My Girlfriend Wants Victory

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“Damn it, Kane scored! Of all people, that no-trophy-guy Kane scored!”

The moment Harry Kane found the net, the shock set in.

I realized something strange.

“Huh? Wait a second, is Harry Kane actually doing well in the finals…?”

Well, it made sense because Harry Kane’s performance in the finals was supposed to be a catastrophic event.

In the original history, Harry Kane showcased the worst performance ever, recording just one touch inside the opponent’s box in two finals: Euro 2020 and 2024.

Because of that, he set an incredible record of being the top scorer without winning a trophy in Bundesliga, Champions League, and Euro.

In fact, Kane’s no-trophy status was significantly influenced by his final match blunders.

“How can a striker go to the final six times and score zero goals…?”

There’s a reason why Kane was labeled a no-trophy guy in original history.

Back then, Harry Kane emanated an aura of unbeatable no-trophiness. It was so bad that even Kingsley Coman, known for winning trophies, couldn’t break through Kane’s no-trophy aura and ended up losing.

But this current Kane didn’t seem to have any of that no-trophy energy about him.

“Ha-wooo─!”

Look at Harry Kane adding the “Ho-woo” celebration out of ‘respect’ for me.

Doesn’t it feel completely different from that no-trophy vibe?

Perhaps, in this life, Kane might walk the path of trophies instead of no-trophies.

I nodded at Harry Kane, thinking.

“I’ll lead you on the path to trophies.”

Turning a no-trophy status into a trophy status is a road I’ve traveled once before.

Back in Dortmund, I brought Marco Reus both the league and Champions League trophies.

“Oh. Marco Reus wasn’t even a no-trophy guy, was he?”

Anyway, after Kane’s opening goal, England began to dominate Portugal.

Wayne Rooney, playing as a left mezzala, passed the ball to Sterling, who had found space between Cedric Soares and Pepe.

Sterling then tore down the Portuguese flank and attempted a cutback.

But this time, Pepe detected the move first and successfully cleared Sterling’s cutback.

The ball cleared the touchline, and while the Portuguese players organized their defensive line, England’s throw-in restarted the game.

“Wayan!”

As soon as I received Wayne Rooney’s pass, I charged into the center.

“Why aren’t they coming out?”

If it had been a Premier League team, as soon as I approached the goal, they’d have rushed in to disrupt my long-range shot.

But the Portuguese defenders strangely maintained their positions inside the penalty box.

“Puta Madre! Get out there and block it!!”

I heard Cristiano Ronaldo’s shout, who knew me well, but by then, the Portuguese players had finally rushed out.

Unfortunately, it was already too late.

Thwack─!

I checked the goal’s position and swung my left foot, keeping my eyes on the ball.

The ball flew precisely into the corner of the goal, and sensing a score, coach Roy Hodgson raised his arms in celebration.

But my long-range shot was blocked by Rui Patrício’s incredible save.

“Ha. Seriously, he blocked that.”

Failing to secure the decisive goal, I cursed in disappointment and tugged at my jersey.

*

At the same time.

“Son Jinho…!”

Stimulated by Son Jinho’s performance, Cristiano Ronaldo’s competitive spirit ignited.

– Younger bro: Cristiano Ronaldo, from now on you must respect me more; I’m Lionel Messi’s rival, having won the Ballon d’Or ‘twice.’ We’re on a whole different ‘level’!

How much had Son Jinho mocked him after winning his second Ballon d’Or? Just thinking about those DMs from back then made my hands shake.

“I absolutely can’t let that slide!”

Imagining the message he would receive from Son Jinho if he lost this Euro, Cristiano Ronaldo steeled himself for battle.

Starting with Rui Patrício clearing England’s corner kick, Ronaldo began to move purposefully.

Portugal launched a counterattack.

João Mário’s pass directed towards Ronaldo.

Ronaldo kicked off towards England’s territory.

Chris Smalling reached out with a leg, but Ronaldo momentarily sped up and shook him off.

As Smalling fell away, Kyle Walker quickly came in for backup, but Cristiano Ronaldo’s shot was faster.

The ball, touched by Ronaldo’s foot, flew into the upper left corner, shaking England’s goal net protected by Joe Hart.

“It was a long time of humiliation and oppression… Now, I’m taking my place at the top.”

Upon scoring, Ronaldo looked skyward and dashed towards the corner flag, howling.

“SIUUUUUU─!”

*

With Cristiano Ronaldo’s equalizer, the momentum swung in favor of Portugal.

England succeeded in earning a corner kick through a counterattack.

Before handling the corner, I sent a prearranged signal to the England players.

As I rushed towards the ball, the England players executed their planned movements. This disrupted the Portuguese defense, revealing Wayne Rooney, free from pressure at the promised position.

Had the ball gone where it was supposed to, it would have been a chance for an additional England goal.

But in the moment of impact, my focus wavered, and I missed the target.

And at that moment, I caught sight of Cristiano Ronaldo, positioned to mark the English strikers inside the penalty box.

“Cris!”

I called Ronaldo’s name with a hint of hope.

Could it be that, hearing my voice, he would head it towards Portugal’s goal in a reflexive reaction? That was the hope behind my action.

But Cristiano Ronaldo didn’t react to my call.

“As I thought, no luck.”

Just as I turned to return to defend, a sudden jolt hit.

Ronaldo leaped high into the air.

Soaring higher than the Portuguese defender, Ronaldo met my cross with his forehead.

Though his headed shot, perfectly placed on his forehead, didn’t lead to a goal thanks to Rui Patrício’s fantastic save,

Ronaldo’s header created chaos for Portugal.

Watching the flustered Ronaldo, I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Wow.

This is actually happening?

*

[Son Jinho, nailed it! And Ronaldooo─!]

└?

└?

└?

[Blocked! Rui Patrício! Wow! That almost became a shocking own goal, yet he manages to save it.]

[Indeed! Thanks to Rui Patrício’s fantastic save, Portugal clears the crisis!]

└ He blocked that?

└ What the hell;;

└ Kya haha, Rui Patrício SIUUUUU!

└ As expected, a descendant of SIU….

└ I guess since his name has SIU in it, he plays really well haha.

└ Seriously lol.

*

After successfully causing a “confusion” status anomaly in Cristiano Ronaldo,

I kept shouting his name, attempting a mental attack.

“Let go of the ball! Cris!”

“I’m not a fool!!”

But regrettably, it didn’t work a second time. It seemed he’d developed a resistance to my mental attacks.

“Cris, we’re teammates, not enemies!”

“SIUUUUU─!”

Pushed to the limit by the increased pressure of my persistent mental assault, Cristiano Ronaldo burst out in rage.

He kicked off for England’s territory with a furious charge.

Ronaldo passed to Luis Nani and then surged into the penalty box.

When he stole a stunning goal from Ronaldo, Nani wasted no time attempting a cross to him.

Luis Nani’s cross was perfectly aimed at Cristiano Ronaldo, but Chris Smalling managed to clear it first.

And just as England was about to launch a counterattack,

The referee suddenly blew the whistle, stopping the match.

“Hehehehe─! Catch me if you can!”

“Stop him!”

It was a traditional European football culture—spectator invasion!

*

[Chris Smalling cleared it outside the penalty area!]

[Son Jinho’s got the ball! Looking forward… wait? The referee stopped the match by blowing the whistle. Oh no… there’s a spectator invasion going on.]

└ Wow. Invasion again today?

└ What, is there an invasion in every match now? Tch;;

└ Heh, might as well let loose some firecrackers.

└ Exactly haha, at least firecrackers have some entertainment value.

└ But he’s wearing an England jersey?

└ Huh?

└ What’s that? Why’s the other side making a ruckus?

└ Live, England and Portuguese fans invade simultaneously, what the hell lmao.

*

The spectator invasion interrupted the match, and the England players exploded in anger.

Hadn’t that spectator invasion squandered an important counterattack chance?

Well, that being said, the spectator invasion didn’t benefit Portugal either.

The Portuguese players were equally frustrated by the invasion. Even if it stopped England’s counterattack, Portugal was still controlling the match flow.

Anyway, while an England fan was subdued by the security guards, the Portuguese fan dodged around, consuming match time.

I lightly passed the ball towards the back of the invading fan’s head as he dashed around, avoiding security.

With just a gentle tap,

The ball flew right into the back of the invader’s head.

The fan, struck by the football, collapsed with a grunt.

Taking advantage of the fallen invader’s moment, the security quickly apprehended him.

Cheers and applause erupted over my precise passing skills, having subdued a nefarious invader.

While I humbly accepted the audience’s applause, the referee approached, pulling out a yellow card.

“Thanks for keeping our quitting time safe.”

And the referee presented me with a warning while offering a discreet word of thanks.

*

Due to the spectator invasion, the focus of both teams gradually faded, leading to the conclusion of the first half without any special scenes.

Then, during halftime.

“With a bit of luck, I might earn a knighthood.”

Roy Hodgson began to motivate the players by mentioning the benefits they’d gain if they won the Euro.

For soccer players with enough skill to be selected for the national team, they already had ample wealth.

The players craved honor, and Roy Hodgson adequately motivated them.

As the second half kicked off, the momentum began to swing towards England.

But oddly enough, Harry Kane displayed his worst performance, unlike the first half.

Perhaps it was due to overthinking, he ate up the tempo of the attack and squandered counterattack chances.

Overstraining himself, he missed crucial moments right in front of the goal.

“Is… is it the curse of the no-trophy god?”

As the attack choked and Portugal’s momentum began to rise,

I exchanged quick glances with Wayne Rooney. Under our captain and vice-captain’s judgment, we decided to completely exclude Harry Kane from the attack.

“Jinho!”

Ignoring Harry Kane, who insisted on receiving a pass, I exchanged passes with Wayne Rooney and charged towards the Portuguese territory.

As I entered the penalty box, Rooney’s pass slid between the defenders and made its way to me.

Spotting the goalkeeper’s position, I quickly drilled the ball.

The low and swift shot passed right through Rui Patrício’s legs and tore into the net.

“No more no-trophy ghost!”

I ran towards Harry Kane, forming a cross with my fingers and performing an exorcism ritual.