MHA : Shoto Todoroki - Modern-day Terrorist

"Happy birthday"

My eyes narrowed.

"You're three months late, Dad"

It was the beginning of spring, snow long forgotten.

I was atop the stairs like I'd been years ago when he returned to fetch me and get us home.

Now there was no home to go back to that wasn't here.

He walked up to me, and I remembered how he'd carried me around proudly.

"Wouldn't my old bike be enough to make up for it ?"

I perked up. He chuckled.

"You're growing more alike to your grandmother than I'd like to"

I frowned. The old witch and I had nothing in common.

"How so ?"

"Your grandpa… Dad used to buy her gifts when he had things he wanted to atone for. At some point she made a game out of it, refusing to see him if she did not like what he got her"

Knowing her, nothing short of a diamond mine or a small country she could be the dictator of would've been enough.

"It's nice to see that I can buy you too"

He squeezed my shoulder and my chakra flared to life, shooting up his resting palm and scanning his body in a split second. Perfect condition.

"I'm glad to see you", he said, eyes softening.

"You can't buy me", I said. "And I'm glad to see you too"

I'm glad you're alive, but I couldn't say it because it would've soured the mood.

At last, he'd shaved correctly and I could see in his demeanor that whatever bad mood he'd been in when I last saw him was long gone.

"Enji"

His gaze turned sharp, and his eyes snapped to hers. She was standing a bit more on the left and behind us.

"Teka"

I swiftly moved to the side so I could see them both.

"I'm glad you did not forget the way back home, though we could've done with more frequent messages concerning your whereabouts"

I did not miss the way her chin subtly pointed towards me.

"Worrying you needlessly wasn't my intention", he said, shooting me an apologetic look. "I tried to update you as often as I could but it wasn't easy"

"It's alright", I said. "I- we just didn't expect you to be gone for so long"

Two weeks had turned into a month had turned into an indefinite amount of time before he suddenly told us yesterday that he'd needed to get back home.

I'd spent my time debating over whether or not I should sneak back to Japan and find out what the hell he was up to but Teka had convinced me to stay by telling me that I should trust him.

I did trust him. It was other people that I didn't trust.

And thankfully for everyone involved, he came back to me sound and alive.

"Shall we speak ?", Teka cut us off sharply.

There was neither the cynic playfulness I'd grown used to seeing in her eyes nor anything that looked as if she was relieved to see her son.

She was ice cold, all sharp edges.

"Of course", Dad said

She spun on her heels and I barely took a step forward he stopped me :

"Your grandma and I need to discuss some things together. I'll see you once I'm done with her, alright ?"

I did not hide my bewilderment.

What was there to talk about that I wasn't privy to ?

My eyes trailed behind Teka who'd already disappeared inside the house.

"We'll celebrate your birthday properly once I'm done. I even got you a present"

I knew he knew I didn't care about any present whatsoever but I still played along.

"It better be a good one"

His face brightened, his lips quirking slightly.

"Thank you"

His answer wasn't about the gift either.

*

"I refuse", said Teka, unapologetic

Enji inhaled, nostrils flaring.

"That is not your choice to accept or refuse. I will do it, with or without your consent"

"You can't possibly do something so foolish", Teka snarled, fire burning in her blue eyes. "I raised you better than-"

"You didn't raise me", Enji snapped. "Dad did. You were a shitty mother"

There, he'd said it. It had taken him twenty-five years, but he'd finally said it.

It had the advantage of shutting Teka up for a second, however brief it was.

"I had a family to keep alive", she said, tone clipped. "A legacy to uphold. An empire to expand"

Enji rolled his eyes.

They'd had enough money they could've just lived off it over fifty generations, enough power that without expanding no one would've dared to risk their ire.

Like every Todoroki before her, Teka had chosen ambition over family, and despite despising her for it, Enji had done the exact same thing.

Teka averted her gaze from Enji's.

As always, bringing in his father subdued her. He didn't do it often because it hurt him as much as it did her.

"Have you thought of your son ?", she finally asked.

Anger spiked in Enji's chest.

He wasn't her : of course he'd thought of Shoto.

He held it back in favor of a more fruitful conversation.

"That's the only thing I do these days", he said quietly. "He's the reason I came back"

Teka shook her head, lips pursed.

"If you die-"

"If I don't do it, I'll truly be dead inside"

"When Shoto-"

"Mom, please"

The word alone chilled her to the bones, whatever she was about to say dying in her throat.

He hadn't called her Mom since his father had died.

A myriad of emotions flashed through her eyes. She turned away, hiding her face from her son.

"… very well"

Enji bent forward and slid a letter on her desk.

"I'm just taking precautions. For all we know, he won't ever read it"

On it was written Shoto.

*

"How come we both hate fishing but we still find ourselves doing it more often than we should ?"

Dad laughed. I was serious though.

It was early March. Flowers were starting to bloom yet it was too chill for people to swim.

We were alone except for a guy taking out his dog at the other end of the beach.

The sea was sparkling under the midday sun. The weather wasn't too bad, and the low clouds pierced by the sun made it look like a painting.

We walked down the rock pier, choosing the same spot we used years ago, where Dad's father had taken him when he was younger.

Sitting at the end of the pier, fishing rod firmly held between two rocks, I grabbed a sandwich and started eating, and Dad followed soon after.

We always ate like two black holes, and I found it funny that I now could keep up with him and even eat more from time to time.

"Grandpa Todoroki would've been proud", I said

Dad looked nostalgic.

"He would"

I pictured him like I always picture Dad, arms crossed, patient, waiting to catch me when I inevitably fell, but with dark hair and maybe green or black eyes.

"Maybe one day you'll take your son or daughter fishing with you and you'll have the same conversation we're having"

I frowned.

"I'm too young to have kids"

And despite making peace with them, I still wasn't fond of the gremlins population.

"I had my first child at twenty-four"

"That's a teenager pregnancy"

He laughed.

"I'm sure you'd make a great Dad" I doubted it. "Better than I ever was"

Now I seriously knew he was trippin'.

"Tell me what you've done when I wasn't here"

I talked to him about grandma, my training, the few 'assignments' I'd be sent to as well as my latest Fuinjutsu project, how I could seal clones, why it was groundbreaking news, and how I was trying to tweak a basic seal that would act as a shunshin anchor to make a bastardized version of the Hiraishin (though I didn't say Hiraishin because he wouldn't have known what I was talking about).

He listened intently, chin down, eyes lost in the moving sea beneath our feet, a peaceful expression on his face, and my Sharingan flared to life to capture the moment before disappearing as suddenly.

"Grandma's obsessed with making an album photo I'd be the sole subject of. She got me playing with blocks as if I were three years old"

I'd drawn the line when she asked me to wear a onesie.

He smiled while I ranted some more.

The sky and the sea were of the same color, a deep blue that melted at the horizon and merged into each other, making it look as if both were a continuation of the other one.

"Hey"

"Hmm ?"

"I was wondering... your lightning. How did you figure it out ?"

I hummed, trying to remember what it had felt like.

My approach to elemental ninjutsu had been vastly different than what it should've been for anyone else, as I already had fire and water (ice technically but it was the same) in their pure form to my beck and call.

"Lightning and fire are similar in some ways. Both phenomena involve the transformation of energy. Fire is the result of chemical energy in fuel being converted into heat and light through combustion. Lightning is the result of electrical energy being rapidly released, creating light and heat in the process. I figured that if I wanted lightning, I could use the electricity produced naturally by my body but at a bigger scale"

It was a bit more difficult than what I made it sound like, but it was roughly what I meant.

"This sounds rather..."

"Convoluted ?"

I smiled. "It is. Pretty sure you could manage it, though"

After what he'd done with Japanese volcanoes, I had trouble thinking of anything that could pose any problem to him.

He hummed, and we quietly watched the rolling sea.

"Why do you want to be strong ?"

I smiled.

I'd half expected this question, even though he'd only asked it two other times in my whole life.

"Because I want to protect those I care about"

There was no point in being strong for the sake of being strong, no point in being strong if you become a selfish asshole.

I'd tried both, and either I got the crap beaten out of me or I'd lost people I now regretted not having by my side.

"It took you seventeen years but you finally got it"

I smiled.

"Yeah"

There was a small breeze that ruffled my hair.

It was getting long enough for me to put it in a half bun, and I liked how the shorter parts framed my face.

"You know, when I die..."

I rolled my eyes.

What was the problem with parents always talking about their deaths in the most inconspicuous moments ?

I didn't get what they were trying to do by making you envision a world where they wouldn't be in when all your life you'd only known of one where they existed.

"You won't die", I cut him off.

He frowned.

"I will. Everyone does"

"Yes, but you won't die today or tomorrow, you won't die suddenly"

Not if I had any say in it, and I had a say in it, no matter that I had no way to thwart death.

"You'll die of old age, at two hundred years old or something"

And Teka would be there to bury us because she'll outlive us all.

"Shoto-"

"Except if you commit suicide"

He stilled. I didn't look at him.

Saying it out loud made it all the more real.

Each time he'd postponed getting back to me, I'd worried that it was because he'd finally mustered the courage to do it.

Quitting his Hero job wasn't a fluke, and neither was his self-imprisonment in his room. If I hadn't forcefully fed him half of the time thanks to genjutsu, he wouldn't have made it.

There were a lot of things I could prevent, but he was the only person I couldn't save him from.

"But you won't, will you ?"

Despite everything, he'd gotten out of bed for me, he'd forced himself to face the world for me, he'd done everything he could to save me.

And in the end, after three long months of dreadful waiting, he'd finally come back, for me.

I'd been enough.

For the first time in my life, I'd been enough.

"I have to go back"

And everything shattered.

"When are you leaving ?"

"I'm not going to… I'm not going to kill myself, Shoto"

Wasn't that exactly what someone going to kill themselves would say ?

My hands tightened on the fishing rod.

"When ?"

"Tomorrow morning"

The warm air turned crisp cold, and I couldn't help it.

I looked at the bait going up and down, up and down.

"Take me with you"

"No"

"Why ?", I snapped. "Whatever it is that you're doing, you know you'd have better chances to achieve it with me there"

If he didn't want to face his suicidal tendencies, fine ; I wouldn't ignore them for his ego's sake.

He snorted.

"Let me remind you that I took care of both you and I when you were still a brat who couldn't walk straight"

"I'm an adult now", I pressed. "I can help you"

I would, even if he didn't want me to.

"You're sixteen-"

"-seventeen-"

" -and you can barely wipe your ass correctly. I'm not taking you with me, end of the discussion"

I frowned, stung.

"So chasing villains and murdering people is alright, but helping you is getting out of line ?"

"Yes"

I exhaled.

"Dad-"

"Do you remember what I told you last time we were here ?"

It may have been close to a decade ago but it was as clear as if it'd been yesterday.

By that point, I'd already started seeing him as my father, but it was this exact discussion that cemented him as the man I knew would always have my back, no matter what I did.

It was that discussion that made me realize how much he mattered to me.

"You're my son. I will always have your back. Nothing you could do will ever change that fact", he quoted.

And it never had, even when he realized I'd lied to him for my whole life, even when I was the reason his name got dragged through the mud and people talked about him as if he'd been a corrupt Hero, even when we had to flee Japan and left twenty-five years worth of life behind us.

He forgave again and again and again and never asked for anything in exchange.

"I remember"

"I want you to extend the same courtesy to me"

It was too much – or was I too egoistical to share what I'd been given ?

"Dad-"

"Trust me, Shoto" He'd never been so serious, his gaze burning with resolve. "I will come back to you, no matter what it takes. But before, I have something to finish, alone. Have faith in me"

I wondered if I could trust his judgment. I feared that he was undertaking something impossible.

Something was tingling in the back of my head, I was uneasy about this whole conversation - I knew my paranoia was kicking back in full gear.

"If I don't do it..." His voice broke, and it hurt. "I can't. I have to. I need to"

I didn't know what 'it' entailed, but I knew deep in my bones that if he didn't, he'd never be able to get out of the dark hole that had threatened to swallow him whole – that still threatened to – the hole that I'd be scared he'd jump in for the last three months.

The man next to me could pretend all he wanted, he was but a shell of my father.

There was a gloominess about him, something dark that made him silent when he would've spoken, a faraway expression in his eyes when he was quiet.

I wanted Dad back. I didn't want half of him, I wanted him whole, I wanted him willing to live.

If he didn't do what he needed to, he'd never be the same, and I couldn't bear it.

If I forced him to say – and I could, I had the strength and the abilities to – he'd resent me, he'd never be the man he used to be, and I couldn't bear it.

I caved in.

"Just… come back, alright ?"

He smiled, and it was supposed to be reassuring, but my stomach was in knots my skin was clammy, and his confidence felt faked, as if he didn't know what he was getting in.

"I promise"

His arm curled around my shoulders and he dragged me to him in a side hug.

I fully turned and hugged him fiercely, catching him by surprise.

My fingers brushed the back of his neck. Chakra seeped from it, painlessly searing itself into his skin. His hair hid the seal.

"I'll be back in a few days", he said when we let each other go. "I just need to finish this and then it'll just be you, your grandma, and I, alright ?"

I tried to believe him but found that I couldn't.

*

Dad left the next morning.

We were all in the courtyard, Teka, our men and I standing in order while we said goodbye. It felt like I was back in the cave, about to prove myself worthy and become a Made Man.

Dad was taking more time leaving than he should, putting his bag in the back of the trunk, looking around a bit, and then saying he'd forgotten something, running back home and coming back with one of Grandma's many photo albums.

Their goodbye was stiff, like everything between them.

He turned to me, and something shattered in his eyes.

"You know that I need to do it, don't you ?"

It was what was most painful.

"I do"

He hugged me harder than he usually did, and I thought I felt something desperate seeping from him.

"I love you", he said, breathing in my hair like he used to do when I was a kid, like he hadn't done in years.

I was acutely aware of everybody listening to our conversation and felt slightly awkward.

I'd never been one to profess their affection to somebody else, and I knew Dad wasn't either which made it all the more significant when he did.

I hesitated, choosing the cowardly answer – like always.

"I know", I said, smug.

He laughed.

"Cheeky brat"

He let me go.

Asking for another hug would've been too childish, and if I was to command these people one day I had to act the part, so I didn't.

The driver opened his door : Dad took a step back, his eyes roaming over our house – truly a mansion – greedily drinking in the sight.

He nodded to Teka, and looked at me one last time, hovering longer than he usually would've before getting inside.

It was only when the car left that I realized that I'd never, in my whole life, told him I loved him.

I resolved to correct this mistake the next time I saw him.