Solo For Two

Sasha had become extremely quiet. Karel thought back. It had started two days ago.Sasha’s expression often seemed deeply contemplative, frequently lost in thought, missing Karel’s words entirely. Just like now.“…Sasha? Sasha, can you hear me?”“Huh…? Oh, um…”Karel handed Sasha a freshly bought hot dog.“What were you looking at so intently? Did you see something interesting?”“Huh?”Karel already knew the answer. Sasha wasn’t looking at anything. His vacant gaze was merely drifting among the bustling crowd, lost in his own thoughts, unable to hear or focus.However, Karel didn’t show his concern and gently pinched Sasha’s cheek.“Try this. It’s just made, so it should be tasty.”“Oh, it’s hot…”“Is it too hot? Be careful.”Sasha, absentmindedly grabbing the hot dog from Karel, almost dropped it in surprise, spilling some mustard on his hand in the process.“Hold on a second.”Karel glanced around before pulling Sasha to a corner. Hiding Sasha in his embrace, he lifted Sasha’s hand and licked the spilled mustard. The sensation of Karel licking his hand brought Sasha back to his senses.“Don’t do that! Not here… What if someone sees us?”“Nobody’s paying attention to us.”Sasha quickly pulled his hand away. Thanks to Karel’s sudden action, he finally seemed to regain his senses. Karel, inwardly relieved, guided Sasha back into the market.Greenwich Village, where the market was being held for the weekend, had rows of hot dog trucks. People in casual attire strolled around, admiring fresh mushrooms from nearby pastures or buying homemade jam. Since the townhouse Sasha and Karel lived in was not far, they had come out together to enjoy the weekend’s liveliness.The problem was, even while out, Sasha’s mind was elsewhere.Karel led Sasha to a nearby stone bench.“Sit down and eat.”“Okay.”“Eat slowly.”Watching Sasha focus intently on eating the hot dog, Karel let out an inaudible sigh.“Sasha, are you not having fun?”“Huh? I’m having fun.”“That’s good. Should we take Charles to Central Park this afternoon?”“Sure…”“And let’s have dinner near South Street Seaport. You like cocktail shrimp, right?”“……”Karel listed several more activities Sasha liked. But Sasha, saying everything was fine, didn’t share his own thoughts easily.Karel was sure of it. Sasha was hiding something from him.After finishing the hot dog, Sasha pulled out a handkerchief and meticulously wiped his fingers. Even during this, he seemed lost in thought, his movements slow, as Karel crossed his arms.‘It would be nice if you could share your worries with me.’Karel was ready to help and alleviate Sasha’s concerns. But he decided to wait a little longer. There must be a reason Sasha wasn’t speaking up.After getting up again, they roamed the market, buying flowers to decorate their home. Remembering that Levin needed butter, they also bought truffle butter, fresh honey, and chili mayonnaise. Karel continued to ask Sasha’s opinion on each purchase, but Sasha always responded indifferently. For example:“Sasha, smell this. The butter has a strong truffle scent.”“Yeah, it really does…”“Should we buy it?”“Sure.”“Should we not buy it?”“Sure.”Karel gave up and told Sasha they should head home. Sasha again replied, “Sure.”When they got home, Levin was just preparing lunch.“Levin, we’ll have a light lunch. We’re going to Central Park later.”“Are you taking Charles with you?”“Yes, we are.”“Then should I pack some snacks? Oh, Sasha, just leave the flowers on the table. I’ll arrange them later.”Without a word, Sasha handed the flowers to Levin and went to sit on the sofa. Buried in the flowers Sasha had given him, Levin cautiously asked, peeking through the green leaves.“It’s none of my business, but… did you two have a fight?”“Absolutely not.”Karel replied firmly. Levin hesitated for a moment before speaking.“Maybe… that’s just what you think, Karel?”Karel was taken aback and fell silent. For some reason, he couldn’t immediately refute and started rubbing his chin.Levin apologized for overstepping and returned to the kitchen, where he and his younger brother, who was also hired to help, began busily preparing lunch and a picnic basket.‘Did I do something wrong without realizing it?’Karel meticulously searched his memories. They say the one who loves more is at fault, and Karel had resigned himself to living his life feeling guilty in front of Sasha. However, there is a big difference between knowing the nature of one’s guilt and not knowing it.Thinking carefully, he couldn’t claim to be innocent.‘Is that why?’Two days ago—when Sasha suddenly became silent—Karel had shown his love to Sasha until he was exhausted—though this is a very mild way of describing what Karel had done. Feeling like he was minimizing his guilt, Karel coldly reassessed. He had pushed Sasha onto the bed and forced himself on him until Sasha passed out from the pleasure.‘Is that really my only sin?’Karel admitted he had done something even more shameless. When Sasha fainted, Karel, seeing his chance, had satisfied his lust further. Sasha often said that rough insertion caused bruising inside him, leading him to squirm or pull away. This movement increased the risk of injury, making it difficult for Karel to fully enjoy himself. So, when Sasha fainted, Karel took advantage.Karel felt awkward thinking about it.‘I need to reflect on this.’Though Sasha tired easily, he had good stamina, so it was rare for him to pass out, making the event two days ago quite serious.Still, from Karel’s perspective, he felt somewhat unfairly treated. He rarely had the chance to fully indulge his desires. He always prioritized Sasha’s wishes, leading to ‘moderate’ relations, which often left Karel unsatisfied. When his limits were reached, Karel would secretly indulge his desires, with Sasha forgiving him for the occasional excess due to understanding Karel’s ‘consideration’ and ‘patience.’That was two days ago.Karel continued his thoughts. Perhaps the real problem arose the next day.After thoroughly enjoying Sasha’s body, Karel didn’t want to be apart from him all day. He felt as though they had become one. Even after waking up, he held Sasha like a stuffed toy, bathed him, dried his hair while holding him, and even brought their meals to the bed, feeding him while still holding him. Sasha, not minding being treated like a baby, obediently accepted Karel’s touch.Naturally, Karel’s desire reignited, and he slyly inserted his fingers into Sasha’s backside again. The area, having housed Karel’s member all night, was still open, allowing easy entry.While eating cream soup, Sasha dropped some from his mouth.‘Karel!’He quickly turned and pushed Karel away. Concerned that sudden movement could cause injury with his fingers still inside, Karel quickly withdrew them.‘Not today, please. I’m really exhausted.’‘Exhausted?’Karel gently asked, licking the soup from Sasha’s mouth and chin. Sasha, fearing Karel’s persistent touch, pleaded earnestly.‘Let’s just… use our hands. I’ll help you.’Karel, disappointed, stroked Sasha’s belly and whispered.‘Just once… Can’t we?’‘Liar…’Sasha didn’t believe Karel, who had never kept his promise to stop after just one time.However, unable to let go, Karel sucked Sasha’s neck and caressed his naked body. Karel’s member was intimidatingly large, always causing a tight fit initially. To mitigate this, Karel liked to fall asleep inside Sasha, finding the relaxed pressure the next day more comfortable.‘You also get hurt when it’s too tight. Let’s wait until it’s loosened.’‘Hmm… No. It still feels open back there.’‘…Really? How much?’‘I don’t know, it just feels open.’‘Does it still feel like I’m inside?’Despite not intending to, Karel became aroused, scaring Sasha. Knowing that Karel could insert himself at any time, and that the loosened state would make it easier, terrified Sasha.Begging to let it go this time, promising to use his hands and mouth if needed, Sasha tried to soothe Karel. However, Karel eventually inserted himself again, after thoroughly stimulating Sasha’s body. Feeling defeated, Sasha was penetrated by the rigid rod, lamenting.‘If you were going to do this, you should have just… ugh, done it. Why bother persuading and begging…’Feeling that he too enjoyed it to the point of fainting, Karel felt guilty.‘But this isn’t the first time…’Hiding his complicated feelings, Karel went to Sasha. Sasha, buried in the leather sofa, looked out the window, with Karel’s marks on his neck and behind his ears.“Sasha, are you very tired?”Sasha, naturally leaning on Karel as a backrest, didn’t seem angry. His neck exuded a soft, sweet scent. Karel buried his nose there and asked.“Did I overdo it yesterday…”“Yeah… Yesterday? What do you mean?”“You wanted to rest yesterday. But I forced myself on you again…”At that, Sasha chuckled softly.“Are you only now reflecting on that?”Sasha, speaking as if finding Karel cute, kissed his chin.It didn’t seem like their intense lovemaking was the issue. Sasha slid down to rest his head on Karel’s firm thigh.“Ha…”Then, seemingly comfortable in Karel’s arms, he sighed again. Watching Sasha, who had seemed fine moments ago, suddenly fall back into a pit of melancholy, Karel was bewildered.Karel wondered if Sasha’s depression had returned. He worriedly brushed the hair from Sasha’s round forehead. However, he had closely observed Sasha’s past bouts of illness. This seemed entirely different.Sasha parted his lips to speak.“Karel, um…”“Yes?”“If I were to…”But Sasha didn’t continue and let out another deep sigh.There was definitely something on his mind.“What were you going to say?”“…”“Come on, tell me. I’ll listen to anything.”The more tenderly Karel spoke, the sadder and more sorrowful Sasha’s face became. Finally, he turned his head and buried his face in Karel’s rock-hard thigh, soaking Karel’s pants with his tears.“Karel.”“Sasha, why are you crying? Is something bothering you?”“Forgive me…”Sasha’s faint voice made Karel’s body tense with a sense of foreboding.“Forgive you for what…?”“You’re always so kind…”“What do you mean, huh? Sasha.”But Sasha closed his mouth tightly again.Karel realized that this was something he could never know unless Sasha spoke first. Suddenly, a wave of anxiety crashed over him.‘What could he be worried about that he can’t tell me? I would believe and support Sasha no matter what. Why can’t he tell me?’A dark suspicion began to grow in Karel’s mind.＊ ＊ ＊In the afternoon, they went to Central Park with Charles as planned. Levin was with them. Since it looked odd for two adult men to take care of a baby like a family, they usually took Levin along when they went out.Sasha and Charles, lying on a warm rock and basking in the afternoon sun, looked peaceful. Sasha let Charles nap on his chest while he seemed to be deep in thought again.It looked less like he was pondering and more like he was daydreaming about something.‘What on earth could it be?’Sitting under a tree a little away from the rock, Karel quietly asked.“Levin, have you noticed anything recently…”“Yes?”“Is there something troubling Sasha?”“What do you mean by troubling?”“Is there something on his mind that I don’t know about…”Sasha and Levin sometimes behaved like allies. That’s why Karel thought Levin might know something. However, he didn’t expect much.Karel and Sasha were in a relationship that, though not formally recognized, was akin to marriage. They had promised to share each other’s greatest joys and sorrows. If there were any strange signs with Sasha, Karel would have known first.There’s no way Levin would know something I don’t…“…”But Levin’s silence was suspiciously long.“You know something, don’t you?”Karel asked bluntly.“I don’t know exactly. But…”Levin seemed to be choosing her words carefully.Karel remained patient. Levin, always emotionally inclined toward Sasha, tended to side with him when making important decisions. If she sensed that Karel would trouble Sasha, she would never reveal anything. Karel pretended to remain calm, maintaining a facade that he was always thinking of Sasha’s well-being.“You know I always handle the mail myself, right?”“Yes, I know.”Their townhouse in New York, located in the most expensive area, had three house addresses because Sasha and Karel had combined three floors into one penthouse. When inviting guests, they simply mentioned the floor number, but mail carriers often thought the address was incomplete if only the floor was mentioned, leading to mail sometimes getting held at the post office.“A while ago, I collected the bills that had arrived at the townhouse and went to the post office to check if there was any leftover mail. But when I got there…”“And?”“There was no mail at all. That has never happened before, right? You know that, don’t you? I went there after two weeks, and there was nothing. When I asked, they said someone else had already picked it up.”“Who could have picked it up?”“That’s the thing.”Levin glanced meaningfully at Sasha. Karel also turned to look at Sasha.Sasha’s brown eyes were shining transparently as he stared blankly at the floating clouds.“The post office worker, blushing, said a very handsome man with black hair had collected it.”Karel sighed.“So there might be a secret in the mail.”“That’s what I think.”“Thank you.”“Please don’t push Sasha too hard.”“When have I ever done that?”Karel asked, bewildered, but Levin didn’t respond.On the way home, the four of them stopped by a seafood restaurant near South Street Seaport. Georg, who had received advance notice and made the reservation, was waiting at the entrance. He was a bit of a gourmet and was very particular about food.“I’ll take Charles and head back now. We can walk home from here.”Then Karel said,“No, stay and eat with us. The seafood here is quite good. If you’re worried about your brother at home, we can pack some food to take back.”“Yes, if you leave now, it will seem even ruder for me to stay. Let’s enjoy the meal since the boss is paying.”With Georg’s addition, Levin reluctantly nodded with a smile.At this point, Levin thought she might have a clue about what Karel had secretly asked earlier. Usually, it would be Sasha who quickly persuaded Levin not to go home, as he often treated Levin like family.But today, Sasha was standing a step behind Karel with a gloomy face.‘There’s definitely a secret… but what could it be?’Levin entered the restaurant through the door Georg held open, proclaiming “Ladies first.”The five of them sat in a circle. Charles, sitting in a high chair, ate his share of food. While Charles gripped a few strands of garlic-and-clam-filled spaghetti with his small fist and ate eagerly, Karel focused on peeling cocktail shrimp for Sasha. As a result, a mountain of shrimp shells accumulated in front of Karel.Georg and Levin were discerning the subtle flavors while discussing the types of oysters. The middle of the table soon became piled with oyster shells. Noticing that Karel had barely eaten, Sasha ordered spicy clam chowder for him. It was a satisfying dinner for everyone.Well-fed, they returned home. Levin, after stopping by her house to pick up her brother, left with Georg in his car. Now, only Karel and Sasha remained at home.“You must be tired from all the running around since morning.”“No.”Moonlight filtered into the quiet house through the window. Sasha closed his eyes gently at Karel’s habitual kiss.“Do you want me to help you wash?”“I’m fine.”“Want a glass of wine?”Sasha, curious about Karel’s unusual offer since he usually strictly limited alcohol, followed Karel to the kitchen. He looked like a cat following its owner, expecting a treat. Karel retrieved a bottle of wine from the dark cellar and poured a glass of clear ruby-red Pinot Noir for Sasha. Sasha sat on the sofa as soon as he took the glass, holding it up to the moonlight.“Wow…”“If you drink a glass like that, don’t you think I’ll get jealous?”“Why would you be jealous?”Despite his words, Karel allowed Sasha three glasses of wine.“What’s with you today?”“What do you mean?”Sasha felt uneasy. But Karel showed no sign of it and poured more wine.“Wow… it’s so beautiful.”“What will I do with you and your love for wine, you drunkard.”Each glass contained only a finger’s width of wine, so it wasn’t much. But Sasha soon felt his body relax. His pronunciation was already slurring. Sasha’s back slid down the sofa. When the glass he was holding tilted, threatening to spill the remaining wine, Karel carefully took it from his hand. Sasha didn’t even seem to notice.Karel gently removed Sasha’s socks and unbuckled his pants. He also unbuttoned two buttons on Sasha’s shirt to make it more comfortable. Sasha, with his eyes half-open, muttered.“I need to wash before I sleep…”“If you’re sleepy, just sleep.”Though Sasha had said he wasn’t tired, he was completely knocked out after a few glasses of wine. His neck slumped, and he relaxed completely. Karel slid his arms under Sasha’s neck and knees and lifted him effortlessly.After laying Sasha on the bed and confirming that his wine-scented breaths had settled into a sleeping rhythm, Karel began to search the room. Once again, he felt pangs of guilt.‘But he won’t tell me anything.’Karel justified his actions, convincing himself that getting Sasha drunk to uncover his secret was necessary. He first checked the bedside table.‘No matter how obvious it is, Sasha wouldn’t hide anything here.’There was only a notepad and a pen inside. He checked the pockets of Sasha’s coats in the closet, the desk drawers, and the base of a flat, tall vase. As Karel continued searching, his eyes fell on a few books on the table.Karel quickly approached the table. Sasha didn’t particularly enjoy reading. Despite his ability to speak various languages due to his life in exile, he struggled with reading and writing in any language. Karel had never seen him read a book in his native Russian, either.‘Sorry to say this, but Sasha, you’re not the type to read.’Karel opened the books without hesitation. Among the turning pages, something got caught. It was a noticeable postcard tucked between what looked like bills. Karel took it and sat on the sofa. One side of the postcard was an illustration by an artist, and the other side was written in French cursive. The content was very simple.[I’m coming to New York soon. We’ll meet soon.]The handwriting was concise and full of energy, reflecting the writer’s personality. The issue was the sender.‘Gudin.’Karel examined the postcard again with a cold eye. The red stamp indicating international mail had a date on it.It had been sent three weeks ago.‘So, he’s either already here or they’ve already met.’Karel silently slipped the postcard back into the book. Then, remembering its original position, he stacked the books back in place.‘Sasha, how am I supposed to take this?’Karel sat on the sofa, lost in thought. In the face of shocking facts, one often becomes calm.The fact that someone like Gudin sent a postcard was of no concern. Regardless of whether such a novice coveted Sasha, as long as Karel was by Sasha’s side, no one could touch him. Even if Gudin came to New York, it would be the same.The problem was that Sasha had tried to hide this.He hid the postcard and didn’t mention it at all. Moreover, his suddenly changed attitude over the past two days was suspicious.‘He might have met him around then.’Why would he keep it a secret from me? Karel suppressed his rising jealousy, amazed that there were still parts of Sasha’s mind he couldn’t fathom.＊ ＊ ＊“Karel, I… I’m going to Bergdorf Goodman today.”Karel looked at Sasha with a silent, gentle smile.“The department store?”“Yes.”“Do you need money?”Before Sasha could respond, Karel went into the room and opened the safe. It was inconvenient to withdraw money each time, and since most of Karel’s wealth had been laundered during his spy days, handling it cleanly was cumbersome. Therefore, Karel preferred to convert his wealth into tangible assets like gold, jewels, or cash.Karel took out a stack of crisp bills from the safe. The new, unused bills were excessively flat and light compared to their value.“This much?”Though Sasha wasn’t lacking money, Karel wanted to show his support for Sasha’s outings. That way, Sasha could comfortably go out and enjoy a rendezvous with “someone.”Normally, Sasha would have waved it off, but he looked at the money silently, prompting Karel to take out more crisp bills. With 5 cents, you could buy a pack of cigarettes, so the $50 Karel handed over was enough to buy an expensive car.It wasn’t until Karel handed over $100 that Sasha nodded in satisfaction.“Are you buying a house?”“No…”Sasha took the cash from Karel and counted it. Karel was astounded.“You’re not planning to use the money I gave you to have fun with your new lover, are you?”“Well, I’ll be off.”“Alright. Have a good time. If you buy too much, have it delivered to the house.”“Got it… Are you staying home?”“Why? Should I go with you?”“No? I’d like to go alone. I want to go alone.”Sasha tried to sound nonchalant, but there was already a hint of “Please don’t come” in his tone. Karel rubbed Sasha’s cheek and said,“I’m tired, so I’ll stay home and rest. I won’t move from the bed.”“Alright.”Upon hearing Karel’s words, a cautious relief spread in Sasha’s eyes.At that moment, Karel pulled Sasha close and kissed him deeply. Caught off guard, Sasha gasped as his waist and chest were suddenly squeezed tight. Karel’s tongue invaded Sasha’s mouth, not in a tender farewell, but almost out of spite. Only after a while did Sasha manage to break free, his legs slightly unsteady.“I-I’ll be back soon. I won’t be late.”“Take care. Be careful.”“Huh? Am I a child? Anyway, yeah…”Feeling like Karel was oddly emphasizing caution, Sasha scratched his head.As soon as Sasha left the house, Karel looked out the window. Sasha, descending the stairs, soon appeared at the townhouse entrance. He looked around between the trees and glanced back up at the window. Karel hid behind the wall.“Let’s see who you’re meeting and what you’re up to.”Karel muttered dangerously. Throwing on a coat, he quickly left the house, remembering the direction Sasha had walked.＊ ＊ ＊Saying he was going to Bergdorf Goodman was a lie. Following Sasha, Karel swore silently multiple times.‘Damn it, damn it.’ Unable to hate Sasha, his anger turned inward.Sasha, without stopping to look at street vendors or shops, headed straight for his destination, dodging slow-moving carriages.Sasha arrived at an outdoor restaurant near Union Square. Karel chose a store across the street from which he could watch Sasha. As soon as he sat by the window, a waiter brought a menu featuring a French full course. Karel waved it away and said,“I’ll just have the drink menu, please.”“Sir? We don’t serve drinks alone.”“……”Karel was silent at the waiter’s words.