Only Realized After Losing You

47. Please Don’t Leave Me
*t/n: I don’t know if I made this obvious before but ‘Lebrado’ is supposed to sound very similar to Labrador (the dog breed), hence all the dog references associated with Lebrado’s name and behaviors.

Lebrado seemed to sense my presence.

He approached me with silent strides and quickly blocked my path.

It was a nimble move, as one might expect from a knight of the Hills Duchy.

I lowered my face slightly and pulled my hat down low.

Then I turned away from his gaze.

I hoped Lebrado wouldn’t recognize me.

“Um…?”

From the corner of my eye, I could see Lebrado’s large legs slowly getting closer.

He took another step forward and then we were so close that our feet were within touching distance.

“Please step aside.”

I snapped, trying to keep my cool.

I could see Lebrado’s body twitching as he stammered, “Did you, did you just say something?”

Lebrado spoke as if he had assumed that I would not be able to speak.

As if he assumed that I was mute.

Lebrado’s body tilted towards me.

He examined the right side of my face and let out a short exclamation,

“Oh!”

“… … .”

Then he looked at the left side of my face and let out a louder exclamation,

“Oh!!”

“… … .”

Then he looked down at the back of my hand and let out a final exclamation.

“OH!!!”

“… … .”

As if he was certain that my appearance matched perfectly with that of the ‘mute Ellie’ he knew.

He stretched out his large hand into the air as if he was going to grab my hand at any moment, but then he hesitated and pulled his outstretched hand back.

“How rude. Please get out of the way.”

I said more firmly.

It was something that Ellie would never have been able to say.

But my coldness didn’t seem to work on Lebrado, who was devoted to me as his master.

Instead, he simply bent down and looked closely at my face.

Then, I awkwardly met Lebrado’s golden eyes that I had been avoiding.

His golden eyes were much clearer than when I last saw them.

I could see my reflection in it.

“Wh, what are you doing?”

I was taken aback by our momentary eye contact.

I bit my lower lip slightly.

Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about Lebrado.

From the time I met Lennon. Until just now.

Naturally, I assumed Lennon was the only one out on the town…

Did Lebrado’s suspension over ‘something’ end already?

I hoped Lennon, who was standing behind me, would take his man away.

But Lennon said nothing, and made no movement.

He seemed to be observing the situation.

Meanwhile, Lebrado, who was sure I was Ellie, spoke to me.

“Master… Where have you been all this time?”

“You have the wrong person.”

I tried to walk past him.

Lebrado knelt down in front of me to block my path.

Then he quietly looked up at me.

Lebrado’s brown eyebrows drooped as he looked at me.

It wasn’t just his eyebrows that were drooping. Even the corners of his eyes were drooping.

He placed his large hands on his knees.

Then, this man, who was bigger than anyone else, even a knight, looked small for no reason.

“Master…”

He sniffled.

This time I wasn’t mistaken.

Before long, he shed a few thick tears.

“…Ah.”

I groaned softly.

Lebrado… I guess he hadn’t found the hand he wanted in the month and a half I was gone.

In other words, he hadn’t found another master to replace me?

“Master… Why are you pretending not to know me? Did I do something wrong? If you tell me, I’ll fix it. I’ll do anything. So please… Please don’t pretend not to know me.”

“… … .”

“Did you run out of money? I’m sorry… I brought all the money I earned to my parents’ house… I don’t have much money. But if you run out of money, I’ll borrow some money. I’ll pay you as much as you want.”

After saying that, Lebrado bowed his head.

“Please don’t abandon me.”

Small stains began to appear on his knees, which seemed to be his knight’s uniformed white trousers.

It was tear stains from Lebrado.

I felt very, very strange.

Like I did something to Lebrado that I shouldn’t have done.

It was like this.

I felt like a heartless owner who suddenly abandoned a well-trained dog on the streets one day.

Even though Lebrado wasn’t a real dog.

“Ha…”

I was at a loss.

It was even more frustrating than when Lennon suspected my identity.

But at the same time, I had a strong intuition.

I didn’t think I would be able to hide my identity from Lebrado who acted like a loyal dog.

A loyal dog that recognized his master.

He remembered the smell of his master.

And he remembered his master’s hand.

I looked down at my hands.

My hands, which Lebrado loved.

Eventually I lowered my body and met Lebrado at eye level.

Then I placed my hand on the tip of Lebrado’s chin, which was lying flat on its neck.

Lebrado’s shoulders flinched at the touch of my fingertips.

He looked back and forth between my face, which was close to him, and my hand, which was touching the tip of his chin, with tear-filled eyes.

I gave him just one word as a silent message.

‘Secret.’

Lebrado’s gaze lingered on my lips for a long time.

I spoke quickly and softly.

It was what I wanted Lennon, who was standing behind me, to hear.

“It’s not nice to cry in front of a lady you’ve just met.”

“… … .”

“You must have gotten confused because I look a lot like the person you were looking for.”

“…Yes, master.”

Idiot, I told you it’s a secret.

I furrowed my brow slightly.

Lebrado lifted his head and wiped his eyes.

“I am not your master, I am Hannah Phever.”

“Yes…”

“If you stop crying, I will forgive you for being rude to me today.”

“Sorry…”

Lebrado sniffed and wiped his eyes again.

Fortunately, Lebrado wasn’t the most observant dog, but he seemed to have figured out the situation.

I rose from my crouching position and looked back.

Only then did Lennon speak to me.

“… Ah, it seems my subordinate was rude. I apologize, Count.”

For some reason Lennon was calling me ‘Count’.

Even though I didn’t give permission, he had been calling me ‘Hannah’.

“It’s okay.”

I dismissed him with a short answer and resumed my steps where I had stopped.

Lebrado just looked at me with pitiful eyes but didn’t grab me again.

* * *

As I returned to the Count’s residence, my thoughts deepened.

The sound of Lebrado’s crying, more desperately than a baby, lingered in my ears like an auditory hallucination.

‘Lebrado’

When I called his name, his wagging tail would suddenly pop out.

‘Yes, master!’

The man who would say that.

That man who seemed like he would die if I told him to. (This is just my feeling.)

I hadn’t exactly told Lebrado who I was.

But I gave him ‘a hint’.

I gave a slight hint that I was Ellie, not Hannah Phever.

If you asked me if I regretted it, I would say a little bit.

Because I still thought that any decision regarding my identity should be made after consulting with Hardwin.

But if I hadn’t given him the hint right then and there, Lebrado would never have backed down.

Lebrado’s voice was desperate as he said the word ‘master’.

It was so desperate that he could throw everything away.

He was the kind of person who would ignore his real owner, Lennon.

I hoped my decision was right.

The carriage was speeding away from it all.

I leaned my face against the carriage’s window frame.

Lebrado’s desperation.

Was I, or rather, the mute Ellie, worth that much to Lebrado?

Was it me or my hand that he missed?

I was confused.

I wondered if I should offer my hand to Lebrado again, and if that would make Lennon feel some kind of way.

Lennon was closing in on the carriage that Hannah and I had been in. Lebrado remembered my hand in detail.

I felt like everything was closing in and I was being surrounded.

I had a feeling that sooner or later it would choke me.

It was a terrible feeling.

At that moment, I really wanted to see Hardwin.

Because I felt like seeing him would make me feel at ease.

I missed him in silence.

Hardwin, where are you now?

* * *

I waited for Hardwin ever since the early evening and had fallen asleep on the sofa.

The reason I woke up was similar to the previous day.

I was awakened by the sound of someone moving around.

I slowly lifted my closed eyelids.

Then I spotted someone carrying a large blanket.

“… Hardwin?”

I called his name familiarly.

“Ah… sorry. I really didn’t mean to wake you up this time.”

“It’s okay.”

I straightened my body, which had been deeply reclined on the sofa.

Then I looked at Hardwin standing in front of me.

He was still wearing his street clothes.

He was standing there holding a blanket without even taking off his coat.

It was funny and cute.

“Heh heh.”

I let out a laugh.

Hardwin made a sheepish face and covered my lap with a blanket.

“Why are you sleeping on the sofa? Go to bed.”

Did he come to me before he changed out of his clothes?

I answered him.

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

“… Until now?”

I nodded.

When I looked around, it was pitch black.

Was it dawn?

“Why are you so late?”

“Ah… That’s right. What color do you like?”

“So suddenly?”

“Uh. First, answer.”

Hardwin rubbed the edge of his eyebrow with his fingertips.

He looked embarrassed.

“Purple?”

“Purple? Phew, thank goodness.”

“Why is that?”

He hesitated and began to speak slowly.

“Well…There’s a banquet in two days.”

The banquet was an imperial banquet that ‘Hannah Phever’ had to attend.

It was also the reason I had been practicing my dancing every now and then.

“Yeah.”

“The banquet has a dress….”

Our conversation was interrupted..

It was because of the urgent voice that did not suit the quiet house.

“Lord Hardwin! My lord!”

The owner of the voice from outside the door was Madeleine.

She, who was usually calm, was getting very impatient.

What’s going on?

Hardwin quickly walked to the door and opened it.

“What’s going on?”

“At the iron gate of the count’s residence… ”

“Has an intruder come in?”

“Oh, no… Rather than an intruder, there’s a man desperately looking for ‘master’ even though I’ve told him many times that there’s no such person here… ”

Hardwin said, as if the word was foreign to him.

“Master?”

“Yes. And he is quietly insisting that he must meet Count Hannah. What should I do?”

Madeleine looked at me sitting on the sofa.

I was silently listening to their conversation, and then I touched my forehead.

Was this what was meant to happen?

The sound of dogs barking echoed in my ears.