LIGHTNOVELWORLD Chapter 5: Jus drein jus daun
Aboard the Gagarin
"We have landed," Shaw announced.
"Come on. Jackson. Abby. Clarke needs you," Raven said between her teeth. She was holding Clarke's hand tightly now
"It's okay, Raven. I'm just glad you survived... I'm sorry about how it went... I didn't mean to hurt you... or anyone else..." Clarke gasped.
"Shut up, Clarke. You need to save your strength," Raven said. Clarke could see her fighting back tears.
"Tell Madi…"
"This is not goodbye, Clarke. Fight," Raven said angrily. Fighting. She did that for so long. She couldn't do it anymore. She let many fall. Disappointed so many. For her selfish love. She let fear dictate her actions, leading her to betray even her closest friends. But it was worth it, as long as Madi was safe. She hoped she was safe.
"I love her so much. As I do all of you. Bellamy... Oh God Bellamy... I'm so sorry," Clarke cried.
Raven looked at her in despair. Clarke was becoming delirious. It was as if someone had pulled a plug in her head, draining the thoughts from her mind. Some thoughts left her mouth uncontrollably, while others simply ceased to exist.
Raven gave Diyoza a worried look and quickly got her attention. With a nod, she signaled that she understood and quickly returned to her side.
"I see someone coming," Shaw announced to them.
"Get the ship ready. We won't stay long," Dyoza told him, before shifting her attention to Clarke and Raven.
"Hey, Clarke. Look at me. They're coming. You hear me?" Raven said.
"Who's coming?" Clarke mumbled dazedly.
"They're coming, Clarke," Raven told her.
"Mom?" she asked.
"We need to give her more blood," Diyoza said.
"But we only have these two left. If..." But her concern was cut short by Diyoza. "No time for that. She needs blood now. Not in five minutes," Dyoza said while she was already in the process of giving Clarke her second dose of Nightblood.
Raven nodded and complied. Clarke's condition was becoming serious, and Diyoza was far more experienced in handling such situations. Or at least kind of. "Damn Clarke!" She heard a worried Raven say in the back of her mind.
Suddenly the cockpit's hydraulic door opened, but to Raven's and even more to Diyoza and Shaw's surprise, it wasn't a member of the medical staff. It was someone else. Madi.
"What are you doing here?" Dyoza and Raven asked at the same time, but Madi ignored them.
"Clarke!" She yelled as she ran to her.
"You shouldn't be here," Raven yelled at her, confused, "Where's Bellamy? Where are the others?" But her words faded as Madi crashed to the side of Clarke. Raven barely managed to jump backwards to get out of her way.
"Clarke!" Madi screamed, tears filling her eyes. "No! Please, no!"
She grabbed her hand and Clarke looked at her, confused and struggling to stay awake. But she recognized her. "Madi...! She is here. How could this be...?"
"H...hey," Clarke tried to form words, "...my...baby..."
"I'm here, Clarke. Please stay with me. I need you..." Madi sobbed as tears streamed uncontrollably down her face. Clarke began to feel cold. She couldn't feel her legs. The pain in her stomach also felt a little less intense. But she could feel Madi's hand holding hers. She grabbed her hand, trying to hold on to her.
The door swung open again and this time Jackson, Miller and Niylah came in. Jackson wasted no time and rushed to Clarke as soon as he saw them.
"Not a minute too soon," Raven greeted them, "Hurry, she's losing the battle."
Jackson rushed to Clarke and began a quick examination as soon as he reached her side. A flashback flashed through his mind. He remembered the scene when he and Abby had to deal with Jaha when Bellamy shot him. This looked almost as bad. Maybe not as bad, since only her liver seemed to be affected. This too could end badly, but at least no artery seemed to be torn, unlike in Jaha's case, where Abby even had to break the law to save him. Luckily she wasn't here and he got here before her. Abby couldn't bear the sight. If the damage wasn't too bad, they had a good chance once she made it to the operating room.
"The bullet is still inside. We bandaged it and gave her two units of blood," Doyza informed Jackson.
"It's a wonder they have it here," Jackson commented as he quickly inspected the blood bags.
"There's more on the main ship. They have a blood bank there" Raven informed Jackson "Oh that's good. That will save us some time and worries with the other wounded"
In the meantime Miller and Niylah had joined them. Raven could see Niylah gazing at Clarke in vain. She cried silently as tears of despair streamed down her face.
"Clarke, it's me, Jackson," he said to her, trying to get her attention.
Clarke slowly moved her head toward him and blinked in a kind of greeting.
"I'll take care of you," he told her in a soft voice, "We'll fix this..."
"He's such a bad liar," Clarke thought.
"Give her another bag," Jackson said and Dyoza immediately started preparing the second blood bag. "Also do a second IV line," he added curtly but with a calm voice.
"We only have one left..." Raven informed them.
"That'll have to do until we get to the OR. I'll prep her for surgery and then we'll move her quickly." Jackson said as he worked to assess Clarke's deteriorating condition. He looked around a bit nervously. "The others are coming, right?" He wanted to know.
"Yes. You were the first. Or almost," Raven said, looking at Madi, who was clawing at Clarke's left arm.
"Good," Jackson said as he began to inspect the first aid kit. He routinely took another vial and filled a syringe with it.
"Clarke, I'm going to give you an antifibrinolytic now," Jackson announced, injecting the syringe through the second IV line Dyoza had just set up.
"This will buy us some time. It will fasten her hemostasis and prevent her from bleeding too much. But we have to get her in an OR fast," Jackson explained to the bystanders.
"Raven, are you familiar with the ship... the Eligius we are going to?" Jackson asked as he put the syringe away.
"Yes, a little bit"
"Good. As soon as we dock, take Niylah with you. She'll prepare an OR for us, and you'll come back with two bags from their blood bank. Do you understand?" He asked calmly but firmly as he prepared a new syringe for her.
"Yes, I can do that" Raven confirmed.
"Me too," Niylah replied with a trembling voice.
"Clarke, I'm going to put you under sedation now, okay?" He didn't wait for her permission as he began to inject the anesthetic into her system. It worked quickly.
Clarke, still looking at Madi, replied with a single "Uh huh" before Madi's face began to fade before her eyes. That was the last thing Clarke saw before the drug kicked in and knocked her out.
"She's asleep now," Jackson told Madi, noticing her devastated face. Then he turned to Miller and gave his next instruction: "Put her on the heart monitor."
"Is she going to be okay?" Miller asked as he came to his side and untied the heart monitor.
"Once I have her in the OR, yes. You know where to put them?"
"'Yeah, you showed me once," Miller confirmed, placing the probes on Clark's skin.
"Good," Jackson acknowledged Miller's efforts.
Meanwhile, he took yet another syringe and filled it with adrenaline. He quickly injected it near Clarke's heart to keep it beating and her blood circulating. Madi turned her head away in shock as Jackson gave her the injection right next to her heart.
As she turned away from the scene, her attention shifted to something else. She saw the body of a prisoner. His head had a horrible gash. Parts of his brain lay scattered on the ground. And blood. Lots and lots of blood. It was everywhere.
Almost immediately, Madi overcame a violent bout of nausea. She was on the verge of vomiting, but she fought hard against herself, feeling like she was about to succumb to her nausea when she saw something else. There he was. Almost luckily, she saw McCreary tied to some metal pipes after turning her head away to find something else to look at. His chest moved, indicating that he was still alive. Her eyes narrowed. She could feel her anger and blood pressure rising. While the others were busy with Clarke, she had just decided to finish the job.
No one seemed to notice as she stood up and walked slowly toward McCreary. She took out her knife, the one she wanted to use to kill him the other day. Before Clarke stopped her, trying to protect her from any negative consequences.
When Madi closed in on him, she looked down at him. He seemed to have some sort of consciousness as he slowly looked up at her, seeming to recognize her.
"Jus drein jus daun," Madi whispered as she swung her knife.
McCreary screamed across the bridge as Madi plunged her knife deep into the flesh of his left arm. She had no intention of killing him quickly. Now she wanted him to feel the pain he had caused her. Made Clarke feel. And her friends. He had to suffer 1000 deaths... and 1000 more.
"STOP. What are you doing?" yelled Dyoza while Shaw had gotten up as well. But in his effort to stop Madi from cutting McCreary any further, he jumped at her and almost got stabbed when she suddenly pointed her knife at him.
He quickly raised his hands in reflex, preventing Madi from attacking him further. She gave him a vicious look. Then she growled at him angrily, "If you protect him, you are with him. Then you will die too."
"No, I helped to save her" Shaw defended himself "Dyoza wanted to keep him alive. You are too young to kill someone" Her eyes fixed on him.
Dyoza was still helping Jackson, in no hurry to stop Madi from dismembering the father of her child, while Raven looked at Madi in disbelief.
"First we save Clarke, and then we can decide which wonderful method to use to get rid of him," Dyoza said with a calm voice. When she had given Clarke the last bag of nightblood, she slowly stood up and approached her, "The doctor cannot work if you go on a rampage here."
When Madi saw the black blood on Dyoza's hands, arms, and clothes, she finally seemed to understand that her behavior was not helping Clarke, but rather distracting the people who were trying to help her. She reluctantly put the knife back in its place.
"I'm not going with a criminal," Madi said contemptuously, obviously intending to offend her.
"Then come with me," Niylah said in a soft voice, approaching her with a forced smile, "I know Clarke"
"You are Niylah," Madi recognized her from Clarke's drawings, "You are her friend. You were together,"
"I care about her as much as you do," Niylah said, trying to hide the uncomfortable feeling of revealing too many details of their relationship. It was complicated enough.
"You can't be here. Please. Do it for Clarke. She'll be fine. Jackson and Abby will help her."
Finally, Madi reluctantly complied. She slowly walked over to Niylah, who carefully took her hand around her neck and led her outside the cockpit. As she left, Madi looked at Clarke to make sure everything was okay. Jackson worked on her bandages, while Miller and Dyoza carefully watched the heart monitor, assisting Jackson whenever needed.
The door closed behind them and they sat down on the floor opposite the bridge entrance. Niylah put her hand on Madi's knee and stroked it gently.
"What did Clarke tell you about me?" Niylah wanted to know.
"Everything," Madi replied, "She loves you. She told me that you gave her strength after Lexa's death and before Praimfaya".
Niylah smiled. "She was always so stressed and serious. She hardly ever smiled back then. It was as if she had to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders." As she told Madi, Niylah remembered many events from that time.
"Clarke told me how much she missed you"
"I missed her too. Very much. I was very lonely, thinking that she..."
"I know. She thought you were lost too. You all... She tried to dig you out," Madi explained.
"That sounds like her," Niylah acknowledged with a smile.
Madi's head slowly began to hurt. So did her eyes. She felt exhausted and tired. Somehow she was grateful that Niylah had led her out and given her a break. Although she wanted nothing more than to be with Clarke right now, she couldn't bear the pain of watching her struggle with death.
They heard more noises as more wounded were transported to the "Gagarin". Then they heard voices approaching very quickly.
Before Madi could turn around to see who was approaching her, she heard a familiar voice speaking to her.
"Hey"
Madi looked up to see Bellamy, Echo and Octavia standing before her. Behind them, Abby ran onto the bridge. Suddenly her stomach started to turn. She remembered everything she had said, and more importantly, everything she had done. The fact that Octavia still had blood on her face was the most obvious reminder of her actions.
"Hey," Madi mumbled with a regretful voice. She felt terrible remorse for hurting Clarke's friends who were trying to help her. She felt the tears come back to her eyes.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," Madi said remorsefully, tears slowly falling from her eyes onto her light armor.
"Hey, Madi. It's okay," Bellamy said. He dropped to his knees to be at eye level with her. Madi nodded as she sobbed.
"Can we sit down?" Bellamy asked. Niylah nodded and slowly stood up, making room for Echo and Bellamy, who then sat down next to Madi.
"You have quite a punch, little warrior," Octavia said with a quick smile.
Bellamy couldn't help but smile at her comment. Indeed, she had a strong punch for a 12-year-old. But what hurt more than any punch was the words she spat at him like venom, even though he knew she probably didn't mean it.
"You really have," Bellamy confirmed, trying to connect with her again. After a few moments of silence, Madi looked at him.
"You're not going to Clarke?" Madi asked him, wiping her tears with her sleeve.
"Madi, I..." He tried to explain himself.
"You must forgive her," Madi insisted.
"This is not the time, Madi"
Madi knew that this conversation would be difficult, but she also knew that now was the best time to set things right, especially since Clarke was not able to fix things on her own as she usually did. And she also felt guilty because taking the Flame was the original cause of Clarke's protectiveness kicking in and 'abducting' her from Polis. She was angry at her for that, but she understood Clarke's reasons at the same time. Just a few moments ago, she almost went on a killing spree because Clarke had been shot. And suddenly, she got a clue why Clarke was called Wanheda. If she had been shot instead of her, she now knew what Clarke would have done. She would not have stopped. She would have pressed on, probably even forcing Bellamy to kill her rather than have her kill every single prisoner on the Eligius.
"Do you have any idea how much she cares about you?" she asked him, looking at him intently.
"So much she left me to die in a fighting pit" Bellamy remarked with a bitter voice
"That was a mistake. How many mistakes did you make while trying to protect the ones you loved"
Bellamy looked back at her, before he inevitably also looked at Octavia, who was silently listening to their convsersation.
"That was different" He said bitterly while looking at the floor.
"Was it?" She was pushing him further. She knew that she had to tell him something she didn't know how he would react to. Afterall she always mocked Clarke for talking with no one at the radio. Though she stopped after finding out how serious this was for her, Clarke became upset, when Madi struggled to understand how much this meant to her. To talk to her friends- she now had betrayed - especially her best friend. Madi wanted to find a way to Bellamy's big heart as Clarke had described to her. She had to try it.
"I shouldn't tell you this, but when you are on the ring, She called you on the radio every day. For six years…"
He looked at her in shock. His eyes were wide open. She seemed to finally have hit a nerve. Jackpot!
"You didn't know that did you?"
Echo's face turned pale as well. "She did what?" she asked, almost unwilling to believe what she had just heard.
"Yes, she did. Every single day. I even made fun of her for it. But she said you were listening... But we both knew that wasn't true".
"We never heard from her. We thought that..." His voice cracked, "she was... dead."
"She never came through to us" Echo realized
"She was so upset and depressed when you didn't come back last year. And she still called you, asking why you didn't come down?"
"Stop it, Madi. Please," Bellamy said, fighting back his tears. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. All this year. She was calling them. Calling him. Every day. It was crazy, even for Clarke. He left her and she waited for him. And now she has Madi. They only had each other, so they saved each other. She wasn't alone, that was the only consolation he could find. He never had time to hear her whole story. They had so much to tell. This couldn't be the end. He felt his heart finally drop below his stomach. She was in there. Probably dying.
He began to feel sick. Really sick. Madi is all Clarke has, and he put the flame in her. Recklessly. Clarke was trying to protect her... "What exactly? Daughter?" From him, from Octavia. Because she knows Madi longer than he does. A harsh and devastating reality. He began to wonder if he had lost Clarke long ago. A lazy excuse for those who had given up. She called them every day. She didn't have to. But she did. Even when Madi grew on her, Clarke never forgot them, him, no... all her friends always had a place in her heart.
Echo moved closer and hugged Bellamy from the side, then slowly laid her head on his shoulders as he began to cry bitterly.
"You always mattered for her. She only left you while she was protecting me. While I took the flame. It was my fault"
"No, it wasn't Madi. It's my fault too," Bellamy said as he stood up. He wiped away his tears and gave her a somewhat forced but confident smile.
"She'll be fine," he said and walked towards the bridge, and taking a deep breath before entering.
Echo approached her and took her hand. Octavia, who had overheard their conversation, sat down on the other side of the floor, her head resting on her knees, crying after silently listening to everything that had just been said.