LIGHTNOVELWORLD Chapter 27: The flame and its keepers
The session went on for almost an hour. Clarke stretched out carefully on the couch as she watched Madi and Gaia have their first lesson in mastering the flame. So far, the progress was manageable, but far from satisfactory. She couldn't stifle a few more painful moans as she finished readjusting her position on the soft upholstery.
"Are you okay Clarke?" Gaia asked her silently worried from the other side of the room, watching Madi with her other eye as she went through her meditation session.
"Yeah.... totally," Clarke replied sarcastically as she tried to focus only on Madi for the moment.
Gaia stared at her worriedly, not the least bit convinced by her pained answer. But it was hopeless, because Clarke wasn't here to be friends with her. No, she didn't seem to have forgotten her involvement in Madi's ascension ceremony. Gaia knew that she would have to live with Clarke's dislike and mistrust for some time to come, maybe forever. In fact, it was almost a miracle that she was willing to allow this session to take place at all. But it didn't help that Clarke was now watching every move they made, and as a result it took Madi more than half an hour to concentrate solely on Gaia's instructions.
So she looked back at Madi, who was still trying hard to concentrate on her meditation. Although this was a small success, the real work had not yet begun. She watched as Madi squeezed her eyes shut. It was easy to see from her face how hard she was trying to mentally detach herself from her surroundings. But Gaia could already see that her attempts would come to nothing, as Madi was far too stiff and tense to really concentrate on her task.
"Okay, that's enough. Let's try something else," Gaia said in a soft voice, trying to get Madi's attention as gently as possible.
"But I haven't even started..." Madi replied as she opened her eyes with a tired expression.
"You can't just summon her whenever you want. In fact, Lexa probably has a lot more to tell you, but she can't," Gaia continued with a soft voice and a flat smile. Since that didn't seem to be going anywhere, she decided to try a different, more direct approach instead.
"Why?" Madi asked, confused.
"It is true that you can interact with the flame. And that's the problem. You interacted with it a lot. You changed the codeword, you shut down the other commanders, except Lexa. But even she seems not to get through all the time..." Gaia started to explain the situation, "Therefore, you must understand how to connect your mind and the flame in an appropriate way..."
Madi just stared at her, silently, with a mixture of frustration and anger.
"It's not your fault," Gaia comforted her with a soft voice, "You have a strong personality and a strong will. You're much more stubborn than Lexa ever was..." she explained with a gentle smile, "She was taught by Titus and the other priests to understand and deal with the Flame..." As she said this, a loud sniff from Clarke interrupted her for a moment, "That's not your fault, it's ours. But it's not a problem," she added, immediately looking at Clarke, who gave her a tense look.
"How did Lexa behave after she took the flame?" Clarke asked Gaia from the couch when her curiosity finally overcame her resentment.
"She was strong. Even if she was in trouble back then, she never admitted it. Titus was the only one who knew for sure, of course..." Gaia started to explain, but was cut off when Clarke interrupted her, surprised and almost outraged, "Wait, you weren't there when she ascended?"
"No, I became a priest shortly afterwards. But from what I could gather, Lexa wasn't affected by the flame at all. She stood up a few moments after Titus finished the ceremony. And from then on she led us, with the help of the other commanders..."
"Great..." Clarke sighed frustratedly in her mind, disbelieving what she had just heard. Considering how much progress this session had made so far, it seemed almost better to just pass on the information Lexa could give Madi about her experience and knowledge of the flame. Of course, only if she would finally show herself to Madi. That was the really worrying part so far, the part that made her heart race slightly but noticeably.
"Titus knew a lot more than I did..." Gaia admitted, "More than any of us. He never shared more with us other priests than was necessary..."
"What you don't say…"
"Titus should have known better..." Clarke remarked bitterly, "If he hadn't tried to kill me, Lexa would still be alive and we all wouldn't be in this situation..."
"It's okay, Clarke," Madi reassured her with a confident look, trying her best to focus on the main purpose of this session, which was to learn how to better control the flame. Despite the oddities and circumstances that might come with it.
"That's true...", Gaia suddenly agreed to her surprise, "But I promise you, I won't do anything like that. I respect your relationship. Very much, in fact, and I will serve both of you. I'll never come between you. You have my word as the Flamekeeper and as Gaia kom Trikru, the daughter of Indra".
Since her promise seemed sincere, Clarke could only nod in acknowledgement before a single but appreciative word suddenly left her lips: "Thank you.
"You were not conscious when you had the flame. So you only know a small fraction of what the flame can really do..." Gaia tried her best not to offend Clarke with these words, as she was only trying to state this evident fact.
"When he handed me the flame and made me the Flamekeeper before his death, he really didn't tell me much..." Clarke remarked as she casually fixed Madi's hair, "I wonder what I could have done if Luna had decided to take the flame and something had gone wrong.
"The flame is not intended to harm whoever is supposed to have it..." Gaia explained, "It simply is not meant to malfunction."
"How can you be so sure?" asked Clarke.
"Because it never has. The flame never fails, it is a sacred relic," Gaia replied calmly, but ready to defend the flame against Clarke's inappropriate criticism if necessary.
"So far… It is more than 100 years old at this point. I'm sorry but I doubt that Becca-"
"Pramheda," Gaia interrupted, insisting that she be called by her true name, causing Clarke to roll her eyes in annoyance.
"-that she intended this thing to last for more than a hundred years..." Clarke continued, "or more than a thousand. How does it still work after all this time?"
"But it still works..." Gaia insisted, "and will long after we are both gone..."
"And you took it too, Clarke..." Madi reminded her.
"Yes, but out of necessity. We had no other choice. Madi... When I took the flame, everything was at stake. If I had died, at least I would have tried everything to stop A.L.I.E. I didn't have a chance..." Clarke explained, "You only took the flame because you wanted to save me. Despite I told you not to do…"
"Claaahhaarke," Madi moaned indignantly, "she would have killed you."
"And even if... That doesn't mean you have to put yourself in danger. I did it so that you, that everyone else could live..."
"If Octavia had killed you, I would have nothing," Madi said with tears in her eyes.
"Hey..." Clarke immediately jumped up, forcing her into a tight hug. Despite holding on tightly, Madi wasn't done yet. "But why does it always have to be you?" She asked her frustratedly, even stomping on the ground to make her point clearer.
"I will not let you shoulder the entire burden of command alone. We're in this together," Clarke said after she found her words again. The last thing she wanted was for Madi to follow in her footsteps. A deep black hole opened in her stomach, consuming most of her emotions, except for the pain that still peaked from her chest.
"We can continue later..." Gaia offered a break for this session.
"No," Clarke said almost reflexively, before letting Gaia's words sink in. "We should focus on the lesson. We've drifted enough."
"Go on, I'll be quiet from now on," She added as she put on the most confident smile she could, deliberately ignoring Madi's rolling eyes. She took a shallow, deep breath to control the pain, still reluctant to even swallow one of the pills her mother had given her, even though it would have been the easiest - and probably smartest - way to dispose of those things other than flushing them down the toilet or ejecting them through the airlock.
"Very well," Gaia said, "Madi, are you ready to continue?
"Hmmm hmmm," Madi hummed as she resumed her position in the center of the room, followed by Clarke's watchful eyes.
"Let us go to the root. The flame is there to guide you. Not to steer you. It is not meant to interact with you all the time. Therefore, you must learn and understand how to interact with each of the previous heda's individually." Gaia said as she sat down cross-legged in front of her.
"I know Lexa is important to you, as she was to Clarke. And vice versa. So let's start here..."
Gaia's words soon began to sound duller and duller. As if she was speaking from inside a pool of water. The warm temperature of her room, the sudden and convenient pause in her pain, and the tension of the last few hours paid off as Clarke's eyelids suddenly dropped violently and she began to gently doze off.