Surviving as a Useless Bard in a Game

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The party expanded.

A single gray cat.

A human with pigeon wings.

One handsome little wizard.

One old man.

One cute child.

‘…This is awkward.’

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I really dislike awkward atmospheres.

While enduring the tedious journey in the wagon, I kept chatting with Skylar and the mute coachman. I didn’t need them to respond, as long as I could ease the awkwardness and boredom.

As usual, I opened my mouth and started rambling.

“I’ve read a bit while living in Regan.”

“Oh really? I always thought you just rolled around in bed.”

“Skylar, why do you always start arguments the moment I speak?”

“…Just because?”

“Anyway, I read in a book that in the Gateway City, there are strange bugs roaming around in the uninhabited desert, not on the safe paths established by the traders. Is that true?”

“Bugs, huh? It’s not particularly strange if they’re around, but I don’t think they were there before…”

“Really?”

“The falling stars desert and the wasteland used to be the territories of demons. The reason no one lives there isn’t because of bugs, but because of monsters or demons. I mean, how could bugs possibly drive people out?”

“That makes sense.”

Ahem. Ahem.

Scipio coughed from behind us.

The old man wanted to join in on the young people’s conversation, but asking to be included would hurt his pride, so he subtly signaled for them to talk to him…!

Whether it’s because he has good eyesight or is just a clueless old man who can’t hide his emotions or expressions, I couldn’t quite tell, but his feelings and desires were clearer than before.

Alright. I’m a nice bard. Let’s engage him in conversation.

“What do you think, Scipio?”

“…I don’t know.”

“Since you’ve lived in the desert for a long time, do you know anything about the desert bugs from the book?”

“If you’re unlucky, you might see them soon.”

“Pardon?”

“My hut is a bit off the path established by the traders. It’s at the edge of the desert, so you all know that. And we’re not taking the shortest route; we’re going straight through, aren’t we?”

“Skylar said we have to hurry and leave the desert to reach the Gateway City and restock.”

“If you’re lucky, you won’t have to worry about it. Even if you do see them, it isn’t a big deal.”

“…What kind of bugs are we talking about? The book didn’t really describe them much. What could a long worm possibly do to drive a person out of the desert?”

“……A long, worm?”

“Yeah. The book just mentioned them briefly and left it at that.”

“Great.”

Scipio pressed his fingers against his upper lip as if he had a headache.

Is that a common migraine issue for old folks?

His expression was slightly different.

I know quite a bit about headaches and migraines, and simple migraines usually start at the back or side of the head, not the front. So, pressing on the front won’t do much.

In other words, it’s not a migraine but… a tension headache or sinusitis!

My guess couldn’t have been more wrong.

“Don’t the humans of the Empire report and record things firsthand anymore? There used to be the Emperor’s crows covering the world.”

“…Crows?”

I suddenly remembered one thing I had forgotten.

I hadn’t told Scipio that we were being watched by the crows of the Osidens.

‘…Let’s keep that to ourselves.’

There’s no need to inform him that while we’re enjoying a safe trip with his granddaughter, a crazy witch is chasing us down.

For now, there are no crows in the sky, and there’s no risk of being caught, so that’s good.

Let’s approach this with a small business mindset.

“In the past, there were crows that could be the Emperor’s ears and eyes all over every city. Not all of them were in the shape of crows; there were some that looked like cats or humans too. Like that one.”

Scipio pointed at the gray cat.

The cat casually ignored him and walked behind me.

Hmph.

The old man snorted disdainfully. He probably didn’t like someone hovering around his granddaughter.

“But?”

“To put it briefly, it’s a bug… but not just a bug. It’s not merely a long worm.”

“That’s interesting.”

He seemed excited to share what he knew, like an old man babbling about stuff.

Let’s just leave him be.

It’s annoying.

While I didn’t like the awkward atmosphere, I also didn’t feel like participating enthusiastically in a conversation about his own stories all day.

***

Time passed.

With my weak stamina and Auris riding the camel, the experienced adventurers who were confident in their walking sacrificed a bit of their legs instead.

When Skylar asked if they should treat him like a child, he grimaced and reluctantly let me ride.

‘…Does he really dislike it that much?’

When I patted his head before, he seemed to respond well to it. Does the context matter?

How long did we leisurely enjoy the desert sun on the camel’s back?

I started to sense a slight vibration in my view.

My eyes were sharp, and I could recall the scenery I had seen moments ago with photographic precision. It’s not just about memory and intelligence; it’s about observation.

In other words, if there’s a significant change in perspective between what I just saw and what I’m seeing now, I can immediately notice it.

Soon, I felt the ground tremble.

The earth was shaking. But it didn’t feel violent like an earthquake. There was no sound, and my body didn’t sway.

The sands and hills of the desert were shifting slightly, changing the terrain.

Scipio whispered.

Actually, it wasn’t a whisper; he spoke in a slightly excited tone. It didn’t feel dangerous; it felt more like ‘something’s coming’…

“Vulture’s coming.”

“…What?”

“Damn ‘vulture’ is coming!”

“No, what on earth is a vulture—”

My words were cut off immediately.

Because the vulture appeared right before my eyes.

The reason I used ‘before my eyes’ was because my sense of distance had gone haywire.

There was a wall.

A huge, massive wall.

About 100 meters away, a gigantic wall suddenly rose up. It was so enormous that I mistook it for something jutting out right in front of me.

–

Vulture.

Not originally called the vulture, but a remnant of an old god.

Just as wizards created magic circles in a circle to protect themselves from hunting dogs, traders draw ‘paths’ on the ground to avoid the vulture.

–

I shouldn’t need to explain that part.

I’m in a hurry here!

And the kind of enemies that can appear in the desert in a story like this are obvious. The companions are obvious too!

It’s a factor that diminishes the fun! Damn developer!

Seeing Scipio observing my reaction, he chuckled and slowly drew his sword.

“Didn’t you get humiliated yesterday?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, it was a different guy full of bravado inside you. You lost to a weaker swordsman than me; isn’t that embarrassing?”

“…Is that so?”

“Save face a little.”

I slowly examined the gigantic wall.

Channeling my magic.

–

Calculating power…

Luck check.

–

‘…Luck?’

That was a status I had never seen pop up before.

Is it an evasion check?

–

If luck holds, I might salvage a corpse.

–

No, it wasn’t.

While I was flustered in the back, Scipio took the lead and got into position.

The sword he wielded wasn’t small enough to be called a short sword but also too large to be a great sword. A stance and sword I had never seen before.

In the duel, he swung his sword as if to demonstrate that he wasn’t aiming for lives.

Like a batter swinging a baseball bat, it was an ungraceful motion. But that rough, unpolished motion was proof of his life as an adventurer.

“The side of a swordsman.”

The giant wall was cleanly sliced in half.

Greenish liquid oozed from the cut.

“…Wow.”

“Impressive, right?”

“Yeah.”

“How’s the thing reacting?”

“……Nothing right now.”

For a brief moment, I felt pathetic thinking he was amazing.

Seeing how my other self, unable to hide his victory delight like a child, reacted only made me feel like my image was shattered.

Is losing to someone with a much weaker body that embarrassing?

I thought he might tone it down a bit or behave more civilly since he is an old man with a granddaughter.

‘…Is he really just a thick-headed old fool who only thinks about his granddaughter and adventure?’

To keep my thoughts hidden, I expertly donned a mask of laughter and averted my gaze. Meanwhile, Scipio was laughing heartily, boasting about his accomplishment.

Skylar and Fura were indifferent to his antics, and the gray cat lazily groomed itself with half-open eyes.

The only one showing any different reaction was Auris, Scipio’s granddaughter.

With her bright eyes, she looked up at her grandpa like a great hero, just playing along with the mood.

“Alright. Let’s grab some meat.”

“No, that’s a bit…”

I stopped Scipio when he tried to butcher the vulture’s meat, and the camel stomped its feet again.

The massive carcass collapsed.

Maybe because of the wind, Scipio’s hair was neatly swept back.

It looked much better than when it was a messy mop.