I’m Not That Obsessive

Chapter 79

After much deliberation, a long time had passed since Mitchell said he’d arrive. Just as I thought he might be late, someone knocked on the window.

“Mitchell.”

As soon as I saw the face outside the window, a smile spread across my face.

“Did something happen?”

Mitchell asked even before sitting in the passenger seat. I only opened my mouth long after the door had closed.

“Yeah. Something happened.”

I tapped the script on my knee with my fingertips.

“What is it? Is there a problem with the script?”

The only reason I didn’t refuse on the spot was that I wanted to hear Mitchell’s opinion.

“Well, you see…”

I told him about what had just happened. As reporting to Mitchell was important, I remembered Mile’s words in detail and relayed them without missing anything. All of my daily life had to be correctly transmitted to Mitchell.

“A sex scene?”

“Yeah.”

“They’re saying you’ll film it naked? Naked with your co-star?”

“From what they said, it seems so. They’ll show the buttocks but cover the front.”

“…”

“Should I do it?”

“Are you asking me right now?”

“Yeah.”

“If I say do it, you’ll do it, and if I say don’t, you won’t?”

“Yeah.”

“…”

After a long pause, Mitchell reached out and touched the nape of my neck. It was a touch as familiar as breathing.

“Seems like you’ve completely lost your aversion to being involved with men? Is it because of me?”

“No. The thought of rubbing bodies with Thompson makes me feel like dying. My aversion is skyrocketing.”

“Then why didn’t you refuse right away? If you hate it that much?”

“Because movies keep falling through. If I refuse this too, it’ll be the second time already.”

As I sighed, it felt like my shoulders sagged too. My confidence was gone, and only a weak person remained, clinging desperately to Mitchell. Since it had come to this, I openly expressed my vulnerability.

“I’m scared this might be my last chance.”

I love acting. I realized emotions I hadn’t known when I was thriving as an actor in Korea only after coming to America. That’s why when I got the role in “Racing Instinct,” I really wanted to do well. Although I had to leave due to injury, I thought it was okay because “Fail to Start” was still there, but if I have to leave this too…

As I was falling into negative emotions, I shook my head. I was fortunate to have someone to comfort me.

What would I have done if I didn’t even have Mitchell? I could see myself floundering in deep feelings of defeat.

Feeling newly grateful to Mitchell, I rubbed my cheek against his arm. Meeting Mitchell’s eyes, I silently asked him to save me.

“Then, do it.”

“…”

This bastard… to someone asking to be saved.

“You’re saying I should do it?”

Even though I raised my voice openly, he remained peaceful. I couldn’t tell if he didn’t understand the gravity of the situation or if he was deliberately trying to annoy me.

“Yeah. Film it. You said you hate it when things keep falling through, right? Just film it then.”

“But I have to show my butt?”

“It’s fine, your butt is pretty.”

“I have to thrust my hips in front of the filming crew?”

“It’s their job. They probably won’t think much of it.”

“Th-Thompson will be touching my body all over?”

“What, are you the type to fall in love easily like me? Will something happen just because someone touches you?”

“No way! Absolutely not! I’m completely impenetrable.”

I puffed out my chest proudly to prove my impenetrability.

“Then, what’s there to worry about?”

“Didn’t you hate the idea of Thompson touching me?”

“You said you’re not interested in men, right? That you only know me.”

“That’s true.”

“Then it’s fine, isn’t it? It’s acting.”

“…Hmm, I-is that so?”

As I talked with Mitchell, it seemed like it wasn’t such a bad situation after all. It’s not like I have to really like Thompson, it’s just acting. Pure acting.

As for the sex scene, I guess I could think of it as bumping into a soft rock. And the filming staff are just doing their job, so I probably don’t need to be too sensitive in front of them.

And Mitchell gave permission.

“Yeah. Yeah…”

But while I hesitated, unable to answer definitively, we switched seats. Mitchell drove, and he said someone he knew would bring the car he came in. I wondered why he knew so many people.

During the not-so-short drive home, I fiddled with the script and organized my thoughts. After much consideration and worry, I finally made a decision.

“Okay. I’ll do it then. Given my situation, you know. I feel like I can’t improve if I run away scared.”

I watched Mitchell’s expression as I said these words full of bravado. Fortunately, his lips were curved in a pretty smile. Seeing him smile was a positive sign.

Mitchell, who had been quiet for a while, spoke when we arrived home, parked the car, and turned off the engine.

“Will you do anything I tell you to?”

Although his eyes were smiling, for some reason his voice was low. Come to think of it, Mitchell had left late last night, finished an overnight shoot, and came back at dawn. Then he slept for less than two hours before leaving early in the morning and shooting until now.

They often had to shoot at dawn when there were no people around. I suddenly understood his sharp voice.

Poor thing, I feel so bad for him.

I wanted to comfort him too. I deliberately answered more cheerfully.

“Yes. I’ll do anything.”

I answered with a bright smile.

***

I don’t live for myself. I live for the object of my obsession. Whether it’s a thing or a person.

I used to set an object and depend only on it to find my self-worth. But after trial and error, this changed to be limited to humans.

Things don’t respond to me. So I was secretly disappointed. Why don’t they understand my feelings?

On the contrary, humans can. I could let them know how much I cherish and passionately indulge in them. I could tell them not to run away. I could tell them that if they run away, my heart would be torn apart and hurt.

To control the object according to my will, my sacrifice was essential. I would readily do things I had never experienced in my life, and even do things that made me feel repulsed to my bones.

Saying, ‘Look, I’m working this hard for you. Please recognize it.’

I could do anything.

Once I gain their trust this way, I take one drop of what I want. Then two drops, three drops, absorbing the object over a long time. I treat the object the same way so that I can seep into them too.

In this process, I maintained peace of mind. Being recognized by the object, I could establish my own value.

And now, I needed Mitchell.

I was diligently carrying out the obsession process I had done so far with Mitchell. There were some strange points in the midst of this. Clearly, I had said what I wanted, but looking at the results, we had reached what Mitchell wanted.

So, we were doing what each other wanted for each other. The more I thought about it, the more fascinating Mitchell was.

I could do anything Mitchell told me to do. There was no refusal because I knew that what Mitchell wanted was what I wanted.

Even if it was an unpleasant and disgusting thing.

I know that if I sacrifice, Mitchell will sacrifice for me too. Of course, it’s okay even if he doesn’t sacrifice.

I really don’t live for myself.

I live for Mitchell. As long as Mitchell doesn’t run away from me, this feeling will last a lifetime.

So it’s really natural to do anything for Mitchell.

“…Why?”

I asked, looking at Mitchell’s furrowed brow. I tried to think back if I had made any mistake, but nothing came to mind. No matter how much I thought about it, it seemed to be because he was tired. Isn’t it normal for even one’s expression to sour when the body is tired?

“Cheer up.”

Thinking he might feel better if I joked around, I unconsciously tapped Mitchell’s cheek. It was truly a joke, and I had no intention of angering Mitchell.

However, my hand slipped and it ended up looking like I had slapped him.

Instead of a gentle ‘Cheer up. Tap.’, it became a ‘Why don’t you cheer up? Slap!’

Oh no…

In my surprise, I couldn’t even make excuses and just retrieved my hand that was floundering in the air. Mitchell’s face stiffened for a moment, but he quickly put on a bright smile. Instead, his lips were strangely twisted. That was clearly the devil’s face that appears when bewilderment plus irritation are equal.

Sensing danger, I hurriedly gathered my bag and script and got out of the car. Leaving Mitchell, who didn’t say much, behind, I entered the house first.

I put my bag and script down on the living room table and immediately went to wash up. My instinct warned me to avoid Mitchell.

Fearing trouble might break out, I rushed into the bathroom and even locked the door. Locking the door was quite a big act of defiance.

Recently, Mitchell had allowed me to close the bathroom door, but said I couldn’t lock it. He said he should be able to come in whenever he felt like it.

In fact, there had been several times when Mitchell came in to pee while I was showering. The damn bastard always came in to pee when I was washing. As a bonus, he would look at me with mischievous eyes.

Anyway, my current action was a violation of the rules in Mitchell’s house.

I held my breath and put my ear to the door.

Click. Click.

The sudden sound almost made me swear. When had the sound of turning a doorknob been so terrifying?

I swallowed hard and shrank back. I worried if I should open the door now, but surprisingly, the sound quieted down.

I’m a patient person, so I waited. I waited and waited. When there was no attempt to break in, I finally felt relieved and moved away from the door.

Why is he acting normal for once?

The question remained unanswered, but I started taking off my clothes one by one. The cast had already been removed, and the surgery site had healed, so there was no problem with washing. Nothing happened until I finished washing my hair and showering.

The problem came next.

I hadn’t brought underwear, so I was naked under the robe. If I stood in front of an angry Mitchell like this, it would be like walking into a tiger’s den.

After taking a deep breath, I carefully opened the door. The door, made of high-quality material, opened cleanly without a sound.

Surely he won’t be in front of the door…

“Ah! Mitchell.”

That ‘surely’ slapped me in the face. As expected, Mitchell was standing right next to the door. It felt like my fallen heart had rolled all the way to the front door.

“Mitchell, haha.”

Fortunately, Mitchell had a smiling face. He held out the script in front of my eyes. It was that script containing the sex scene.

“It might be difficult for you to act this out, want to practice with me in advance?”

“The sex scene?”

“Yeah. With the scene that’s in here.”