The Warmth of the Sun in the Winter

"You used to like Su Yuanzhou? He was a total asshole. He would even go around riding motorcycles," Shi Meng said.

"Oh, Yuxin's into bad guys, ha?" Xie Yan said teasingly.

"It's not like that." Ren Yuxin buried her face in her hands, her words muffled by embarrassment.

"Wasn't he really cold and scary? He was always getting suspended for fights," Shi Meng said, her tone half-curious, half-mocking as she rattled off Su Yuanzhou's offenses like a list of accomplishments.

"Please, stop talking about this," Ren Yuxin grumbled, her voice tinged with desperation.

Xie Yan, however, was relentless. Her laughter echoed through the room, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. "Yuxin, your expression is priceless! I've never seen you this flustered before."

As the teasing continued, Jian Ai, still holding the iPad, scrolled to the next photo. Her movements stilled as she saw something unexpected.

It was a simple photo—a candid shot of someone taken from behind. The person in the image had striking maroon-colored hair, their broad shoulders radiating a quiet strength. Though it revealed nothing more than a back, the aura of the person was undeniable, commanding admiration even from a still image.

Jian Ai's eyes widened. "Oh my..."

She didn't need to see his face to know who it was. 

Su Yuanzhou. That maroon hair was as distinct as it was unforgettable.

Grinning, Jian Ai nudged Xie Yan's shoulder. "Look at this," she said, her voice laced with mischief.

Xie Yan, ever the opportunist, jumped at the chance to tease Ren Yuxin further. "Oh my, what do we have here?" She waved the iPad in front of Ren Yuxin's face, ensuring she couldn't ignore it.

Ren Yuxin froze, her mind racing. She couldn't believe such a picture existed, let alone that it had surfaced now. "That—I didn't take that," she stammered, her voice barely above a whisper.

Jiang Mian, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, glanced at the image and then at Ren Yuxin. Her expression turned solemn, her lips pressed into a thin line.

As the teasing continued, the clock struck midnight, signaling the end of their gathering.

"What? It's already midnight?"

"Let's hang out again the day after tomorrow," Jian Ai suggested.

"Sure, let's do it."

The group began gathering their belongings, saying their goodbyes to Jian Ai.

Near the entrance, Ren Yuxin noticed Jiang Mian lingering, her movements hesitant as if she were waiting for something.

"Mianmian, are you waiting for your cab?" Ren Yuxin asked, linking arms with her. "Your hotel's on the way. Why don't you ride with me?"

Jiang Mian nodded silently.

The drive back was quiet at first.

Ren Yuxin leaned against the window, the city lights blurring into streaks of gold as they sped through the streets.

It wasn't until they were halfway to the hotel that Jiang Mian broke the silence.

"You know about Su Yuanzhou?" Jiang Mian's voice wavered, her tone unusually serious.

Ren Yuxin's heart skipped a beat. She forced a laugh, trying to deflect. "I already told you, I didn't like him."

"Ah... not that." Jiang Mian's voice dropped, her words heavy with something unspoken. "He died."

The words hit Ren Yuxin like a physical blow, stealing the breath from her lungs. She turned to Jiang Mian, her face pale. "What?"

"He… committed suicide. Five years ago." Jiang Mian's voice was barely audible, each word measured and careful. "I found out last year. A classmate of mine in college, his brother was Su Yuanzhou's friend. He told me."

Ren Yuxin sat frozen, her fingers curling tightly around the fabric of her coat. She tried to speak, but her voice wouldn't come.

"I didn't think it was the right time to say it earlier," Jiang Mian continued, her gaze fixed on her lap.

Ren Yuxin swallowed hard, the lump in her throat threatening to choke her. "Why?" she whispered, her voice cracking.

"They said... he left a note," Jiang Mian said hesitantly. "But no one really knows why. He just... disappeared, Yuxin. Like he didn't want anyone to find him."

Ren Yuxin turned to the window, her reflection staring back at her.

The face she saw didn't belong to the poised actress she had worked so hard to become. It was raw, broken, haunted.

The car pulled to a stop outside Jiang Mian's hotel.

Jiang Mian hesitated, unsure if she should say more.

Ren Yuxin forced a smile. "No need to thank me."

As the car pulled away, her smile faltered and disappeared altogether, replaced by a hollow expression.

I can't believe he died.

The thought hit her like a wave, washing over her with a cold finality.

It had been six years. Six years since that random summer day—their first day of high school. Her crush had only lasted two years, but some memories never faded, sharp as if they had happened yesterday.

The car came to a halt.

"Miss, we're here," the driver, Uncle Chen, announced, his voice breaking through her haze.

Ren Yuxin flinched, startled out of her thoughts. "Thank you, Uncle Chen."

She stepped out, the night air cool against her skin, and walked toward the elevator.

The gentle hum of the elevator filled the silence as she pressed the button for the 12th floor.

When the doors slid open, she stepped into the familiar corridor and unlocked the door to her family's penthouse.

"I'm home," she called out softly, though she didn't expect an answer.

As she stepped inside, the emptiness of the space seemed almost oppressive.

Her second brother wasn't back yet, and the spacious penthouse, with its grand piano and cello in the corner, felt cavernous and lonely.

She sank into the large sofa in the living room, her legs curling beneath her.

I don't even have a single normal photo of him, she thought bitterly. He never came to excursions, festivals, or events.

She let out a sigh, staring up at the high ceiling.

The vague details of his face were slipping away from her memory.

Now that I think about it... I can't even remember what he really looked like.

It was just a fleeting crush—something inconsequential, or so she told herself. But the news of his death had stirred something deep inside her. Regret.

Why does it feel like I've lost something I never really had?

Her chest ached as she recalled her conversation with her brother about him.

It was six years ago, only a month into her second year of high school. She had just returned home for dinner with her second brother, their first meal together after a week apart.

"I heard you like someone," her brother had said bluntly, his observant eyes cutting through her.

The question caught her off guard.

She hesitated, her fingers tightening around her chopsticks. "Ah... it's just a fleeting crush," she said lightly, offering a dismissive smile.

Her brother didn't react immediately.

He simply set his knife down and looked at her with a seriousness that made her stomach turn.

"I hope that's the case," he finally said, his tone steady but firm. "I'm not trying to control your decisions or feelings, Xiao Yu, but I just want what's best for you. After all... we only have each other."

The weight of his words settled heavily on her chest. She clenched the soup spoon in her hand, forcing a smile she didn't feel. "I know."

After that conversation, she stopped talking to him.

He never asked why, never reached out to bridge the silence.

She wondered sometimes if he noticed the distance she created—or if he even cared.

But deep down, she knew why she had pulled away.

She was afraid of getting too close, afraid of being swept into his life, afraid of losing herself in something she couldn't control.

Even though I liked him... I was hesitant.

She buried her face in the sofa cushions, her fingers gripping the fabric.

I should have asked him.

The thought came unbidden, a sharp pang of regret. I should have asked if he was okay. If something was troubling him.

Maybe... maybe things would've been different.

But she hadn't. And now, she never could.

Tears pricked at her eyes as exhaustion crept in, and her body grew heavy.

Ren Yuxin drifted into sleep on the plush couch, the warmth of the room lulling her into slumber.

The distant murmur of laughter and conversation faded into a soothing hum, and soon, she found herself slipping into a dream.

In her subconscious state, a cacophony of youthful voices swirled around her.

Slowly, she blinked her eyes open, only to find herself in a classroom that felt oddly familiar.

The walls were adorned with faded posters of school events, and the faint scent of chalk hung in the air.

In front of her were two girls, their youthful faces glowing with the vibrancy of teenage years.

The first girl possessed a delicate and refined beauty. Her long, straight, raven-black hair framed her almond-shaped eyes, which held a softness that seemed to draw people in. She had a small, elegant nose and delicate lips that curved into a shy smile.

Beside her was a girl with a striking, almost seductive beauty. Her curly brown hair cascaded over her shoulders, and her slanted eyes sparkled with mischief. She had a button-like nose and full lips that hinted at boldness.

It was Shi Meng and Xie Yan—but younger. They couldn't have been older than sixteen.

"Hey, what's your name?" Xie Yan asked, her voice filled with enthusiasm and curiosity.

Ren Yuxin's mouth moved before she could process what was happening. "My name's Ren Yuxin," she replied, her voice tinged with the innocence of youth.

"I'm Xie Yan, and this is Shi Meng," Xie Yan introduced cheerfully, pulling a chair closer to sit across from her.

Shi Meng followed suit, her reserved demeanor softening into a warm smile.

"You're so pretty. When I first saw you, I was totally enamored," Xie Yan declared with the straightforward confidence only teenagers could muster.

Ren Yuxin smiled, the compliment catching her off guard even in this dreamlike state. "Thank you. You two are really pretty too."