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Month 4 - Chapter 9, Part 1: Mistakes were Made.

So, blundering into a Sith complex of one of the most notorious darksiders in the galaxy was not one of my smartest moves. Of course, let's go over the pure awkwardness that preceded our exorcism of Exar Kun, shall we?

Thank the Force for the hazard suit, as it's temperature controlled and has air filters. After struggling to make five feet without being mobbed by local insects, I gave up and went back for it. Of course, both of the Jedi tagging along on this expedition had a blast watching me suffer, and it was nothing if not karmic retribution for what I had done to Mace and am planning for the future. Of course, even with a sealed and temperature-regulated suit, the rest of the hike to Exar Kun's complex was deeply unpleasant. Yavin IV is a damned hellhole jungle and it makes a reasonable impression of the Amazon rainforest, if it weren't for the giant godawful bugs and the aggressively impeding plants. In addition, I forgot a damned machete, and Yoda is clearly trolling me by nudging vines in my way, occasionally. That, or it's Ood, but I don't have enough of a grasp on Neti body language to figure that out. Fifty agonizingly frustrating minutes later, we are within eyeshot of Exar Kun's ridiculous complex. "Dear lord, I was under the impression that the guy had issues, but this is nuts. I was right, this is an Edifice of Overcompensation." 

Both Jedi masters chuckle at that remark, but Ood's tone changes almost immediately.

"That's not the only thing you were right about, I can sense Exar Kun's attention upon us. Be wary."

Another voice pipes up. "Master Yoda, this is a surprise. I'd greatly appreciate being introduced to your friends, however."

I turn to regard the newcomer, and just about gape. I knew Ikrit's people were adorable, but… he almost looks like my cat, Bubbles. 

I'm at a loss for words, so I instead go sit on a stump and break down crying while the three jedi look at me in concern. "Don't.. Don't mind me, just having an emotional b-breakdown. C-catch up with each other, I gotta have a breather. Fuck, I miss Bubs…"

Since I was having an emotional breakdown in front of three ancient Jedi Masters and honestly couldn't really hear them, though I caught some of it (something to do with Ikrit almost killing Yoda back when they were working together?), fourth-wall-breaking Author Hatton here will describe what exactly a Kushiban looks like. Imagine, if you would, if god had the leftover parts of a housecat, a rabbit, and a chinchilla, and then decided to make them have fur that could emulate different colors, either to reflect their emotional state or to serve as camouflage. Then, you made their forelimbs capable of using things like a human could. As a result, you have a sinfully adorable creature with a side order of uncanny valley. The old art does not do justice.

Of course, this was when that asshole Exar decided to make his move. After all, strong emotions are the purview of the Dark Side of the Force, and I forgot that Exar in particular was very active in that regard. The sensation of having your own mind shunted into the back of your head while a ghost took over the driver's seat is not something I want to experience again, and Exar wasted no time in cackling like a goddamned buffoon before getting ready to fight three Jedi Masters in hand-to-hand, in the body of a slightly underweight and thoroughly civilian businessman. 

Absolute idiot, this is not a sane tactical decision, even if you are the hostage and hostage-taker in the same body. Especially if you are the two in one body! Haven't you heard of the Spetsnaz?!

It was at this moment that he decided to use my lips to speak. 

"Ood B'nar, I suppose it was too much to hope for you to die on Ossus. This pathetic friend of yours is... hardly ideal for a confrontation, but - oh, would you shut up back there?"

I began to throw a laundry list of insults at him, and because he had all the context he needed by digging around in my skull, he paled a bit. 

"By the Force, that's a first." 

My body fights him, and I give him some more insults. Edgelord, pissant, waste of talent, traitor to his own people, Rakata impersonator. Ah, shit, he saw that memory.

"You used the Star Forge? What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Says the guy using childrens' souls as a power source.

He tries to stiffly move, and falls flat on our face. "Ah, kark this. This body has no force talent, and I don't want to share this filthy mindspace." 

I feel him vacate. Fuck yeah, get off my lawn, you reek of the mistakes of the '80s!

"And don't you forget it, you intangible prick!" I call out towards the complex, still mostly face-down in a compromising position. 

The three Jedi are utterly flabbergasted by this turn of events, before Ood begins to speak. "What did he mean, 'used the Star Forge'. Did you actually use a Rakatan device?"

I grumble, still covered in mud and regretting many life decisions. "You mean the symbol of their empire, the giant floating space station that can manufacture droid-operated fleets in mere hours? Only by proxy, I'm not a complete idiot, and I only used it to manufacture two small fleets so I have a head start on shooting their spiritual successors when they show up in seventy-ish years."

Ikrit speaks. "That.. is a lot to unpack. Can you resist him if he tries again?"

I lay on the muddy ground, and mumble "Sure, though after this clusterfuck, I'm going to delegate these sorts of things to droids. I also want hot chocolate, even if the jumped-up poltergeist stole the Mayans' schtick." After a minute of 'rest', I climb back up to my feet, and Ood was kind enough to use the force to fling the mud off of me. 

"The discussion regarding your use of Rakatan technology is not over, Hatton, but let us prioritize his project that Master Ikrit was so kind as to inform us about."

"Right, right, the souls of children trapped in a ball…. Why do I feel like I've forgotten something?"

A roar in the distance echoes

"Right, Kalgrath, the Night Beast. Fuuuuuck."

The three Jedi exchange worried glances with each other.