The Married Life Of Immortals

After 3 hours, Bane hit a bottleneck. He had just swallowed a tier 5 Emerald Gold Body-Tempering pill, but unlike the last thirty five he had eaten, this one just felt like he had swallowed a rock. Bane was also no longer absorbing any of the medicinal energies, and felt like he had just eaten a big meal, and was full.

Wei Nam Lee and Mizuage stood back and watched as the pill slowly dissolved in Bane's stomach, but no changes occurred.

"Out of the pot. Time to put your body to use," Mizuage ordered, and Bane did so, but with a frown.

Once he had a robe on and tied, Mizuage motioned for him to follow. Bane did so, and Mizuage led him to another room with scrolls on diamond shaped shelves all around the walls, and a single wooden table in the middle of the room.

Mizuage took one of the scrolls down, and motioned for Bane to sit down, which he did.

"This is the Divine Immortal Body Refinement technique. It is one of the greatest techniques a human can use, and is even a treasure to those who have broken into the Cosmic Realm," Mizuage explained, and Bane opened the scroll.

On the scroll, Bane could see diagrams of his body, and the flow of his qi. There were also many symbols that Bane couldn't understand, but worst of all, it looked like a child had recorded it.

"This is a high level technique. You should be able to comprehend a part of it, and then practice with what you have. If you are able to comprehend more, then we can get you another scroll and repeat the process," Mizuage explained, but Bane frowned.

"How the fuck do I comprehend something I can't even read? Do you see the hen scratch and doodles all over this thing?!" Bane demanded, and Mizuage rolled his eyes.

"If that is what it looks like, then you have a long way to go. Open it the rest of the way. You will find certain body movements to practice. Switch between that and staring at the entire scroll," Mizuage ordered and then vanished with a wave of his sleeve into the mark on the top of Bane's hand.

"Oh, you cheeky son of a bitch," Bane growled as he stared at the doodles on the scroll, but he took the scroll and kicked the chair over.

Bane sat down on the ground, and crossed his legs, setting the scroll on the ground in front of him. Once he had calmed his breathing, Bane reached out, and the scroll started to glow, causing him to frown.

"Bitch, I didn't even start yet, and you are already glowing?" Bane muttered, but then opened his eyes, and his expression changed.

The scroll started to move, and the lines on the paper began to come out of the scroll. These lines started to weave and twist, and soon, the diagram of the human body formed, but then started to twist and turn into a new one. Bane was shocked, but he quickly focused.

"See? This is what I am talking about! Okay, let's try this."

Bane began to go through the movements on the last part of the scroll, but found the more he did, the more the image began to change.

What had once looked like the doodles of a child became vague descriptions of movements. Then, the vague descriptions turned into clear ones, and Bane started to sweat as his comprehension increased.

"What is going on? I am starting to see things here, but I feel like my mind is on the verge of breaking!" Bane growled as a pressure began to burn inside of him.

What was actually happening was his bones were slowly being replaced by spiritual energy, converted from his massive amount of mana and demonic energy. The pain made Bane want to stop, but his body refused, forcing him to keep moving, and trying to comprehend.

As time went on, Bane felt himself reaching his limit, and he finally stopped, falling onto his back and gasping for air.

"What the fuck was that? I felt like I was possessed and was going to break my own brain! How the hell am I supposed to know what this stuff means?" Bane snapped, but no one was there.

"If I didn't know you had a good heart, and weren't such a simple minded idiot, I would leave you to struggle," Mizuage said after summoning himself. "But, you actually were able to comprehend over 60% of the technique, but you are too focused on what it is teaching your body, and you are not focused on what it is doing to your mind."

Bane shot the soup pot dragon a dirty look, and Mizuage laughed, but Eve appeared from his body.

"Just think of it this way. Your body is like a computer, and the information on the scroll is the programs that are going to change how your body works. It is going to be easier because you already have a high level foundation, but the higher the level of the technique, the harder it will be," Eve explained, but then frowned.

"Also, your body is being tempered by the pill you took, so you are feeling double the strain since you have reached the second boundary. Without this technique, any power increases past your current level would be too hard on your body since you have no cultivation level. Even with your mana veins, you lack a core to properly keep up your healing factor, as shown in your recent fight with Nina, if you can call it that."

Bane sighed, and rolled over to pick up the scroll, and then looked at Mizuage.

"Okay, how the fuck do I get the information on this damn thing into my brain, and how do I know it is right? This thing is only trying to tell me to move around, but I did that! Are you telling me this damn technique is just a ballerina dance in disguise? What does this shit even do?" Bane asked, and Mizuage grinned, and vanished, and a second later, another scroll came down and fell onto the ground in front of him.

Bane glared at the spot the soup pot dragon was in, and picked up the scroll. He then unrolled it, and looked it over, but this scroll was much more clear.

"This is the full version of the Divine Immortal Body Refinement Technique," Mizuage said inside of his head in a voice that made Bane want to punch him.

"What was that then?" Bane demanded, but Mizuage only mentally shrugged.

"A lesser movement technique, but still in the same branch as the Divine Immortal Body Refinement Technique. I used it to help you understand the full version better," Mizuage said, and Bane glared at him.

"If I didn't need your help, I would make you turn into a dragon, rip off your tail and shove it up your ass," Bane growled, and then sat down to study the technique.

Eve just smiled and left him alone, going back into his body.

When he was done reading it, Bane sighed and put the scroll down in front of him. Taking the lotus position again, Bane closed his eyes, and a white spell circle appeared under him, but nothing else happened.

In the next instant, Bane let out a silent scream, his body twisting and turning in ways that it shouldn't, but somehow, he kept his position while his body was being twisted, bent, and stretched.

It felt like his bones were being broken and reformed a thousand times over, but the pain was worth it, as he felt the energy being pumped into his muscles, skin, and blood. Every time the twisting and crushing force was applied to his body, the power would sink deeper into his bones, and the pain would increase, and he would feel the spiritual energy pumping into him.

It took two days of this constantly happening before Bane's body became still, but when it did, a dam burst within him. The locked up spiritual energy fused with Bane's mana veins, and then his flesh and blood.

Bane's entire body seemed to become a single spirit vein, and then it started to expand, slowly filling every inch of his body, but even with the pain, the pleasure Bane felt was far greater.

He didn't know it, but he had entered a state of enlightenment. His body had become a pure, single, spirit vein. He was not a cultivator, and was not a mortal.

The enlightenment didn't last long, but when it ended, Bane's body was covered in a sheen of sweat, but he was also smiling.

"Oh man, do I need to take the meanest shit!" Bane groaned, and tried to get up, but slipped on the puddle of sweat that had formed around him.

He had a moment of panic, and his mind seemed to slow time. In that brief instant, Bane's mind was flooded with images of the techniques he had been taught, and he realized that his understanding was much higher than he had expected. With a single finger, Bane landed, and then twisted his body to land back on his feet, but then his eye pinched together as he felt a brown flood pushing at his back gate.

Running out of the room, Bane screamed. "Where is the bathroom?!"

Wei Nam Lee, Lysia, Bilgarth, Ezio, Morgana, and even Harmony were all waiting in the other room, and rushed to where Bane's cry had come from. They burst into the room where Bane was looking around in a panic, but then he locked eyes With Lysia, true horror playing across his face.

With a whisper, and the most absolute concentration that he could muster, Bane hissed, "Run!"

Lysia didn't know why, but she did as Bane said, casting a teleport spell anywhere but here. Everyone watched, confused, but moment Lysia was out of the room, Bane couldn't hold anymore, and his eyes crossed. "SOOORY!" He roared, and his robe blasted open, and his ass exploded.

Bilgarth was the first to react, but the smell hit him before his hand could reach his pocket. He didn't even have time to say anything, and was blasted off his feet.

Wei Nam Lee and the others tried to run, but the most unnatural scene anyone had ever witnessed unfolded before them. A brown river came rushing out of Bane's ass, and a whirlpool formed. This whirlpool then expanded, and a funnel started to form in the center of the room.

"Oh shit, no no no no no! No!" Bane cried out, trying to clench his ass cheeks, but the brown tide didn't stop, pushing him around the room.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and Bai Xiao Meng entered the room with his hands and robes alight with seals and symbols.

"HOW DARE YOU TRY TO DESTROY THE HERITAGE OF THIS INSTI-" he was saying, but was cut off when the tornado of shit blasted him back.

The funnel became wider and wider, until it was 5 feet across, Bane was now passed out on the floor. His shit storm had somehow become a whirlwind of brown death, and Bai Xiao Meng, despite being a peak Spiritual Realm Cultivator, was being sucked towards the tornado.

"You little brat! I'll have you skinned for this!" Bai Xiao Meng shouted, and slammed his hands together, creating a 11 pointed containment array, that was soon filled with a river of shit, and sealed.

"I'LL KILL YOU, YOU MONGREL!" Bai Xiao Meng shrieked, turning to the pale and shit covered Bane that was slowly coming to.

Everything came back to Bane at once, but his stomach turned again, and he put up a hand. "Hold on there, Master. This is all because of that... Maybe direct me to the bathroom first, and we can argue about this after?"