Listen to the Medic-nin

When did I wake up? It's taking me a moment to adjust to the darkness. How long have I been unconscious? God, my back's sore as shit, and my head hurts.

Once my eyesight adjusts, I stare at the smooth surface in front of me. They are made out of wood, and uncomfortably close, what is going on here?

Huh, now that I think of it, why is this place so cramped? What even is this place? It's so confined that I can't even move my legs too much. The fuck is this, Spirit Airlines? This leg space, or lack thereof, is diabolical. Makes me feel like I'm in a coffin, even. This wooden box just screams buried alive. Why am I here?

Closing my eyes, I try to recall what happened before I woke up. Then it all comes to me, my anticlimactic fight with Itachi, if you can call that pathetic struggle a fight. The way his sword easily pierced through my heart, the way he looked at me bleeding out with a somber expression. Shit, I really am in a coffin right now, aren't I?

Itachi was the one that killed me. Or tried to, since I'm obviously alive. Isn't that great? The world would be so dull otherwise.

I drag my hand over my face, covering my left eye and go completely still, since everything turns completely pitch black at that moment and panic grips my heart. That's not normal.

Took me a while to remember my insane last second plan to avoid the sweet embrace of death, at least there's no one there to watch me panicking like a fool.

"Ah, that's right. Izanagi, huh…" I say. "Blind in one eye, as an Uchiha, what a cruel joke this is."

Izanagi is a jutsu based on the Creation of all things, used to turn imagination into reality. In the last seconds of my life, I used my Yin and Yang energy to activate it, gaining temporary control over my own body. In exchange, however, I sacrificed one of my eyes. It was well worth it though, since I'd probably be dead without that.

Still, I got myself in a pickle this time. The only way to regain sight in a blind eye after using Izanagi or Izanami is to awaken the Rinnegan, so good luck with that. Have to figure out why I'm in a coffin first. Granted, Sasuke probably is the one in charge of the funerals, and he's like six, so I really shouldn't be surprised that he and the ninja involved didn't bother to check every pulse of Uchiha clansmen to make sure that they were dead dead. Much better problems for them to solve, to be fair.

The massacre... It's been years, and I still couldn't stop anything. Even though I worked so hard to be an outstanding Medic-nin to stop the people I care about from dying, I still couldn't stop Itachi from killing my family. I wasn't overly close to anyone in the clan since my parents were gone, but it still stings, knowing that children, men, women and the elderly died at the hands of a teenager, and I was powerless to stop it.

I was useless. Nothing changed.

I… probably could have done things differently, but I guess my personality is to blame for this one. I was easily satisfied by the meager fruits of my efforts, and naively thought what I've done was enough. Still, things went downhill a little too fast for me to adapt. Like seriously, Shisui dies and Itachi kills everyone on the same fucking day? Way to go, man.

I thought everything was going well, I really did. Shisui was alive and well, and the relations between the Uchiha clan and the rest of the village was acceptable, and then that happened.

After what feels like forever, I manage to stop my hands from shaking. Everything feels so slow, maybe I am going into shock? Lets just… stuff all my emotions into a box for now. 

Will this come back to bite me in the ass later? Definitely. Do I give a flying fuck? Absolutely not. That's for future Akari to worry about. For now, deep breaths, me, deep breaths.

My one eye soon adjusts to the darkness, and I flinch as I see what is buried with me. It's a standard Uchiha blade, issued to any Uchiha clan members when they became Chunin. Man, I could have impaled myself on that one when I was freaking out like, just now. I angle it carefully in this constricted space and try to peel off the lid of the coffin. The wood creaked but didn't budge much, so much for that idea.

Fuck this. I've got a pair of perfectly functionable hands and I'm using it. Falcon, punch!

Shit, I break the lid and splinters are everywhere now. My hands hurt, but that's my way out of here. I jump out of it, landing myself in a brightly lit room.

"Son of a bitch!" I grimace, the light almost blinding me. Ha, the lights were brighter than expected. Jarrett Allen, I feel you.

I blink a few times, then quickly take a look around. From the way the room's decorated with multiple Uchiha clan symbols on display, it seems I've landed myself somewhere in the clan compound. They're probably going to bury the dead clansmen inside the compound garden with Shisui, fucking hell.

Lookie here, a conveniently placed mirror, time to take a peek. Oh, not my best look, have to say. There's still dried blood on my face, and my right eye really is… weird. Looks like a byakugan, actually. At least they took the time to change me into clean clothes before burying me. I really shouldn't be complaining, a child was in charge of managing hundreds of dead bodies after all. Poor lad.

Ugh, I smell bad. I did wake up next to corpses, so that checks out. I'll just hop back to my house real quick and check if my clothes are still there. Shockingly, nothing changed, except for the added blood stains in the floor, but I honestly think that they look quite fitting. The red looks nice for this boring place, actually. The smell's going to be horrible, but I'll worry about that later. Definitely going to offload all these chores to some Genin team anyways.

I wash myself, scrubbing off the bloodstains, and use some of my chakra to heal minor injuries I haven't fully recovered from yet. After I'm done, I step out of the shower to dry myself and change into something decent. It ain't the most fashionable, but a simple all black shirt and pants combo would do. Looks like I'm going to a funeral, so I'll fit right in with everyone else.

Too far? Meh, fuck you, no clan elders are going to judge me, since they're all dead.

On a more serious note, what do I do now? It probably is best if I lay low, not risking Danzo or Itachi coming back to finish the job, but I honestly can't stand years without interacting with my friends, so that option is out of the window. Plus, no way they're that brave, since Konohagakure is on maximum security right now. At least I hope it is.

I suppose I could always just wing it, show up announcing that I'm alive and try my best to stay that way. Sounds like a plan! But maybe I'll get my belongings first. Can't find my headband anywhere, I hope they didn't just decide to recycle it and hand it to some newly promoted Chunin after they thought I died.

They'll probably make some Yamanaka do a mind-walk on me, but I've got that one covered. The prick, Shinya, tried to prank me one time and got into my head to scare me, but because of that I've discovered that I can actually kind of manipulate what can be seen in my mind. Hopefully, nothing suspicious will come up. It's not the best plan, but it's the plan I have.

I never claimed to be a wise person. Smart, yes. But wise? I would have probably picked a fight with an S-ranked ninja if they stole my lunch. Plus, I'm fresh out of fucks to give, given that I've just basically come back from the dead, so yea, I'm feeling very daring right now. Maybe I should head to the hospital first, they will hopefully get me back in the loop, and maybe even contact the Hokage for me! What nice friends I have.

Ah, I should probably see my Geni- Chunin teammates and teachers too. And Kakashi. Wouldn't want him to stare at the memorial stone all day, blaming himself for another death he couldn't prevent. I can already imagine their faces when they saw me without a henge, what I would do for a camera.

Oh, I'm feeling something iffy. The sorrow already threatening to wash over me, must… think about sunshine and rainbows right now. If I don't focus on the humor, I will probably break down in the middle of the street. I mean, there's no one present, since everyone kinda died, but still, it's going to be pretty embarrassing and damaging to what little pride I have remaining.

Just keep faking it until I make it, story of my fucking life, apparently.

Woah, that's a slow kunai throw. I eye the weapon that's sailing through the air slowly… to me? What did I do this time? Pretty sure Itachi's already out of the village, and the one attacking me isn't wearing a blank ANBU mask.

I dodge the kunai with a simple side-step to the left, and then stare at the brat that threw a weapon at me. Rude, I was trying to get to the hospital, can't a gal go where they want to go these days without getting sharp and pointy objects thrown at them? I mean, the kid looks small and is definitely weaker than I am, and since no one here's to see me beat him up, so if, hypothetically, if I were to give this kid a mean right hook, no one will be there to judge me, right?

The kid threw a kunai at me, so it's probably justified. Can I get away with punching a small child? Only one way to find out!

Wait a second, the kid looks familiar. He's wearing a black t-shirt and some gray shorts. Hey, that face, where have I seen that before? Might be someone interesting if I remember him. Hell, he might even be a main character! Wouldn't that be hilarious.

I'd normally have confidence in recognizing anyone important to the plot if I meet them in person, but it's like, forever since the official start of the show. I'll spot people like Kakashi, Sakura and Naruto easily because of their hair color, but this kid's just got plain black hair.

"Didn't even introduce yourself before throwing a kunai at me, kids these days have no manners." I say, and the kid grabs another kunai and charges at me in response, without even bothering to answer my questions, now that's just rude!

I grab his wrist holding the kunai and twist, making him drop it. He let out a pained grunt and the kunai is now embedded on the ground. He looks positively murderous, bloody hell.

"Why are you here? What do you want to do at this place? This is the Uchiha clan compound, so you can't get in here even if you're a ninja!" Huh, look at his face, it's so red! He's pouting too! Wow, he looks kind of adorable like this. "ANBU already left the scene, you're trespassing on clan grounds!"

Damn, this might be Sasuke after all. I had a hunch, but just dismissed it at first because no way I would not recognize someone in the trio, even if they're a kid version of the people I know. If it really turns out to be him, oh this is going to be so embarrassing.

"So… what is your name? You really should answer a question before you ask one, you know." I drawl out, while the kid remains silent. Oh well, if anyone blames me, I tried asking!

I start applying more pressure on his hand, and he starts to struggle, hitting and kicking at me, but I trap his other hand as well and start squeezing them both together. "Still not gonna tell me your name?"

He struggles a bit more, but he should honestly stop trying already. Hell's going to freeze over before I lose a fight to a kid who looks like he's seven. He slumps over after another minute and finally opens his mouth. "Fine! I'm Sasuke! Sasuke Uchiha. Now let me go!"

I let go of his hands. Well fuck me jogging. Man, I can't believe I forgot what he looks like with his hair down! His spiky hair really is iconic, I don't think I've seen him without it before today. Have to do better next time though, or I'm going to be made a laughingstock.

I wonder, does he gel his hair to keep it facing backwards? Can't be natural, that.

I sigh and contemplate what to do next. Well, I'm trying to anyways, but Sasuke keeps looking at me warily and it's distracting. Ah, I'm in the main clan compound, aren't I? I'm just here looking for the place where they keep my stuff, but this might look like I'm stealing from the Uchiha when all of them but a handful got killed. There is an easy way for me to prove that I'm an Uchiha, but Sasuke might freak out and start crying or something, and I really can't handle crying children…

You know what, I'm just going to yolo it. It's been a long day, and I'm too tired to think what this might lead to.

I focus the chakra on my face, and I hear Sasuke gasp, and then he starts to tear up. Ah shit, is he crying? He sniffles and grabs my hand. "You are… an Uchiha, alive! How did you survive?" Ah shit, now he's crying. Fucking consequences of my actions.

He buries his face in my clothes and starts sobbing. Damn, kids sure are troublesome. His body starts shaking to the point that he can't even stand straight without leaning on me, so I had to hold him up to prevent him from falling on his ass. I have the option of simply letting him fall, but that's a bit too evil even for me.

Funny, I briefly entertained the idea of just gutting Sasuke and Itachi when he's sleeping a few years ago, fuck whatever comes next. But now? The idea just seems needlessly cruel to me.

I guess one bad day is all it takes for me to realize that there's no point in being such a dick.

I put my arms around him and draw circles on his back, trying to calm him down. He grabs onto my clothes like his life depends on it, and I feel a pang of remorse. Children should not be crying like this, and should instead be at school fooling around with friends or something. I wait for a bit, until he stops shaking and spitting out random sentences that are too muffled for me to understand.

"You good, kid? I'm not going anywhere, so you can stop grabbing on to my clothes now." I tell him while gently prying him off my now tear-stained clothing. "I get it, I really do, but we'll go nowhere like this. For now, would you calm down first? I'll answer as many questions as you want."

He looks at me with tears still flowing out of his eyes and starts speaking, "How did you survive? I thought he killed everyone but me! Is he the reason that your eye is hurt?"

"It's fine. Well, relatively, anyways. I still have my other eye, don't I?" I reply. He shakes his head, and what he says next makes me regain a tiny bit of hope.

"No, not just your right eye! Your other sharingan has a weird pattern to it, did Itachi change it?" He asks, and my brain stops for a moment.

What?

Oh. Oh. I have the Mangekyou sharingan now, don't I?

Huh, maybe dying counts as a traumatic experience? I suppose after being dead, twice mind you, finally got me some good luck. About damn time, I say.

I might just survive if I have the Mangekyou sharingan, even if I only have a single eye left. As long as my luck doesn't result in the ability being completely useless, I'll probably be fine.

Ah, I just jinxed myself, didn't I? Shit.

____________________________________________________________________________

I stare at the building Sasuke just brought me in front of. It is quite literally the single worst location he could bring me to, and he did it with a smile on his face! I can't believe the audacity of this brat.

The Hokage tower seems more menacing than ever, filled to the brim with clan heads, elders, and Jounin dealing with the carnage Itachi caused. That's a lot of people I would rather not deal with right now. I really can't ugly cry in front of literally everyone important in Konohagakure, can I? My teammates will never let me live it down.

"Sasuke, are you sure I have to go in there?" I nervously ask. I know I can't avoid this, but I was planning to go sulk by myself for at least a week then show up, not immediately after rising from the dead!

"Of course, Akari! No one believed me when I said that there were surviving Uchiha clan members! Come on, this will be great!" He beams, he's fucking lucky that he's irresistibly cute when he's smiling.

No, no this really won't be great. Welp, time to throw any semblance of a plan I had out the window. I sigh and dismiss my henge, resigned. "Alright, drag me in there kicking and screaming, whatever. I don't care anymore. At least I took a shower before coming here, it could be worse."

At least the kid let me grab my headband first, so I won't look too out of place in there.

Sasuke then pushes me into the lobby of the Hokage tower, full of noise. I pick a seat near the entrance and sit down, motioning for Sasuke to do the same. No one seems to have noticed me yet, so that's a relief!

A random Jounin walks up to us and I freeze. Thankfully, she crouches down to be on the same height as Sasuke to strike up a conversation. "Hey Sasuke, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be accompanied by an adult?" I notice most of the people in the room focus on the kid after immediately hearing his name. That's great, Sasuke! Go on, capture all of their attention so I can delay this shit as much as possible!

"I am with an adult! Look, this one has a headband too!" Then Sasuke points his tiny fingers at me. I have never been so tempted to break a kid's arm before. The snitch then adds, "She said that she's a Chunin, and her name is Akari Uchiha!"

The room suddenly turns reeaaalllllll silent. I just bury my face in my arms, groaning. This clusterfuck of a day gets better and better, doesn't it?

Oh look, that's the Hokage over there, trying to dispel a Genjutsu. I wish it's a Genjutsu too, but alas, life just will not give me a break.

I notice several ninja eyeing me carefully, no doubt wary of my presence. Man, are they scared that I'm on Itachi's side? Pretty hurtful, but I can understand.

"Alright, I'm only saying this once, yea?" Everyone in the room tenses. "I hereby give permission for a trusted member of the Konohagakure T&I department to use the mind walk jutsu on me, so I can get this shit over with and you guys don't need to deal with the paperwork. Speaking of which, someone better take care of that for me. The only thing I need to do better be writing a signature later, or I swear to god that I will get the fuck out of this godforsaken place and be a hermit for the entire month or something."

Pretty nuts idea, but I did say I tried the whole mind-walk thing with Shinya before and I retained full control of my mind that time. Of course, he was Genin then, and the Hokage probably will send a Jounin level Yamanaka to check on me, but I'm still relatively confident I can manipulate my mindscape to be confusing enough to throw said Yamanaka off.

"Your statement and permission is duly noted." Someone I assume is a Jounin jolts down some notes and speaks, all while taking out some handcuffs. "Please comply with us and not make this more difficult than necessary."

"I'm not getting cuffed, fuck you. I know my rights." I say. They're mad if they think I'm going to fucking T&I without the ability to even protect myself. "Just get someone to escort me, and I won't make too much of a fuss."

"Is that… fine? Lord Hokage?" Hiruzen nods, and the guy immediately puts the cuffs away. This fucking bootlicker, I swear. "Anything else you want to add?"

"Yea, I'm just saying this because I can get away with it right now, but you guys suck, really." I see him immediately writing that down, and hastily add, "Don't record that, you twat!"

Naturally, he ignores my request. Why can't this world have coffee? Or more paid vacation days? Just give me a break. Please, I beg.