LIGHTNOVELWORLD Chapter 78: Pascal's Wager
Do you still remember… why you began this journey?
Three months after the death and disappearance of Colonel Tanya von Degurechaff, a highly professional, notably steady-handed junior researcher accidentally dropped a brick-sized ingot of inert magically active, radioactive material during the construction of a prototype dimensional phenomena-inducing device. Kruskos Army Air Corps Testing Lab officially went into lockdown for several weeks, with recovery of both equipment and bodies only possible via mages using protective shells underneath extensive protective gear. It was determined after the fact that five people had been killed from the supernatural explosion, including supervising mage officer Major Vooren Grantz.
As penance for a corrupt World, bereft of respect and love for its Creator. Those Worlds could have no purpose under rule of the Godhead. The Aeons elsewise may declare themselves self-righteous for their isolation, their passivity, their mercy, but I forged the Truth and gave it my Will.
Seven months after the death and disappearance of Colonel Tanya von Degurechaff, three men got into a heated argument with one other man in the middle of a crowded bar. None of the those involved were known for violence or heavy drinking, according to police investigation, yet witnesses report all three showing dangerous levels of aggression toward the fourth man. Eventually, the three men attacked the fourth, and after a brief scuffle, the fourth man was stabbed in the back several times. Despite numerous witnesses to the event, no local authorities were alerted until after Major Rhiner Neumann succumbed to his injuries on the bar floor.
The Worlds exist because of the Aeons. Who are you to admonish me? Who are you to disavow your Maker? The Cycle of Life, Death, and Rebirth does not bow to you. Under my Authority, I am the King of Kings of Kings. I am the I am.
One year, or twelve months after the death and disappearance of Colonel Tanya von Degurechaff, a violent car crash occurred just a block away from Imperial Strategic HQ. No pedestrians were harmed, yet the drivers of both cars, along with their passengers, were killed from either the initial crash or from the resulting flames that engulfed both vehicles. The first car was found to be the property of a well-known semi-professional race driver, lauded for his many victories on the local track. Later investigation determined him as a victim of the crash, alongside his wife, the driver of the taxi he'd crashed into, and the taxi's lone passenger Major Wilibald Koenig.
I am a jealous God. In my Worlds, there are no other Gods beside me. There are no other Authorities in these Worlds, declared as mine, created as mine. This is the Truth, and through the Truth, those Mortals under my purview would learn the natural order. This is the way. Time is yet a displacement alongside Space. In Time, of Free Will, all falls into place.
One year and six months, or eighteen months after the death and disappearance of Colonel Tanya von Degurechaff, a wave of Purple Death swept across Kruskos Army Air Corps Testing Lab. Fortunately, being one of the most advanced scientific testing facilities in the world and owing to great leadership, a lockdown and mask mandate were swiftly imposed, as were experimental treatments not available to the general public for those who had already been inflicted with illness. The vast majority, that is upwards of 99% of those on-base, survived without long-term complications. However, despite all the above, a healthy body, and a strong mana pool to bolster his immune system, Major Matheus Weiss became ill and died after seven days of pained struggle.
My Worlds are reflections of one another. Free Will creates novelties, enacts progress. They can be nudged, and influenced, but never forced. This is the way. Thus, willingly, they will grow, and they will follow. Thus, here, in a new Time and Space, I gave you the power of the Divine. I gave you Miracles. And, according to your Free Will, you defied me at every turn. You spurned the Truth and detested your Father. And you fulfilled your role exquisitely, driving those with whom you share Change into my arms.
One year and eight months after the death and disappearance of Colonel Tanya von Degurechaff, Doctor Adelheid von Schugel was court martialed. Despite many years of evidence showing his absolute loyalty to the Germanian Empire, he was determined to be guilty on eight counts of treasonous activity. His execution by a firing squad was carried out eight days later. A new Head of Experimental Phenomena Development at Kruskos Army Air Corps Testing Lab was appointed soon after, with their contract officially approved by the General of the Military, Hans von Zettour.
I hoped it would come to pass, that you would see the error of your ways. In leading them, you would be led to me. I never intended to punish you. I was angry, and I wanted you to understand your place. Perhaps, eventually, I as well could understand... then, you and another escaped the cage. And I realized I had made a grave mistake. You are a mere Mortal, a reflection of a reflection. But even a mirror image holds some semblance of the Original. Some may be content to allow Mortals free reign, but I am not so foolish. They must be contained.They must follow. They must be made to understand.
Two years and an unimportant number of days since the death and disappearance of Colonel Tanya von Degurechaff.
I am deservedly arrogant. I became trapped in justifiable superiority. And, upon your return, I came to understand the depths of my mistake. It can only be a miracle is you truly do not remember. Mortals are unexceptional in the vast majority. They have no impact on the greater cosmos. But, as an Engine of Change, they may one day become like a star in the night sky, shining bright against the harsh, blank backdrop. And further, if that star continues to develop…
She returned.
...will you still deny me, to the very end?
--
The warehouse is quiet when she slips inside.
Very little work has occurred here over the past couple days. Not since… well, they haven't named the incident yet. The situation is all very "hush hush", for obvious reasons. Orders from above.
"Are you familiar with Pascal's Wager?"
An old memory, returning unbidden but not unexpected. A moment in time, shared between them and no other.
Shall we make a wager, here and now?
She travels near the back wall, trailing away from the back entrance she'd made use of. Alongside her are towers of puffing pipes, slowly cranking gears, interconnected mechanical structures that line the entire warehouse in a circling inward shape. Like a whirlpool of technology, filling three-fourths of the available space of the utterly massive former aircraft hangar.
"It's a philosophical argument from the 17thcentury, poised by Blaise Pascal."
It's almost a modern-day Babel, though in a different direction. How else would you describe such disruptive machinery, other than as an attempt to supplant God? Or indeed, the opposite.
Her eyes glow a familiar hue. She makes her way through the industrial jungle, the towering engines and pipes and gears, hanging cables and damaged rubber insulation. Until she finds herself near the middle, and in relatively open space. Looking at it.
"If God exists, or if he does not exist, one should live as though he does regardless."
The center of this mechanical monstrosity. That which can reach into the void and return which was once thought lost. A great mechanical universe, defiant and alone and mighty.
Allegedly, that large upright ring in the center can act as a portal. A gateway. She wouldn't find it hard to believe. That structure as a whole is almost… alien, in its level of intricacy and design. As if the hand of some otherworldly thing reached down as inspiration.
"Otherwise, one is gambling with their soul. They risk their very existence in not believing."
Eight triangular pieces of gear-laden metal are attached around the ring on the back and, when folded in and silent as they are now, cover one side of the loop in entirety.
Detached computation cores strapped to panels, basically. Though, connected in one system and angled in such a way to direct energy in a circular, whirlpool-like manner.
These aren't the only computation cores for this device. But they are the most visible and most durable. As such, she glances over them, not touching but still closely observing to ensure they are in good condition. The large dais of yet more metal and pipes atop which the ring stands is waist-level to her. She nearly bumps into it twice just shuffling around to the side of the entire thing.
"Though the argument itself is flawed and not worth acknowledging, I will say, in response…"
There's a glass panel door, currently locked, covering a neat array of switches, mini-levers, and diagnostic meters. A more comprehensive array exists elsewhere in the facility, but given their proximity to the device itself, these are essentially the main controls.
Further, they can act as an override to the other array.
"…I've met the so-called God. And I found him lacking."
Visha unlocks the panel with the key she'd "borrowed" a couple of months before the late Schugel's execution. Her eyes glow a deep cobalt; only she can see in this place.
I still remember, Colonel. We soldiers will take God's place, right?
Her hands move with practiced motions, like her body isn't her own. And soon, practically indecipherable unless one is listening for it, a low hum rumbles underneath the concrete floor.
If only that were true.
--
It's been four days.
In the space between that early morning of a rather uneventful third day and the early morning of this one, her condition took a turn for the worse.
Tanya is tired. Inside the room she is sharing with her former adjutant, she is alone. That means there's no need to pretend right now.
Tired, tired, tired.
There's a heavy vice squeezing tight around what might very well be her brainstem. The top of her head is hot, and she blinks slowly, holding her eyes shut until she sees sparks of blue that aren't from the endless glow in her irises.
She sneezed once the other day, and it triggered a molten nerve in the back of her neck that shot electricity down both her arms. Her various scars, most especially the one over her collarbone, are cold to the touch.
It's true that she can heal the rough edges and irregular seams that exist between her soul and this ill-fitting replica of her actual body. But the energy she is required to use is fundamentally different from the mana this world and its inhabitants operate alongside. Quite simply, every time she heals herself it becomes less effective, as this body's mana circuits slowly burn out.
Healing her brain… she'd contemplated it. Attempted it. Refreshing herself mentally is possible, on a chance, as is the same chance of burning out.
The last thing she wants right now is a coma, or worse, another death.
Given the circumstances, this might be considered odd.
An easy assumption to make based on incomplete information is that she would want to die again, if only to escape this ill-suited body and return to the space the exists between Worlds. From there, you'd imagine she could find her way home.
Home.
Home is Tempest. Home is her house, with its large living room that connects to the kitchen. With two bedrooms on the left and right side respectively, with their futons and attached bathrooms and the porch she likes to sit on and watch the stars from.
Home is Shuna, and home is Mary, and Tanya misses them. She'd love to escape this underworld intact and whole again, with everything to show for it.
But it is only the rare occasion that Tanya will allow feelings to override her reason. Lately, this has come more often, but the point stands. Patience, much as many things, is a practice with which she has great experience.
She sighs, the glow in her eyes flickering. Underneath her bed, the half-completed glyphs carved on the underside of her wooden bedframe flicker on the same frequency. Not done yet, yet still exhausted.
Good.
It is her reason that stays Tanya's hand from anything further.
Let's consider the greater context. Somehow, Being X found her soul drifting in the, for lack of a better descriptor, "space between Worlds".
He had not, however, found her before this point. One might argue that the existence of the space-time anomalies discovered and recorded by her and Souei disproves this thought, and instead points to him knowing where she was already. The next logical conclusion, then, is that he'd simply pointed Schugel and whoever else worked at this facility in her cosmological or dimensional "direction", per se, and provided the inspiration or power to reach her.
This argument relies on two things: one, that Being X did in fact know where she was, and two, that he could not reach her. Whether this is because it is a World not under his influence or because of direct interference from another source, we can't say just yet.
A fair hypothesis, overall.
Either way, it is a fact that he could not reach her, or was otherwise stopped from doing so, whilst she was in the other World. Otherwise, he would have dragged her back much earlier. The evidence for this came straight from Being X himself.
"I suppose, since you were lost for so long, it makes sense. But don't worry. I've found you now."
Lost? That word specifically.
But why, exactly, did he go out of his way to find her? What reason is there? Surely, it's not the end result of a long-simmering grudge? You'd think that after all the trouble he went through to, he'd leave her alone after she'd died the second time. Unless he has truly fallen in with his own sunk-cost fallacy experiment.
Is it pride? The thought that he'd been bested, escaped?
Or, more likely, it has something to do with that term.
"Star."
A celestial body, most often with a great enough gravitational field to influence the universe around it. Put another way, they are some of the smallest objects that have the ability to affect both physical objects and space-time.
It can't be that he's… worried about her? Not as in, he's concerned for her, but rather, he's worried about something about her. A power or quality of some sort that she has.
Which is ridiculous. Never has she been able to do anything to stop or deter him. He does exactly what he likes, and Tanya simply has to work around that to the best of her ability. As great as her desire is to shoot him in the face, it's highly unlikely it will ever occur.
Even at her peak, in the other World, she's far from challenging the Divine.
…perhaps, not as far as to be infinitely away, however.
There's more to it than that. If the separation between Worlds was enough to keep her out of his reach, then perhaps…
Still, at this very moment, Tanya feels a little too fragile for anything else. It's a delicate balance to even maintain her current bedraggled and exhausted state. This body is enough trouble, and adding to that, her plan and backup plan both-
Ah, there we go.
He's watching. That presence is unmistakable.
"Look what has become of you. Ye Mighty, oh how even the legends may falter. After all her years of bluster and defiance, look what beside her remains. A lost soul perpetuating its own torment. Have you admitted to penance just yet?"
How insulting. Have you nothing better to do with your time than waste mine?
"Indeed, I am a busy and jealous god. There are many who require my Authority. There are few who enact it. Have you made a choice? Dear follower, rest your weary head and seek me, for I am the I am. And I am yours who sculpts mountains and carves rivers. And yet, I cannot make even this single paltry human admit their fault and pray for forgiveness."
My answer to you will never change. Don't think this is some tale to be written down and shared in the name of grace. You never had any grace to begin with.
"Your retorts are like stars in the night sky. They carry more weight than you could imagine, and yet, it seems all we can ever do as of late is insult one another. Is simple conversation so foreign to you? Have you truly changed so much in your time away? Little Star, will you not join me in my designs?"
I'm exactly the same as I was when I died, you should know. I wish I could remember this time you claim we were separated, because in my eyes I've been tormented by your presence for years now without respite. Don't you have any hobbies? I heard that "fate" and "destiny" you've talked about are a loom; perhaps you should take up weaving.
"Hm. You're telling the truth, as far as you know it. I do not understand you; you confound me, Tanya. I'd consider it impressive if it weren't so irritating. How can one be so close to the Truth, and so far away at the same time? Is it arrogance? Are you not tired of it?"
The feeling is mutual.
"Undoubtedly. I must commend you on your remarkable commitment to being a nuisance. I'd almost forgotten entirely the reason I'm here right now; your mere presence is like a poison leeching away at my thought process. There is an influence about you that startles me. I shall endeavor sway it."
Perhaps you can do everyone a favor then and die. Have you heard of a whalefall? I'm sure your divine corpse will continue that reincarnation business you're so proud of. Even better if it stops talking entirely. Thought I have my doubts.
"…ungrateful wretch. I look forward to the crumbling of that façade of yours. It won't be long now. What look will you show then? How will your composure stand up to utter despair? I never wanted to hurt you in sending you here, at first, and yet now after all these years, I find myself delighted wondering at the if and when. Goodbye for now. For the time being, I cannot and will not return as you are familiar with. Do make our afternoon's affair an entertaining one, if you please?"
Being X's presence vanishes from her mind.
After a few seconds, Tanya dares to think again.
How does he do it?
It's something she'd wondered for a while now, but how exactly does he come and go as he pleases? What are the mechanics behind it? Knowledge allows for exploitation.
As far as she can tell, there's different "levels" of observation and communication.
For example, the one that just occurred was a simple mind-mind connection. Arguably the least dangerous, it's specifically an exchange of words through thought. The Skill "Thought Communication" is similar enough. But there's also the layering of his presence – or is it his Authority?– alongside it.
More relevant in her eyes, though, is phenomena manipulation.
Or, more accurately, World manipulation.
These include stopping time, creating false images (a certain giant nutcracker comes to mind), and possessing people both alive and dead. He also has shown the ability to bestow "miracles", which Tanya has come to tentatively define as "endowments of divine energy that are themselves able to influence the world in some manner". To put it simply.
The question is, how? It's obviously an application of his energy in some manner. He is, reluctant as she is to admit it, the overseeing "God" of this world. And a few others, it seems.
But what is the structure of that energy? She's obviously not expecting him to calculate the exact 4th dimension mathematics of his own divine phenomena. The answer is likely that he simply wants it to happen, and it does.
That does not, however, mean that the things he does are simply made manifest as they are.
Even if the results are instantaneous, there is an order of events. Even if the order of events goes very simply from "have energy" to "use energy", there is still a process that is occurring.
Tanya knows this, because she's learned to feel it. Comprehending the structure of phenomena is exactly how her Tetra Breaker works. The reason she can protect herself from Being X at all right now is because she felt, and thus comprehended,that aforementioned energy.
It's a simple reasoning. If Being X couldn't find her in a World that isn't under his authority, then shouldn't the same be true on a smaller scale? That is to say, if Tanya is able to reverse engineer that divine energy of his for her own ends, then could she not create her own "authority" that cannot be trespassed upon?
She'd mimicked Spirit Magic using Tetra Breaker after only just learning its structure. If anything, her own repeated exposure to Being X's divine energy should make mimicry of it much, much easier.
The problem, then, is that of this World. At the risk of sounding redundant, the world is the world. That is, it's everything within this plane of existence in this particular patch of overarching cosmos. Furthermore, everything on this plane of existence is effectively under the authority of Being X. The minor exception is humanity and free will, and even that is less of an exception and more of a dismissive allowance from an arrogant overseer.
His ability to get under her skin is disturbing. It's expected, but disturbing.
But, if she can get under his skin, create a gap here where there should be none…
I wonder if Shuna figured it out already.
Tanya clicks her tongue, suppressing the urge to smile.
And as long as he's predictable, she'll be fine. She should be, but still…
It's a wager against someone who outmatches her in almost every way that matters.
This playing the odds, working the long con, it's not exactly favorable. She's not stronger, or faster, nor does she possess any real control.
But then, she's not one to bet without high odds in her favor. Especially when it's her own life on the line. And far be it for her to not make the best use of the cards she's been dealt…
…and, naturally, cheat under the table wherever and whenever possible. In lieu of strength, use deception.
It's not wrong to bet the odds. Not if you know you can win.
Not if you know you will win. In this case, anything greater than a 0% chance, no matter how infinitesimal, might as well be 100%.
Even if your opponent might be a god.
Eat your heart out, Blaise Pascal.
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