.

“I am… White Lamb. The 12th Apostle.”

The teacher extended their hand.

Just as they did back then.

“Come with me.”

“Yes, teacher.”