Separation Anxiety

11.

#The Youngest, Haram

After leisurely eating dinner, ordering dessert, and even having tea, quite some time had passed. The drive also took a while, and by the time they saw the road sign indicating Seoul, it was already past 10 PM. The passenger seat had been too quiet the whole way back, and when Hayun looked over, he saw that Dawoon had fallen asleep at some point, his forehead resting against the window.

Hayun parked the car in front of the mansion but didn’t wake Dawoon. For someone who usually woke up at the slightest sound, it was strange that Dawoon didn’t stir even as Hayun unfastened his seatbelt. He must not have slept well last night, given that he said Grandfather had visited yesterday.

If only Dawoon could just give up and ignore it like others, but his personality wouldn’t allow that. To Dawoon, Grandfather was someone he had accepted within his circle solely because of the reason of ‘family’, and so he wanted to be acknowledged. Unfortunately, Grandfather was even more stubborn and rigid than Dawoon, and he would never acknowledge Dawoon until the moment he closed his eyes for good.

That’s why it was heartbreaking to see Dawoon agonizing over this alone. All Hayun could do was protect Dawoon from any harm Grandfather might inflict, and solidify his own position to be able to protect him.

“Just hang in there a little longer. It’ll get better after you graduate.”

Hayun muttered quietly to himself and got out of the driver’s seat, walking around to the passenger side. The butler was already waiting at the front door, having seen the car arrive. Hayun gestured towards the back seat.

“Please get Dawoon’s bag.”

The butler looked puzzled, as Dawoon usually didn’t let the staff handle his belongings. However, he quickly understood when he saw Hayun lift the sleeping Dawoon from the passenger seat.

“He must have fallen asleep,” the butler remarked, indicating this was a rare occurrence. He too was well aware that Dawoon was quite sensitive and didn’t sleep deeply.

Instead of replying, Hayun just smiled quietly and made a shushing sound. Understanding that he wanted to avoid waking Dawoon if possible, the butler nodded silently.

Carrying Dawoon, Hayun went up to his room on the second floor. The butler, who had followed with the bag, opened the door. While Hayun carefully laid Dawoon on the bed and even removed his shoes, the butler stood silently watching. He didn’t offer to do it himself. He had learned from experience that Hayun wouldn’t relinquish tasks related to Dawoon even if he offered.

“You may go now.”

It seemed like he was saying there was nothing more to take care of, but it was essentially a dismissal. Once again, the butler bowed without a word and quietly left, closing the door. He didn’t ask why the young master wasn’t leaving as well.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Hayun stared down at the sleeping Dawoon for a long time without moving. Looking at his sleeping face like this, it seemed as if traces of his childhood appearance still remained.

“Dawoon,” he called softly, but there was no response. Dawoon was so deeply asleep it almost seemed like he had fainted.

Hayun reached out and cupped Dawoon’s cheek. As the soft, plump cheek filled his palm, Dawoon leaned his face more into Hayun’s hand in his sleep. This childlike reaction made Hayun worry about how defenseless Dawoon was. If he acted like this in front of others, Hayun felt he couldn’t let Dawoon attend orientation or MT even after entering university.

But on the other hand, he knew well. It was because Dawoon was with Hayun, because it was in front of Hayun, that he could relax and sleep comfortably. Just as Dawoon was special to Hayun, Hayun was special to Dawoon. Even if things were changing little by little from when they were younger, the fundamental aspect remained the same. Hayun found reassurance in this fact.

‘If you fall in love with someone, could you die together with them too?’

Hayun recalled Dawoon’s words. Dying together, huh. Hayun didn’t have such an option. If there was something he wanted, he would obtain it by any means necessary. Even if it was someone’s heart, it would be the same. He wouldn’t choose the worst outcome just because things didn’t go his way, like Dawoon’s mother had.

But if…

Hayun’s eyes focused on Dawoon’s face. If the day came when someone else entered the heart of this boy who still completely trusted and relied on him alone… If the day came when Dawoon chose someone else and tried to leave him…

“I might understand your mother’s choice a little.”

Murmuring this, Hayun withdrew his hand from Dawoon’s cheek. In the dark silence, as he looked down at Dawoon, the corners of his mouth curved up slightly. There was no ‘if’. He had been slowly engraving ‘Jeong Hayun’ into Dawoon’s being over a long time, to ensure such a thing would never happen.

When Hayun left Dawoon’s room, he saw the butler standing in the hallway. He seemed to have been waiting for Hayun. As Hayun stood looking at him, the butler spoke.

“Young Master Haram has a slight fever.”

Hayun’s eyebrows furrowed slightly at the news that the youngest, Haram, was sick.

“Did you take him to the hospital?”

“Dr. Kang came by in the evening.”

Dr. Kang was Chairman Jeong’s personal physician. Hayun briefly wondered if the doctor had inwardly cursed at being summoned for a child’s slight fever.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“The doctor said he seemed exhausted from crying too much all evening.”

The butler also looked perplexed as he answered. Hayun almost let out an exasperated sigh. It was an overreaction to have the personal physician come for such a reason.

“I thought you should know, that’s why I’m telling you.”

“Was he asking for Dawoon?”

If Haram wasn’t actually sick, the reason for his crying fit was obvious.

“Yes. Because Young Master Dawoon didn’t return at his usual time.”

“Does Haram usually cling to Dawoon when he comes home from school?”

“Not always, but generally, yes.”

Hayun chuckled at the ambiguous answer.

“That might be problematic next year when he becomes a high school senior. How old is Haram this year?”

The butler silently stared at Hayun in response to his question. He seemed somewhat taken aback by Hayun asking Haram’s age, but Hayun just smiled nonchalantly.

“He’s five years old this year.”

“Five years old…”

He was still very young. It wouldn’t be strange for a child that age to cry for his mother. Though it wasn’t normal that he was looking for Dawoon instead since his mother wasn’t there.

“Please look into hiring a live-in tutor. Someone to take care of Haram.”

“Are you thinking of entrusting him to someone else? There are plenty of people in the mansion who can take care of Young Master Haram.”

“If they were sufficient, Haram wouldn’t be looking for Dawoon. Find someone with a childcare teacher certificate who can also provide education.”

Until now, Haram had been too young to prevent him from seeking out Dawoon. Moreover, Hayun had been too busy to pay attention to every detail. But it would be problematic if this continued. They needed to start training Haram to be independent from Dawoon, little by little.

“About sending him to the Chairman’s house…”

Hayun’s expression immediately turned cold at the butler’s words. Sensing the change in his gaze, the butler swallowed the rest of his words and lowered his head.

“I heard Grandfather visited yesterday. It seems he said some unnecessary things.”

“He said that since Young Master Haram is still very young, it would be better to have an adult nearby to take care of him.”

“That sounds plausible. But in the end, they’d just have someone take care of him there too.”

The butler remained silent after Hayun’s cynical response.

“There will be no sending Haram to Grandfather. Find a live-in tutor.”

“I mentioned it because it seemed you were concerned about him interfering with Young Master Dawoon. I’ve already told the Chairman that you wouldn’t allow it.”

At this, Hayun’s hardened expression finally softened.

“Thank you. I know you always take good care of Dawoon and Haram.”

Having received the thanks, the butler seemed to have nothing more to say and bowed before turning away. Watching him go downstairs, Hayun let out a low sigh.

He hadn’t even considered sending Haram to Grandfather’s house. In truth, Hayun didn’t care much whether Haram stayed here or went to Grandfather’s. Unlike with Dawoon, Grandfather adored Haram, and he wouldn’t want for anything if he grew up there. Children tend to adapt to their environment anyway. If he went to Grandfather’s house, he might throw tantrums at first, but he would soon grow attached to the grandfather who doted on him.

But Dawoon was different. Dawoon needed Haram. It wasn’t a problem that Haram cried only for Dawoon. For Dawoon to stay attached to this house, Haram needed to be by his side for now. So Haram had to stay here. At least until Dawoon entered university.

***

Weekend. When Hayun came down to the dining room for breakfast, he saw that only his and Haram’s meals were set out. He called for the butler.

“Where’s Dawoon?”

The boy who would usually be down first was nowhere to be seen.

“He said he had plans with his friends.”

“Did he leave already? This early?”

It was barely 8 AM. Even though breakfast was later than usual because it was the weekend, it was still early for going out.

“He’s still here. He just had a quick sandwich earlier. He said he’d be leaving soon.”

The butler recited Dawoon’s morning schedule in detail.

“By friend, do you mean Ui-hyeon?”

“I’m not sure about that.”

Of course. Dawoon wouldn’t have reported such details to the butler.