The Love They Never Had

I thought that I had finally regained some sense of freedom and independence, but it was soon apparent to me that I had just escaped from one cage and landed in another, but I was no longer physically strong enough to take everyone in on my own and fight against it. The same tricks were pulled on me again as soon as I woke ups king it clear to me that somebody had a hand in putting specific servants in place to make me fail, but I did carry enough strength to deal with them at least, in the brothel that was run by The Fifth Prince himself.

"My Lady, it is time to start the day with your morning ablutions." "What water is this? It smells rather good." "This is iris water for the face…" "Marring faces of the girls that they cannot tame is one of the oldest tricks in the Inner Court daughter, so you must be very careful when distinguishing marigold leaves, hellebore and leopard plant. They all smell rather nice, but there scent will hide their extract with causes severe hives." "How do you know this daddy?" "I learnt this from your mother, my love, back to a time when…" "Young Mistress Seo? Are you alright? Why are you crying?" "Come closer please." I didn't hesitate to do what I did the last time someone pulled tis trick on me, which was throwing the tainted water back in their faces and watch this team of servants scream bloody murder, which woke up most of the patrons in the brothel. "Why are you all afraid of this iris water? Well? Someone explain your behaviour to me when I have only shucked iris water on you?" "Young Mistress…" "Stop acting so unprofessionally and bring me my breakfast! Right now!" I needed to act more of a brat now more than ever to fight against the servants at least and bring me some time to think about my next plan and how I could conquer this place just like I did with the last one.

"Young Mistress, here is your breakfast…" "Finally, I have some decent maids to work with. But what about all of you? Have you all eaten your breakfast yet?" "Not yes Mistress, it is our priority to serve you first…" "You poor things, here, put everything down and share my food with me." "How can I eat your precious food, Young Mistress?" "I know how hard it is to work as a servant since I myself has worked as one multiple times." "Forgive me, but I am not hungry now…" "Are you refusing my kindness? Because if you are, then I can only assume that you have tainted my food in some way. So I want all 5 of you to take a bite, or I shall report you all to The Fifth Prince himself!" As I watched them eat mouldy rice with stones in them, I suddenly missed the feasts that Seon-Ho used to spread out for me when we were alone. We used to have such a good time experimenting with new foods and he always got a kick out of watching me try something new that it was one of the only rare times that I got to see him smile. That, and when I found myself in his arms at the end of…well, that was when he was the most at peace. But last night he was…

"Young Mistress, you have a visitor to see you…" I almost jumped out of my seat right there and then at the possibility of my man finding me already with what smelt like seafood, which was my favourite kind of food. But how? How did he find me already when not even 12 hurt had gone by yet? It had been less than 5 hours and I…I still wasn't complexly healed with what happened to me, but I sort of found myself to be a lot more excited to see him than I should be, just like I was when we almost…after such a long time but I just couldn't bring myself to…no, but it was different now. I was ready…I think…I just wanted to see him again and… "And will you be able to handle it, Seo Yeon? Seeing me with another woman? And I wonder why you are so quick and angry with your responses? Unless you are…disturbed with my decision? Unless you have truly fallen in love with me girl, and you are just being bitter and angry because I have someone else better waiting for me? Someone who can do a lot for me, more than you ever could." He said those ugly words to me such satisfaction that I wonder…

"Goodness gracious me, why is half of the servants quarters empty? Did you deal with them already?" "Dal? What are you doing here?" "What do you mean? I have come here to collect you…" "Forget it, I am not going anywhere. I must have become accustomed to brothels rather than luxurious accommodations that only seem to expand even during a plague." "Have you lost your mind! You are not a kisaeng!" "What is the problem? You were the one who wanted me to start working here in the first place, remember?" "I only said that out of anger! I didn't mean it!" "Well I am here now and under the protection of your Master, so you can leave now. And I prefer Qiamlizui over plum wine." "I can tell that you haven't eaten for hours, so I have brought you some food. I can ask the cook to adjust the wine, or maybe it isn't the wine that you don't find to your liking at all." "That is right, I have no issues with the wine, but I have them with you." "Your resistance to our marriage will obviously make you dislike me even more and everything related to me. Or maybe you do like it and you are just forcing yourself to think of the opposite. I have been trying to change for you, so why do you sill refuse me?" "It is because we have never walked on the same path to begin with! I have never in my life wanted to marry you!" "And why not!" "It is because I already belong to someone else! And you knew that from the beginning!" "He was in love with another girl then!" "Oh really? Was he? I remember you saying all of that to me in the beginning, so tell me this! Did you ever see them touch each other? At al? Or even kiss, or hold hands, or hug one another?" "Why are you asking me this?" "Because we both know that he has a trauma, so he cannot touch anyone freely!" "Of course I didn't see him physically touch anyone…!" "So you were just feeding me lies to separate us?" "He was still courting her! So he must have…!" "For goodness sake, Dal! The only woman that he has ever touched is myself"

"Yeon…what are you…" "I cannot belong to anyone apart from the one man to whom I do belong…" "Stop lying to me and tell me the real reason as to why you don't want me when I have treated you exactly the same way as my brother has!" No you don't, you do not treat me anywhere near like he does to me. Seon-Ho is a lonely child during the day that constantly demands my attention and at night, he turns into a beast who never lets me sleep or bathe on my own. His constant touches, his constant evasion of my privacy and his anger that flared up more than once a day made my knees buckle and butterflies erupt in my belly every single time that I laid eyes on him. And he in turn would always look at me in such a way that I could never refuse him anything at all. I couldn't even be angry at him when he woke me up in the middle of the night to give him what he wanted, that was how much…I was falling for him. Or already fell for him, even more than I did throughout my entire childhood. He was just so much more than I was expecting him to be and…and he satisfied me more ways in one and in more ways that I had missed in an entire year that we spent apart from each other. Even though the pains of whipping, kneeling, being exposed to the cold and the water, starvation… I was craving his tough like a mad woman.

"…you have become a powerful Master now, whilst I haven desire to climb the social rank in the palace or even exposed to it at all, for I have already gone through so much at the hands of The Imperial Royal family of Goreyo." "Who says that I am perfect? You know that I am not, you even have a brother worthy of the name, unlike myself. Even his friends and social circle treat you with the upmost respect and earnestly. I have never experienced such a family and before…" "that is because you single-handily killed all of your family members with your own hands." "…I…am only used to adhering to orders and executing them…" Dal! This has nothing to do with me at all! Please, just let me live with my heart in peace!" "Look1 I have never thought of controlling you! I am just not used to talking with others and you are no giving me enough time to adjust to it either! I have never known how to adjust to a family in my entire life and I need time, that is all! I haven't used my power to pressure you at all and I…" "You are mine Seo Yeon; you are mine and I will have you as mine, no matter what happens to us! In fact, you will be the one who is begging on your knees to marry me! Now get over here and give me what I want! Come closer to me and turn around…"

"…I only want to tell your family that I just want an ordinary wedded life with you and you only!" "But you only bring pressure into my life! I do not need others to take care of me when I have a whole family to…" "I want braised beef with a fried egg on top with rice, make it for me. Here, I asked the servants to buy 1kg of beef from the market today." "Don't you want a little soup with it?" "Don't always make soup, it will interfere with my diet." "Yes husband…" "you are not an ordinary person; far from it in fact. You are someone who turns away from their past social status, and myself and my brother are not the type to forget! We want to help those suffering from those same inflictions whilst you want to forget all about it and live a life of luxury. We want to do charity work and you want every single piece of silver and gold for yourself! And you cannot except anything but hostility from me when you have forced yourself into my life!" "Just like he did! But I expect it was different for him, right!" "He has known me for me entire life! Of curse it is different for him! Because I am in love with him! I…i always have been in love with him, even when he was up against my own brother…"

"I RESPECT YOU! HE DOESN'T! NOT AT ALL! Not even when he moved his lodgings to the same residence where you were kept in right after the war! And he knew! He knew you were there, but he didn't do anything, did he! He never reached out to you! He stopped taking care of you! He didn't even visit you once, did he?" "Your lying! Why would he not visit me! He was never there! He couldn't have been!" "So why don't you ask him!" "I will! And in the meantime, you're care and love for me is suffocating me. Liking somebody does not consist of obeying orders, inferring in my life and keeping me under surveillance!" "Then what kind of life do you want!" "I want one where you are not in it!" "Do you really mean that! No, I will not give up! I will never allow you to forget me at all…!" "NO! GET AWAY FROM ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE!"