Chapter 18: 17th entry
Season: Summer
Weather: Thunderstorms last night, leaving the air feeling bright and fresh. Although it's still hot, there's a cool breeze making things more bearable.
Day of the week: Tuesday
Date: 30th January, 2024
I had an unexpected visit after work hours from the Stony Boss. Why had he come? He had brought me some takeaway. But why?
"I just came by to see how you were today," he said. "How was your day? What did you do?"
"I had a good day," I said, feeling very happy.
I had looked at my new television for a good amount of time, gone out for a walk and found a new job to replace the cleaning job I had lost.
At that, his smile had fallen and I clapped my hand over my big mouth. Why had I felt the need to share that with him of all people?
"You aren't going to need that job anymore," he told me in a very deep voice.
"Wh-why not?" I had stammered.
What was wrong with me? Why had I felt that I could share anything with him? I had forgotten for a moment that he wasn't just a colleague but a boss. One of the big scary bosses. How could I forget that? Was it because of all the extra time he had spent with me lately that I had begun to trust him more? I don't know.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
"Stop slapping your head and calling yourself names," he had caught my wrist. "I would probably have found out sooner rather than later. Call them and tell them you can't take the job. You won't need it anymore."
"But Boss..."
My protests were not heeded. He forced me to call the new boss I had spoken to just this morning, whereupon I discovered that I would have lost the job that was agreed upon anyway, because he had found someone else that he preferred.
I was no longer happy.
"You're about to receive all the back pay you didn't receive plus compensation," Stony Boss told me. "You don't need to work so much anymore. Your pay should be enough to cover your expenses."
I pressed my lips together. Bezel needed more money. All that extra money would probably be going to her. I wouldn't be left with much. And this might not be enough to tide her over. My parents weren't getting any younger. I needed to save some money up for their medical expenses.
"Stop. Stop. Stop thinking. Tell me what's worrying you? You're getting paler and paler."
I still needed to pay Stony Boss back for lending me money and for my medical fees and... just thinking about it made me feel dizzy. I pulled my knees up and put my head down.
"You said you looked at the television," Stony Boss said, obviously changing the topic in order to help me distract myself, "but it's not plugged in. There's still plastic packaging on it."
"It's pretty," I told him.
"You plugged it in to watch television right? You didn't just stare at the blank screen and plastic wrapping, did you?"
Why would I want to waste electricity and make my bills higher? Of course I just looked at the shiny black rectangle.
Suddenly a heavy hand pressed my head down hard.
"Miss Brown," he said through what sounded like gritted teeth, seeing as I couldn't raise my head to see his expression, "are you dense?"
"The density of my body depends upon which part you're talking about," I mumbled, purposely misunderstanding him, resulting in him grinding his fist into my head and making me yelp with pain. "Off! Get off!"
I flailed at him, knowing he was half joking as well. He released me and I scooted away.
"Talk to me," he pressed his lips together again, eyes boring into me. "I want to help you if I can but I can't help you if I don't know what the problem is. Please. Let me help you."
I looked back at him for a long time, unable to speak. He wanted to help me but I didn't know if I wanted his help. If I should get his help.
"You've already helped me enough," I edged away. "I daren't ask for more. I still have to pay you back. I still haven't paid for my hospital bills. Did you help me pay for that?"
"The company paid for that," the man heaved a heavy sigh. "After all, your poor health is mostly the company's fault because you weren't getting paid properly."
"No. My health was already like this before. It's why I moved out from home. So I could look after myself better and because..." my voice trailed away and I didn't want to say anymore. I remembered how Bezel, at the behest of her evil best friend had made me look like some evil siblings such that my parents had kicked me out in order to 'proptect' Bezel from me. How had trying to save and protect Bezel turn into me being the bad guy? It was that evil best friend of hers. I was sure of it. But Bezel couldn't see it. Refused to see it. After all, she had already been jealous of me most of our lives for some reason I couldn't fathom.
At least here, I was out of sight, out of mind, right?
Bezel getting knocked up was probably her evil best friend's fault too. I could almost bet my life on it. Bezel wasn't a reckless person. She was a very cautious person who was very hesitant to trust a person. Although, if she did trust them, she trusted them beyond reason.
My phone rang into the silence while Stony Boss had been waiting for me to continue the story.
It was Bezel and Bezel wanted money.
"You have to have some savings," she said, totally disregarding the fact that I had just told her the money my parents used to pay her bills was from me and that it was borrowed. "Mum said that the money they used came from their savings. You're such a liar, Jane. You're so selfish. You never care about other people and always try to make my life difficult. I just want to pay our parents money back. Ten thousand isn't that much. You work so much and have such a good job. You're just being stingy."
Although my mobile phone wasn't on loudspeaker, Bezel's high pitched tirade came through clear enough that one glance at Anthony Duin and I knew he could hear everything. I got up to try and take this private conversation elsewhere but was hit by a wave of dizziness. When I stumbled, a strong arm wrapped around me and pulled me back onto the couch, lying me down. My mobile phone was plucked from my fingers.
"Bezel, right?" Anthony Duin's voice said into the mobile phone, shocking Bezel into silence. "Your sister just got out of hospital herself. She's already been in there twice this past week. She borrowed the money for your medical fees from me because she doesn't have anything herself. She hardly has enough to live on, eats so little that the doctors say it's a miracle she's still functioning and will probably need surgery in the future. She's so worried about you but you don't seem to appreciate it. Why don't you pay back the money she borrowed from me for her? That will save me the trouble of chasing her to pay me back when I know she can't after I've seen the state of her finances."
I fought with Anthony Duin for my mobile phone but he held it out of my reach, putting it on loudspeaker. He was making himself sound like some sort of shady loanshark.
"What did she do to get you to agree to lend her some money? Are you her friend? A loan shark? I know, she must have sold her body to you. If she did, that's easy. Just sleep with her a few more times and then won't the debt naturally be paid off? It doesn't matter how she gets the money. She has to send me some to give to my parents. Tell her to stop shirking her responsibility to our family. Since she's moved out, she's hardly sent anything back and our parents aren't getting any younger. They need money for their medical expenses. If I had thought things through earlier, I should have sold her rather than just getting her kicked out of the house. Then at least I'd be getting some worth out of her. If she was still here, I'd at least be able to sell her for a good price. Mister, how about you send me more money and buy my sister?"
"Bezel!" I half shrieked and half gasped. I couldn't believe my sister would talk about me that way. It felt like I'd been stabbed in the chest with a knife and she was twisting it cruelly. How could she say things like that? Is that how she saw me?
Anthony Duin's nostrils flared. He glanced at me and hung up the phone, placing it on the table. His lips had turned into a very thin line that were barely visible anymore.
A moment later, my mobile phone rang again. This time, it was Mum. I didn't want to pick up the phone, but if I didn't I would get an earful later, much worse than the expected tirade now.
With shaking fingers, I reached out to pick up the phone, but Anthony Duin beat me to it. He picked up the call and pressed the loudspeaker button, still keeping my phone out of my reach.
The moment the call connected, a harsh scolding immediately ensued. I curled up in a ball, covering my ears, feeling ashamed that a boss from work would be seeing me like this. All vulnerable. Nothing could be hidden. He'd probably drop me like a hot potato like all the other acquaintances and friends had the moment they met my family. Who would want to get involved with a family like this? Why were my family so biased toward Bezel? I really couldn't take it anymore.
Mum went on and on about why I could give Bezel money for her medical fees, but not any money for Bezel to pay my parents back the money I had sent to them. Why was I so stingy? Did I not care about the family at all? What kind of ungrateful thing had she raised? They were hardly making ends meet and I didn't care. I was always the one making trouble and trying to harm Bezel and ruin our happy family. I was an evil child that she should never have given birth to.
My usual caring mother had gone offline and the evil stressed mother was back.
I really couldn't take it anymore. I was so tired.
Just to get her to shut up, I covered my ears and began screaming. I didn't even think about hanging up the phone until someone else did it for me.
"It's not like that. You're not like that. Shh. Shh. Calm down, Miss Brown. You're ok. You're ok. You're ok."
I was pulled into warm arms and patted on the back. I could only sob and gasp for breath, wondering what was wrong with me. How could I have a meltdown now of all times when there was a boss from work here with me?
I think I fell asleep. I'm not sure.
I woke up and the house was dark. I'd been covered by a blanket on the couch and I felt so cold. So cold. So cold.
So cold.
I feel a bit better after writing a bit, but my heart aches. I feel dizzy when I get up. I think I might have a temperature.