LIGHTNOVELWORLD Chapter 44
“Yujin, it’s not a bad thing. Just listen to your mom.”
“No, just give me the conclusion. What did I do?”
Mom hesitated for a moment before blurting it out.
“…You got your period.”
“Huh.”
I hadn’t misheard it.
So, I really…
…did that.
Only then did I realize I was wearing something like a diaper under my pajamas.
…Probably a pad.
I must say, it’s pretty impressive that I’m just now figuring this out.
“What… what happened to me?”
Of course, it would be a lie to say I hadn’t thought about it at all…
But still, this can’t be right, can it?
No matter how different I might look,
I’m… a guy, right?
“Mom?”
“Oh, yeah?”
“What’s happening to me?”
“…I guess?”
I felt even more drained, not expecting Mom to be clueless about my situation.
Well… it’s not like Mom would know what’s going on with me right now.
“……”
My head is spinning.
Wait, does this even make sense?
I know my appearance has changed into a female one.
I’ve become a girl, and thanks to that, I’m starting a new life.
Besides, since I look amazing, it’d be a lie to say I completely hate it.
But this is… this feels like something…
“…that’s not me.”
I sat up slowly and looked at the mirror hanging on the wall.
The reflection staring back was so foreign.
The flowing silver hair,
the reddish-brown eyes that might seem intense because of the red,
the still unnaturally slender body,
It should belong to me, but it doesn’t feel like it at all.
I thought I had gotten used to this enough…
But it seems like I need a bit more time.
“Yujin?”
My mom’s voice was dripping with concern.
For her sake, I had to try and act tough.
But…
Not everything goes as you wish in this world.
“…I just want to be alone for a bit.”
I don’t exactly know what’s happening to me right now.
That’s why I know I need help from others.
Still, for some reason, I want to be alone right now.
I need time.
Time to sort this all out… by myself.
“Uh… okay. If you need anything, just call me, okay?”
“Got it.”
Mom stepped out of the room carefully.
Clunk—
The door clicked shut, and I was all alone, staring quietly into the darkness.
Even the darkness seemed to stare back at me.
Feeling as though I might be swallowed by that abyss, I curled up under the blanket.
“…….”
I know.
It’s just a simple physiological occurrence.
Maybe I had secretly thought it would happen someday.
But it’s still terrifying.
The fear of becoming something else even though I’m still me.
The fear that a new possibility is arising within me that I’ve never had before.
Can I still remain as myself?
If I take apart all the parts of the original Theseus’s ship and replace them with new boards, is it still Theseus’s ship?
If it is indeed Theseus’s ship, do the individual boards of wood mean nothing?
Then what defines Theseus’s ship? Is it the ship Theseus used, or is it the wooden planks that make up the ship?
What defines me?
Even if the parts that used to be me slowly disappear, and eventually completely vanish,
Am I still… me?
I don’t know.
I really don’t know.
And that’s what scares me.
I fear because nothing can provide a conclusion; I fear.
“…….”
I know in my head.
This is merely a brief depression caused by hormonal changes.
In a little while, just a bit more time, I’ll be able to shake it off and get back up.
So,
Isn’t it okay if I cry a little right now?
“…….”
I don’t cry out loud.
I certainly don’t want anyone to see me in such a pathetic state.
Holding my breath quietly, I spend a silent moment as if my existence in this place didn’t matter.
“…….”
A strange time passes, one that might be crying, or maybe even laughing.
Having been in the darkness for quite a while, my senses become sharp.
-Whiiiiiing.
A strange sound.
It’s not a hallucination.
It’s an all too familiar noise.
‘Ah.’
At the edge of my vision, I see the computer tower.
A dim light is glowing.
I just noticed the strange sound earlier; the computer was still on.
Since it’s a custom water-cooled setup handled by experts, the tower isn’t too noisy, but it’s still making some sound.
‘Let’s turn off the computer for now.’
If I hadn’t noticed it was on, that’d be one thing, but now that I have, it’s just bothering me.
Funny enough, I felt a little better sitting in front of the computer.
Something about it was ridiculous, yet it all made total sense—maybe I’m just a gaming nerd.
‘Huh?’
As I moved the mouse to turn off the computer, I couldn’t help but feel puzzled by the screen still on.
[Prisoner: 4390uwpt6yj 2oi-5m=] w]
[qq7785dd55: hey]
[qq7785dd55: you okay?]
I can tell I didn’t remember typing that, so it looks like I might have pressed keys when I collapsed.
But really… what are those messages?
[qq7785dd55: prisoner?]
[qq7785dd55: hey?]
[qq7785dd55: where are you]
[qq7785dd55: i’ll go]
Strange messages.
At first glance, it looks like they might know I’ve collapsed.
‘…Well.’
GRS is the team I personally turned down a scout offer from.
So, it’s only natural that they’d worry about me, given that I mentioned I was terminally ill during that process.
‘But do they really need to go that far…? Well, I guess it’s just nice of them.’
As if to support that fact, qq7785dd55 was still in the game results window.
It definitely hadn’t been a short wait.
‘This much should be okay to say, right?’
It’s not polite to just leave without saying anything, so after a long silence, I typed a message.
[Prisoner: I’m fine]
I’m okay.
So don’t worry too much.
I really am.
[Prisoner: bye]
I just need a bit of time.
Just a little bit…
*
The prisoner disappeared.
Ryu Jin-hyuk realized this four days after the prisoner became the first in Legends of League’s history to achieve 1800 points.
When the prisoner first reached the 1800 mark, Ryu Jin-hyuk had felt pure admiration and awe, not even a hint of jealousy, even though his solo rank record was broken by someone else.
In that odd, unexpressable feeling, what he felt most intensely was definitely disappointment.
‘…If only I could’ve played a game with the prisoner on a big stage just once.’
But that was a distant dream.
A windfall that could never be realized, just a dream he once had.
It was shortly after that when Ryu Jin-hyuk began to feel something was off.
‘…I haven’t seen him around lately.’
The prisoner hadn’t logged in again today.
It had already been four days.
As far as Ryu Jin-hyuk knew, the prisoner had never gone three days in a row without logging into Legends of League.
Of course, there were plenty of days he hadn’t played the game itself, but he usually logged into the client almost daily.
‘What’s going on? Is something wrong?’
He checked to see if he was playing another game or even tried looking for him in voice chat programs, but there was no recent record of the prisoner logging in.
Frustrated, Ryu Jin-hyuk visited a community he didn’t often go to.
Maybe there would be some news about the prisoner.
In the community, it seemed to be quite a hot topic that the prisoner had reached 1800 points.
– Breaking News) Prisoner Achieves 1800 Points
– Wow, hitting 1800? Is he a god?
– This is the prisoner’s board, prisoner’s board, prisoner’s board…
– List of pros who’ve been beaten by the prisoner.txt
– Analysis) Fostering a comparison between historical Red Cup junglers and the prisoner’s solo rank match records
– Poll) Yoon-ki vs. the prisoner (3rd round)
– GIF of the prisoner’s 1800 points achievement.
Among them, the post that caught Ryu Jin-hyuk’s attention was certainly the one titled ‘GIF of the Prisoner’s 1800 Points Achievement.’
The post contained dozens of GIF files, what you’d call animated pictures.
‘…Hmm?’
As he examined the GIFs, Ryu Jin-hyuk felt a sense of discomfort.
‘I need to check this out.’
To find out what that discomfort was, he downloaded the replay of the last game the prisoner played.
[Execute]
Running the replay, Ryu Jin-hyuk realized the identity of the discomfort not long after.
‘What’s going on?’
It felt odd.
The prisoner in the replay seemed so different from usual.
No, comparing it to the peak performance of late, even if he compared it to the earlier version of the prisoner, it was subpar.
‘…Was he not feeling well?’
Lost in various thoughts, Ryu Jin-hyuk watched the prisoner’s replay as if he were bewitched.
He didn’t skip or fast-forward anything, not wanting to miss even a single piece of his play.
‘Something… feels off.’
Ryu Jin-hyuk had played many games with the prisoner for a long time.
That’s why he knew this wasn’t a normal state for the prisoner.
‘No way…’
It’s already rumored that the prisoner is suffering from a rare disease.
If the prisoner is in bad shape, Ryu Jin-hyuk knew exactly what that would mean.
‘This can’t be happening.’
Ryu Jin-hyuk still carried a heavy burden in his heart regarding the prisoner.
His arrogance had led to the secrets the prisoner had hidden all this time coming to light.
What if he’d lost the opportunity to apologize to the prisoner?
That couldn’t be.
There were still so many things he needed to say to the prisoner.
“Prisoner…”
Where the hell are you?