LILA

Midterm break had finally arrived, and the campus buzzed with excitement as students made plans for the week ahead. For many, it was a chance to relax, catch up on sleep, or head home to spend time with family. For me, it was an opportunity to solidify my identities and ensure that both Lila and Lily remained untouchable.

As I settled into my apartment, I felt a mix of anticipation and anxiety. I had a few projects to work on, but I also wanted to maintain my social connections. I had to keep up appearances, especially with Mira, who had been eager to spend time together during the break.

Just as I was about to dive into my sketches, my phone buzzed on the table. I picked it up to see a message from Mira.

**"Hey, Lila! Are you free to hang out this week? I'd love to catch up!"**

I felt a pang of guilt at the thought of declining her invitation. Mira had been a good friend, always supportive and enthusiastic about my designs. But I also knew that spending time with her would mean revealing more of myself than I was comfortable with. I had to keep my distance, maintain the illusion of my carefully constructed identity.

I quickly typed back, **"Hey, Mira! I'm really swamped with projects this week. I need to focus on my designs for the showcase."**

A moment later, my phone buzzed again. **"I totally understand! Just wanted to check in. Let me know if you change your mind. I miss hanging out!"**

I felt a twinge of regret, but I couldn't let that sway me. I had to prioritize my goals and keep my identities separate. I replied, **"Thanks! I'll definitely let you know. Hope you have a great break!"**

As I set my phone down, I felt a mix of relief and unease. I had successfully deflected Mira's invitation, but I also knew that I was playing a dangerous game. The more I distanced myself from her, the more I risked losing that connection. But I couldn't afford to let anyone get too close, especially not someone who might uncover my secrets.

The days passed, and I immersed myself in my work. I spent hours sketching designs, experimenting with fabrics, and refining my ideas for the upcoming showcase. I was determined to make a statement, to ensure that everyone recognized my talent and creativity.

But as I worked, I couldn't shake the feeling of loneliness creeping in. I had built these walls around myself, carefully crafting my identities, but in doing so, I had isolated myself from genuine connections. I missed the camaraderie of my friends, the laughter and shared experiences that came with being part of a community.

One evening, as I sat at my desk, I received another message from Mira. **"Hey, just checking in! I hope you're doing okay. Let me know if you want to grab coffee or something."**

I hesitated, my fingers hovering over the screen. Part of me wanted to reach out, to reconnect with her, but the fear of exposure held me back. I quickly typed back, **"Thanks for checking in! I'm just really focused on my work right now. Let's catch up after the break?"**

I hit send, feeling a mix of guilt and relief. I had successfully deflected her again, but I also knew that I was pushing her away. I had to remind myself that this was for the best. I couldn't let anyone see the cracks in my carefully constructed façade.

As the break continued, I found myself caught in a whirlwind of emotions. I was thriving in my work, but I also felt the weight of isolation pressing down on me. I had built these identities to protect myself, but in doing so, I had also created barriers that kept me from forming genuine connections.

On the last day of the break, I decided to take a walk around the campus to clear my head. The air was crisp, and the trees were beginning to shed their leaves, a reminder that change was inevitable. As I strolled through the familiar paths, I couldn't help but reflect on my choices.

I had worked hard to maintain my dual identities, but at what cost? I had pushed away the people who cared about me, all in the name of self-preservation. I needed to find a way to reconcile my identities without losing the connections I had built.

As I walked, I spotted Mira sitting on a bench, her expression thoughtful as she scrolled through her phone. My heart raced at the sight of her. I had missed her, but the fear of revealing my true self held me back.

"Hey, Lila!" she called out, her face lighting up as she saw me. "I'm so glad to see you!"

"Hey, Mira! How have you been?" I replied, forcing a smile as I approached her.

"I've been good! Just working on some projects and trying to enjoy the break. I missed you!" she said, her enthusiasm palpable.

"I missed you too," I admitted, feeling a warmth spread through me. "I've just been really focused on my designs. You know how it is."

"Totally! But I was hoping we could hang out a bit. I feel like we haven't had a good catch-up in ages," she said, her eyes sparkling with hope.

I hesitated, the familiar tug of guilt pulling at me. I wanted to say yes, to reconnect and share a piece of my life with her, but the fear of exposing my dual existence loomed large. "I really appreciate that, Mira. Maybe we can plan something for next week? I just need a little more time to finish everything up."

"Of course! Just let me know when you're free. I'll be around," she replied, her smile unwavering despite my refusal.

As I walked away from the bench, I felt a mix of relief and regret. I had managed to maintain my distance, but at what cost? I was losing touch with someone who genuinely cared about me, and the isolation was beginning to weigh heavily on my heart.

The midterm break had been a time of reflection, a reminder that while I was adept at juggling my identities, I was also at risk of losing the very connections that made life meaningful. I needed to find a way to balance my ambitions with the relationships I had built, to allow myself to be vulnerable without compromising my carefully crafted world.

As I returned to my apartment, I resolved to reach out to Mira soon. I needed to find a way to let her in, to share a part of my life without revealing everything. It was time to start bridging the gap I had created, to embrace the friendships that had once brought me joy.

With a renewed sense of purpose, I sat down at my desk, ready to dive back into my work. I would continue to be Lila and Lily, but I would also strive to be a friend, to allow myself to connect with those who cared about me. The journey ahead would be challenging, but I was determined to navigate it with grace and authenticity.