Miss, It’s Just a Cold

Chapter 38: If Not

After cleaning up most of the blood splattered in the bathroom, I stepped out.

There was no need to clean the stains on my clothes—those would get dirtied by the dust and dirt anyway.

Everyone in the house was staring at me.

I had no idea what they were thinking.

If it was a pity, that wouldn’t be so bad in its own way.

Still, I couldn’t help but feel unpleasant.

It felt like I was being treated worse than those mere commoners.

Without bothering to put on shoes, I stepped into the garden.

I turned my head to look toward Ernst’s mansion.

“Hah, seriously…”

Even now, am I trying to lean on Ernst?

The thought struck me as utterly pathetic.

The cat was dead.

Examining it casually, it didn’t seem like it had eaten anything bad. Its neck looked like it had been strangled.

Perhaps it had scratched at someone while being choked, as bits of flesh clung beneath its claws.

I sighed and began digging into the ground with a small gardening trowel.

None of the servants came to help me.

Of course, it was only natural, given that Mother had ordered them not to.

I dug deep, ensuring the cat would never surface again.

Gently, I laid it down in the hole and covered it with plenty of dirt.

-Meow.

As soon as I finished burying it, I heard a cry. A kitten, resembling the black cat I had just buried, was crying from a corner of the garden.

When I approached, I realized it wasn’t alone.

Several kittens scattered, leaving just one behind.

I extended a finger toward the remaining kitten, and it let out a soft purring sound as its nose brushed against the tip of my finger.

A smile crept onto my face.

I carefully picked up the kitten by the scruff of its neck, walked out of the house, and rang the bell at Ernst’s mansion.

The butler with the white mustache opened the door. The moment he saw me, he rushed over.

“What happened to you? No, wait—please, come in…”

“Just tell Ernst to take care of this little one,” I said, handing the kitten over to the butler before heading back to my house.

I walked up to the second floor, took off my clothes, and washed myself thoroughly.

It stung a little.

I wondered if it was my skin or my heart that hurt, but I decided it didn’t matter.

How much more will they take from me?

While burying the cat earlier, I had fleeting thoughts of dying. But when I saw the kitten, those thoughts vanished instantly.

That’s why I left it at Ernst’s house.

I don’t want it to die.

If they find it troublesome, they might throw it out.

If that happens, there’s nothing I can do about it.

In the end, it’s not me who needs to disappear. It’s those who wish for my disappearance.

At least if my family were gone, life would feel so much simpler.

When the blood finally stopped flowing from my wounds, I dried myself off with a towel, threw on a dress, and went back to my room.

Instead of lying on the bed, I sat at the desk, resting my fingers on the table as I began to move them idly.

And my thoughts continued.

Inside this house are Father, Fabian, Daniel, Ellie, and Doan.

The fourth one, Doan, is always holed up in his room reading books, so he’s not much of an issue.

Father, being absent from the house more often than not, doesn’t require much thought either.

Besides, if asked whom he truly loves, the answer would undoubtedly be Mother, not me. He isn’t particularly reliable.

Fabian and Daniel… I don’t know how to deal with them yet.

Ellie? Our strength is still evenly matched for now. If I took enough painkillers, I could probably manage something.

And Mother… What should I do about her?

How do you handle someone who has tormented you so relentlessly for years?

Is she even human?

She doesn’t seem to love her husband or her children; she merely seems to possess them.

But that’s not important.

What I’m considering isn’t revenge—it’s more of a release.

The things rotting inside me have long since numbed me to anger.

What’s left is a faint sense of fear, some lingering terror, regret, and sadness.

Could I even kill her?

And after I do, then what?

The reason I haven’t fled this house is that I know full well that a far worse future awaits me if I try.

Even if I endure this treatment here, I understand what it means to carry a noble’s name in this wretched world.

If an ordinary girl walking the streets is kidnapped, no one cares. The only people who might search for her are her family.

But if a noblewoman is kidnapped or assaulted, the surrounding thugs and gangsters would all be rounded up—whether they were involved or not.

After all, they’re easy targets for uniformed men who carry batons in one hand and guns in the other.

That’s the kind of world we live in.

In a better world, I would have run far away already, finding a place to play instruments or work in a tavern.

There was a knock at the door.

I told them to come in without turning my head.

Whoever it was, whatever they had to say, I wasn’t in the mood to listen.

My head felt like it was burning slightly.

Judging by the maid’s uniform, it seemed to be Rin.

She undressed me and began applying ointment and wrapping bandages over my battered body.

There’s no extra pay for this, so why bother? Wouldn’t it be easier to huddle with the other servants and gossip about me?

People worship money like a god.

They think it can accomplish everything, so they dedicate their lives to it.

But money is nothing like a god. It’s not omnipotent, just useful. It doesn’t grant blessings or grace.

Servants usually perform acts of devotion or service either in the hope of earning more money or in the rare case when their employer is male and they themselves are attractive women, aiming for something more.

But Rin? She’s none of that.

Does she pity me? Is this her way of showing cheap sympathy?

If so, should I be grateful?

Would it be right to accept that with gratitude?

Nothing in this world feels right.

Things like altruism or love don’t seem to exist at all.

And the reason I keep circling around in my thoughts—I think I know it all too well.

Knowing Too Much Is the Problem

Of course, I am this clever—brilliant, even.

That’s why Mother was afraid to send me to school.

That’s why Father fought so hard against it, insisting I should just grow up to be someone’s kept woman.

It’s the same reason Fabian laughed when I said I wanted to learn what he was learning.

And Daniel? He’s nothing but a stupid fool.

Ellie? She reminds me too much of him.

I noticed Rin’s arm.

It bore deep scratches, as if clawed by a cat—a stray, judging by the jagged marks left by untrimmed nails.

Of course, Rin wouldn’t have wanted to do it.

Who would want to strangle such a sweet, adorable creature to death?

But being the youngest and the easiest to bully, Rin had probably been tasked with the job by the other servants.

“Rin.”

“…Yes, my lady.”

“There are kittens wandering the streets now, motherless and alone.”

At my words, Rin began to tear up.

It seemed she understood what I meant. Her breath quickened, and she began to hiccup.

“Hic… Yes.”

“I hope you won’t kill them. Of course, if Mother orders it, you’ll have no choice but to obey.”

They’ll likely starve to death anyway, without their mother.

If they’re lucky, someone like me might take them in. If not, they’ll end up eaten by something else.

“…Yes, my lady… hic.”

Rin is young.

Perhaps even younger than I am.

Or maybe we’re the same age.

I wouldn’t know; I don’t care enough to find out.

Either way, I wonder if I should ask Ernst or Aria to help Rin find work at another house. It would certainly be better than staying here in this madhouse.

She’s probably supporting someone—there’s no other reason for someone so young to endure working here.

It’s far too cruel to make a child work in a place like this.

Rin sniffled for a long time before finishing applying ointment to my wounds, wrapping them in fresh bandages, and leaving my room.

I kept tapping my fingers on the table, letting my thoughts wander.

“Hah, who’s worrying about who?”

It was so absurd that I burst into laughter.

I clenched my teeth to muffle the sound, laughing so hard that tears streamed down my face.

But these were tears of joy.

It must have been because I’d heard something so amusing for the first time in a long while.

Hours passed, and I went downstairs for dinner.

As if nothing had happened, I finished my meal and returned to my room, taking my medicine.

I slept. I passed the time.

I ate breakfast, washed my body, changed my bandages, took my medicine, ate, washed, changed my bandages, took my medicine, changed my bandages, washed, ate, changed my bandages, nodded at Mother’s words, obeyed her commands, said agreeable things to match the moods of Ellie, Fabian, and Daniel, took my medicine again, ate, washed, changed my bandages…