MIA in Naruto

Chapter Four Mortal Kombat

"Arg".

Cold concrete pressed firmly against exposed skin along his front side beside what was tucked away in his only pair of clothing, a pair of Hello Kitty boxer briefs. 

He might have gotten it two years ago from his brother at Christmas as a joke gift but turned out to be the softest pair of underwear he owned and he wore those lucky pair to every field op.

Shifting slightly Doug was intimately reintroduced to the fact his whole chest was one purple bruise. This shock stunned Doug's thoughts causing a loss of control allowing his tough front to slip and causing him to release a noise closer to a whimper than that of a manly groan. 

"Fuck I mean this isn't my first time waking up naked and covered in bruises and prison. Now was last night a dream or a bad trip".

Doug's watchers noted his garbled speech as well as erratic movements and sent for two agents. Flopping over like a dead fish Doug righted onto his back and into a sitting posture to check his leg.

"Yeah, this scar will be a good story for the ladies".

Running his fingers along the outer end of his tender wound Doug jokingly announced.

After inventorying his wound and whether or not he was tripping hard enough to fall ten flights yesterday or if that all happened yesterday. Doug scanned the bare room and reviewed his final memories before finding himself here.

"Damned that purple-haired bitch hit like a truck do I still have all my teeth"?

His speech slowly devolved to further garbles and midway through his external thought process he started using his tongue to test the absence or looseness of any teeth.

"Still a perfect smile".

Grinning and joking through his oblivious stress Doug's false chessher grin stiffened as he heard the clanking of his cell's metal door. 

Two ninja's in ANBU masks entered the room

"Fuck. It wasn't the red-eyed mother fuckers. It's probably after the attack then".

One of the ninjas started his interrogation luckily it was just a verbal one for now but after minutes of speaking and Doug's lack of comprehension the ninjas only became more Animated. 

Doug however thought of a stupid plan. But if it works it is not stupid so before things could end in blows Doug mimed writing on the ground with a pen. 

His captors were slightly confused by the man's crazy actions of crawling around the floor and drawing on the ground but after just a few seconds they raised their voices in a commanding statement before going silent. It was only a minute later that they arrived with a pen and paper.

Doug, not knowing the written language of this world, picked up the pencil and paper and confidently drew the numbers 0-10 on the first sheet of paper. It was no golden disk aliens could use to locate Earth but it was a start.

As one ninja stared in confusion at the crazy man pointing at the eleven drawn pictures and then holding fingers to match the one's temper was visibly mounting.

After Doug's little show, he started drawing basic additional on the paper before playing with his fingers to complete the equations. For instance, hold up three fingers on one and two on the other. When he pressed the sides of both fists together he would have 5 fingers on one hand and zero on the other. 

This caused the irate ninja to snap. The mocking and the baby math along with the childish behavior was an insult he couldn't let slide so he went in swing.

Doug wished to swing back but he knew like police brutality although standing up for himself would be right he wasn't the one with a government backing him right now. 

Where is good old Uncle Sam when you need him? If I could send back a single report about finding oil in this world the egg heads would have found a way to get here in a week.

But wishes remain wishes for a reason luckily he only received a few blows the the face back and arms nothing was broken. It hurt like a bitch but for a super ninja that can carry trucks on the bodies he was surprised he wasn't dead. The guy must have been holding back quite a bit either that or the other ninjas holding him back were seriously trying and it wasn't a good cop bad cop symbolic gesture.

Either way, it didn't matter because Doug wasn't going to make it easy for that man in the grasshopper mask you better believe it.

Holding back his laughter Doug bit the inside of his cheek before faking a cough while releasing the accumulating blood. Panicking both backed up quite a bit before vacating the room.

Without his watch, Doug could tell exactly how much time but was thirty minutes with a doctor when he might have internal bleeding. Truly the ninja way Naruto would be so proud.

At least this gave him time to reflect on what he knew of the Naruto world and compare what tidbits of knowledge would be suitable for him to use. 

He couldn't perfect his plans because he doesn't know exactly when he is but he should prioritize gaining power no matter what and not trust Danzo. 

The man believes he means well for the village but nearly every bad thing to ever happen directly to the village except the nine tails attack could be directly attributed to his actions.

Grabbing his paper and pencil Doug started writing a timeline of events and important characters making sure to cipher his words. 

Even if he is writing in a language no one knows and he doesn't plan to teach anyone they might crack his language eventually so introducing multiple ciphers could only help.

It was then that another set of ninjas entered the room. One snatched the papers from Doug's hand leaving him only with his pencil and the edges of crumpled paper. The other ninja approached the seething soldier and placed his hand on the top of his head.

After a few seconds, the ninja picks up his head and set it back down like an extremely shitty head pat. Now Doug felt like the one being treated like a child.

It wasn't till Doug noticed the bush clover symbol on the ninja's chest that Doug lost it.

"You fucking bastards! I am going to"!

With the spike of rage in Doug's tone his voice rose over the voice of the Yamanaka clan member reading mind. Picking up off the floor and swinging both the ninja backed up from the enigma.

Before flickering from his cell. Leaving an irate man swinging at the air after being violated in the most important place in the world.

Not two minutes passed since Doug started pacing around the small room to let off the accumulated anger

as the boiling anger began to simmer the Jiminy mother fucking cricket decided to show his mask ass up.

Doug did everything in his power to stand there and just stare at the mother fucker. Then he started throwing gang signs as he prepared to cast a Jutsu. 

Doug stood stock still hoping to dodge the incoming ball of fire but nothing happened. The ninja didn't say a word but he drew a kunai and started approaching Doug with a self-assured swagger. 

As he approached it hit Doug like a bag of bricks. That bitch just cast a Genjutsu on him and was going to stab him.

Shaking not in fear like his attacker believes due to the Genjutsu but in anger for the lion, the witch, and the audacity of that bitch.

As the man was within striking range Doug who was up to this point holding back the force squeezing the pencil in his hand launched his arm and improvised weapon into the man's neck.

The shock in Jiminy's eye was eclipsed by the anger in Doug's own.

Where he should have seen fear all he saw was Pure and unbridled anger at how he had been treated 

This stab might have been lethal it was right away and once the ninjas released the anger behind the eyes of the soldier he knew his mission needed to be completed no matter what.

Round Two

FIGHT!

This "mortal combat" between mundane man vs supernatural ninja starts one zero in favor of Doug with a "Fatal" blow. Now all he has to do is live against a suicidal ninja in a confined room trapped in a village of ninjas.

Having dropped the knife in shock The ninja's hands reached up to catch Doug's hand in one and to steam the bleed to prolong the fight with the other. 

Doug however jimmied and yanked out the pencil and dropped the two broken halves to the floor following the knife.

If Doug were to let the ninja make distance he could cast a Jutsu or throw a kunai so he decided his best bet was close combat. 

However, if he was within striking range the man for disengage to use ranged option do Doug to get up and personal with the superhumans that would make Steve Rogers look like a bullied nerd once again.

Stepping into the man guard Doug watches his opponent and their next move hoping to use that super strength against him. 

Jiminy decided that the hand that he had already lifted upwards would make for an optimal build-up for a downward strike

Upon stepping deep into the downward strike Doug decided to drop his hips below the ninja center of gravity, scoop around, and grab both the front and back of the man's shirt. 

Driving up with his legs and using the man's strength against him Doug throws himself backward. Completing the judo rear throw body finding both of themself in their backs.

Round two is a tie.

Jiminy gets the air blasted from his lungs basically punching a hole into the rapidly empty hourglass he has to live. Doug stitches tears as well causing them to separate from one another in two steps.

Both scrabble up as quickly as they can. Doug sits up and spins towards the ninja in a seated open guard.

Jiminy didn't play by the script however and instead of diving after Doug, he decided to retreat and draw a blade. 

The surprise on Doug's face and his slapstick manner of movement mirrored that of a Jackie Chan movie as he pushed himself forward and upward reversing his plans and making him the one to dive at his opponent.

Jiminy with years of life and death taijutsu experience instead of just training like Doug gave him the wherewithal to choose to disengage even in such a tense moment 

But that's not all this experience taught him as Doug was falling upon him drawing a knife He quickly reversed his motion before Doug could even think. The disengagement was all just a feint to draw Doug in close and off balance to land a devastating blow. 

Turning with a devastating haymaker Doug was left with no time to evade so Doug chose to sacrifice. His arm! Twisting his waist Doug intercepted the blow using his elbow.

CRACK!

Echoing the impact the collision left Doug's elbow and Jiminy's fist to dangle limply. 

Round three

FIGHT!

Doug allows his whole arm to fall limply he might pull off using it to protect from a stab giving him a chance to turn the tables. 

Due to Doug's showing although Doug was now down one arm the fact he was also down one hand made me hesitant to re-engage. 

Also being down one hand made ninjitsu an impossibly. This left Jiminy with only three definite advantages. His mobility his ranged weapons and the fast he doesn't need to care for his life.

Jiminy decides to use these advantages to finish this fight. Disengaging Jiminy makes quick distance.

As Doug attempts to follow all the naked mud I mean naked blood wrestling on all the smooth wooden floors causing Doug's foot to slip.

Knowing this slip would him too much time Doug decides not to roll over his good side to approach his Attacker but to twist his hip to roll sideways over his bad side to the point where this all started. Why one might say? Was it to make distance? Was it symbolic? 

No! Rolling up to his feet Doug held a knife in his good hand.

The question now was, now what? He couldn't throw the kunai now, could he? If he had both arms he could charge sacrificing both his arms but allowing him to guard his vitals. 

In the end, he chose to slowly approach in a swordsman's side stance and defend his head from the throwing knife with his parrying dagger.

He could only hope his HEMA training made him a fruit ninja

Surprisingly it did. Maybe it was the space or slowed reactions on the ninja's half due to blood loss but Doug successfully intercepted the incoming dagger with his own.

However, the blade he deflected wasn't a normal blade but an IED as it had an explosion tag wrapping around its handle.

Due to his parry instead of the knife blow up in his face, it happened between the two. Sending the ninjas flying off his feet and Doug onto his back with metal shrapnel Embedded along his left flank. 

Round three over Fatality! 

Seconds after the explosion two ANBU ninjas busted into the interrogation room only to see one of their own in the room without permission and on top of that dead. Splitting up one ninja checked the grasshopper's vitals to feel them stopped while to other found the naked man's vitals quickly dropping. 

Performing a quick shadow clone Jutsu the clone flickered alway in search of the base's resident medical ninja. He stayed completing basic first aid while the other ninja started investigating that room for signs of what went down. 

After nearly a minute of a slower-than-usual response time, the medical ninja made it to the room and started to cast a yin-release manipulation of the body's yang energy to start healing itself. 

After he started the jutsu he immediately stopped to question why the man was so low on physical energy that he couldn't sense it. 

Reviewing the man's wounds and discussing the man's importance the medical ninja decided that he didn't need to sacrifice his own yang energy and decided to use yin-release and just consume a few years of vitality in the man's cell to heal him to the bare minimum point of survival