Surviving as a Useless Bard in a Game

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There were quite a few events as we headed south, but I didn’t particularly want to pridefully list all those experiences and describe them.

If anything, the most notable tale would be how I, suffering from insomnia, was forcibly put to [sleep] by Skylar.

When I fell asleep, I wasn’t the sort to do anything wild. So you could rest easy.

Anyway, the Emperor entrusted everything to a cat he owned, the one with the ‘face.’

I never imagined there would be a gold coin hanging from a necklace around a cat’s neck.

“Thanks to that, I no longer have a reason to travel around solving annoying quests, but personally, I’m a bit disappointed about the gold badge.”

Gold badge adventurer, Selina. What a magnificent title! Just the proof that I surpassed Skylar, who only has a silver badge! Gold that I could even touch!

—That’s what I was thinking, but Skylar said it wasn’t real gold.

Because if it were made of real gold, the Empire’s gold reserves would dwindle significantly—he explained. It seems that fake adventurer badges circulated quite a bit.

Though they disappeared after magical engravings and circuits were established.

In conclusion, neither Skylar nor I could become gold badge adventurers.

Yeah. Who’s this beautiful lady staring blankly at the sky in a rattling wagon while still having all these useless thoughts?

That would be me.

“Skylar.”

“Why are you calling again?”

“’Again’? How many times have I called?”

“You keep calling my name every time you get bored. It’s not like you have anything special to say.”

“That’s true, but the coachman can’t talk, and you’re the only person who can keep me company while we’re moving. The Emperor assigned us a cat as an observer!”

“…Technically, it’s a person who turned into a cat.”

A gray-furred cat next to me meowed.

I looked back and forth between Skylar’s eyes and the cat.

“…Do you think that looks like a person? Right now, it’s just mimicking cat sounds while watching us like a damn fool?”

“I think it would be better to say it’s diligently fulfilling its duties.”

“No matter how diligent it is, still. What if it ends up forgetting how to speak and walk, and when it turns back into a person, it walks on all fours?”

“That’s pushing it too far.”

The cat with oddly sinister eyes was staring at me. It looked angry.

I remembered an old orange cat wearing a nun’s veil that had the same menacing look. Strangely similar.

If I thought about it as a guy inside, it was quite nauseating.

Ah, maybe I’m similar in that regard. Am I something that makes you want to puke? No, that can’t be. I’m perfect.

Cats and humans are like the heavens and the earth. And among those humans, I stand at the very top, perfect.

Anyway, it would be fine if it got angry or roared, but I hope it doesn’t bite or scratch. My narcolepsy and clumsiness aside, I was still thin-skinned, underweight, and frail.

Getting hurt would be a hassle.

“I’m tired.”

“We’re almost at the Southern Central Church.”

“I have something to ask.”

“Are you going to ask why you confidently visit a place like the church, which is one of the forces collecting bodies?”

“Yeah. Seeing how well you pinpoint the things I want to say, your answer will probably be the same as last time.”

“Yes. I have an acquaintance there.”

“I’m just saying this in case, but is a person with a ‘wing bone’ reliable?”

“…It’s ambiguous.”

“Weren’t you here because you trusted them?”

“To be honest, aside from Nisha and Propertyius, there’s no one I can trust 100%. I can only pray that she hasn’t changed.”

“‘She’? Another woman?”

At that moment, Skylar felt the air in the wagon grow a little colder.

Slowly, she turned her head to meet my gaze. Our eyes locked. I felt a strange illusion as if sparks were flying. Sweat trickled down on Skylar’s face.

She got tense.

“Well, biologically, she is a woman.”

“Don’t sugarcoat it; be clear.”

“Yes. She is a woman.”

“Oh, I see. Uh-huh. Got it. I have a rough idea what you mean.”

“Selina?”

“Of course, having lived for a while, you’d have met many women. I’m not your first companion, first party, or first woman. It’s all understandable. When you live long, it naturally happens.”

“That sounds a bit odd.”

“Huh? I said I understand everything!”

“First companion and first party is one thing, but first woman? What are you talking about?”

“……female acquaintance.”

“Oh, that’s what you meant.”

Skylar picked up on something strange.

In fact, what I just did was more like displaying jealousy. When I first arrived in this world, Skylar was the first person I trusted.

It wasn’t love… per se.

I’m originally a guy, and I still have a male mindset. Just because my body changed doesn’t mean my emotions and thoughts could change. Even if they did change, it would take a long time.

It was more of a sleazy feeling close to obsession or possessiveness.

I think of Skylar as special and trustworthy. Yet, to Skylar, I’m probably just one of many reliable people.

Thinking that made me feel a bubbling anger inside.

So, I ended up getting a bit mad.

That’s all there was to it.

I closed my eyes and delved into my thoughts. I just told Skylar to wake me when we arrive. She replied in a weak voice, “Okay.”

I closed my eyes, but I still couldn’t fall asleep.

The shaking of the wagon, its rattling, Skylar’s breathing, the cat’s fur, the blowing wind, the gradually warming air, people’s footsteps, chatter, and the bustling crowd.

And then, the adventurers.

The sounds I could hear began to change, and with that, my position shifted, and I realized we had reached the entrance of the Adventurer’s Guild.

Skylar rustled beside me.

She approached me while I pretended to be asleep.

“Selina, we’ve arrived.”

“Yeah.”

I slowly opened my eyes and pretended to be tired.

I stretched and loosened my bones and muscles.

I felt stiff.

I got off the wagon and entered the first floor of the Adventurer’s Guild.

This was a routine occurrence.

The accommodation that would take care of us for this journey—

“Selina? Why did you come in?”

“…Huh?”

“This time, we’ll be staying at an inn. There’s no reason to stay at the guild anymore, especially in this city.”

“Oh, right.”

…I had completely forgotten.

We had used inns countless times on our way to the Southern Central Church.

Recently, I’ve been spaced out.

I can hardly remember the things from dawn and often forget things.

“Even suddenly getting money added to my wallet! Or the bizarre state of my musical instrument!”

I hope I’m not losing my mind…?

Well, probably not.

***

Because of the grand name of the Southern Central Church, I had some expectations. What I saw was a cathedral of enormous size that exceeded my expectations.

Four tall spires surrounded the church, which could easily compete with a huge cathedral built in modern times.

“…Is your acquaintance…”

“Let’s go in.”

“I’m starting to get curious about the extent of your connections, Skylar.”

“I don’t know either.”

Ignoring the nonchalant response to my question, we reached the firmly closed doors of the Central Church.

No matter how I thought about it, it seemed rude to forcefully open the church’s doors when they only open at specified times. But since Skylar was so confident…

“There shouldn’t be a problem, right? Probably?”

Skylar placed a hand on the church’s door and put strength into it.

Seeing her straining to open the door with her child-sized body looked a bit cute, but I thought that if I had tried to open it, it wouldn’t have budged at all, which gave me a bit of a headache.

I had resolved my negative status, but I still had strength similar to or even weaker than a child.

Should I gather more gold coins and buy items with engravings and circuits?

Anyway, after a little time had passed, the church door finally opened slightly. Just enough for one person to pass through.

To be honest, it wasn’t even much of an opening. Skylar looked at me and then spoke in a small voice, as if creeping in.

“…Let’s go in.”

“Okay.”

She seemed to be feeling shy.

I could see her face getting a bit red lately. It didn’t seem like her from before.

With that, we moved forward into the church.

As we entered the church, we felt something strange.

There were way too few people.

In a church this large, there should typically be several people managing it.

Even if it was a time not open to the public, not having at least some guard to stop people like us from forcing our way in was decidedly odd.

“No one’s here.”

“…Yeah.”

“To be honest, I want to leave right now.”

The church’s stained glass sparkled in the sunlight, casting colorful shadows on the floor. Looking at this scene, I found myself more curious about how much money was spent on it than feeling awed by its mystery.

“Looks like religion makes a lot of money.”

In a world where gods truly exist, was it really appropriate to curse that from within the Central Church?

Just as we were about to turn around and leave the church, we felt a presence behind us.

A white feather fell down.