Thick of it : reboot

James sat on a rickety old swing hanging from a tree, his legs dangling as he watched the other kids play. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the world seemed almost too cheerful for his brooding mood. 

James (muttering to himself): "Being an orphan is bloody hard work. First off, thank God for Arthur. The man's got a heart of gold—decided to raise a bunch of snot-nosed kids in the last leg of his life. Became our legal guardian, bless him. If it weren't for him, I'd probably be living in a shoebox under a bridge." 

He paused, pulling a locket from under his shirt and clutching it tightly. 

James (softly): "Thanks to him, I was able to keep this. Mum and Dad's locket. " 

He sighed, his mind drifting back to that cursed day. 

James (grimly): "The good news? I've got magic. My first accidental magic saved my life. Those Death Eaters were the one to face it and there'll come a day when I'll have my vengeance. Mark my words." 

Just then, a familiar voice interrupted his brooding. 

Arthur (cheerfully): "James, you've started brooding again. You're going to turn into a proper little Vigilante if you're not careful." 

James looked up to see Arthur, the old man who had taken him in, standing there with a twinkle in his eye and a letter in his hand. 

James (raising an eyebrow): "What do you need me for, sir? Is Sasha raiding the pantry again? Should I scold her?" 

Arthur (chuckling): "No, no, James. She's been good—for now. Today, I've got something special for you." 

He handed James the letter, his expression a mix of curiosity and amusement. 

Arthur (teasing): "The letter's truly fascinating. Whoever sent it seems to live in the Middle Ages. Sent by an owl, no less! Who does that these days? Bloody wizards, apparently." 

James took the letter, his eyes widening as he saw the seal: a crest featuring a lion, a badger, a raven, and a snake. He carefully broke the seal and unfolded the parchment. 

---

*Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry* 

*Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore* 

*(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)* 

Dear Mr. Dawson,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.

*Yours sincerely,* 

*Minerva McGonagall* 

*Deputy Headmistress* 

---

James stared at the letter, his mind racing. 

James (looking up at Arthur): "Have you read it, sir?" 

Arthur (nodding): "I have. And it looks like your little theory about magic has come true. Now, let's see if it's genuine or just some elaborate prank." 

He paused, giving James a pointed look. 

Arthur (mock-sternly): "And how many times do I have to tell you? Stop calling me 'sir.' Call me Arthur." 

James (grinning): "Alright then... *Sir* Arthur Pennyworth." 

Arthur groaned, shaking his head. 

Arthur (muttering): "Cheeky little sod. You're going to fit right in at that school, I can tell." 

James chuckled, clutching the letter tightly. 

=====

The next day, Arthur was busy playing the role of both caretaker and taskmaster, ensuring the children were doing their homework—especially Sasha, who had a knack for "accidentally" misplacing her books whenever maths was involved.

Arthur : "Miss Sasha, if you don't finish your sums, I shall be forced to withhold pudding for a week. And trust me, my treacle tart is worth the effort."

Just as Sasha groaned and reluctantly picked up her pencil, there was a knock at the door. Arthur straightened his tie, smoothed his waistcoat, and went to answer it.

Standing on the doorstep was a man dressed in flowing black robes that made him look like a cross between a bat and a particularly dramatic undertaker.

Snape (in his usual monotone): "Hello. I am Professor Snape. You may have received a letter yesterday."

Arthur (raising an eyebrow): "Ah, so you're a wizard, then?"

Snape (dryly): "Yes, that would be correct. I am here to introduce Mr. Dawson to the magical world and assist him in acquiring his school materials."

Arthur (feigning skepticism): "Oh, I must apologize, but I find it rather hard to believe in magic. It's all a bit... fantastical, isn't it?"

Snape (narrowing his eyes): "And who might you be?"

Arthur : "Me, sir? I am young James' guardian. Arthur Pennyworth, at your service."

Snape (nodding curtly): "I see."

Without another word, Snape glanced to the side, flicked his wand, and cast a spell at a nearby tree. In an instant, the tree transformed into a flock of bats that fluttered away into the sky.

Arthur (clapping politely): "Marvelous! Truly, that's one way to make an entrance. I suppose I stand corrected."

He turned and called inside.

Arthur: "Erwin, fetch James, would you?"

Erwin (popping his head around the corner): "Yes, sir!"

Arthur (turning back to Snape): "So, you said you'd be taking James to get his materials. And where, pray tell, might this shopping spree take place?"

Snape: "Charing Cross Road."

Arthur (with a twinkle in his eye): "If you don't mind, may I also accompany you? I'd hate to miss out on such a... unique experience."

Snape (sighing): "No problem."

Just then, James arrived, looking curiously at Snape.

Arthur: "James, this here is Professor Snape. He's here to introduce you to the magical world."

James (politely): "Hello, sir."

Snape (to Arthur): "Let's go, Mr. Dawson. We have much to do."

As they set off, Arthur couldn't resist a bit of light-hearted commentary.

Arthur (muttering to James): "Well, this is certainly a step up from the usual back-to-school shopping. No boring stationery shops for you, eh? wands, cauldrons, and whatever else wizards deem essential. Do they sell magical treacle tarts, I wonder?"

James (grinning): "I hope so. Your treacle tarts are the only reason I tolerate maths homework."

Arthur (mock-offended): "Cheeky lad. Just for that, I might let Professor Snape here handle your detention."

Snape (deadpan): "I assure you, Mr. Pennyworth, my detentions are far less... pleasant than withheld desserts."

Arthur (chuckling): "Noted, Professor. Noted."

And with that, the unlikely trio set off for Charing Cross Road, ready to dive headfirst into the whimsical, wondrous, and occasionally terrifying world of magic.