MIA in Naruto

Chapter Seven: Let Me Solo Her

"And then my clone preceded to dispel himself".

Completing his report to the village elder Fox proceeded to wait for the Hokage's return.

However, Dazno had to fight the scowl off his face. He had just found out his agent Grasshopper who he sent to the T and I department believed that the man was a significant enough threat to root that he attempted to kill the man himself and what is worse he failed. 

Danzo slowly limped his way out of the office. Speaking to the air Danzo announced the innocent man's fate.

"Take him to the medical research base outside the city as well as any of his stuff we can get".

Continuing his stride as if he didn't just condemn a man to a worse fate than death he went to check if his plans with the Jinchuriki succeed.

**********

"Lord Third has sent us for the Man for special interrogation".

In the T and I department offices several root ninjas confronted the Dog the team lead for the unknown man. 

"Say no more! Always happy to be of use to the Hokage he is everything I have about the main in my folders. You know what just take the folders. Anything else I can help you with? Let me lead you to his cell".

Truly relieved to know he didn't have to deal with the man anymore he nearly pushed the man upon the two silent surprised "ANBU" members. 

"It has been great that the Hokage has figured out how to deal with the man. It has been stressful for us not being able to communicate the best we could get was unusual squiggles and children's games".

Both root ninjas looked toward one another before Mantis raised his arm forward taking the documents before gesturing to the man to stay in his seat.

"We have another team acquiring the suspect at the moment no need to continue we will be going".

If Doug was there to watch this interaction he felt that the two root ninjas would pull out a Neuralyzer any second. Upon opening the files to ensure they received the right documentation both ninjas left.

The second squad kidnapped the man with an incapacitating agent in an aerosolized form also known as the quintessential knock-out gas. 

While the final squad was doing their best to pull as many of the man's belongings from the evidence locker leaving no paper trail behind. Funny enough the only thing to come of it was paper in the form of a composition notebook.

************

"Offfph"!

Being awakened by a few kicks to his bruised chest Doug instinctively lashed out with a drunken right hook. Holding back a groan from the kick to his bruised chest Doug failed after his brain caught up with the feeling of the skin of his tender right side stretching to perform his strike.

"Mmmuuuggghhh"!

Eyes bulging in pain Doug noticed he wasn't in Kansas anymore. His previous cushy bare white walls room only adorned with scorch marks was completely replaced by solid honed stone on all sides.

Meeting his captor's expressionless Tanuki mask rage overcame any apathy he had left before his nap.

He might have lost everyone and everything he knew and loved but could he just not get the one thing he wanted a full night's sleep! What evil did he commit what sin had he committed that they felt the need to beat him, force him to have no sleep, and attempt to kill him? Was this all a means of physical and mental torture and why? God damn it why!

Clenching his teeth Doug was about to give these fucking ninjas a reason to fuckin torture his ass. Making sure to keep an open an open hand Doug's desire to clench and throw a fist was almost sickening. Instead, Doug inspected his body he needed to know what he was working with if he was going to commit a war crime or two.

Sitrep

Nearly naked, chained to the wall with about a foot of slack from his right ankle. All joints felt too good to have been in the military for the past few years, His leg's stitches were gone, his left elbow was functioning if not painful, and finally, his whole right side was covered in healing burns.

"Fuck it".

The ninja stepped closer to the man climbing slowly to his hands and knees either to determine what the man said or to apply more violence only to have his ankle snatched. Doug yanked the ankle into the crock of his right armpit before yanking up his right forearm driving into the man's Achilles tendon as he rose to a standing posture. 

Both standing in front of one another Doug attempted to yank the ninja closer to himself backward hopping to pull them into his limited reach and take them to the ground. Slight off balance the ninja followed closer but steadily hopped on one leg following Doug's direction. Unwilling to fall Doug retreated close to the wall before shooting forward the his left foot stepping into the ninja's stance behind their foot before tugging. The ninjas however still did not fall.

Shiting things up Doug used to ninja's backwards momentum to shift the foot of the crook of his arm before dropping to his right knee. Stabbing pain lanced up his side but his muscle memory carried through with the motion of rotating his hips while simultaneously lifting the ninja's foot to his left shoulder and switching his stance to his left knee. Quickly swiveling back to his opponent he moved the ninja's foot from across his left shoulder to atop his right before fighting in his elbow while holding the back of his head with his right hand. 

This took nearly a second so by the time the ninja orientated himself Doug was driving back up to his two feet leaving the Ninja to complete a standing split. 

Looking into the Ninja's eyes the confusion matched one another perfectly. Attempting to trip the back leg once again Doug failed as he just once more hopped over his obstruction. Seeing all his wrestling single legs fail he stopped wrestling the Ninja before he could pull a knife on him.

Launching his leg up he kneed his victim in the crotch. With a winch and a contented smile it was enough Finally, this blow left his victim flatfooted enough to stop his next attempt at tripping them.

But tripping the Ninja wasn't all that he wanted so Doug followed the Ninja down the ground to a half-guard. Remembering now that join locks were useless against these ninjas Doug changed his plan. He wanted to be the man who brought a knife to a fistfight. So as Doug drove the man down and moved to get side control he found a pouch and shoved his hand into grab the first thing he could.

It was a glass vial! Kind of a good thing it wasn't the sharp end of a knife but having zero fucks left and in serious pain, he just went along with it. Tightening his side control the best he could while the ninjas trashed made keeping this lock nearly impossible. 

Quickly realizing that he had no other option with his improvised weapon Doug cut his hip from chest to chest to the side facing the man's head. 

This hip cut allowed him to reach both hands towards the man's head. One hand yanked up on the hood of the ninja reducing some of the Ninja's leverage. However, Doug quickly lost it as the ninja's strength was like a grown man facing a child. 

This didn't matter as with his free hand with the vial Doug had enough time to push the glass under the Ninja's mask and into their mouth. 

Instinctively the ninja quickly clenched their teeth to prevent the intrusion of the vial. This made Doug's attempt at inserting the vial impossible so he just forced the mask down onto the ninja's face preventing him from shaking it away. Unable to push the glass into their mouth made no difference if his backup worked. 

Breaking the glass with strikes to the mask. Ramming the wooden face covering with agonizing left elbow strikes into the ninja's unprotected teeth. 

As the fight moved away from body control and started focusing on the vial in the Ninja mask little happened as both were too distracted trying to deal with the situation to make a plan further than pushing, shoving, and hitting a solid wooden block. Doug was faster to change gears likely as he wasn't the one on his back fighting for their life against a vial of poison. 

He remembered a joke back from middle school Wrestling. Armpit penetration. Slipping one of his hands quickly out of the shoving match with the mask he instead drove it into the Ninja's armpit and began to tickle. The surprise involvly caused the man to release his jaw in a gasp of suprise allowing the vila to slip into his mouth. 

In a panic, the ninja clamped Doug's hand into his armpit and focused everything they had in pushing the chest of Doug away with their free hand. As long as Doug was pushed away they could free the vial of poison in his mouth. 

Doug was actually happy to move away. Moving back with the shove the space reduced the control the ninja had over Doug's untrapped arm. Swinging along with his backward motion. Launching a swift uppercut into the ninja.

Crack

Blood, poison, and glass fragments filled the newly named ninjas forever known by Doug as Glass Joe. 

The entering poison was right near the brain as it entered his bloodstream. Even if the poison was too mild to kill the ninja it would leave Glass Joe weakened while his tongue quickly bleed or choked them out.

Completely pushing Doug off of him Glass Joe quickly rolled over a few times attempting to make space to get up up and away. 

Doug followed crawling a half step before getting caught by his trailing leg still chained by the wall. Pounching forward Doug landed atop Glass Joe's legs. Wrapping them with a bear bug Doug started to roll with Glass Joe. 

The ninjas only rolled a few times as he was forced to stop due to Doug's chain quickly shortened considerably. However, Doug didn't get away Scot free as the maniacal started digging deeply into his leg with just those few twists. As Glass Joe tried to crawl from Doug's grip he left his pants behind as that was the first to go before Doug's arm or the chain.

As Glass Joe slowly pulled themselves to their feet fighting Doug's hold their escape was thwarted. Pants slipping down tripping the panicked thong-wearing ninja and dropping them forward facefirst into the stone floor.

Now Doug was collapsed on the floor heaving for breath with his whole right side burning from abuse next to a either dead or unconscious ninja without pants. 

Seconds passed and Doug just wanted to stop but he knew doing so now likely meant death. Completely pulling the Glass Joe within range Doug found a weak and fading pulse. Leaving the Glass Joe to choke on their own blood Doug quickly finished disrobing the… Woman! Findings a key Doug removed his bloody ankle from its shackle. 

Strategically Transfering Equipment To An Alternative Location.

What he found beside a pair of tits was a few kunai, a pencil, two different bags of tags, his notes about the Naruto world, and his composition notebook. 

Sadly his hall was missing three things that could have put a smile on his face. His Sig, some booze, or two pieces of hard tack. He didn't want to admit he wanted to tap them together once more.

Pulling off his bandages Doug cleaned the inside of the bloody mask before robbing his 5'10" frame with his 5'5" female victim.