No Dark Secrets In This Book

Episode  134

Cassice Demillang’s name tends to crawl down Ryuseong’s throat, who lost the world in the form of a poison with brilliant colors, and squeeze his heart.

To Ryuseong, who became a regressor, the name Cassice Demillang was poison. Especially right after the regression, Ryuseong thought that even if he dies, he must kill Cassice Demillang. For the sake of the world. It was a vow engraved in blood. That was the weight and resolution.

The man whose unique name was also the guardian of the world even banned himself from the title of father for life. Lest he give the world more affection than necessary. The heart-raised son could not freely call his father out of fear of losing a fair attitude and abandoning his duty as a guardian to live only for his family.

To Ryuseong, protecting had that weight and obligation. Unlike Cassice Demillang, who seemed like he would let go of the clutched universe and scatter like fragments at any moment if it were a star, to Ryuseong, life was something to be treated sincerely and solemnly. What was held in the hand should not be let go. He only hoped that at least the loved ones would not slip through the fingers like grains of sand, as life is something that flows away at any time.

However, what flowed away was not only humans but also the world, and what was left for him, who lost the world he had to protect and regressed, was only the vow. The only means to prove the corpses of his comrades, the tears of his close friends, his father’s death, and his own life that suddenly became nothing when time rewound one day was revenge. If there is nothing to prove, what would his life before the regression, which he lived fiercely to death, become?

Ryuseong had to prove it. There was no need to inform the world of the truth. He just needed to be upright himself. It was good if he could die with a clean and innocent spirit. It seemed like he could shake it off and leave, saying he lived well.

Perhaps such an aspect made the two people even more predestined enemies. Ryuseong had to protect this world even if he died. The author spent his entire life as if nothing was precious. Cassice Demillang, who did not respect people as people, was hateful, and so Ryuseong was miserably disgusted. Because Ryuseong thought he would have become like that if he hadn’t met his father. Ridiculing, despising, and sneering at the world as if nothing is precious, valuable, or even meaningful…

But it was different now. The forest spirit revealed Cassice Demillang’s past and made it impossible to hate him like that. Cassice Demillang was no different from Ryuseong. Cassice Demillang may have been living in the world with even greater resolution than Ryuseong. It’s just that the scope he had to protect was two people, his parents, not the world. Cassice was forced and threatened with a life where that’s all he could protect. So that might be why Cassice Demillang destroyed the world. Now that I think about it.

‘…Now I understand you.’

That’s what I thought not long ago. When you completely understand another person, you can no longer hate them. Complete understanding requires resonating with the other person’s life. In a relationship between people, resonating with emotions is like shedding tears for the other person’s tragedy.

Of course, tears are not a condition for resonance. It’s just that if your heart truly aches for someone else’s situation, you can say that you resonated with each other. Therefore, the resonance of emotions would mean that you moved each other’s souls with the same vibration of emotions. It would mean that you are accepting the person called ‘you’ with an open heart to the extent that the emotions felt at that moment are transferred even without seeing or hearing.

Ryuseong resonated with Cassice Demillang, and the name that was like a deadly poison swallowed in the past no longer became a tragedy to replace Ryuseong’s cause of death. It just became heartache and pain and was engraved with intense vibration. An impulse so cold that it could shatter heaven and earth told him to call your name love.

It was a heart so painful that he dared to assert that he would never be able to love anyone else.

And… Ryuseong saw the other side. The other side he saw did not refer to the other world. Ryuseong grasped the beginning of the past that Cassice Demillang had fiercely hidden. It meant the name that came to be like ‘Jeong Ian’.

In the disorienting other world, the named being with a never-before-seen appearance said this. That I am Jeong Ian, and Jeong Ian is him. That you are being deceived by that wicked serpent’s tongue.

He also said that Cassice Demillang is unworthy of being loved.

At that time, Ryuseong was stabbing his own stomach and gritting his teeth, and at some point, he tried to remember Cassice Demillang’s ‘real’ face that might be Jeong Ian’s, looking up at his face.

Even if it was just a shell, he wanted to familiarize himself with the form he had for a moment.

Then the named being laughed in a trivial and futile way and said…

“Do you like this measly thing that much?”

…Ryuseong was even afraid of the fact that it was possible to hate himself that much. It was even more so after hearing about Jeong Ian’s past.

It is unknown who the current Cassice Demillang is. It is also impossible to guess what secrets he is hiding. There are plenty of possibilities. Perhaps the Cassice Demillang that Ryuseong knew before the regression and the Cassice Demillang in front of his eyes now are different people. Or they could be the same person. But he has no intention of reaching a single conclusion.

Ryuseong will only believe what Cassice Demillang says directly. He has no intention of urging him to speak either. Even if it is an endless wait.

Ryuseong will wait in that place for a lifetime for Cassice Demillang to open the door.

That was his resolution. Ryuseong was that kind of person anyway.

***

Wow. When the cadets woke up, they all had their memories erased. I was afraid that even one of them might remember, haha. What nonsense. Ancient mystery is the best.

While the cadets were wailing that they didn’t know why they were crying, I happily opened the door and went out. And I found Ryuseong, who seemed to be loitering nearby.

Shin Myohan wasn’t there, did this guy wait for his friends alone? But I’m not kind-hearted enough to believe that he just waited quietly. First, I turned my head to the side and looked at the window. I think I told the kids to close the window, but maybe because it’s an old house, the seams aren’t smooth, so it’s slightly open.

Did the sound leak out? But it didn’t seem like it. Ryuseong was expressionlessly looking up at the night sky, and as soon as he saw me approaching, he grinned. It didn’t seem like he would do that if he knew I was a false being. There’s no way he would smile at me knowing that I’m a cuckoo egg-like being occupying Cassice Demillang’s body.

Ah, of course, if I had to guess, Ryuseong probably fell in love after the regression. So I could rationalize that I was flawless. Even if I’m a possessor, the person he loves is none other than me…

‘But I can’t bring myself to do such a thing because it’s really petty.’

Haha. Is it my fault that I have more pride than I thought? I’m the one who is denying Cassice Demillang and lying. Is it funny that I’m nitpicking things when I should be kneeling and crawling? Still, I can’t do it.

I can’t claim that I’m not guilty as if it’s natural while holding a lie that I won’t be able to say even if a lifetime passes. That was my only pride. At least I acted knowing. Any sin. It’s important to know what you’re doing. Unrecognized emotions distort a person’s behavior and make them furious in unintended situations. Only by being aware can you control your own heart. You can unintentionally hurt others. So I’m a bastard who lives as a bastard knowing everything I’ve done. I hurt others knowing that I’m hurting them, and I deceive others knowing that I’m deceiving them.

So I smiled brightly. Happily.

I did that knowing it was the maximum goodwill and the most terrible deception.

“You look happy.”

“You too.”

Even the malice of the professors who deliberately chose late evening to create a horror atmosphere faded in front of love. The night sky was covered with gray fog, and neither stars nor the moon were visible, but the blue night where we could look at each other and smile was happier than ever. That was the concept of love. Honestly, that’s what you were to me.

“Maybe because the night air is cool…”

I know very well what I’m doing and what emotions I’m feeling. If I seemed like I didn’t know, it would be deception, a lie, and pretending not to know. It would be acting and fraud. The target to deceive is myself. I do that when I don’t want to believe that I have such feelings.

“It’s a good weather for a walk.”

“Did you wait for me here?”

“Because I wanted to walk with you.”

There were many days when I didn’t want to admit that I loved you. But it wasn’t that I didn’t know. I just didn’t acknowledge the stigma called love because I didn’t want to know. If I admit that I love you, I become the worst now. Because I will be trash who will deceive the person I love for a lifetime without revealing the truth that will disappoint you…

“What about the mission?”

Still, I didn’t want to miss it. This moment of looking at each other and smiling with you was sweet.

“Why would I, when you’re here?”

Like a sweet honeycomb.