LIGHTNOVELWORLD chapter 40
You are not alone
The night after playing at the pool with Towa-kun, Towa-kun was asleep in my bed, seeming a bit tired. Since the start of summer vacation, I had stayed over at Towa-kun’s place quite often, but today, it was Towa-kun who would be staying over at my place. My mom also wanted to see Towa-kun, and I thought it might be nice for a change.
“…Towa-kun, you’re such a sleepyhead♪”
No surprise, Towa-kun didn’t wake up when I called out to him; it seemed he was in a deeper slumber than I had thought. Perhaps both of us were feeling the effects of letting loose at the pool, as I felt like I could doze off as soon as I lay down too.
“You must be thirsty.”
Thinking of quenching my thirst a bit, I headed towards the living room, where my mom was still around. It wasn’t too early to sleep, so it wasn’t strange for my mom to still be up.
“What’s up?”
“I’m feeling thirsty.”
“I see. And Towa-kun?”
“He’s fast asleep.”
“He seemed a bit tired even during dinner.”
Certainly, during dinner… rather, while waiting for the meal to be ready, Towa-kun had been making an effort not to doze off.
“Is there school tomorrow?”
“Yes, we’re almost done with the art project, then it’s on to choreographing the cheer songs.”
“After the sports festival, there’s the school festival to prepare for, so it’s quite a busy time.”
That’s right… after the sports festival, the school festival was looming ahead. Deciding on our class’s performance and such made me feel a bit gloomy. Well, the classmates weren’t uncooperative, so maybe I shouldn’t feel too anxious about it.
“Mom, please don’t drink too much alcohol, okay?”
“I’ll be fine. I won’t turn out like Akemi.”
“As long as that’s the case.”
Yes, ever since then, my mom had been going out to eat with Akemi-san, and it seemed like they had grown quite close. They were on friendly enough terms to call each other by their first names. Their interactions didn’t hint at past events, and as long as there were smiles, I had nothing to say. In fact… deep down, I had longed for such a sight for a while.
“Well, I’ll head back to my room. Good night.”
“Good night.”
After bidding my mom good night, I returned to my room. Towa-kun continued to sleep soundly, showing no signs of waking up even with the noise I was making, indicating he must have been really tired.
“…A dream, huh.”
Lately, there have been times when Towa-kun seems a bit off. The root cause is probably related to a dream I had recently experienced myself.
A world different from this one, where the me who couldn’t be saved walked the path of revenge. For Towa-kun’s sake, I concocted reasons and made others unhappy, unable to bear the weight of it all… that was the dream.
“Perhaps I could have ended up just like the me in that world.”
Maybe… no, I can say with certainty that I would have. Because I was heading in that direction. But, as I’ve said many times, Towa-kun’s presence changed me, saved me. That’s why I have no intention of seeking revenge, and I can confidently say that what I was trying to do in the first place was wrong.
“…What do you want?”
Asking questions in an empty space naturally won’t bring any answers. Right now, in this room, there’s only me and Towa-kun, and as for Towa-kun, he’s in a dream. …But I’m contemplating the possibility of something that shouldn’t exist.
“The only difference between you and ‘me’ is whether we’ve been saved or not. Although I said ‘only,’ I think this difference is too significant. The current me completely denies the existence of you as seen in my dream.”
I close my eyes and recall the scene I saw in the dream once again.
Honjo-senpai, Mari-chan, Kotone-chan, and Hatsune-san were being led to fall into a man’s hands. To deliver the final blow to Shu-kun, whose heart was worn down by watching that, the conclusion was to show that Towa-kun and I are actually in love… I can’t help but smile wryly, thinking it seems like a really well-crafted story. But the me in that world made it happen… allowed it to happen.
“I only saw it, but I could feel why you did what you did.”
The me in that world didn’t act without thinking, there was guilt, and moments of regret occasionally. But at that moment, I cut off my emotions and the dignity of others in the face of efficiency and results.
“I understand your feelings, but I can’t comprehend the pain and sadness. Because I am me, a different existence from you living in that world.”
Yes, no matter how many words are spoken, in the end, the me and the me in that world are different existences. Same appearance, same name, same past, but I am me, and you are you… that much will never change, cannot be altered.
“Both you and I love the same person… No, it might be a bit different. The Towa-kun of this world that I fell for is cooler, kinder, and the best boyfriend, isn’t he? ♪”
I felt a slight tremor in the air, but I didn’t pay it much mind.
I put strength into my legs as I stood up, being careful not to wake Towa-kun, and stepped out onto the balcony. The slightly chilly night breeze blew through my body, but it wasn’t unbearable.
“I have someone reliable by my side… of course, it’s Towa-kun. But isn’t it the same for you too? By your side, there must be someone who loves you.”
If I exist in this world and in that world, then naturally, Towa-kun does too. He is also there, in that world. He is still by my side, unchanged, loving and cherishing me.
“I’m not the me of this world. It’s the person in your world, who fell in love with you.”
There is no power to traverse worlds, the reach of these hands is limited. Uttering these soliloquies without anyone to speak to, perhaps I am abnormal, but I just had to put it into words.
“Hang in there, Kanade Nonomura. If the one you love is by your side, ‘we’ are stronger than anyone, right?”
Looking up at the sky and saying these words, the night sky is full of stars. When I was young, it was common, but as a high school student, it’s not often I gaze at the stars. So, it feels like it’s been a while since I’ve seen such a beautiful starry sky.
…Is it irresponsible to say just these words? However, no matter how hard we try, the truth is that there’s nothing we can do, Towa-kun and I. Whether we can accept everything and move forward ultimately depends on the person living in that world.
“You are never alone, remember that.”
As I was about to return to the room after saying this, the voice of the person I love echoed.
“Yeah, you know, maybe the me over there is also curious about you.”
“Huh?”
I flinched at Towa-kun’s voice… Apparently, I was so engrossed that I didn’t even notice the balcony door opening.
Towa-kun, who had come closer, hugged my shoulders… Ah, his warmth was so comforting that I didn’t mind the cold night breeze. Burying my face in Towa-kun’s chest, his beloved warmth and scent enveloped me.
“Ah…”
Towa-kun let out a soft sigh. I followed his gaze and saw a girl who looked eerily similar to me. She had tears streaming down her face but seemed slightly happy, her lips loosening into a smile.
“Thank you.”
Whether it was an auditory hallucination or if I truly heard it, I couldn’t tell. But as soon as I thought I heard that voice, it vanished as if melting into the wind.
“…Did our voices reach?”
“I don’t know. But it’s probably okay now.”
I think we both acknowledge that something incredibly unbelievable is happening. Yet, for some reason, we couldn’t dismiss it as something impossible. What was that just now, why did we pose such questions… the doubts are endless, but for now, we embraced each other to confirm each other’s presence.