The 100: A New Beginning Part 1: Healing Wounds

As Madi left the room with Abigail, she began to sprint. She managed to shake off Abigail, who couldn't keep up with the young girl's pace. Madi followed the path to the medical station by memory. She ran past people, not caring how it looked to them to see their commander running down the corridor as if she were being chased. But she didn't care about anyone standing in the corridors or coming out of a door.

She quickly found the medical station. Although she was a little out of breath, Madi went in immediately. She looked around. Clarke must be in another room. A patient room. In this huge room were those with minor injuries or those who were already recovering from the battle. No sign of Clarke's characteristic blond hair. No Clarke here.

At the other side of the room she spotted many separate windows, leading to more rooms. She had to be there.

This was just the entrance, now used as a temporary infirmary, as the normal hospital rooms couldn't accommodate all the injured. Most of the wounded were placed here on stretchers or mattresses, hastily taken from the many rooms and quarters for the regular crew.

Madi began to walk across the room. Many heads turned, recognizing her as she passed. She also passed Gaia who was accompanied by Indra. Madi briefly remembered how she had helped save Gaia's leg when she had been denied the chance to help Clarke. As she passed them, she didn't even react to their greetings. She walked quickly past the windows and gave each of them a quick glance.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. NOTHING!

She sighed in frustration. Suddenly a pair of hands gripped her shoulders.

"Madi!" Abby said slightly annoyed, "If you had waited, I would have told you she wasn't here. I moved her to a separate area so no one would stumble over her..."

  "Someone like you," she added, lifting her head a little.

"Sorry," Madi mumbled, pretending to be sorry. She was beginning to realize where Clarke took most of her inspiration when it came to taking care of her. After all, Abigail was the one - along with Clarke's father Jake - who had raised her.

"Heda," Indra came to join them.

"Indra. How's Gaia," Abby asked her, quickly switching to doctor mode.

"She's a fighter. Always has been," Indra said almost proudly. Madi had not had many encounters with her, but knew her from Clarke's stories and Lexa's shared memories. They both told her that Indra was very loyal not only to her clan, but also to the Flame and the people she deeply respected and cared for. It was not easy to earn her trust and respect, and Madi seemed to get a free pass when she took the Flame and became Commander. Indra was willing to die for her people and her commander. A thought that still frightened Madi. She didn't want anyone to die for her, but since she was the commander, warriors like Indra would be the first to sacrifice themselves before she even got a scratch.

"Allright. Does she need anything? Otherwise I'll check on her soon. But first I have to take care of another patient"

Indra shook her head briefly. Abby looked around and noticed that many people were still looking at them. So she turned back to Indra and added, "Together with the Commander, of course. Tell the people that the Commander will visit the wounded later. But first she's needed elsewhere".

Indra nodded silently and left not without saying another "Heda" to Madi. 

Using Indra as a messenger didn't feel right to Madi. But thanks to Abigail's quick thinking, Madi was relieved of her duties. Temporary.

"You just walked into a lion's den," Abby told her as they left the hospital.

"I thought you were going to let me see Clarke," Madi said tense.

"I am, but you just decided to run away from me," Abby said indignantly.

"You said she's in hospital," Madi said, her voice rising.

"Yes, but not this hospital. I moved her," Abby began to explain. "A hospital is a place to treat a patient. But sometimes alternative solutions - or places - have to be found. I wanted her to rest undisturbed for a while and for no one to visit her without my permission. I took her to a room that I ordered to be prepared after we finished with her surgery. In medicine we call this an ICU - Intensive Care Unit. A place where patients who are very sick or in need of rest are treated. Clarke was one of the worst victims, so I made that decision. And I won't apologize for not letting you see her sooner. I'm a doctor, and Clarke is my patient. And daughter"

"OK, I will follow you from now on. Sorry," Madi said understandingly after Abby's detailed explanation.

"It's okay. Clarke would have acted no differently. Maybe even worse. Nothing compared to me, of course. Maybe it's a Griffin mother-daughter thing," she smiled briefly, making Madi smile for a moment.

"Let's go," Abby waved her head and began to lead the way.

As she followed her, Madi's mind began to spin. She hadn't realized what Abigail had been through until now. Clarke was her daughter. Her only child. All that was left of her family. So much like her. 

It felt strange to think of Abby as her family. Not because she wasn't. She was Clarke's mother, which made her her grandmother. But Madi didn't know Abigail very well. At least not personally. Well, from Clarke's stories, of course, but like so many things, she had changed in that time. And their first meeting didn't go very well either, as Abigail was at the height of her addiction and had to be saved by Clarke. But Clarke and Madi's first meeting was also deliberately not very good. Maybe this is another Griffin thing she suspected.

But Madi was actually excited about bonding with Abigail under better circumstances. After all, she now had a complete family. Like Kane, who had been Abby's anchor in life. The man who grounded her and caught her. Who was there for her when Clarke wasn't. He was nice and seemed like a good man. Marcus Kane was one of the few people who didn't differ from Clarke's stories, although Madi could see the pain in his face. A strange but hopefully happy family. Just as Clarke had wished for her, she finally met her friends and other people in general. Being reunited with Clarke's friends - once everything was settled - as her extended family, she suddenly felt euphoric about her future for a brief moment. Everything was finally going to work out.

But that feeling soon gave way to her worries about Clarke, which soon swallowed her small spark of hope.

The walk wasn't very long, but Madi was completely disoriented. All she could focus on was Abby walking in front of her. She concentrated only on Abigail, being stuck in some kind of mental tunnel vision, completely clueless where she was going. As if in a deep trance, she simply followed. The only thing that mattered for her was the destination.

"Okay, here we are," Abby announced as she came to a sudden stop. A little too suddenly as Madi almost ran into her. She barely managed to stop and was now standing very close to Abigail.

"After you," Abby invited her in and opened the door. The door was locked by a digital code that Abby had just punched in.

"The code is 3192131," Abby said as she closed and locked the door behind her. "I'll write it down for you."

But Madi seemed to take little notice of what she had said. There she was. The golden hair.

"CLARKE!!!"

Her mind screamed, as all sorts of emotions flooded through it.

Madi found herself looking at a strange scene. Abby seemed to have spared no effort and had completely redecorated this area especially for Clark's treatment. A hospital bed, medical equipment, monitors. Everything was here.

She saw that Clarke was hooked up to the same machine that had saved her mother's life. Madi knew by now that it was a heart monitor, and as long as it kept beeping, it meant all was well. Or something like that. Clarke lay quietly in her bed. Madi could also see that there were two large bags of fluids next to her, also connected to her body by intravenous lines. The two IVs were constantly feeding Clarke nourishment and pain medication. She looked so fragile and vulnerable. On the right side of her stomach was a huge bandage, covered with cotton and tape to hold it in place and seemingly protect her wound. Her shirt was pulled up, most likely to inspect her wound from time to time. 

Madi remembered Clarke using a similar technique on herself when she tripped and cut the bottom of her right foot. Clarke had no cotton to use at the time, so she used some old clothes that she carefully cut up and prepared. She was able to walk again quickly, even though her wound hadn't healed. Or, of course, when she stepped into her bear trap. Madi was still surprised that neither of these had left a permanent scar on Clarke.

The last time Madi saw her was when she arrived on the bridge. She remembered Dyoza and Raven applying pressure to her wound and using bags of Nightblood from an emergency medical kit on board to keep Clarke from bleeding to death.

Without Dyoza's medical combat experience, which bought her enough time until Abby and Jackson arrived, she would have died. Since Shaw and Dyoza were both experienced members of the Eligius team and knew enough about some of the peculiarities of this Eligius IV mission, they contributed their knowledge to save Clarke's life. Dyoza was still a terrorist in Madi's eyes, but she helped save her life. Madi vowed not to forget her efforts.

As it turned out, the main crew of the Eligius IV was being treated with early samples of Becca's Nightblood. Fortunately, they had a few bags of liquid Nightblood in their blood bank.

Without them, Clarke would definitely have died, because the only other source of Nightblood was Madi herself. And she knew she couldn't give Clarke enough blood without dying. Even though she was willing to do so.

Madi had already realized that sometimes it sucked to be a Nightblood. Especially now that Clarke had used almost all of the remaining bags, there was no plan B. If Madi or Clarke were seriously injured again, one or both of them might not survive. For now, of course, they were safe, and they had survived for six years with no blood bags and very little medical supplies and equipment at all. Nothing to worry about.

Madi had stopped just in front of Clarke. She was afraid. Afraid to even touch her, as if she would break. Abby gave her a gentle nudge and grabbed a chair so Madi could sit beside her. Silently, Madi sat down as close to Clarke's bed as she could.

Abby then grabbed her own chair and sat down next to Madi and they both watched over Clarke. Madi watched as Clarke's chest moved up and down. Her face was a little pale, but someone had definitely cleaned her. She looked as tidy as she hadn't looked since the Eligius had arrived.

She felt a hand, first touching, then gripping her right hand. Abby gently squeezed and massaged her hand, trying to calm Madi. She could feel Madi's pulse racing with excitement and worry.

"We never talked about what happened," Abby suddenly broke the silence, "I'm sorry I didn't have time to talk to you sooner. I'm sorry you had to see me like that at the gas station. And seeing Clarke get shot..."

Madi stared for a whole moment at her. She began to relax a little and then took her hand.

"I'm glad you're feeling better. I'm not mad at you. You saved Clarke. You did more for her than I ever could have." Madi told her and gave her a quick look before focusing on Clarke again.

"No one expects you to save her" Abby replied. "Don't be too hard on yourself. I knew that you would have stayed by her side every second"

"But I wanted to save her. I shouldn't have let her go to stop him. I failed her" Madi said regretfully.

"You didn't let her down. She made that decision to protect you. To save you. To save us," Abby tried to take the guilt away from her. She knew she wasn't being fair to herself, and she had enough on her plate "Like she always does..."

"I want to know you better: I haven't even had a chance to introduce myself." Abby quickly changed the subject. Fortunately, Madi seemed to welcome the change.

"Me too," Madi said, making Abigail smile.

"Would you like to come and see Marcus and me later?" Abby asked her, "If Clarke's awake and Bellamy and the others are there, we could talk a bit".

Madi hesitated. She couldn't think about leaving Clarke. Not now. Not ever again. So she just answered with a short "Okay, yeah sure," and gave Abby a quick smile before looking back at Clarke.

There was silence again for a few minutes as they watched Clarke carefully. Her heart beat regularly. Calm and steady. As was her breathing.

"When you fell asleep at the gas station, Clarke was watching you sleep," Abby resumed their conversation, "I used to watch her sleep all the time when she was younger."

"How long will it take her to wake up?" Madi wanted to know as she looked back at Abby.

"I don't know. I reduced her anesthesia. I think she can handle the rest, but I had no choice. We are slowly running out of everything. Anesthetics, painkillers... It'll last for a few weeks, but Jackson and I have already taken some precautionary measurements..." Abby informed her. 

"Isn't that risky?" Madi asked, curious and worried at the same time, "To wake her up too early?"

It was not Abby's intention to worry the young girl even more, but Madi was no normal twelve-year-old. She was much more mature for her age. And that, among other things, seemed to be a trait of Clarke's. Being a mother is more than just giving birth. And Abby knew that Madi and Clarke shared the same blood. So they were still related in some way, even on a blood level. But that didn't really matter. They were family. That was all that mattered...

"Yes, but right now everything is a risk. She'll probably be in a lot of pain when she wakes up. I have already saved a small reserve for when she wakes up. But that's the cruelest part of being a doctor. Sometimes you can do nothing but wait. It kills you. Especially with people you love," Abby had decided to be honest with her.

"Can we solve this problem?" Madi asked.

"Yeah, maybe. We can figure it out when the storm is over. But it will be difficult and there will be shortages for some time," Abby told her.

"I will help you," Madi said confidently.

"I'm glad to hear that," Abby smiled at her. It was almost frightening how much of Clarke there was in this girl. As if they were connected in some way. "Is it because of the flame?" Abby asked curiously. Abby realized that she might be onto something. But it was too early to draw any conclusions. For now, it would be enough to leave things as they were. Still, Abby decided to keep this matter in the back of her mind for the time being and watch it from a distance. Carefully.

Abby looked at the clock on the wall. She felt her inner conflict. She wanted to sit here until Clarke would finally woke up. But Clarke was not her only responsibility.

"I need to check on the other patients," Abby had already gotten up and was about to leave when Madi took the opportunity to ask her one last question.

"How are you?" she asked straight out, giving Abby a worried look.

Abby hesitated, not expecting the question. All she cared about was Clarke, and she put aside any concern for her own health.

"I'm fine," she said with a forced smile. But she wasn't fine. She was anything but fine. Not only had she broken down in Marcus' arms twelve hours ago, crying and cursing her life and her choices. Her body also felt worn, and most of the shell she had built around herself was peeling away. Clarke's death would probably be the final nail in her coffin. No one, not even Kane or Madi, could save her from this fall. But even without Clarke dying, she felt burned out. Empty and exhausted. 

To keep herself alive and moving through the last few days, she had to harvest Eligius' pharmacy and prescribe herself a variety of psychopharmaceuticals to cope with her attempt to stay clean from her addiction, effectively trading one addiction for another. She could break down when Clarke was safe and no one's life was at stake. For now, though, it had to be enough.

"You almost died too. Clarke would be devastated to lose you. She missed you so much"

"I know. I missed her so much too. I thought I would never see her again..." Abby said, trying to control her emotions. Being separated from Clarke was also a reason for becoming an addict.

"She tried to dig you out. We tried it… But we never got through. She wanted to be with you"

"I know," Abby said, visibly touched by Madi's approach, "but she found you. And look at you. She did such a fantastic job"

She returned and put her hands around Madi's head. "I'm so thankful you were there. That she wasn't alone all this time," she said, fighting back tears. She opened her arms and invited Madi to hug her. Madi accepted and hugged her back. Madi felt grateful too. This sounded more like the warm and loving mother Clarke had described in her stories.

"Please get better," Madi urged Abby as they unhugged.

"I will. I promise" Abby said with a more confident voice and a forced smile, "I have to go. I can't let Jackson do all the work alone. But i come back as soon as possible"

Madi gave a series of quick nods before Abby turned and left the room.

Now she was alone with Clark. She still hadn't woken up. And now Madi was alone with her thoughts and soon drifted off again while she watched Clark's chest move up and down.

Madi remembered her own mother. Her biological mother. Sometimes she and Clarke even became the same person. She never told Clarke the story of how she lost her mother. How she died with radiation burns on her arms. It was a slow death. Her whole family died. One way or another from the Praimfaya. While the valley was initially spared, most of the food and water they consumed was contaminated. So was the air they breathed and felt on their skin. They drank and ate, some of them were on the edge of the valley when it happened. The death wave spared no one. She remembered her mother suddenly collapsing in their house. She coughed up blood and her face turned red before blisters filled with blood opened.

Madi couldn't remember her last words. Her mouth was full of blood as she choked on it. She stayed in her house for many days, terrified and afraid, until she couldn't stand the smell of death and decay and fled, taking only her knife with her. Everywhere she went in the days that followed - still hiding so that no one would see her - there were only dead bodies.

She felt angry when she saw that some animals, such as deer, seemed unaffected, living happily as ever. She tried to catch one with a bear trap, as her father and uncle had taught her, but the creature was too smart and too clever to be caught that way. She soon switched to catching fish, another skill she had learned from her family.

Clarke asked her a few times about her family, but Madi never told her the truth. She told her she didn't know where they were or that she thought they were dead. But Clarke was persistent and asked if there was any chance that they, or some of them, were Nightbloods, but Madi told her they weren't. Clarke soon realized how much stress and discomfort this subject was causing Madi, and she soon gave up and stopped asking questions, but not without telling her that she could always come and talk to her if she wanted to.

But in all that time, Madi preferred not to talk about it. Clarke gave her the opportunity to move on and almost forget her own life, wasn't it, wasn't it for the fact that they were stuck in this valley, even though they occasionally went on exploring and collecting trips. Madi enjoyed some of these trips actually, this way she could finally see more of the world, or what was left of it. She had no real memories of Earth before Praimfaya. Especially outside the Valley.

Most of their trips took them to stations from Clarke's former life. Arcadia, Polis, several crash sites from other parts and stations from the ark and the Dropship which brought Clarke and her friends once to earth. She told her the stories of Bellamy and herself and how they survived and fought a tragic war against the Grounders that was caused by a misunderstanding.

Clarke had silently cried a few times when she saw the remains of her former home. She frantically searched the cemetery to pay her respects to the dead. She also brought flowers to the grave of her former best friend, Wells. This reminded Madi of her own tragic losses and helped her understand that she wasn't the only one carrying heavy bags.

Last year, Clarke taught her how to drive the rover. Unlike herself, Clarke never slept while Madi drove, probably still worried about her driving skills. Maternal concern," she guessed. But this year, after her 12th birthday, Clarke allowed her to drive through the valley on her own, as long as she strictly followed her rules. Which was not easy, especially with so many tempting opportunities along the way to accompany her new freedom.

But even now, Madi was unsure if she should tell Clarke the whole story of her family. She had almost lost someone she loved again. She didn't want Clarke to feel bad and sorry for her own losses. But Madi knew she couldn't run away forever from finally opening up to Clarke. That was one of the main reasons she refused to visit her old home. Because she was afraid of what she might would find there. That her memories and worst nightmares would unravel and resurface. Deep inside, Madi wished that her village, the sheds, and the houses were already destroyed or would be destroyed by the storm. 

She never told Clarke where her old home was; she told her it was destroyed. Fortunately, Clarke never actively searched for it or pushed her further. She respected her decision and didn't want to play gravedigger to Madi's past. Sometimes Madi wondered how Clarke would react if she told her that she was a mass murderer. But Clarke probably wouldn't care at all. She loved her unconditionally and nothing could interfere with that, as she had ultimately shown her by even abandoning her best friend Bellamy in Polis, knowing that it would seal his fate, but since then Madi had done everything she could to repair their friendship. Especially since Clarke obviously couldn't do it herself. And Madi hoped that her efforts would be enough.

Madi began to sob as she held onto Clarke's hand. Clarke still hadn't moved. Her emotions began to overwhelm her. Finally, she was able to release all of her sorrow and fear as heavy tears began to slowly flow down her cheeks. 

"I need you, Clarke. I can't let you go. Please wake up... for me," Madi cried.

She buried her face next to Clarke's head, as she had done so many times before when she had nightmares, felt sick, or just wanted to enjoy Clarke's closeness. Like she did religiously. She snuggled closer until she had a face full of hair. Finally, she could smell it again. Her hair still smelled a little of the homemade soap she had used two days ago before leaving her. Madi remembered her many battles with Clarke over hygiene. Washing her hands before eating and cooking, bathing after sweating. It didn't bother Madi at all, and most of the time she was dirty within ten minutes of bathing in the river or in her homemade bath tube, especially in the winter.

" I'm lost without you. How can I live without you? I don't want to live without you! How can I be the commander? I don't care what Lexa tells me about losing Costia. I don't care. But I do care about you..." she huffed in Clarke's hair as tears flooded her face and fell on her pillow.

She had turned down Lexa so many times in the last hours. She couldn't hear it any more. Not now at least. The other commanders obeyed her order to remain silent, but Madi doubted they cared at all. But they also remained silent with their criticism and so spared Madi from their unwelcome advice.

She cried softly and didn't notice at first that something was slowly, gently touching her hair. It felt so familiar. Her head was moving...