Please Don’t Die, My Lady

Chapter 23

“So, treason… you say.”

“Yes. The official justification for the Adelian purge announced by the Imperial Family is treason.”

“What about the princess? What happened to her?”

“They say she’s gone missing. She’s being pursued, so she probably won’t die peacefully.”

“……”

How could it come to this?

If there is a god, this shouldn’t be allowed to happen.

***

The fall of Duke Adelian and his treason.

Remia Adelian, status unknown—possibly dead.

All I did was spend a normal day and go to sleep, yet when I woke up, everything around me had drastically changed.

To be honest, it didn’t feel real.

Even the thought that you might be dead didn’t bring me to tears.

And yet, when I was by your side, I shed so many of them.

I decided it couldn’t be helped.

When reality is shoved in your face without giving you any time to adjust, all someone like me can do is pretend to accept it and nod along.

Even if I were to get angry, grieve, or despair—what could I do?

I wouldn’t go combing through the lands that used to be the Adelian Duchy by myself, without a single retainer.

If I can’t do anything anyway, it’s better not to stir my emotions in the first place.

Telling myself that I hadn’t lost the ability to feel, but rather had chosen to set my emotions aside, was the only way to cope.

…And then, as if this were some cruel joke by the gods, I heard that the one who betrayed the Adelians was none other than Hans Decardi.

For just a moment, my heart seized.

A voice whispered to me: You should’ve killed him.

“This isn’t the time to concern yourself with such things, Ariana.

If you’re not careful, we could end up the same way.”

“…But didn’t Sister join Duke Kayan’s faction?”

“That alone won’t be enough.

We only secured our position in Adelian through years of building results.

The only reason we were recognized was because of our usefulness, and now we’ll have to prove it tenfold to survive.”

After the initial shock came the crushing weight of reality.

The Warton family—parasites.

Fake nobles who mask their lowly bloodline with competence. What happens to such people when they lose their host?

The answer is obvious.

They all get dragged down and killed together.

The only reason I managed to leave the mansion unscathed that day, even while utterly clueless, was because of my sister’s resourcefulness.

She realized something was amiss with Adelian and aligned us with Kayan, their opposing faction. That insight saved our lives.

Meanwhile, I was fast asleep, oblivious to everything happening around me.

Now, all I can do is laugh bitterly.

I let myself be deceived by praise, thinking I might truly be talented.

But I’m just pretending, aren’t I?

All I did was slap a poorly crafted mask over my flaws and convince myself that I’d changed—that I could finally carry my own weight.

In the end, I achieved nothing, letting everything slip through my fingers.

I can’t even begin to imagine how pathetic I must’ve looked to others.

My sister—

If it had been her—

If she had been the one—

She would’ve been different.

She could’ve saved the princess.

“…I’m the one who has to do it.”

The fact that they sought out someone as incompetent as me instead of my sister meant they expected something of me.

I respected my father, but objectively, he was a calculating man.

…Even when it came to family, he was fair.

“Yes. Your sister can’t act in the field right now, so you’ll have to do it.

Duke Kayan has a privately run organization. Join them and get involved in any operation where nobles can participate.”

If it’s an organization run personally by Duke Kayan, there’s only one possibility.

I’d heard of it in passing.

A colossal force operating in the shadows, closely tied to the Imperial Guard.

The bright empire’s dark underbelly.

A deep abyss no one in the light should ever approach.

My only connection with them had been when I procured large quantities of drugs and test subjects.

Over the years, most shady organizations capable of such dealings had been absorbed into them.

That’s the kind of labyrinth it was.

The internal environment wouldn’t be much better, I was sure.

Sending his daughter to such a place—it was clear the moment I heard the suggestion.

Ah, this is a discard play.

“They said three years. If you can endure for just three years, they’ll pull you out to a safer position.

I know it’s confusing and unpleasant, but there’s no other—”

“I’ll do it, Father. Don’t worry.”

“…So be it.”

Not bring you back, but pull you to the rear.

Ah, so I’m just another tool to be used.

The clarity made it easier to accept.

I preferred this to false hope.

“…I’m sorry to burden you. As your father, it shames me to leave everything to you.

For the sake of everyone tied to the Warton name, sacrifice yourself.

That is the duty of those of us who have claimed the name of nobles and enjoyed its privileges until now.”

You’re long-winded, Father.

There’s no need for such words—I understand it all perfectly.

My sister is the heir.

You can’t entrust her with dangerous tasks like this.

A second daughter who’s neither here nor there—a burden—is the perfect choice for something like this.

I’d have made the same decision. I understand.

So, please, don’t make that face.

Don’t wear such a clumsy, crude mask.

You’re much more dignified than that.

You’re the “real thing,” unlike someone like me.

Please, remain the father I respect.

“I understand. I’ll leave immediately, then.”

“…Alright.”

“Give my regards to Sister. She’ll have a hard time—I know how much she hates tedious things.”

I turned away before he could respond.

Even as I left the room, my father didn’t stop me.

I exchanged farewells with my family a few more times during the preparation period, but I remember none of them.

I couldn’t even meet my sister’s gaze, so perhaps I found them unworthy of remembering.

All I recall is crying a lot in the carriage as I left.

I don’t know why I cried.

Was it because of the princess, delayed grief finally surfacing?

Was I secretly bitter toward my family?

Or did I just not want to go?

…It didn’t matter. I wasn’t curious enough to dwell on it.

***

The organization, contrary to my expectations, was surprisingly well-structured.

I had assumed it would be a hellscape where murder and assault were commonplace, but instead, it was a collective of compartmentalized cells that loyally followed a solid chain of command.

As such, the tasks assigned to me were quite limited.

For the first year, which served as my adaptation period, I was stationed in a branch office, where my job was to torture the living beings brought in.

It wasn’t much different from my time with the Warton family.

The worst that happened was occasionally dealing with particularly unruly captives, resulting in a few more injuries than usual.

It was a mechanical process of extracting the desired information through torture.

In the latter half of my time there, my magical abilities were utilized, and I was deployed on combat-related assignments.

Even though I gained experience, those memories were far from pleasant.

Time passed, and as my third year approached its end, the branch chief of my division summoned me.

Alberto Kayan.

The third son of Duke Kayan.

A prodigy in magic who, despite his young age, held a professor’s position at the academy.

He was a soft-spoken superior, always dressed in a sharp suit and monocle, which had become his trademark.

When I heard someone of his stature had specifically requested me, I was nervous, but the task he proposed didn’t seem all that dangerous.

“An assignment… at the academy?”

“Yes. Watch someone, and if they show any unusual behavior, torture them.

Make it painful. So much so that they’ll never dare resist us again. The more thorough, the better.”

“Is there a reason we need to torture them? If they’re disobedient, we could just—”

“They have potential for long-term use, so we can’t kill them.

And the academy’s internal regulations make external interference difficult.

However, they tend to overlook disputes among students.”

“…In that case, I’m the perfect fit, aren’t I?”

“Exactly. That’s what I appreciate about you, Ariana—you’re quick to understand.”

“Who’s the target?”

“Ah, yes. Let me show you.

You’re probably already acquainted with them.”

Alberto pulled a photograph from his desk drawer.

The face was thinner and frailer than I remembered, but the beauty was unmistakable.

It was you.

“Remia Adelian.

A familiar name, isn’t it?”

“…Ah.”

After three years, I was reunited with you.

I should’ve been overjoyed, but I couldn’t be.

Because my task was to torture you.

Why now?

Why under these circumstances?

…Please, just give me a break.

***

What followed was all too predictable.

I reunited with you in the worst possible way, committing unspeakable sins against you.

I justified it to myself with excuses, over and over again.

The safety of my entire family depended on it, so I had no choice.

It’s just a relic of the past, so it doesn’t matter anymore.

I’m helping you avoid being killed by the organization, so it’s okay.

You’re strong; you won’t die from this.

Excuses like those.

Even when I saw you on the brink of choosing death, all I did was remove the commoners from the equation. I took no further action.

I knew full well that I was trying to hold onto both you and my family, even as everything slipped through my grasp. But I couldn’t let go of either.

That all shattered when Alberto ordered me to administer drugs to you in a secluded space.

Under the influence of the drug, you began muttering incoherently, and from your words, I learned the truth.

I saw how your unstable mind had split and been driven to its breaking point.

I was forced to confront the messy, clinging feelings I had for you once again.

And I realized that most of my excuses were nothing but illusions.

Sitting by your side as you lay collapsed and exhausted, I stared blankly for a long time before finally letting go of one of the things I’d been clinging to.

I let go of my family. I let go of Warton.

I decided to betray the organization.

After all the times I had forcibly turned my eyes away from reality, my change of heart came in an instant.

I had already crossed a river I could never return from.

I couldn’t go back to the way things were or hope for forgiveness anymore.

Knowing it was too late, I still regretted it.

Why am I always like this?