The Lie and What Follows

I realized it once again.

No, I think I was afraid to admit it.

I had been drawn to her for a long time.

That day.

Even when I was crying at home, deep down, I was trying to believe in Riko-san. Despite how easy it was to convince myself of the pain of being rejected, I could have just run away like always.

I felt the black fog in my heart clearing.

The colorless world began to gain color.

What she had given me.

She never abandoned me as I ran, always watching over me.

Awkwardly, as if it was nothing, she threw her feelings at me.

It might be presumptuous to say I’ll repay her.

But now, it’s my turn to take action.

No more running.

No more deceiving myself about these feelings.

So, the first person I need to tell this feeling to is…

———————————-

I opened the door to the house and took off my shoes in the entrance.

Entering the living room, Haruka was sitting on the sofa.

“Welcome back, Tooru.”

“Yeah, I’m home, Haruka.”

She turned her gaze from the TV and smiled weakly at me.

I doubted she knew what I wanted to talk about.

“I’ll make dinner. Just wait a bit.”

“Yeah.”

We ate dinner together and sat side by side on the sofa.

Our usual time.

I had to say it.

That I like Riko-san.

For us, who started from zero, to begin again…

“Um, Haruka…”

“Hey, Tooru.”

My words were interrupted.

“What I’m about to say is just a monologue. Please just listen without saying anything. My monologue.”

“…Okay.”

“At first, when Tooru decided to date Adachi, I felt relieved. That Tooru, who had been alone, decided to walk with someone again. I was really happy. Truly happy.”

Her words trickled out.

“But, but… I became anxious. That Tooru might drift away. That our time together, our relationship, might diminish.”

Her expression looked resigned.

“So, when Tooru came back hurt, deep down, I was relieved beyond being angry at Adachi. That we could be together again.”

It sounded like a confession.

“But, Tooru is Tooru. No matter how hurt or pampered, in the end, he moves forward. He can move forward.”

Haruka…

“I… like that Tooru. My only brother. My favorite. Not anyone else. My treasure.”

…

“Hey, Tooru?”

“Yeah.”

Haruka always looked out for me.

Just the two of us. After losing our parents, not receiving love from our only guardian, we protected each other. As a brother and sister. That’s the life I thought we had.

But…

Hearing Haruka’s feelings, I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t heard them.

“Tooru might never understand.”

That phrase.

Probably, Haruka never intended to convey her feelings. Even as I tried to change, to take another step forward, she pushed me forward by exposing her feelings like this.

Always, always, Haruka…

It hurt to know how much she cared for me.

That she kept giving me the warmth I wanted.

That I couldn’t reciprocate her desired words.

Tears overflowed. The hands that always hugged me felt slightly distant.

I had to say it, my feelings.

Because this love was initiated by me.

“I… like Adachi Riko-san.”

“…Yeah.”

“I was once hurt. There were many misunderstandings. I thought we’d never speak again. But…”

“Yeah.”

“But. My desire to be with her, to make her happy, to be by her side as she smiles, never faded.”

Tears welled up in Haruka’s eyes.

Still, I couldn’t look away, I shouldn’t.

“So, I’m going to date her.”

A single tear rolled down Haruka’s cheek.

“…Okay. Be happy, you idiot, Tooru.”

Haruka smiled through her tears.

“Ah, I said it.”

After a while, Haruka muttered.

“Huh?”

“That I like you. You didn’t realize, right?”

Yes. I’m sorry.

“Well, if you had realized, that would have been something else. Really, why did we have to be siblings?”

That’s because we are siblings…

“Are you going to leave home?”

I understand that much about going to university.

“No, I’m not.”

After all, I don’t have the money to live alone. I need to save.

“Eh, but you’re dating Adachi, right? Don’t you want to live together?”

…Well, indeed. Living together with a lover is a dream.

“My home is here. I’ll commute to university from here.”

Probably, Haruka is concerned.

To be with Riko-san.

But Haruka and I are family. Just the two of us. I can’t just easily leave.

“Really? Is

that okay?”

“Of course. Haruka is my family. Even if I have a girlfriend, that won’t change. You’ll always be my family.”

It won’t change. I won’t become distant from my sister.

I don’t think Riko-san would want that either.

“Then, even if you get married, this house, right?”

“Eh?”

“We’re family, right? It’s okay! I’m the best at taking care of Tooru. Besides, who knows if you’ll keep dating Adachi?”

I want to believe that won’t happen.

But what about Haruka?

“Isn’t that bad? Because…”

In front of Haruka, who has feelings for me, my girlfriend and I would live. That seems quite cruel.

“Ah. Maybe it is tough. Or I might end up attacking Adachi.”

…Please don’t? Why are all the girls around me so dangerous?

“But being away from Tooru is the toughest. I’m not ready to leave Tooru.”

“Okay.”

Still a future matter.

Riko-san and I aren’t even dating yet.

…Right. We’re not dating. I have to confess, right?

Ah, I’m getting anxious.

“Why are you looking so gloomy? Stop it. You’ll out yourself as an introvert.”

“Sorry.”

It’s already obvious. Wait, did Haruka really like me?

…Right. Riko-san said that. Will Haruka meet her? I don’t expect it yet…

“Haruka, can you meet Riko-san?”

“…Honestly, I don’t want to.”

I understand.

“But I will. We need to talk.”

She seemed determined.

“…Thank you.”

“Really, you’re a handful.”

I think she’s forcing a smile.

I can tell.

Normally, the sister who should be right beside me felt a distance away, maybe due to the confession.

Filling that gap, I held Haruka’s hand.

“Eh…?”

“It’s okay. I’m not denying Haruka’s feelings.”

Hearing my words, Haruka hesitantly held my hand back.

I won’t deny her feelings.

After all, we’re the only family in the world.

If the two of us agree, there’s no problem. That’s how we’ve lived.

This is our distance. How we’ve always been close.

Haruka said she couldn’t leave her brother, but maybe I’m not ready to leave my sister either.

“Thank you, Tooru.”