LIGHTNOVELWORLD #036
#036
‘Are you crazy? What’s there to be excited about?’
Why am I feeling that fluttering sensation I felt with Hyun Dowoon again? I thought I couldn’t trust people anymore, so why am I reacting like this to Shin Haejun?
‘Honestly… apart from his initial attitude, he is an attractive person.’
He’s honest and confident, and above all, he doesn’t deceive people. It was clear that this attitude gave me a sense of security.
Even so… what am I going to do with the male protagonist?
Although I’m trying hard to change the story, he’s still someone prepared for Kim Sehyun.
‘Why am I getting excited about a man in the first place?’
I’d like to think it’s because I’ve entered this kind of novel, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe that. If that were true, it would mean that all the emotions I’ve felt so far are just because of the novel, just lies.
‘No matter how lonely I am…’
This isn’t right. Just because I’m living in Lee Jaeha’s body doesn’t mean I’m not Yeonsoo.
I might leave this world someday. Why am I swaying recklessly between Shin Haejun and Hyun Dowoon?
“Are you done eating?”
Due to my troubled thoughts, I couldn’t eat any more. Even though I tried to force myself to eat, thinking about how much this meal cost, I had to stop because my stomach hurt.
As I put down my spoon and drank some water, Shin Haejun looked at my face and asked.
“I’m full.”
“Then take your medicine now.”
“Medicine?”
“You got an evening prescription, didn’t you?”
I was surprised that he spoke as if it was obvious. He remembers that I got an evening prescription from the psychiatry department? He must have only seen it briefly in passing.
It’s also the first time someone has reminded me to take my medicine.
“I don’t have it with me.”
I didn’t bring it because I didn’t know I’d be out until evening. When I answered indifferently, Shin Haejun frowned.
“We should get you home then.”
“Haven’t you not finished eating?”
“It’s fine.”
Shin Haejun stood up abruptly. I got up and followed him in a daze, and he quickly got in the car and drove much faster than before.
We arrived at my place in no time, and as I entered the elevator in a bewildered state, Shin Haejun reminded me once again to make sure to take my medicine before getting off on the floor below mine.
‘What’s this…’
Why is he acting so… gentle? His words seem blunt, but his actions are considerate.
As I staggered into the entrance, I saw my flushed face reflected in the mirror attached to the shoe rack.
‘You’re crazy, that’s Shin Haejun!’
I slapped my cheek hard enough to make a sound. Then I shook my head vigorously and went into the kitchen to dutifully take my medicine.
‘I suddenly feel lonely.’
I thought about checking my phone or turning on the TV, but I resisted. I expected that the community and news would be filled with stories about me and Kim Sehyun. I was already tired enough today. I didn’t want to add another thing to worry about.
As I sat on the sofa in the dark living room with a cup of citron tea, I felt somewhat pitiful. Then suddenly, the conversation I had with Hyun Dowoon today came to mind.
‘You’re still my pair guide, Jaeha. I believe in your abilities regardless of your grade.’
With each sip of citron tea, Hyun Dowoon’s words echoed in my mind.
The words that he believed in me, that I was his pair guide.
‘1.9%…’
Machines don’t lie. But I couldn’t understand why the matching rate with Hyun Dowoon, who should have been connected to me in the original draft of this story, came out as only 1.9%.
Not even 19%, but 1.9%…. I felt completely drained.
‘Was he just trying to comfort me?’
Is he really satisfied with my guiding? I’m F-class, and our matching rate is 1.9%.
‘Will I ever be able to forget this thought when guiding him in the future?’
Wouldn’t Hyun Dowoon have a better guide, someone who doesn’t act as pathetically as I do?
Wouldn’t it be better if he got involved with Kim Sehyun, as the current flow of the story suggests?
‘Is it right for us to maintain our pair?’
I don’t think I’m the kind of person who should be by his side.
Above all, when guiding him… will I be able to have physical contact?
Guiding was inherently inseparable from physical contact. Skinship was essential, even to collect love coins…. Can I continue guiding while thinking that I can’t trust him and that I don’t want to be attracted to him anymore?
‘Did I enjoy acting as a guide?’
Even though Hyun Dowoon himself says it’s okay, I could just ignore it and enter dungeons… why am I so confused? I thought being a guide was just one of “Lee Jaeha’s” settings, so why was I shocked by the 1.9% matching rate?
The strange feeling I felt when I guided, and Hyun Dowoon’s praise that seemed to acknowledge me, flashed through my mind.
Do I, an F-class guide with a 1.9% matching rate… deserve to remain as Hyun Dowoon’s guide like this?
‘Should I… quit being his pair?’
The moment I thought that, my chest ached.
***
As soon as I woke up in the morning, I checked the news first. The main headline was an article criticizing Hyun Dowoon.
[Awakened Center Director Conducts Re-verification of S-class Guide for His Pair Guide]
It was Shin Haejun who suggested it. But due to the situation, it was being reported as Hyun Dowoon’s fault.
‘This isn’t good.’
I should probably find out what people are thinking. I couldn’t keep running away out of fear. I took a sedative first and then entered the Awakened community.
[Issue | HDW’s Pair Guide Re-verification lol]
Author
Re-verified and still F-class lol
Why did they even do it then?
F-class? More like Trash-class lol
What kind of trick do you need to pull to become HDW’s guide as Trash-class?
At this point, HDW seems stupid too. What is he thinking?
-Anonymous 1: What kind of confidence did they have for re-verification
└Anonymous 15: So stupid lololol
-Anonymous 2: The weird part is they’re not even from a rich family
└Anonymous 2: Are they super good-looking?
└└Anonymous 5: Ahem.. is it something R-rated?
└└└Anonymous 6: Watch out for lawsuits, 5
-Anonymous 3: I only feel sorry for KSH
-Anonymous 3: The crime of making the wrong friend, impressive
-Anonymous 4: What kind of corruption is this? The whole situation doesn’t make sense
-Anonymous 6: I heard rumors they’re really pretty
└Anonymous 32: Did you hear the rumor about their rock-bottom matching rate? lol
“Huk, heu, huk…!”
The moment I opened the first post and checked the comments, I felt suffocated. Drooling and crying, I collapsed onto the sofa, panting heavily for a while before crawling to the kitchen to swallow a new sedative.
‘Why do I have to hear such things?’
It’s not my fault that I’m F-class.
Did I do something so wrong to deserve being criticized like this?
Just because I became the Center Director’s pair?
‘I don’t… even know why I caught Hyun Dowoon’s eye.’
I want to know too. Why did I become his pair?
I stood up abruptly. I was going to rush to the Awakened Center to ask Hyun Dowoon what he was thinking.
‘There are… too many people.’
From the moment I got on the subway, cold sweat ran down my spine. I knew in my head that no one was looking at me, but I kept feeling like gazes were stinging me.
It was hard to breathe deeply, but I pulled up my mask to cover my nose bridge more. The journey to the station where the Awakened Center was located felt like a thousand miles.
After barely getting off, I carefully went up to the Center Director’s office through the back door of the Awakened Center.
‘I forgot… to contact him.’
In my haste to come out, I forgot to ask Hyun Dowoon to meet. I wondered what I would do if he had guests or was busy, but having come this far, it was also awkward to turn back.
“Director, are you busy?”
I sent a message while standing in the corridor where the Center Director’s office was, and I received a reply asking what was wrong, along with a read receipt.
“I came because I had something urgent to discuss… but I realized I didn’t make an appointment.”
As soon as I sent that message, the Center Director’s office door swung open. Hyun Dowoon, dressed neatly as always, discovered me standing near the door.
“How did you get here? There must have been quite a few reporters at the main entrance…”
Hyun Dowoon was looking at me with worried eyes as he said this.
“I came in quietly through the back door.”
Thanks to my face not being well-known yet, I was able to enter without causing a commotion. Hyun Dowoon nodded at my words and gently pulled my hand to guide me inside.
“Would you like some coffee today?”
“Ah… no. I’m fine.”
“I was worried after you left like that yesterday. You didn’t answer your phone…”
I knew Hyun Dowoon had left missed calls, but yesterday I was in no state to make phone calls. I quietly nodded.
Sensing that I wasn’t feeling well today either, Hyun Dowoon deliberately went into the partition and came out with juice.
“You look like you need some sugar. It’s sweet apple juice, so drink it all.”
Of all things, apple juice. I suddenly chuckled, remembering the juice I had intended to give to Hyun Dowoon but ended up not giving.
Since he had already poured it, it felt awkward to refuse, so I took a sip and then looked straight at Hyun Dowoon.
“Director, I came because I have something I want to ask.”
“What is it?”
“If grade and matching rate don’t matter. What was your reason for choosing me?”
Hyun Dowoon hesitated for a moment at my question. Then, changing his expression to a bright smile, he answered.
“I just knew at first sight. That you were exactly what I needed.”
“So what is that need?”
“Well… it was intuitive, so I’m not sure how to answer that.”
Intuition.
Does he think it can be explained in one word, ‘intuition’? Can’t he even tell me why he had such an intuition?
I came all this way and asked with a desperate voice to know the reason… why won’t he tell me?
‘Why do you keep acting like my voice doesn’t matter?’
I wanted to say that, but I was at a loss for words.
Reasons why I shouldn’t stay by Hyun Dowoon’s side kept coming to mind, more than reasons why I should stay.
First, the fact that he decided my position without asking for my opinion. The fact that I couldn’t feel sincerity whenever I asked him something. The fact that he flirts in a way that anyone would misunderstand, and then pretends not to know. The fact that our matching rate is rock bottom. The fact that I’ve been subjected to all kinds of insults just for being with him, even though it hasn’t even been a month since we became a pair.
Even now, I don’t dislike Hyun Dowoon. But I didn’t want to have any relationship with him where trust and emotions are exchanged.
‘I… can’t do this.’
My head felt like it was being pounded with a hammer. But even in the midst of that, my thoughts became clearer. I decided to run away.
“I see…. We haven’t done any guiding for a few days. I’ll do a bit of guiding today before I go.”
I extended my hand to Hyun Dowoon. He hesitated, saying, “You don’t look well…” but eventually reached out his hand.
As I decided to guide, a mercenary-related window popped up in front of me.
*View Mercenary Status*
*Enhance Mercenary* – Consumes Gold/Love Coins
*Mercenary Rest* – Currently partially sealed (5% efficiency)
*Hire Mercenary* – (2/2)
*Dismiss Mercenary*
After guiding carefully for the last time. I used the ‘Dismiss Mercenary’ option, which I thought I would never use unless it was Shin Haejun.
And from the list of two, I severed the connection with Hyun Dowoon.
Then my head felt even heavier, and I felt like… something very precious had been cut off. When I blinked two or three times, tears started streaming down. These weren’t tears I was shedding of my own will.
I cried for a while, then wiped away my tears and said firmly.
“Director. Let’s end our pair contract.”