Only Good To Me

If it’s a long kiss, it probably means a French kiss.A kiss. Maybe the word choice was mixed up.A kiss.Seo Hangeon wants to kiss me. He says that’s his wish.I was shocked, expecting at most a wish to touch my cheek. Seo Hangeon… likes girls, right? Why? Amidst the jumbled thoughts like a vegetable bibimbap, the most intense thought was this:‘I ate squid…’Why now, of all times? He had plenty of time when we were walking by the river; why didn’t he say it then? Now, after eating a lot of octopus and squid, it was inconvenient. He must have anticipated my confused reaction. Returning the wet towel to me with a relaxed face, Seo Hangeon summed up the situation in one sentence.“Not now. To set the mood, it would take at least 30 minutes.”I couldn’t respond at all. I just fiddled with the wet towel while chewing the food in my mouth. Seo Hangeon asked casually,“Do you have to go home soon?”“Yeah.”I answered quickly. He placed a steaming shrimp on my plate, which had only vegetable scraps left, and said,“Set a date. When you have time.”Do I really have no right to refuse? If I really didn’t want to, I should counter it as sexual harassment and leave this place right now. But I quietly clasped my hands to grab the shrimp.I thought.Why Seo Hangeon? Why is he doing this to me?…My acne has almost disappeared. But it couldn’t be because my skin got better that Seo Hangeon suddenly likes me.The face that had been looking down at me sternly until a moment ago slid down closer to the table.“You’re not surprised at all? That’s really interesting, the more I look at you.”I must have been very surprised, but it didn’t show. I looked up with difficulty. Sliding my gaze over his sharp facial features, I asked,“…Why do you want to do that with me?”Seo Hangeon dismissed my question with a light laugh.“I’ll tell you after we do it.”I didn’t like that. Even if I did it, I wanted to know the clear reason. I changed my approach.“There’s a condition if I do it.”“What condition for granting a wish? You even wrote a letter. You said you’d pay it back by granting the wish.”“No… but if I had known it was this kind of wish from the beginning, I wouldn’t have said that.”While I slowly laid out my argument, Seo Hangeon waited, propping his chin on his hand.“You never told me the nature of the wish was like this… sexual.”“Yeah, sure.”“And… the school violence committee. That wasn’t my suggestion either.”Seo Hangeon looked at my face with an expression full of endorphins, smiling as if he was curiously studying me.“The more I know, the more interesting it gets.”“What do you mean?”“Alright. I accept your condition.”“Tell me the reason. Honestly.”There was a brief silence. Seo Hangeon laughed, shrugging his shoulders, then ruffled his hair messily. Meanwhile, I held the head of a shrimp to peel its shell.“Alright. The reason. There’s something I need to confirm. Okay?”Confirmation…? Hearing his answer made my head even more complicated. What was he trying to confirm? Whether I’m good at kissing or not? Whether I like him or not? While I was pondering, a cold splash of water on my cheek disrupted my thoughts.A splash of murky water from between the head and back of the shrimp I had just broken landed on my cheek and around my eyes. Broth dripped down my hand. After carefully wiping my hands with the wet towel, I tried to clean my cheek and eyes, only to meet Seo Hangeon’s eyes.His dark brown eyes had lost their intensity. There was a hint of danger in them, different from the earlier cold expressionlessness. His eyes, which had been lost in thought, now openly stared at my lips with a dull gaze.“Set a date.”Seo Hangeon took the shrimp from my plate. He scooped out the remaining four from the pot to his plate and started peeling them one by one. Watching his skilled hands peel the shells of the five king prawns, I thought my eyes might resemble the look Seo Hangeon just had. I enjoyed watching his knuckles, joints, and the movements of his hand.“When are you free?”“I… I’m free all the time.”“……”“Set it now. You might ignore my calls later, so let’s make an appointment.”“I have to be at the academy by 2 PM, so any time before that on a weekday is okay.”“So, when?”Taking the time to mentally prepare, I set it for next Wednesday. That was three days away.“Deal.”Seo Hangeon cheerfully put all five peeled prawns on my plate. When I said it was too many, he took one back and put it in his mouth. I also put a plump piece of shrimp in my mouth. Chewing on something delicious made me feel a bit better. I asked Seo Hangeon, who was busily moving his arms with the tongs and scissors,“Have you done it?”“What, a long kiss?”“Yeah.”“I have.”“Is it good?”“Pfft… why?”“I don’t know… it seems kind of gross.”“It’s good. If you do it with someone as good as me.”The conversation ended there. Putting the second piece of shrimp in my mouth made me feel better again.“But, where would we do it?”“There are plenty of places. Anywhere secluded. I’ll look into it.”Still, the idea of two guys French kissing outside seemed risky. If we got caught, it would be a big problem. While chewing, I suggested,“Wouldn’t it be better at my place?”The hand that was moving quickly over the pot stopped, and a sharp look flashed above it. I only suggested it because it seemed the safest option, but Seo Hangeon looked quite surprised. He waited for my next words with wide eyes, so I added one more.“On weekdays, no one’s home before 2 PM. I’d feel too anxious to do it outside…”Seo Hangeon started moving his arm again.“That would be nice.”🏐Thus, on Wednesday of the fourth week of February at 10 AM, I was waiting for Seo Hangeon at home. Since he was a guest, it wouldn’t be right to greet him with nothing, so I bought some snacks and drinks early in the morning. I brushed my teeth three or four times, still not feeling reassured, so I used mouthwash spray a few more times and spent over ten minutes checking for any tiny pimples or stray nose hairs around my mouth.[Almost there, what’s the apartment number?][108 Building, Room 2101.][21st floor?? Your apartment is really high.][Hehe][Almost there lol]Seo Hangeon is coming to my house. So, the first thing I needed to do was dispose of the Monami pen with his tooth marks on it.I couldn’t risk him discovering it while wandering around if he wanted to see my place. After searching for an appropriate spot, I hid the pen behind the boiler, a place only reachable by fully extending my arm. I spent five minutes wiping dust off my navy raglan T-shirt with a wet wipe.I alternated between looking at the wall clock and my phone, nudging the snacks on the table to rearrange them, trying to make it look like I hadn’t put much thought into their placement.Ding— The elevator arrived. He came straight up without even texting that he was in the elevator. I blew air under my arms, which were starting to sweat from nerves. The bell rang immediately.“It’s me!”I was so nervous I didn’t even properly look at the intercom screen and walked out quickly. Preparing to awkwardly say hello, I opened the door, and Seo Hangeon burst in, shouting.“Wow, your place is awesome!! You live here?”Seo Hangeon was wearing a white Nike cap and a black long jacket that looked like something a soccer player would wear off the field. I was momentarily speechless watching him take off his shoes. It was the same model of Adidas sneakers he had urged me to buy.“Why?”“It’s the same as mine…”“So what? Is that a problem?”Continuing to express his admiration with profane exclamations, Seo Hangeon headed straight for the balcony. That was a place I was too scared to approach. He stood in front of the balcony’s large window, stretching his arms up high. He let out a cheer and then opened the window. I was startled seeing him lean out, hanging by his waist.“Hey!!!”“Why. Were you worried?”Turning around with a cheeky grin, the winter sunlight bounced off his face. When our eyes met, I suddenly felt breathless.“Your place is the best!!!”Not to me, but to the outside, he shouted so loud it echoed, then closed the window. Turning back, Seo Hangeon took off his jacket and walked briskly toward the kitchen. I followed him, sneaking glances at his shoulder line visible under his grey sweatshirt. He hung his jacket on a chair and placed his Kangol crossbody bag on the table.“Living here, you must feel like living every day.”I didn’t respond. Seo Hangeon laughed incredulously as he looked around my house. It was probably because I had closed all the doors earlier, just in case.“Wow, you’ve got everything locked up tight. Like Fort Knox. Are you hiding something? Is someone going to pop out when you open the door or something?”“No, just… you can look later if you want.”Seo Hangeon rummaged in his crossbody bag and pulled out three packs of butter, a loaf of square bread, and a jar with some indecipherable English words on it.“What’s this?”“Kaya jam. Don’t you know?”“Kaya jam?”“A friend of a friend runs a café, and after he came back from Singapore, he made this new menu item, and it was delicious. It’s simple to make too.”“I bought some snacks though.”“We can have both.”I was worried it would be awkward with just the sound of crunching snacks, but fortunately, we had something to do. Seo Hangeon took off his cap, put it on the chair, rolled up his sleeves, and started preparing to make sandwiches.“Do you have any sanitary gloves?”“Yeah.”“A large tray and a cutting board. Oh, and a knife.”“Yeah.”I diligently played the role of assistant. Standing beside him, I sniffed the open jar of jam, watched how he cut the butter. The process was simple: spread a generous amount of kaya jam on the square bread, top it with butter, then cut it into two triangular pieces.Once a few pieces were done, Seo Hangeon took off the gloves and moved toward the sink. He glanced at the upper shelf and asked,“Which dish should we use?”“I don’t know… just use any.”Without much thought, I went to stand beside him to look at the shelf together. All the dishes up there seemed to be for storage. While I was looking at the dish rack, the grey sweatshirt was suddenly close against my body.“Huh? What’s that? A spoon.”Seo Hangeon pointed with his long finger at the utensil holder. He was referring to a child’s spoon shaped like Winnie the Pooh.“Oh, that… haha, I used it when I was little.”“Want to see it?”He was too close. I handed him the Pooh spoon with a stiff movement, then stepped aside and crouched down to look for any usable plastic plates on the lower shelf.“Don’t tell me you still use it.”“No, I just use it as a teaspoon substitute.”I saw stacks of white plastic plates in the cabinet under the sink. As I stood up with a couple of them, I hit my head hard on the door of the upper cabinet I had opened earlier.“Ouch!”“Shit. Are you okay?”Seo Hangeon quickly closed the cabinet door and placed his hand on my left cheek. His action was so natural that I didn’t even realize my cheek was claimed; I was just frowning with my hand on my forehead. When I opened my eyes, his clear skin was right in front of me, making me hold my breath.“Let’s see.”Nonchalantly holding my left cheek in his hand, Seo Hangeon brushed my bangs aside to check my forehead and muttered quietly.“No bump will come up.”I looked down to see the grey sweatshirt over a white tee and his neck stretched above it. My vision trembled, feeling like it was swaying.The thumb that was caressing my forehead where I had just taken an unexpected hit decided on its course. It slowly brushed over my eyebrow, passed through my eyelashes, and slid down my cheek to its final destination. When the hard skin of his fingertip brushed against my lips, I instinctively tried to pull back, but his foot blocked my heel, preventing me from moving.My vision lost direction and shook. His smooth nose came closer, and I felt his concise breath. Moving his hand from my cheek to my ear, Seo Hangeon pressed my eyelid with his thumb, making me close my eyes. At first, something soft gently touched the outside of my lips. It was confusing whether it was slightly dry or soft, but on the second touch, it completely enveloped my lips with its supple texture.The lips that gently rubbed against my tightly closed mouth emitted a sweet and moist scent. Slightly opening my eyes, I saw neatly closed eyelashes and his bangs. I let out the breath I had been holding through my nose. His now softer lips sucked mine with a bit of force.“Hmm…”The last thing I saw was the faint sunlight pouring through the living room window. I closed my eyes. Something between his lips, which were sucking hard, poked out and swept over my lips. Lick, an unfamiliar touch. It was his tongue.While my lips were being sucked into his without any gap, the tip of his tongue knocked on various parts of my lips. Tapping and tickling, his tongue entered deeper with a heavy breath.Simultaneously, the act of exploring my lips became more intense. There was a sound of water and suction mixed together, giving a strong sensation to my lips. Sucking hard on my lips, quickly swirling his tongue to draw lines like a zigzag, Seo Hangeon then tightly grabbed my waist with one hand. His right hand was still holding my cheek and ear.Thud. The Pooh spoon rolled into the sink. To support my body being pushed back, I had no choice but to wrap my arms around Seo Hangeon’s back. The sensation of his tongue moving desperately, as if begging for me to open up, was too soft. There was the smell of skin, the scent of the mucous membranes of lips. My first kiss was so soft and tender.His tongue kept pressing against my teeth and passing through. Breathing through my nose became too hard, so I opened my mouth. I accepted the sensual plea of his tongue, which sucked my lips repeatedly and playfully bumped against mine.The kiss ghost was truly ethereal. Thanks to the omnipotent ghost, my first kiss was not gross. Once his tongue entered deeply between my opened lips, I couldn’t close them anymore.His tongue, which first tickled the inside of my cheek, then pushed mine, rotated upwards, and deeply scratched the roof of my mouth. As my breathing became noticeably rough, Seo Hangeon pushed me back further. Supporting the back of my head, he rubbed his lips against mine hard. With a smack, our lips parted briefly.While I was catching my breath for a few seconds, Seo Hangeon took his tongue out and licked my lower lip. The sensation was both soft and strange, making me try to pull back, but he held my back firmly. After sucking my lower lip a couple of times, without giving me a chance to close my mouth, he turned his head for a deeper kiss. His tongue now confidently moved in and out.His tongue, which had wrapped around my stiff tongue, coiled around it several times, then settled at the base before engulfing it entirely. The kiss ghost toyed with my tongue, fixed between my teeth, rubbing the roots and sides, then released my clenched teeth to tickle the tip by turning his head again.“Ha… mm…”As tender and dazzling as the desperate request, the soft flesh roamed over my lips and inside my mouth. Each time our lips met, rubbed, and crushed against each other, the wet sounds were a perfect example of synesthetic imagery.We kissed in front of the sink on a winter noon. The scent of Seo Hangeon’s skin, the warmth of his hand on my cheek and hair, the smell of laundry detergent and adulthood from his grey sweatshirt. All of it was imprinted on my lips.It seemed like a long time had passed. His lips, leaving moisture on mine, moved away with a jolt. I was breathing heavily, catching my breath, when I glanced at Seo Hangeon. Surprisingly, he looked embarrassed.“Fuck. I’m crazy, I finally did it.”Seo Hangeon grabbed the jacket he had hung on the chair and covered his lower half with it. With his other hand, he awkwardly covered his chin. His eyes, watching my reaction, were full of confusion and embarrassment.I was surprised too because I never expected, not even with a 0.01% chance, that Seo Hangeon’s body would react to our kiss. But the subconscious world is truly mysterious. Looking back on that moment, beneath my surprise, there was a layer of joy.I felt a thrill akin to the triumph of victory, and adrenaline was released into my brain. Perhaps I wouldn’t have to throw my feelings away like trash on the ground. Perhaps I wouldn’t need to exercise my specialty of ‘giving up.’ I was standing before a moment more precious than a solar eclipse. I was witnessing a miracle…However, Seo Hangeon suddenly turned off all the stage lights and went backstage.“Sorry. I’m really sorry, but I have to go.”This too was something I hadn’t anticipated, not even with a 0.01% chance. The adrenaline stopped and then flowed backwards.I foolishly watched as Seo Hangeon turned, put on his jacket, slung his bag over his shoulder, and walked towards the door, only to rush back to grab his cap. I felt like an audience member watching a movie.Before I could figure out what was happening, my unconditional reflex to see him off kicked in. I walked towards the table. Seo Hangeon quickly turned his back and headed for the entrance. He frantically pushed his feet into the same Adidas sneakers I had, running his hand through his hair.“Really sorry. I’ll contact you.”“The sandwich…”My attempt to stop him with a word was drowned out by the sound of the door unlocking.“I’ll go. I’ll contact you right away!”Seo Hangeon forced a smile at me before leaving. It sounded like he was running down the stairs instead of taking the elevator. He must have been very flustered. The door didn’t close fully, leaving a few centimeters open.I stood frozen next to the table for several tens of seconds, unable to think about closing the door or moving a few steps to the entrance.Sitting down on a chair at the table with my back to the entrance, a storm raged in my mind.I wondered why I felt so pathetic. Why did I feel abandoned? Why was my body so cold from shock that even my ears felt chilly?Seo Hangeon probably couldn’t believe that part of his body, which is highly sensitive due to secondary sexual characteristics, had reacted. Was this reaction so ‘crazy’ that he had to leave?From his perspective, it might be understandable. But no matter how it was, even if he had fulfilled his wish, even if he had achieved his goal. No matter what, he could have at least eaten one sandwich.Tears dropped onto the white instep of my foot on the kitchen floor. I was crying expressionlessly, not a single distortion on my face. Tears flowed easily from my eyes, drained by shock.I felt dazed and pathetic.Was I that bad? Should I not have opened my mouth? Did I hold on too long without realizing? If those were my faults, what was his fault?You chose to escape the situation instead of considering how I, who was left behind, would feel. You did me wrong. Even though your fault was clear, I felt pathetic. If this is the fate of the one who loves less, then so be it. Now was the time to use my specialty.Love had taken me to a miracle and then plummeted me into an abyss. While watching my unrequited love fall as tears, I mindlessly rubbed my white instep.Bang bang, bang bang bang, the sound of feet running up the stairs was heard. The door, which hadn’t closed completely, swung open and this time shut firmly with a click. Beep, the sound of the electronic lock also rang. I didn’t turn around. Even if I had, with my vision full of water, seeing only the blurred outlines of things, I wouldn’t have seen anything.The water that had gathered, making my eyes heavy, dispersed and flowed down my cheeks. The scent of adulthood stirred the air, brushing past my hair. The black long jacket and crossbody bag were carelessly thrown on the floor.“Hey, sorry!! It didn’t seem right for me to leave like that…”Seo Hangeon stopped talking and crouched in front of me.“Are you crying?!”He seemed surprised. I couldn’t move my heavy eyes. I could only look at my instep between his spread knees.“Oh shit, what do I do! I’m going crazy. I’m really sorry. I really… damn…”He— Seo Hangeon sighed, threw off his cap, and rubbed his face with both hands.“I’m a crazy bastard!! Really. I’m sorry, okay?”Even as he shook my wrist, I couldn’t look at him. The storm in my mind hadn’t passed, and the landscape was still devastated.“It’s just, fuck, I wore sweatpants today.”I couldn’t understand how sweatpants were related to the mistake he just made. With difficulty, I moved my stiff eyes to look at Seo Hangeon’s pants, and the water in my eyes dried up instantly.It was strange. The object protruding in the center, while the X-axis was one thing, the Y-axis… beyond its incline, why it was stretched so long, made me doubt my eyes. After recognizing the Y-axis value, I noticed the X-axis value was also quite significant.If you add the Z-axis to make a 3D function, the volume of the shape that would need to be covered by a long jacket was calculated. This was a solid shape that more than satisfied the conditions to be called anything but ‘tiny’. The final form of the 3D function graph was visualized before my eyes.Unaware that I had stopped crying due to this new shock, Seo Hangeon thought I was really angry and kept shouting, “I’m a fucking bastard!” “I’m crazy!” He pulled his sweatshirt sleeves up to his fingertips to wipe the streams of water from my face, mumbling.“No, huh? If you see… you, no… ah… I shouldn’t have shown you that. It might have been unpleasant. Huh? That’s why I left.”But I had already seen it, and there was nothing unpleasant about it. Anyway, hearing that he did it because he was worried I’d be disappointed calmed me down a bit. I nodded my head. After wiping the tears from my cheeks, chin, and instep with his sweatshirt sleeve, Seo Hangeon grabbed the Kaya jam sandwich from the table and shoved it into his mouth in one go.“I’ll eat before I go. Here.”He handed me a triangular piece, which I accepted. I ate half of the sandwich. The soft, unique taste melted in my mouth. As I was getting enchanted by the new taste of Kaya jam, Seo Hangeon suddenly pretended to punch himself there.“Crazy bastard! Hey, where do you think you are setting up a tent, huh?? Crazy bastard!!”“What… what are you doing?”“Fuck, it hurts.”I couldn’t help but chuckle. His fist moved from his knee to his thigh.“You’re such a scoundrel! How dare you run off on your own, you crazy guy. You think you can just set up camp anywhere!!”When I laughed out loud, Seo Hangeon stopped hitting himself and looked at my expression. I had just swallowed the last piece of bread and was looking at his eyes. Our eyes met, and they wavered significantly. Seo Hangeon muttered to himself in a low voice and then pulled me down.“Damn, I don’t know.”I was laid down on the glossy kitchen floor. His honest brown eyes were close. There was a mischievous air in the disheveled bangs that fell forward. His hand, which had experienced all sorts of things, went behind my head. It was a gesture wanting my lips again.Have you ever savored the last piece of candy because it was your favorite flavor, eating it little by little? Seo Hangeon savored my lips exactly like that.Lick, lick, he savored them. He held onto them like licking the last candy, wanting them gently. The soft mucous was warm and hot. I could feel 36.5 degrees of body temperature on my lips.His hand tickled my ear and hair, then moved down my jaw to my neck. While his hand was gently stroking my neck, his lips moved subtly. Our lips rubbed against each other for a long time, deeply sucking each other in. Since Seo Hangeon didn’t take his lips away, I let out a shallow moan.Seo Hangeon’s hand went down my arm to my hand. He laid my hand on the floor and gently scratched my palm. As I twisted my waist from the ticklish feeling, our lips finally parted.A long breath escaped. His eyes, looking at my face with all their might, were close.There’s no other way to describe those eyes than to say they were looking at me with all their might. They were hot but shining brightly. I didn’t know about the volume of the 3D function touching my thigh, but his eyes were pure.Seo Hangeon slowly wrapped his hand around my neck, then started pulling my hoodie aside. My shoulder was exposed from under the fabric. His soft tongue traced a horizontal line along my collarbone, then circled around my round shoulder bone. That, pressing his nose against it and kissing deeply, was the last of the kiss.“This is like rice cake ice cream.”Comparing my shoulder bone to ice cream, Seo Hangeon restored my clothes and gently patted my back.“How was it? Doing it?”I didn’t feel like this was a question with a set answer. There were several options like “It wasn’t gross,” “It was better than I thought,” “It was nice, like you said,” “I understand why you do it,” but I chose to give an essay answer by bursting into laughter, moving my facial muscles comprehensively.I laughed, covering my face with my wrist, not answering verbally. Seo Hangeon also grinned along with me.“It was good, right? Do you want to do it again?”I shook my head hard against the floor, only to breathe air into my lungs again.“I’ve never seen you laugh like this. It’s nice.”Although the wish was just for a kiss, Seo Hangeon had been holding my cheek in his palm since earlier. Since he gave me the memory of an omnipotent first kiss, he decided to offer my cheek as an additional bonus. As he was playing with my chubby cheeks, Seo Hangeon mumbled.“It feels great. I want to eat this too.”“How would you eat that?”“You can eat it. Want me to show you how?”“No, no.”I pushed away the heavy body. Seo Hangeon collapsed next to me, pulling his jacket from the floor to cover himself below. Checking the clock, it was 11:50. My God. I had been enchanted by the kiss ghost for a total of 40 minutes.“Won-ah.”I looked beside me at the tap on my shoulder. Seo Hangeon, sprawled on the floor, turned his head towards me and said,“Do you want to date?”“……”“I’ve thought about it a lot.”He’s lying. I rolled my eyes internally. From the look of it, he thought about it for just 5 seconds.Moreover, if I accepted that offer right away, I’d be a real fool. Granting a wish, letting him leave and come back, and then accepting a confession he thought about for 5 seconds? There’s no idiot like that. I shook my head firmly.“That doesn’t seem right.”“Oh my God!”With an exclamation of shock, Seo Hangeon sat up abruptly, covering his mouth with his fist.“Wow! Seo Hangeon got rejected in 3 seconds, fuck?”I ignored him, who was shouting in disbelief. Even then, he was covering his groin. He paced around, doing a one-man show.“Alright! I admit it. This was too rushed. Yeah, right. This wasn’t the timing. The line was weak too! I admit it.”Bang! He stomped his foot and even made a determined monologue.“Next time, you won’t be able to refuse. Got it?”No matter how much he made me want to go to school with this unrequited love, I didn’t want a relationship that was so casual. I didn’t want to be remembered as one of his girlfriends he changed every one or two months with such lightness. I didn’t want a fragile connection without even a declaration of love. I couldn’t.I might be too serious. But because I like him so much, because my feelings are so strong, I have to be serious. I have no intention of going against this natural order.Seo Hangeon, lying beside me with his head propped up, changed the subject.“Your place is really nice. I want to stay here 24/7.”“A nice house doesn’t make everything nice.”I continued calmly.“My parents got divorced.”Seo Hangeon blinked slowly and asked,“When?”“Just, some time ago.”“Really.”“I live with my dad. I wanted to live with my mom.”“That must have been tough. But you don’t show it, that’s impressive.”I shared a few details about the situation and that my mom lives in Changwon. Seo Hangeon responded,“But it’s good that your mom is close. My mom is far away.”His adult-like smile blinked slowly. Feeling both sympathy and falling for him again for the second time that day, or perhaps the fifth or sixth time, I moved closer to the grey sweatshirt and initiated the kiss.After a few short pecks, I lay back on the floor, and Seo Hangeon gently stroked each strand of my hair.“You look really interesting.”Was that not a good thing to say? I looked down to the side.“Your hair is interesting too. Did you style it?”“No.”“Is it naturally like this?”“Yeah.”“Your hair is so calm.”His thumb touched my cheek again.“You really don’t seem like you’ll date.”When I shook my head no, he let out a thin laugh.“Alright. I’ll retreat for this round.”However, here, I must confess something for the sake of conscience.When I suggested that Seo Hangeon come to my house, I wasn’t only considering safety. If it had been a relationship between a boy and a girl, it would have been too heavy a topic to bring up, but I used the fact that we were both boys to bring it up easily.On Sports Day, the reason I didn’t immediately hand over the Pepero from my pocket but texted him later wasn’t just because of embarrassment.Changing my iPhone 5 case to the same transparent hard bumper case as Seo Hangeon’s wasn’t just a matter of taste.Doesn’t the saying go, “Heaven helps those who help themselves”? Isn’t that an eternal truth?Of course, Seo Hangeon becoming interested in my cheeks and subsequently wishing for a long kiss was a miracle entirely unrelated to my efforts. That was a miracle gifted to my life by the cosmic forces, and I only added a single spoon to it, if I may say so.I only helped myself in very small, subtle ways so that he wouldn’t notice. Whether he caught on or not, I don’t know.I didn’t even know I had this side to me.My miracle, my subject, my unrequited love, my first love, my first kiss, my snack buddy, my milk duty partner.“Won-ah.”Every time you called for me over the phone, I recited all the names I had for you in my heart.“Where are you?”I loved the sound of your voice asking where I was. From the age of fifteen until now, I loved that you filled my time.I still wonder sometimes what it meant for life to place us on the same orbit, even if just for a moment.That’s how we became high schoolers. That’s how we grew into adults. Until we were eighteen and nineteen, we experienced things that took longer than a long kiss.