Star Wars: Starkiller

After what happened with Calrissian, contrary to what I thought, Hera did not say anything about what I did with the Lamoglian, I don't know if in gratitude to me or if she was not aware that the actions I had taken and the skills I had used were not of a Jedi, whatever the case was, the important thing was that for now my cover was still safe...I think.

Also after what happened on the last mission, Kanan suggested taking a break from missions, which was unanimously approved by the crew to no one's surprise, after all, what had happened to Hera affected them all.

The dynamic within the Ghost in response had calmed, though tension still hung in the air. Hera had been quite distant since what had happened, and though I noticed the concern in Kanan's eyes whenever I looked at her, I preferred to keep to myself. I was never good with words, or even with people.

However, there was something I couldn't ignore. For the first time in my life, I felt something beyond the mission, beyond the fight, beyond the vengeance that had defined my whole being. It had begun to matter. Not just the ship or the cause, but the people who crewed it.

It was strange. Unsettling, even. I had spent most of my life serving as a tool of destruction for Vader. Emotions were forbidden, bonds were weaknesses, and trust? well, trusting anyone was practically a death sentence. But here, in this group of rebels barely surviving from day to day, there was something different. Something I couldn't ignore.

And that had become clear on the last mission, when, after so long, I hadn't thought rationally and let my anger dictate the course of my actions. That this was in response to such a savage act was not strange to me. What really disturbed me was that, for the first time, my reaction did not stem solely from my own pride or need to demonstrate strength, but from a genuine concern for someone else's welfare. For Hera's welfare.

On the one hand, there was a voice inside me reproaching me. Telling me that I shouldn't have risked so much, that my duty was to remain aloof, cold, prepared for the inevitable. That voice sounded like Vader, like all the lessons he instilled in me throughout my life: "Attachment is weakness. The only goal is power, with power you gain victory."

But then there was the other voice, fainter but steady, like a whisper I couldn't ignore. It was the same voice I had heard before, during our mission in the temple. This one telling me, "Much pain and anger in you I feel, but completely corrupted by the dark side you were not, not yet." That statement kept echoing in my mind, like an echo impossible to dispel.

It was like having 2 bells constantly ringing in my head, as if the dark and light side were battling within me constantly.

The turbulence was constant, a whirlwind of emotions that I could not silence. Anger, fear, guilt, doubts? Everything was mixed in a storm that seemed to have no end. What did it mean? Was this the true nature of the Force? An eternal conflict between opposites? Or maybe I was the problem, caught between two paths I couldn't walk at the same time.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

'I'll think about it later,' I said to myself as I stood up and headed for the door. Opening it, I was met by Kanan, who seemed about to knock. For a brief moment, his face showed mild surprise, as if he didn't expect me to respond so quickly to his knock. It was curious to see him like this; he always tried to maintain a serene and confident facade, but sometimes his emotions crept into the smallest gestures.

"Now Senator Trayvis' broadcast begins, if you'd like to come along," he said, keeping his tone neutral, though there was something in his gaze that hinted at anticipation.

"And why would I do that?" I replied as I leaned against the doorframe, crossing my arms with an air of disinterest. It wasn't a direct rejection, but an attempt to see how far I would go with his invitation.

At my question, I saw doubt cross his face. It was only for a second, but it was enough to notice that he was choosing his words carefully. Kanan had this tendency to measure what he said, as if he was always looking for a way not to give more information than necessary. Finally, he broke the silence.

"Ezra had a vision about the senator. According to him, he may be in danger," he explained.

Hearing that, I couldn't help but arch an eyebrow. "I thought we were taking a break from missions," I retorted with a mixture of irony and ennui.

"I didn't say there was going to be a mission. Just that the sight of the boy seemed to imply something else," he clarified, though his tone carried with it a slight annoyance. Perhaps not because of my words, but because he himself knew how unlikely it was that something involving a vision would end in calm.

"I understand," I replied after a pause, letting out a sigh as I uncrossed my arms. "Well, I'll be right there."

As I said this, I noticed a small smile form on Kanan's face. It was discreet, almost imperceptible, but genuine. Perhaps because I hadn't immediately rejected his proposal, or maybe because what he had said didn't end in an argument, as it usually did between us.

"We'll wait for you then." That was all he said before turning and retreating down the hallway.

I watched him leave for a few seconds before closing the door. There was something about the way he treated me that didn't quite click with me. It wasn't condescension, or pity... It was as if he was expecting something from me, as if he wanted to find something that even I didn't know existed.

I shook my head to clear those thoughts and prepared to join them. If there was one thing I knew about visions, it was that they always brought with them more questions than answers, and although Kanan tried to play the role of the calm and patient teacher, there was something in the way he spoke about this particular one that made me think he had his own doubts as well.

Once I arrived at the meeting place, I noticed that everyone was present. To my surprise, even Hera was there. After what happened on the last mission, she had spent days isolated in her room, interacting minimally with the others. Internally, I felt a slight relief to see her back among us, although I had no intention of expressing it openly. It wasn't my style, and besides, it seemed that the wound was still too fresh for her to bear any off-hand comments.

The rest of the crew was gathered around the holotransmitter, anxiously awaiting Senator Trayvis' words. Ezra was especially attentive, with that look of hope and naiveté that I sometimes found irritating. To him, the senator was little short of a mythical hero, and that only made this situation seem more suspicious to me.

"Citizens, Senator-in-Exile Gall Trayvis here..."

"Right on time!" said Ezra with some excitement.

"...coming to you with a reminder that the Empire applies the term "insurgent" to anyone who dares defy their tyranny. Such as some very courageous souls on Lothal." Said the senator clearly referring to rebel groups on the planete among which we would apparently enter.

"He's talking about us. He said Lothal." with a smile, looking at Hera. She didn't respond, keeping her eyes fixed on the transmission. Her face was serene, but there was a tension evident in her posture. Her time in isolation had clearly left an imprint. She didn't look like the same confident captain that led the team.

"To those rebels, I have a message. The sun may have set on the Old Republic, but a new freedom can be won if we are brave enough to fight for it today. See you soon, my friends."

The transmission ended and was replaced by the usual information channel of the Imperial Holonet. A slight silence pervaded the room until Hera spoke.

"From what I could elucidate it looks like he's coming to Lothal." To which the rest looked at her in surprise.

"What? How do you know that?" Zeb asked.

"My contact, Fulcrum, says the senator hides coded messages in his transmissions. When Trayvis mentions a world, it's always the next one he visits." Hera clarified.

"How come the Empire hasn't caught him?" asked Kanan somewhat skeptically.

"Trayvis is too smart. You know, he pirates the Empire's own signal, just like my folks used to.

And the clues he puts in his messages where to meet him are obvious to the locals, but go right over the Empire's head, watch." Clarified Ezra as he replayed the Trayvis transmission he had recorded.

"The sun may have set on the Old Republic, but a new freedom can be won.... "

"He said "the Old Republic" and "a new freedom." Hera said causing Ezra to become thoughtful.

"Well, everybody on Lothal knows the New Freedom mural. It's painted on the wall in...inside the Old Republic Senate Building!" Ezra said with a tone of revelation, to which Sabine almost self-amusedly reached for a hologram of it and reproduced it.

"Hmm, Been abandoned since the Empire built the Imperial complex. Good place for a friendly get-together." She said.

"Yeah, but when's this meeting?" Zeb asked asking the obvious question.

"He worked "sunset" and "today" into his message. Pretty obvious." Ezra said in a tone of obviousness.

"Maybe too obvious." I interjected, breaking the flow of the conversation. My tone was firm, but not aggressive, though the others' gazes rested on me with some bemusement.

"What do you mean?" asked Kanan with a slight arch of his eyebrow, clearly curious about my sudden interruption.

"Something doesn't smell right to me," I explained as I crossed my arms. "The Imperials aren't idiots. They have agents on Lothal, spies on every corner, and I have no doubt they've already deciphered the senator's message. If we go there, we'll be heading headlong into a trap."

Ezra, who until that moment had remained silent, reacted immediately. His gaze was intense, a mixture of conviction and stubbornness that only someone his age could demonstrate. "But if we don't go, the senator will be caught and imprisoned. Or worse, executed," he said vehemently.

"And if we go there, we'll most likely find a whole troop of stormtroopers waiting for us," I replied without hesitation, letting my words fall like a cold, calculated warning. "Besides, I don't trust him."

Ezra blinked, surprised. It was obvious he hadn't expected that answer. "What do you mean you don't trust him, he's Senator Trayvis! He risks his life to speak out against the Empire," he replied in a tone that bordered on indignation, almost as if he were defending a close friend.

I sighed, holding my ground. "Kid, please... don't you find it suspicious that a fugitive senator would have enough time or skill to hack into the Imperial Holonet? Or worse, that he's willing to risk publicizing his location, in the hopes that Rebellion sympathizers will magically appear to help him? It's just too convenient."

My words seemed to make a dent in the others. Hera and Kanan exchanged a glance, and Sabine frowned as if reassessing the situation. Ezra, however, didn't seem willing to budge.

"How can you say that?" he snapped at me, with a fury he didn't try to disguise. His eyes were fixed on mine, challenging me. "You don't even know him!"

I stared at him, with a calmness that contrasted with his anger. "As far as I know, you don't know him either, kid. And I don't need to know someone to spot an ambush when I see it coming."

Ezra clenched his fists, but didn't immediately respond. I could tell my words had hit him harder than I expected, and for a moment, he seemed to debate between answering or remaining silent. Finally, he spoke.

"Senator Trayvis has been fighting the Empire since before I even knew how to speak," Ezra said, his voice laden with emotion that he made no attempt to hide. His eyes shone with conviction, that unwavering hope that only someone young and idealistic could show. "He has inspired so many. If there's a chance he's in danger, we have to try to help him. Besides..."

He paused, and his words came out more rushed, as if he couldn't contain them.

"Besides maybe he knows what happened to my parents."

There it was again. Always the parents.

I sighed internally. This wasn't Ezra's first - nor his twentieth - speech about his parents. He had talked ad nauseam about how they had been captured by the Empire, how he missed them, how he hoped to find them or at least know what had become of them. He understood their pain. It was tragic, even. But the reality, the brutal, cold reality, was that they had made a choice: to fight the Empire, knowing full well that they were putting their son in danger.

And, to be honest, I'd had enough.

"You know what, kiddo?" I said, crossing my arms and locking my eyes with his. My tone was as cold as broken glass. "Your parents were stupid idealists who would rather fight the Empire than care about you. If they really cared about you as much as you say they did, they would have put aside their damn anti-imperial broadcasts and stayed with you. But they didn't."

My words landed like a thud in the room. The tension was palpable, as if the air had grown thicker. Hera, across the room, turned sharply to look at me, her face a mixture of disbelief and disapproval. Sabine looked at me with her mouth ajar, dumbfounded by the brutality of my words. Zeb looked at me with a surprised expression as if not believing me capable of saying such a thing. Even Kanan, always serene, looked puzzled.

But the biggest impact was felt from the front. Ezra looked at me as if I had just stabbed him. At first, his expression was one of pure disbelief, but it quickly morphed into something much darker. His fists clenched so tightly that his knuckles turned white, and I saw his jaw tighten.

"What did you say?" He muttered in a shaky voice, as if he couldn't believe what he'd heard.

"What you heard, kid," I replied, my tone as cold as before. "Maybe if you had mattered more to them than their useless transmissions, you wouldn't have been orphaned. And maybe they would still be alive."

"Shut up!" shouted Ezra, his voice echoing through the room like a blast. He took a step toward me, his face full of fury. For a moment, I thought he was going to launch himself at me, and though I would have preferred it, what I saw in his eyes was interesting: a mixture of hatred and pain.

"You don't know anything about them!" he continued, now practically shaking with anger. "They fought for what they believed in, for a better future, not just for me, but for everyone! You have no right to say that - NO RIGHT!"

"No, maybe not," I replied, crossing my arms calmly. "But someone had to tell you. Sooner or later, you'll realize that it's not all as heroic as you think."

"I don't need this from you! Or anyone!" exclaimed Ezra, taking another step toward me.

"Hey, knock it off!" roared Zeb, stepping forward with his arms crossed and planting himself between Ezra and me. His voice was a low rumble, enough to get everyone's attention.

Zeb shot me a warning look before turning to Ezra, placing a firm hand on his shoulder, albeit carefully. "Calm down, kid. It's not worth it."

Ezra was breathing heavily, clearly debating between ignoring Zeb's words and lashing out at me anyway. But the lasat's firm grip seemed to hold him back, at least for now.

Ezra shook Zeb's hand off his and took a step back. "I don't need you to defend me, Zeb," he said, though his voice was still charged with anger. He looked at me once more, his gaze full of contempt. "I don't care what you think, Galen. I know who my parents were, and nothing you say will change that."

"Ezra..." interjected Kanan, slowly approaching with his hands raised in a sign of calm. "That's enough, both of you. This is not a fight. And this is not the time."

Ezra didn't hear him. He turned abruptly and left the room, his footsteps echoing in the hallway. The door closed with a bang, leaving a heavy silence behind him.

Kanan looked at me firmly, his eyes glinting with disapproval.

The tension in the room was still palpable, and the weight of Hera, Sabine and Kanan's stares felt like a burden I didn't mind carrying.

Hera finally broke the silence, her tone cold but controlled. "I don't know what your intention was, but you just made something that was already complicated more difficult. Maybe you should think about what it means to be part of a team." He said before finally withdrawing.

Sabine didn't say anything, but the way she looked at me said it all. A little disbelief, a little disappointment.

 Kanan kept looking at me, his expression laden with disapproval and something else, something I couldn't quite identify.

Frustration, perhaps. Finally, he sighed and shook his head, as if my behavior was just another weight on the long list of worries he carried.

"I can't believe you'd say such things, Galen." He muttered before turning to follow Ezra, who had left the room visibly furious. But before he crossed the threshold of the door, Kanan stopped.

He turned to me one last time, his gaze piercing with a mixture of disappointment and warning. "You know, for someone trained as a Jedi, you sometimes have attitudes worthy of a Sith."

I didn't respond, remaining silent as his words hung in the air. Kanan walked out, leaving me alone in the room.

Silence settled in immediately, oppressive and heavy. For a moment, I stared at the empty room. Sabine had left the room quietly after Kanan, without even a glance at me, and Zeb had left shortly before, muttering something unintelligible but evidently unkind about me. Now, the room was empty, except for me and the echo of my words, which still echoed in my mind.

I felt no regret, although a part of me recognized that I had probably crossed a line. My words had been harsh, too direct, but necessary. Ezra lived in a world of illusions, and those kinds of illusions had no place in the fight against the Empire. Blind hope was not a strength; it was a weakness, one that made you vulnerable and could cost you your life.

Kanan's accusation, however, kept going round and round in my head. "Attitudes worthy of a Sith."

I was neither offended nor embarrassed by those words. For years, I had been molded by Darth Vader, trained under his shadow to be a weapon, an extension of his will. Being called "Sith" was not foreign to me. I had been many things throughout my life: a tool, an assassin, an experiment, and yes, even an apprentice to the dark side. But I had left all that behind... or had I?

Had I really left it behind?

My eyes rested on the metallic floor beneath my feet. It was hard to ignore how much the past still influenced me. I had escaped from Vader, from his control, from his endless cycle of hate and power. But sometimes, when he spoke or acted, I could feel his shadow behind me, as if a part of him still lived inside me.

Maybe Kanan was right.

I wasn't a Jedi, not quite. I had learned to use the Force under the guidance of a monster, not a jedi. My methods, my way of dealing with the truth, were too brutal to fit with anyone else's idea of what it meant to be a Jedi. But I didn't care. The galaxy was not kind, and war left no room for compassion or naive ideals.

I had lost too much by trying to be something I was not.

Maybe that was my true nature. Maybe I could never be more than a tool for war, someone destined to fight from the shadows, to make decisions that others could not afford.

I shook my head, pushing those thoughts away. I had no regrets about what I had said to Ezra. It was crude, yes, but someone had to tell him. Idealism would not save us. War was cruel, and the truth was even more so. If Ezra didn't learn that now, if he didn't face reality, his illusions would destroy him. And, worse, he might take the others with him.

Slowly, I backed away from the wall and made my way down the corridor. The ship was silent except for the faint hum of the operating systems. I could feel the tension in the air, a tension I had created myself, and I didn't care. My place was not to be friends with them or to comfort anyone. My place was to keep them alive, even if it meant they hated me for it.

Because, deep down, I knew that the fight against the Empire was not a game of heroes and villains. It was a battle of survival, and to survive, you had to be willing to sacrifice more than anyone was willing to admit.

If that made me look like a Sith, then so be it.

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Hello and Happy New Year!! Tomorrow I will be posting the continuation of this chapter. Goodbheand happy holiday with your loved ones my dear readers and remember to give me your stones if you liked it :)